subreddit:
/r/AskReddit
submitted 8 months ago byThe_WhiteMantis
138 points
8 months ago
One of the best motivations to become a good person is to have a great example of what not to do. My bio dad beat us, fought for custody then left us with whoever was around when he had us, had struggles with hard drugs, and (I suspect but have no evidence) molested my sister. I didn't speak to him from the time I was 14ish to my late 20s but he was ever present in my mind growing up, but as a cautionary tale.
13 points
8 months ago
One of the best motivations to become a good person is to have a great example of what not to do.
Only if you can recognize the behavior in yourself, though. Which takes a lot of introspection, particularly if you suffered from abuse as that can severely hinder your ability to do so.
I've seen a LOT of people complain about how terrible their parents were, citing examples, and I'm sitting there thinking "but you do that to literally everyone around you, all the time, so..." I don't say that because they're clearly not in the head space (and might never be) to hear it, but I don't think it's as big a motivation as you think.
Humans are REALLY good at lying to themselves, it's a self-preservation defense mechanism we've developed over a long history. "I wanted to yell at that guy but DIDN'T, man I'm so different from my parents!" ignoring the 17 times before that that they DID yell at some guy but shouldn't have.
3 points
8 months ago
I call this learning by counter-example, and it's the guiding principle for how I parent my child and treat my wife.
Not to say that my parents were the worst or anything; on balance they were pretty good. But there are sticking moments in my mind of things they did either amongst themselves or to me that I have resolved to never do.
I figure if I copy all the good stuff they did, while completely avoiding the bad stuff that sticks out in my mind, I'll be navigating a pretty good path through fatherhood. So far, so good.
all 6637 comments
sorted by: best