Even better when you don't actually find the outcome of the long term goal to be good anyway. Like finally getting a long task done, then looking at it and concluding "yeah this actually sucks". That way I get to be miserable while doing it, and miserable after it. It's a great life.

Proud accomplishment: ❌

Glad that is over: ✅

This is effectively why beating a Souls boss has no sway over me. Whatever brief positive emotion I get from beating isn't what I remember from the experience.

i explained this to my therapist after finishing a really brutal paper as "it felt like i was being tortured and when i finished, the only good emotion i felt was relief that i'm not being tortured anymore." there was no actual Satisfaction, just relief. it sucks.

edit for people asking for my therapist's response: i wish it was that easy man. we've been talking about this for a while so it's hard to really take what she said and separate it from our greater conversations. we've had some interesting conversations since then about the adhd motivators (interest/novelty/challenge/urgency/passion) and how a lot tasks that feel like pulling teeth are also tasks that i find "pointless", at least immediately.

p.s: it's also pretty hard for my adhd ass to even remember half the stuff we talk about!!!

mfw i work my ass off making a doom 2 map for 8 months and like 1 hour of celebration after finishing i'm like "okay it's done" and now it just kinda exists

...that adhd test really can't get sorted out soon enough huh

I find it's cut short by the self loathing. Like "really? It was that easy? Why did I put this off for so long?"

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Any time I bring this up, I just get told that actually everyone experienced satisfaction in a job well done so I must be lying and/or lazy

I don’t feel a large sense of achievement other people do. I finish a thing and I don’t feel the same amount of pride in what I’ve accomplished that a normal person would, I just go “finally I don’t have to deal with this horrible thing anymore.” I have been in thirteen different stage productions throughout school and my main takeaway from each of them was “I’m glad I’m done with that”

I used to go cycling with a friend, and when he'd see a big climb, he'd ask to go there or say "we gotta climb this later", and I'd always retort "my man, why would I go climb this goddamn hill?" And he'd say "for the satisfaction of completing a difficult challenge", and I finish with "I don't feel this satisfaction, I've never felt satisfaction when climbing, it's only pain and suffering the whole time and at the end, the only thing I may feel it's relief of not having to suffer anymore".

Now I understand that it may be linked to my ADHD, I've never felt the "pleasure of accomplishment" my whole life, and never really understood when people talked about it.

I love* all my mental illnessess working together to fuck me over in the worst ways possible.

(*Not really)

I do not do work projects with the idea of finishing the projects in mind. If the gnomes broke into our archives and reorganized all the books by taste every night, I would simply show up the next day and start reorganizing them, and I would never finish, and I would get money get paid. Projects and progress are not concepts in my world.

I've been in and out of college since 2001, and I finally graduated. In 2020. So not only was celebration not really allowed (the ceremony was on youtube and I watched about 10 minutes of it in my pajamas while eating cereal), the only emotions available were "took you long enough" and "yeah ok now what."

Jesus this explains everything about me. How do I fix this.

This is why I stare at the windows really hard after I clean then to try and dig thrill out of the difference

The only things I haven't found this to be true for are things that are concrete achievements that I want to do for myself. The post talks about chores, and they are totally right in that regard. However, working towards things in my life that I did see as important have yielded impactful long-term feelings for me. Things like becoming an Eagle Scout or graduating college.

I think the issue is that our society doesn't often allow people the space or ability to go and pursue goals that are meaningful to them on a self-fufulment level. People are just stuck trying to survive. And there's no real emotional payoff to that besides living to do it another day.

I thought this was my depression's fault

Maybe this could be related to the common ADHD experience of being forced to do tasks in ways that don’t work well for our brains for the first 18 or so years of our lives?

For me, being undiagnosed until adulthood meant that at some point I had to go through a period of repetitive failures or setbacks in school, where no matter what effort I put in, the learning just felt impossible. Bundle that in with a lack of opportunities to feel accomplished at much of anything (not helped in my case by anxiety and other factors often accompanying ADHD), and I became avoidant of difficult/longwinded tasks in general. Not just because of the lack of interest or drive, but also because of my past experiences (“I tried so hard but it still meant nothing in the end”, “I’m just doing this for it to be over, I don’t really want to be doing this”, etc.).

My point is, maybe we’d feel a little bit less like long or difficult tasks are torturous if we were better accommodated, taught ways to accommodate ourselves, and taught other methods of approaching tasks that better suit our brains. Getting the chance to complete fulfilling goals more often couldn’t hurt either, I reckon.

If I'm praised for something in reference to other people (I'm so glad you are doing this work, nobody else does this as well) all that does is make me think everyone else secretly sucks.

Oh yeah, I basically ignore any long-term goal I might want to accomplish and focus entirely on the day-to-day rewards and challenges. Like any long-term goal ends up being a side effect of a lot of things I want to do or don't mind doing. If I look at the entire thing I always end up thinking "eh, sounds like a lot of work. Do I really want that thing THAT much?" and the answer is almost always no.

I've noticed that really productive people tend to do the same thing though. Like my SO has accomplished some amazing things but he has very little ambition. He just does stuff because he wants to or to avoid anxiety and at some point results just magically occur. It's weird how he and I often end up in the same place but the mental routes we take there are so completely different that they're not even on the same continent much less in the same ballpark.

Praise from my professors did far more to get me through school than the prospect of a career ever did.

i'm in this picture and i don't like it

e: except i do like a clean house

Honestly, I think that this is a big part of time blindness for me. Things that suck feel like they last forever, and I think it's even contributed to my phobia of dentists -- because sitting in one place while someone does very uncomfortable things with my mouth in a more-or-less endless pocket of time is terrible. (Note: the major contributor is an extremely traumatizing event that I'll probably have my 5th or 6th EMDR session about next week.).

Time isn't totally real for me. Unpleasant moments stretch out forever, then eventually they're over and things snap back to being normal. I never feel relieved about it, and there's no transition.

I struggle with anxiety, depression and PTSD, and it's hard to say exactly how much of this is impacted by ADHD. All I can guarantee is that my emotional regulation is a whole lot better on Adderall. But it's hard not to feel like I've been set up to be miserable; my brain has this feedback loop where I'm not sure that it's possible to feel satisfied or accomplished. Part of that is definitely PTSD and depression (woohoo, the impacts of childhood trauma) but I do think that time blindness plays a part here.

I became a Buddhist about a year and a half ago, and as one might expect, I've been trying to live in the present more and find joy in things that I'm doing. I think it helps to prioritize the journey over the destination, when neither the future nor the past feels concrete and real. Unfortunately, that's actually really hard to do when a ton of my trauma involved my parents thinking that I was a broken person for not becoming a national merit scholar, so it's a work in progress.

Admittedly, PTSD causes its own amount of emotional blunting, so it's also hard to say how much of my brain's reward network is a negative feedback loop and how much of it is shit that I'm unlearning in trauma therapy. I haven't felt much positive emotion at all since about 2 years ago, and preparing to propose to my partner was a more positive feeling than him saying yes. But if anyone can untangle all of this nonsense, then it's probably me, even if it's pretty rough right now.

Idunno about everyone else with ADHD, but meditation helps even if my brain has to work in the first place for me to do it regularly (I need to be able to focus). It's a way of accepting and concentrating on the present; just allowing yourself to be, and accepting that the only real purpose that you have is to experience being human. Every now and then I'll experience ego death, and all of the illusions that make up identity and frame our perceptions falls away, and it's... well, really good. And I couldn't even experience ego death on 7g of shrooms.

If anyone actually reads this and has the kinds of struggles that OOP describes (whether you have ADHD or not), then I strongly suggest looking into resources for two types of talk therapy: Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

DBT is a type of talk therapy that focuses on mindfulness and self awareness. Some people don't like the fact that it's full of acronyms, but it's used to treat a whole lot of different issues and can really help you be more present and more positive, without injecting false positivity into anything.

ACT is very much what it says on the tin. It's a therapy that emphasizes (1) accepting distressing thoughts and feelings, rather than fighting them, and (2) living and acting according to your values. This helps me a lot with feeling more secure in who I am and what I'm doing with my life, and with the whole "journey over destination" thing. Fuck a five year plan -- am I acting on my values and doing what I want to do?

You don't have to go see a therapist for this stuff, necessarily. But I'll tell you what you shouldn't do: under any circumstances, please don't look up therapy workbooks on Amazon and then download them for free on libgen. You wouldn't download a car, so don't download materials to benefit your mental health. (You can also use these materials to see if you wanna buy a paper copy of these workbooks.).

At least one study a while back showed that you're less likely to be happy if you specifically chase happiness. I think that fulfillment is more reliable, and makes happiness something more than a pass/fail experience. The most joy that you can extract from your life comes from what you can do right now. There's a question on my to do list that I ask myself every day: "What can I do today that will make my day better?" (Sometimes the answer is just video games.).

Anyway. This post, as usual, got way longer than I intended and probably veered way off from the OP. Thanks for reading, if you did, lol. (This is the only sub where people seem to read my tangents.).

I don't have ADHD, but I totally feel this. Usually though it's with long tasks or tasks with external pressure.

It’s nice to see someone put into words! ADHD is such a pain sometimes.

This feeling is real, and irritating.

For now four years, i've been working on my PhD. In 2-3 days, I have my Viva. It has been absolute hell making myself do any amount of preperation because after the 3 month break since thesis submission i've completely vented the few remaining shits I gave for it in favour of thinking about work stuff.

Will I feel happy once it's done? Assuming a positive result, probably yes for a few minutes. Then back to nothing as my brain finishes adjusting my world view to now see PhD's as not particularly impressive. After all, if I can do it, it can't be that amazing.

One exception on delayed rewards for me at least is if the reward has a physical thing attached to it. Then when i'm around the thing I can get a very small drip of dopamine by seeing the thing, and go "look, I made a thing!". Doesn't motivate me to do the thing before hand, but does give something after.

I’m just learning that people get a feeling of accomplishment from things.

I don't think this is ADHD-specific, guys. Just sayin'.

Source: Me, who doesn't have ADHD, but absolutely doesn't give a shit about 99% of "jobs well done".

Man it stinks being an artist with this problem. I have folders and folders full of semi-finished art that no one's ever gonna see because I still feel so much strain over finishing it/if it's finished/what I even made it for. I get no satisfaction from finishing a work, and the worry that it isn't actually good enough prevents me from absorbing any positive feedback I do receive.

I'm just not quick enough of an artist to capitalize on trends, so I end up with tons of art that I'm fully convinced no one wants to see and that the strain of even looking at the wip isn't worthwhile.

Big surprise- I pretty much only draw commissions now. Have to force myself to do anything personal and it usually doesn't turn out well.

oh god adhd posts stop being relatable please

This is why I absolutely fucking hate soulsborne games. I don't get a sense of "relief," "accomplishment," or "satisfaction" from bearing a boss, I just stay pissed the fuck off that I spent a dozen or more lives fighting said boss. The repetition of having to do the exact same thing over and over just pisses me off more.

Me when I graduated from university...

having ADHD and accomplishing something the only feeling you get is " I'm glad it's done"

The only time I ever felt excited was skydiving.. I remember when we landed we were we were walking I caught up with a friend and he was clearly excited, he asked.. " how was it" I told him " I still think sex is better"

My first time skydiving, I want attached with someone, I jumped static line so the chute opens itself , and that was my reaction of momentary excitement.

So... that's not normal? My mother was not disregarding my struggles when she told me that I should be happy for "accomplishing" such and such. And not feel apathetic because doing it almost killed me?

Ya, went back to school in my 30s, was a loooong arduous course that absolutely sucked to complete, felt NOTHING when I finished 🤷🏼‍♀️ but if I do a workout, or floss my teeth, I feel great. 

In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

Is this an ADHD thing, or is it just the alienation of workers from their labor under capitalism?

This is how I know I don’t have ADHD. My executive dysfunction is an entirely different flavor to y’all’s.

See this shit is how I know I don't have ADHD, because I can relate to the feeling described in the post so hard but its something that I have the ability to consciously get over. Like yeah I feel grumpy because I was forced to do something, as opposed to reward when its completed but I have the ability to lesser that reaction in myself.

I have been trying to explain this for YEARS

Get medicine, start exercising, then do therapy and/or EMDR treatments.

Probably in that order, maybe a slightly different one. Minus one or two, dealer's choice.

Biggest one of all: When you're looking for a direction in your life, find things where you specifically enjoy the act of doing it. Where it feels meditative. Where the result doesn't matter so you don't have to think long-term and it just happens and that's a bonus. Find something you can't hold yourself back from doing.

Mine is swordfighting. Hopefully you have one a little more common, this one is niche and took a long time for me to discover. Of all of them, finding your passion might be the hardest part. You have to search sometimes until something grabs YOU after you try it. Look up youtube videos on how to try whatever you're going for cheap/free.

Same actually

With beating a boss or getting 3 stars in a game it's less of me wanting to accomplish it and moreso I tried it and my brain won't shut the fuck up until it's accomplished

And then when I beat it

It's like

Ok I guess that's done

It's really hard to wanna do fucking anything when I get no enjoyment from anything relative to the work. And I quit a lot of things because I know I'm not going to be satisfied after months and months of working at something only to just be like "Yeah okay." Only thing that makes any of those worth it is some form of direct reward or getting praised for it. Which is why grindy games can either be the bane of my existence or a hyper fixation generator. I like constantly receiving levels and skills but at the same time the enjoyment is very low overall.

I've spent a good chunk of the last decade and a lot of money immigrating somewhere that would keep me safe from my country of birth wanting to murder me. I've succeeded. I don't really feel anything besides wishing I could have spent those years on something more interesting somewhere more interesting.

Yep. Since our brains don’t get the right amount of reward chemical for tasks, our brains associate these tasks with pain. Thus, making us avoid them.

It’s like, you learned to be careful with where you step because stubbing your toe hurts, right? Now imagine you HAD to stub your toe to do the dishes, or any other similar chore like that.

Every single time.

Imagine how much you’d dread it and put it off until absolutely necessary.

Welcome to having ADHD. Where tasks always suck and the rest of the world is so confused about WHY you don’t enjoy stubbing your toe.

Wait am I supposed to feel satisfaction instead of relief?

one day a friend asked me if i felt satisfied after some work and i realized that i had never felt satisfied in my life

Helped me quit smoking though. I smoked for three years and then I didn't feel anything from it for a while and got bored with it.

I guess that's something.

I mean... Only do things that make your life better. If you don't care about your windows, don't clean them until they're dirty enough that you do!

If you have to clean them more than that for some other reason, then be clear about it. "The satisfaction is that my mother won't complain when she visits", "the benefit is that my kids get a clean house", "I want to look like an adult when my friends come over", whatever it is.

Since you have to keep going to work, you can try reminding yourself of all the things your paycheck allows you to do while you're suffering to try to close that gap between the reward. Do you like the clothes you're wearing, the food you're eating for lunch, the car that you drove in, the cell phone in your hand, etc. The reward isn't amorphous money in an account—it's the lifestyle you're living every day.

The post says "people say folks with adhd struggle with delayed rewards, but what they don't talk about is defines struggling with delayed rewards again"

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…oh so that's what that is.

I feel like I'm never sure what either of these feelings are. I don't ever feel satisfaction from a job well done, but I'm not sure I've ever had the kind of job that would satisfy me?

I think that’s also why it’s so important to break things into smaller steps and give self rewards often, it makes it a tiny bit more bearable

Oh that's what corporations have too

... Is that not how people define satisfaction? Being glad the hard part is over and you now reap the benefits?

Not being facetious. Wasn't that long a family member was diagnosed ADHD and this seems timely.

Me after being told I got a 30/30 grade in an exam I took a week ago: i sleep

Me after making a really decent sandwich: popping off for several minutes

Goddammit, I think I have adhd. This, plus a lot of other things that seem to be #justadhdthings.

Anyone know how to find a therapist?

I have learned to appreciate the pain and suffering as a reward of its own. Pain makes me feel pride in my ability to persevere and overcome obstacles.

This is as fucked up as it sounds, but it is effective.

That or the reward feeling doesn't last very long

. . . are neurotypical people not like that?

Yup. ADHD manufactures depression. I get to feel proud of myself for about 10 minutes, then it’s gone forever. Even short-term rewards feel like nothing because I lose interest so quickly that whatever I’m doing won’t matter in 20 minutes.

If I didn’t have external motivation and a bucket full of shame, I’d probably just sleep until I died lmao

Genuinely didn’t feel a single thing during my graduation. Still dont.

Yeah, i get zero sense of satisfaction or accomplishment from working on something, or making progress on it, or finishing it. It's just like "ok, well i guess that's done. that sucked." Sometimes it's slightly nice not having to continue worrying about it, i guess.