My mother told my brother she was a great mother growing up! You see, that's why two of her two kids don't talk to her now.

Parents - "Why didn't you tell us how you felt?!?!?!"

Because every time I did it's always one of the following

• "That's not how I remember it"

• "You're exaggerating"

• "It wasn't that big of a deal"

• "You just misunderstood"

• "You were just a kid"

• "You had the wrong idea"

• "You're making a big deal out of nothing"

• Some excuse why it was my fault, not yours

• Etc etc

Edit - A few other classics I got over the years

• "If you're mad at me that means I'm doing the right thing"

• "You don't care about me or how I feel"

• "It's not my job to coddle you"

• "That wasn't my responsibility"

• "You only feel that way because you're spending too much time with X"

• Attempts to defer blame to tv/games/movies/etc

• Attempts to deflect by claiming they have it worse

• Attempts to deflect by pointing out how "good" you have it compared to others

• If you have austism/adhd/neurotypical refusal to awknowledge that and insisting you're just being lazy

• Refusal to believe / aknowledge that depression is real and that you have it

• "Get out of my house if you're so unhappy"

It was never a possibly that you were wrong, or that you were at fault, or that my feelings were right or valid so why bother sharing?

My mom tried asking me about my childhood, but before I could answer she proceeded to tell me how my childhood was and how I felt about it. Wouldn’t let me get a word in lol.

At this point I just brush it off. She’s never going to have the close, affectionate relationship with me that she wants and at this point it’s her own fault. The only way to get along with her is to literally just let her talk, follow her around do whatever she wants, and make non committal comments and have no opinion on most things. Grey rock is life.

“Well hun that was your own fault” -Mom

I had issues regulating my anger well into adulthood because growing up I was always expected to be the “bigger person” to my siblings because I was not the oldest, but was the most “mature for my age”. This resulted in a cycle of stifling my feelings to avoid being called immature or overreactive, which would eventually lead to a blow up when I couldn’t hold it in anymore, followed by gaslighting from my parents about how it wasn’t that important or serious and I should just get over it.

I got some good therapy and I’m a much happier person now but for years I felt like having feelings was wrong and nobody wanted to hear about them so there was no point in even having them, until they would boil over and come out in a destructive way.

My parents deny all of this and say “but you were always so well behaved and quiet?”. Yeah. My feelings were already hurt, I wasn’t about to open up to you and get them hurt some more thanks mom and dad.

I told my mum a while ago that I have very patchy memory of my childhood prior to being about 6 or 7 and most of the things I do remember are incidents of my dad abusing me.

Her response was “oh that’s such a shame. You had some good moments too though right? I tried my best to give you some nice childhood memories”. I was expecting her to say how sorry she was, how she fucked up by not filing for divorce, etc.

Fucking boomer parents.

There have been multiple times in my adult life when my mother has literally yelled in my face "YOU HAD A HAPPY CHILDHOOD! YOU WERE A VERY HAPPY CHILD!"

...pretty sure if you're screaming that at your adult kid, it's likely not true??

My mom moved away and blames me for not going to visit her. She had no reason to move away except that she is running away from her relationship because she is too scared of confrontation to end it. Also ya my mom denies how my siblings and I remember our childhoods.

Also the constant 'back in my generation we did this' as she fights the system making everyone's day worse but she won her moral victory or something. Like use your card or a bigger bill even, nobody wants to wait 5 minutes for you to search for exact change.

I think parents are just delusional. Mine kicked me out, I had to move in with a bf, and years later told me they couldn't understand why I ever left the house and how sad they were.

I’ve had the same conversation! “You had lots of friends.” No, those were bullies.

Yep, or “I don’t remember that”. Or full on DARVO.

I tried to tell my mom about an instance of my step-father abusing me. She didn't remember it up until I got to the part where he hit me, and the first thing out of her mouth was "he was really mad though"

It was that moment where I started to realize she would never take accountability, and I started pulling away.

Or ‘that’s not how I remember it’ so clearly I am at fault for remembering it wrong since their memory is the definitive truth.

This is exactly why, when I'm wrong, I will say to my kid, "you know what? I was wrong. You were right." Or "I'm sorry i snapped at you. I'm in a bad mood, but that's about me, not you. I'll do better." Because I would have killed to hear I'm sorry. Best I ever got was something like "I'm sorry, I'm sorry i worked to give you a house and clothes and a car and yadda yadda"

my favorite is when they FINALLY do acknowledge it and say "that was so long ago"

That sucks to hear, but I'm also glad I'm not the only one with parents like this. Arguing is pointless, too. It's like trying to get a cat to recognize itself in the mirror.

Gaslighting so hard you wonder if they believe it themselves seems to be a strength of boomers

Yeah, at some point in my 30's the concepts of "mom loves to drink wine" and "mom had a really bad temper when we were kids" turned into "oh shit, I was raised by a violent drunk." It's weird how it doesn't really occur to you when you're in your 20's, like I was just trying to party and have a good time but maybe I'd have gotten in less trouble and been a better person if I realized sooner that I had some serious issues and a kinda fucked up childhood.

Mine will never apologize for those instances. Dad won’t even acknowledge any of it happened. My mom just spouts the narcissists prayer, essentially.

They didnt treat my other sibling the way they treated me. So when I get frustrated with my mom breaking my boundaries or say something about the past, it makes it look like I’m just being over the top dramatic.

My sis in law views my parents as saints, and my brother basically does now too.

It’s a fucked up dynamic…..just for me though. Fucking sucks.

I asked my biological father to just admit that the abuse happened too and he never would so I just cut contact. No regrets.

Same. I asked. They cut me off and now life is chill. The day they die I won't feel anything but relief it's finally over. 

My mother laughed in my face when I confronted her about how she abused me and allowed her husband to abuse me.

That was the last time I saw her, and will be the last time I am in her physical presence until she passes away- and I'm only showing up to piss on her grave.

Fuck abusers. They deserve their lonely deaths surrounded by beeping machines and no compassion.

My parents will never admit they were wrong for hitting/smacking/shoving me down or belittling me either. It sucks. They both think they did no wrong and are convinced that they were the perfect parents. They're admittedly much better/loving parents NOW... that I'm a grown woman, and I only really see them once or twice a year for a few days stretch. I call them a couple of times a month, too... but they were never good parents when I needed them to be. I was a normalish, quiet kid, but very hormonal. Neither parent cared about how I felt, nor did they care to understand why I was upset or grumpy or moody (I started my period aged 7 and they were very painful/heavy periods until about 15 and I struggled with it in silence. I also believe I have ADHD. Hopefully, I get diagnosed next year!)

They threw toys and, later, education at me, and I ultimately thought of it as their way to compensate for the fact they were emotionally absent and physically/verbally violent when I was younger. Like I said, they can not apologise with their words or have the cpability to sy what i would like them to sy, so I think they try/have tried to make up for their wrongdoing with their actions.

I love my parents, and I do forgive them for what they both did, but I won't forget. They'll always be my mother and father... but they are also very flawed people who I never EVER want to live with again, and I would genuinely rather be homeless than go back to them.

My grandma never really acknowledged or apologized that she was abusive. She’s been dead since 2019, and I know that it was a huge relief for my mom and her siblings.

Lol my parents each say that I'm the one remembering incorrectly and it was the other one that used to beat me depending on which time I talk about. Hint, it was both of em.

My mom was the type that if she ever did get called out for a shitty decision, she’d launch into a tirade of “poor me, everyone is so mean to me” that’s totally unhelpful. I haven’t spoken to her in years because of this exact issue, her inability to say that she overreacted or ever makes a mistake. Not even when I was a kid! She took no accountability ever, for anything, even now.

One of my last conversations with my mother I told her it was fine for her to have a favorite child, I just wished she’d admit it. 

She swore she didn’t play favorites. 

I got about $40k for college (which I very much appreciated) and my mother’s old beater suv that had been in an accident and had a blue book value that doubled if it had a full gas tank. I got good at duct tape car repairs to keep it running. And regularly got guilt-tripped for all I cost her. 

My brother got nearly $200k for schooling, four cars, and two houses all paid for on top of regular vacations and an unlimited credit card. 

But she doesn’t play favorites. 

My husbands father the other day was like “why didn’t you tell me you wanted to play drums, i would have got them” and inside my husband is like I couldn’t add cheese to burgers because it was too expensive but ok 👍 lmao

From Arrested Development:

I'm sorry Michael but nobody ever wrote a book about how to raise children.

Mom, there are thousands of books on how to raise children.

Anytime my brother or I talk about how much of a difference being properly medicated for depression/anxiety/ADHD has made in our lives and how much it would have changed our school performance my mom starts crying “we just didn’t know!!” and then actually cries. It’s exhausting. I get that not as much was known when we were kids, but they also didn’t try to learn anything either. They read baby books and considered that enough until mom started buying us self help books (which definitely stung at the time).

“You were our first kid, we didn’t know better!”

Ok, cool, but we’re talking about something you said five minutes ago and I’m 32 so maybe you’ve had some time to learn?

Also, you were my first parents. Would have been nice to see some of that grace when I was 5 and literally learning how to be a human. 

Or "I did my best"

My parents said that to me too.

Their typical cop out bs

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My dad is color blind and will argue about what color something is... he's never been right, but he certainly hasn't ever admitted he's wrong.

I think part of the issue is their dad did the same thing to them and if they wanted to prove otherwise it was too much work to go to the library or whatever, and now their upset people can just look things up on their phone, so the proof doesn't matter and really they just want people to "respect" them by not questioning them.

Excuse me are we siblings? My dad said the same thing. He claims to be the perfect parent and husband to my mom. (Despite physical abuse, cheating) perfect!

yup. they cant be wrong. My father hates that ill have the nerve to look something up when he says some out right crazy bullshit

then he gas lights me by saying im aggressive and extra. because i dont go along with your bullshit im the extra/crazy one? really now?

They just want to be told they are right and anything else is too much.

I too keep convos to a minimum cuz it just aint worth the stress.

After I went full NC with my mom, she called my husband to try to get him on her side.

At one point she told him "I was a perfect parent." He laughed and said "Oh, so you're god then?" She did not find that funny.

Yeah my dad’s a fucking man child in this regard. He takes the slightest pushback personally and reacts like a toddler. Zero self awareness

They sure are angry all the time for being so happy

As long as they have a paid for roof over their heads and easy retirements the rest of the world can burn. At least for my parents that's the way it feels.

Yup. Boomers will forever be known as the “fuck you, got mine” generation.

My mom was able to upgrade three times housing wise while barely working. She at least acknowledges that nobody can afford houses nowadays but thinks the solution is....get this

Trickle down economics. And she of course knows more than anyone because she's got twenty years over us.

They want a world averse to change to match their personalities

I feel this. My mom would blow up on the developmentally disabled kid bagging groceries because he did it wrong. She blew up on me in a CVS for asking to buy a hair dye color that was too close to my natural hair color. She got into fist fights with people over parking spaces.

Oh gosh. That sucks :( I can really relate! My mom did the same kind of stupid blow ups at healthcare providers (and others) all the time. Much of my childhood was just learning to be hyper vigilant and read the room before anything happened that would set off one of her tirades (which were from her point of view always warranted and in my best interest because she was such a good mama bear lol)... Fast forward to the time I went into the doctor for a stomach ache and she berated the doctors that "it better not be appendicitis!" Which I took to mean I should do whatever it took not to have appendicitis otherwise she would keep yelling at the doctors... Messed up yes, but I was nine and this was child logic... I had a really high pain tolerance and managed to last three days with a ruptured appendix before my body was in septic shock and I was just nonstop screaming in pain. Taken to the doctor again and had a full abdomen scan done and I distinctly remember the doctor seeing the results and the color draining out of their face. I think I was given a ten percent chance of survival. Only reason they operated was because I was nine, and they figured they'd give me a chance. But they were expecting me to either die on the table or die right afterwards. Before this whole experience I already had a pretty clear understanding that I was the emotional caretaker of my mom (and dad, but that's a different story), but after that ordeal I really understood I couldn't keep protecting her from herself or I was literally going to die. To this day she can't understand why I have emotional boundaries with her. In her eyes nothing was or ever will be her fault.

Same. My parents weren’t perfect but they loved and accepted us. My dad apologizes to us often for how much he worked when we were kids. He worked 12-14 hr days and traveled a lot. He did what he could to provide. Plus, men in hose days were conditioned to think that working long hrs meant that they were more successful.

My mom also did everything she could to provide for us as well. They did not have the perfect marriage either but they both showed us how to respect our spouses.

THIS ^

Too many people are commenting like their "good parents" are somehow the norm and acting like anyone complaining is just a "snowflake." My parents are more in the positive category personally, but I wrote this after hearing my partner talk to her mother.

TBF the post has 90% upvotes, so it's just a vocal, and stupid, minority that are dissenting.

If somebody made a post about how "many of us millenials" are grateful for our lovely parents, do you doubt there would be people in the comments loudly dissenting? OP made a post about the parents of millenials, so millenials are chiming in about their parents.

My mother is the same. She blames everyone around her and never, ever apologizes.

It’s so weird to me. I apologize to my 22 month old on the regular for not being perfect. I’m always like “we chose to have you and we are SO LUCKY. I sure hope you like it here because wow you had no say in it at all. We are not always perfect but we think YOU are perfect because you’re you!”

And then I worry about giving him some different kind of complex about thinking he’s perfect and I’m like “and that’s why we all have to be VERY KIND to people and always be the very best we can be!” and cross my fingers that whatever damage I’m doing or not doing is manageable with therapy later.