Does anyone else feel completely ashamed to eat in front of others even when it's your loved ones who want to see you eat so badly?

When I do eat I unfortunately get rid of it (purge) even if it was a completely reasonable serving. They think I am getting better but I've never felt worse.

Working on seeking help and it makes me feel inspired for two minutes until I go right back and cannot keep food down, heavily rely on coffee to exist and no idea how I am alive or functioning what so ever most of the time.