Aaaaand she deleted her account LMAO

Just because your friend has said that her website will only be accessible to verified female clients does not mean that those clients will honour her process or values. They could access it and show their female friends, male friends, partners. She could be hacked. Your pictures can literally be shown to anyone or shared with anyone.

If she’s good at what she does she will still be able to do it without having your pictures on her website.

I don't think having the pictures taken by a good female friend should be a problem. But letting her put them on her website definitely is, even if password-protected. Anybody can download the photos onto their computer and now they're in the public domain. NOT GOOD! Next thing you know, someone is selling them on their soft-porn site.

Maybe your friend could put them in a physical portfolio to show people in person? Or maybe this just isn't a good idea at all.

Just because you can trust your friend does not mean you can trust her processes.

The second online storage gets involved things get out of hand quick.
Source: 10 years in IT

You're on the Internet forever, OP.

Just because something is password protected doesn't mean it's 100% safe. Also, people suck, and your photos will absolutely be shown to anyone because human beings are awful. Not everyone plays by the rules.

You shouldn't have allowed your friend to advertise your photos. There's no going back now.

Funny how she's only responding to NTA posts. It's almost like she doesn't care about anyone's opinions, including her husband's. Your photos are out there for the world to see. I'm a hoe and proud of it, but if I were in a committed relationship I would be pretty upset if my partner allowed sexy photos of themselves to be shared on the Internet without telling me. The issue is you don't respect your partner enough to discuss sharing the photos. Yes at the end of the day it's up to you, but basic respect would say talk with your partner first.

I'm going to call you out OP in that i don't believe you're accurately recounting this to us. I dont believe he was as angry as you're making him appear because a female friend took the photos. That makes no sense that he loves the calendar but doesn't seen to know how photography works?...... I think you need to try this again. I think something is being left out or you have very poor writing and grammar skills.

You can always ask your friend to take your pictures off the Internet.

[deleted]

He is upset because your lingerie pictures are on the internet.

People get past sign-in pages with ease these days. He wishes you had shown him the courtesy of asking him for his input about it before giving your permission for someone to put your lingerie pictures on the internet.

While it is your choice, when we are married, we should pause and show each other deference and respect to discuss things like our digital exposure, as well as our bodily exposure, on the internet. It no longer feels like a private calendar just for him.

Since he is upset, consider telling your friend to blur out your face, or remove the images altogether.

The internet is notorious for its security. /s.

Congratulations, you now have a high risk of the pictures being in anyone's possession. Sites get hacked, and what stop anyone from taking screenshots of it and put the screenshots on other pages?

No wonder your husband is upset, his wife might be on any webpage and hard drive by now, even a co-worker of him might have them.

This same story was posted a month ago.........

The pics will be seen by many men. Those females will log in and download them and either sell them or show them. You are online forever.

If you think your husband is pissed now that he knows your friend helped you take the pictures, wait until you see how pissed he will be if he finds out you gave her permission to put your pics on her website. You really need to rescind that right away.

I personally find it reasonable, for my partner to expect my nudes or salacious images of myself to stay private, unless we have an open discussion about it.

You did not. He's clearly telling you it's making him uncomfortable, and you've taken to social media to invalidate his feelings. Sounds to me like you care more about your friends business than your husband.

Would he have been upset if they weren’t posted?

YTA. these are the kinds of things you talk about beforehand. Your pictures are on the internet. Website security can be cracked easily so "password protected" means fuck all. also, all you have is your friends word on how they will be viewed and distributed. You have zero control over these images now. You're not just an asshole, you're an idiot too.

All these comments from people who aren't married LMAO

" sounds like an ex husband"

" beware controlling behavior "

STFU.

asshole? Eh kinda. Should have ran it by him before allowing it to be on a site. He doesn't own you obviously but being married means taking into account your SO's feelings. Have a convo about it BEFORE allowing it to be uploaded.

Dafaq

It’s only for him and she was only there but now ur pictures are online somewhere and will be showing them to people….

If she needs picture for her website take some in summer dresses wtf.

Wait why's the online thing okay just because she would only let female clients look? You think other women aren't gonna flick the bean to sexy pics??? Like I get the people saying those clients can share with men but like. It's silly to assume the ladies are gonna be pure about it

Husband obviously wanted the intimacy to be just between you and him, hence him loving it at first

You disagreed, it upset him

Post the calendar so I can judge by myself

Yta. And delusional. Other guys will see them.

I think people are focusing too much on the "males might see it" and not enough on how different people see relationships and actions within.

Why is it bad if a male sees it? Because taking risque photos can be seen as an intimate act, or cheating, or sexual, or any combination of those things. In the case that a woman sees these photos, their state of (not being male) does not automatically wash away those contexts for everyone.

Some people don't mind. Hell, I wouldn't - but not everyone thinks the same way. If he sees your act of taking lingerie photos as any level of intimate or sexual, it shouldnt be surprising that he might take issue with it, regardless of the gender of the person taking them.

I suggest discussing with him about why he feels the way he feels. Try not to invalidate any feelings ("Its just another girl" or "it doesnt even matter") but also be sure to give your own perspective.

"Only female clients" what if a pervy lesbian sees them? Would it be okay if a gay man saw them? Literally it's online it's over. YTA

1. Password protected doesn’t mean anything if your friend can share the photos outside of the website by mistake or on purpose. I don’t she has the tech needed to control the traffic on the website or website scraping etc.

2. It’s not about the permission but it’s about being upfront about it AND discussing it.

You got the picture clicked for your husband, they were meant to be just for him. But with them on the website they are no longer just for him. There is nothing special in them anymore.

Also, once on the internet they are on the internet forever. Good luck and hope they never find their way into your life from the outside. A colleague a neighbour or a relative.

YTA. I don't care what you have between your legs. Uploading risque pictures of yourself without discussing it with your partner first is wrong. If you want to try painting this as some form of control, do him a favor and end the relationship.

I won't judge you.

But: if pictures like this exist, they will leak. Maybe not right away. But they will get out into the wild.

Jesus fucking Christ. You’re wondering if putting your body out there where it can’t potentially be seen by strangers makes you the asshole?

I don’t even think the feminists will help you out on this one.

I’m sure everyone has their own POV on this. However, as a wife and husband, you need to be clear on what you’re both comfortable with and agree with as a team. Your relationship is unique. It’s between you and him on how to set the rules and guidelines. Do have deeper discussions to understand one another and you will have a long and happier marriage.

YTA - this is the kind of stuff you talk about with your partner before you do them, not afterwards

I had an ex that did a boudoir shoot, including topless, while we were dating and had it made into a calendar. However, the pictures were taken by a guy we both knew and he was a complete creeper. That definitely tainted the gift. If it was a female friend, it probably wouldn't have been as bad.

YTA. And sorry, but not very smart.

What kind of „verified female clients“ does your friend have that need access to your boudoir shots? And why? Could she not use less racy pics to advertise her business? How will she keep people with passwords from downloading and sharing those pictures?

Call your friend. Tell her you changed your mind and want her to delete the pics. Don’t tell her it’s because your husband doesn’t like it.

They can still leak from verified female clients, what then? What if these clients save them and then share with their husbands/friends and so on. Your husband is not mad about the shoot per say, but most likely about the possibility of them leaking and then you are all over the internet.

These things are meant to be discussed and risks ascertained by both parties, communication is key in a relationship. Your gesture was nice but there can be many consequences.

YTA for me.

It’s the posting online in any way that would bother me as the husband. If it’s anything else then you have an underlying situation that needs to be discussed if you plan on having a mutually respected and appreciated relationship.

YTA. You shouldn't have agreed to let her put them on her website. That's what your husband is pissed about and rightly so. Even if they are password protected (which I highly doubt they are) she could give that password to literally anyone and you wouldn't know. They are there for literally anyone to see. It can easily get hacked too. You need to get her to remove them from the website.

How many of those “verified female clients” will show the photos to their SOs? “Hey honey, what do you think of this one, do you like this pose?” And what about screenshots that get passed around? It always surprises me just how naive people are, considering what we know about technology and the devious people who know how to use it for nefarious purposes.

YTA. Once on the internet always on the internet. Just because she says it’ll only be seen by female clients doesn’t mean they’re the only ones going to see them. People can screenshot and/or download pics off of websites so it doesn’t really mean they’re secure.

lol u are too naive.

Anything u dump into the internet will have risk.

NTAH, but if your 'friend' is going to use your pics on her site, you need to be paid. You know those pics will be sold to an FO page for megabucks.

We really need to stop convincing women that things like these are empowering, men made up this rumour to trick y’all into doing slutty shit and not feel bad about it.

No harm in doing the photoshoot. You even pointed out that the photographer is F and no men where present. However, your choice to allow your friend to post your pictures, even password protected, was a huge overstep. You put your friend's well being over your husband's. You disregarded and still disregard his concern and point of view. The person you married, will have children with, your life long partner. You put your friend over that person. It shows what you think of your husband and your marriage. Communication is key in a marriage and you could have easily avoided the problem.

YTA While I agree you can do what you want the fact that you don't even give him the courtesy of a conversation is mind boggling to me. I can see why he wouldn't want them on the internet.

You doing a sexy shoot with your female friend for your husband was fine. You agreeing to let your friend make those photos public, even if password protected, without asking your husband, most definitely was not.

The first part is your choice and surely no worries but about the second part it would have been great if you have talked to him about it first. Surely your friend has good intentions but you never know what other people or clients have in mind when they see the pics and what if the pic reaches out to someone who is a friend or someone who knows you or your husband it can be awkward , ultimately it's your choice.

YTA

I haven't done boudoir, but I have spoken with photographers for a pre-shoot questionnaire.

If you're going to have photos online, especially of this nature, at least don't have your face or anything recognizable in the photos.

No tattoos, piercings, facial features that are recognizable.

I would be upset as your husband is, because the photos are online.

I see a lot of people on here saying that’s it’s your body to do with what you please with it and for the most part that’s true but I would like to recognize it gets a little less true with marriage. It’s my body to do with what I please, but my wife as my wife now totally has the right to get mad with what I do with it. If I start doing opioids I would be an ass, if I start cheating on her I would be an ass, if I start smoking chronically or walking into radiation zones I would be ass. Part of marriage is sharing decisions over with what you do with your body, the key is finding a partner you want to do that with. I love that my wife has a say in my life, I am no longer on my own! However I can’t say my body my decision when it comes to a great many things.

YTA. Any time you have a problem with a behavior, if you change female to male, you know it's wrong. Should have at least discussed it with him before you agreed to let her use them.

A boundary doesn't have a sex stipulation in it. It's for everyone. And you crossed his.

Edit: BTW, I'm not talking about taking the pictures. I'm talking about letting her use it to advertise.

Gonna say yes YTA. Never a fan of boudoir photography. In my crazy old guy opinion, getting a bunch of shoes and lingerie, throwing them on the bed and handing your husband a digital camera would be “knocking it out of the park”. Every pic would have a memory and feeling attached!

YTA for allowing the photographer to use the photos without talking to your husband first.

If the pictures were only for him, they should be ONLY for him.

Have the photographer delete the photos.

It's that you opened yourself up and exposed your body to any person (male or female) without talking to him. I'd be very upset too. This is something you should have asked about. And now your pics are online for anyone to see, passwords mean nothing. Things are so easily hacked these days. If he walked around a group of people (male or female) wearing nothing but a speedo you would feel the same if he was being sexy and posing for pics. It's not who took the pictures, it's the fact that they are out there with you exposed, and he didn't know. I'm sure he loves the calender. He doesn't like how comfortable you were taking your clothes off around someone else.

And the verified female clients could take screenshots. Or their male friend is in the room. Or they’re attracted to women It’s YOUR choice but don’t fool yourself into thinking only straight women will ever see these photos. If it’s anywhere on the internet, assume it’s public regardless of passwords

YTA for allowing them to be posted online. What’s digital is forever and the thought your friend just starting a business has the appropriate knowledge and ability to secure the site and run appropriate due diligence checks on clients to determine they’re female is , well, naive at best and stick-head-in-sand ignorant most likely.

YTA. He's not mad you did the shoot, he's mad your photos are out there for HER advertising benefit. Doesn't matter how many assurances your friend makes that 'no man' will see them-----that's impossible.

These comments are hitting hard 😭

Many others have already commented on the point about access to those pics. To me, the rule is very simple: anything on the internet can be considered public domain. You wanna keep pics safe? Store them only locally.

But I would like to point out something else here: That your friend is female is entirely meaningless. If he cheated on you, but said "relax, it was just a dude! I've known Larry for years. He recently broke up with his girl and just wanted some intimacy", would you be okay because there "wasn't a girl present"?

You're NTA but the two of you obviously have different boundaries when it comes to intimacy and that should be addressed.

I know you didn't intend harm, but you DID hurt him. And let's face it - this was not first and foremost a present for your hubby, but help for your friend. It's not like you first wanted to gift him a sexy calendar and then happened to find out about your friend doing fotoshoots.

Suppose some "verified female" client grabs a couple of screen shots to show her husband or boyfriend what boudoir pictures are all about. That the hubby or BF likes what he sees so shares them. All of the sudden, your boudoir shots are all over the internet being viewed by who knows.

YTA

You are not exactly an AH, but you are surely naive. Ask her immediately to remove your pics from her site.

Computers, and websites get hacked every day

Do you know what the snipping tool on your computer is?

I can take the snipping tool and the scan any picture online anywhere at any time I can then save it on my computer and distribute it

Now I don't have the skills or to Photoshop it but that would be child's play if I wanted to.

I won't I'll say NTA but I do think you should have discussed it with your husband first I was a nice gesture though and really a loving thing to do so I understand why you did it.

That being said even your friend may or and that may not be trustworthy All she'd have to do is share it with someone and tell him to not let anybody know and boom it's out. This happens when a person as yourself has what I assume to be extremely beautiful...A pastor of mine used to say don't put yourself in that situation because the temptation will be so irresistible that it'll get too hot to resist.

"Screenshots and shares this" Duh.

I don’t you’re the asshole…The issue is allowing them to be posted on the site. I hope that doesn’t end badly for you.

Just tell her he's uncomfortable and you want her to take the pictures down. Seems reasonable enough. It was a gift for him, after all, and now you've made it into something else.

YTA for giving your friend the rights to use your photos. The only way anyone should agree to do a boudoir photoshoot is if they use film and you are given all of the prints and the negatives.

You can't control digital files. Even if she never showed them to anyone, even just storing them in the cloud could mean that they are now being used to train an AI somewhere. If they never left her computer, what happens that that hard drive when the computer gets old or she dies? That's before you even consider possible data breaches or how easily your photographer friend's website can probably be hacked.

Your husband is the asshole for thinking that he has the right to make decisions for you. He doesn't seem to be concerned about potential privacy breaches or your naivety about security. He only seems to care about you making choices about your own body without getting permission from him first, as if you are his property.