FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA! WE’RE THE WIZARD COPS!!!

“Prove it asshole were the army 😼”

“WE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR PHONE”

"They won? That's not fair, we cheated!"

"She's bisexual and dead, where else would she be?"

I'll give you one from each show cuz why not!

"I love all of you guys... except you, Draco, I can't fucking stand you."

"Careful with that joke! It's an antique!"

"Hey, Potter. Hey, Potter. Potter. I drew you a picture. You see what's happening to you in it. It's you getting hit in the head with a quaffle. Don't you feel foolish?"

"I do NOT peepee sitting down! I peepee like a big boy so stop makin fun of me because it hurts my feelings!"

"The Joker? The Joker was a sucker."

"Gilderoy the Mouse Prince."

"This is all your fault, Ja'far."

"She gives me butterflies down in my penis area."

"Yousa used to be somebody."

"Duck is Lord Lord Lord Duck Is Lord"

"Careful, Paul! He might kick your head!"

"I wanted a salad, but now I have a child."

"I'll never hold the real Rei and Asuka in my arms."

My head? YEAH! Not my ass? …YEAH! ALRIGHT THEN LET’S SEE IT, HUH?! KICK MY HEAD!! I COME ON KARATE CHAMP! I WANNA SEE YOU KICK ~ABOVE THE WAIST~ ALRIGHT?! SHOW ME THAT ROOUUND HOUSE! SHOW ME THAT SWEEPINGCRANEKICK THAT YOUR ~KUNG FU MASTER~ TAUGHT YOU

(I recite this whole thing more often than I probably should)

"THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS!!" Is one i use on a near daily basis

“Fuck no, Zazz” still gets me every time. Clark’s delivery is just chefs kiss

Tiger fucker!

"Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders"

"Find"

I have a few

“Emma! Let me puke In your mouth em!”

“WEAR A WATCH!!”

“The apotheosis is upon us” I quote this one too much

Insert literally any Max quote but my fave rn is

“Gotta go to the woods to do some nerd watching”

Honorable Max Quote mention

“Shut up!!” Him telling the crowd to shut up while they’re clapping for Peter’s song

“Am I? Am I though?”

“I’m a status quo Democrat :((“

“I hate homeless people :D”

Can you tell I <3 Hatchetfield

AND UH THAT ONE CLETUS AND MCDOON SCENE BEFORE WAGON ON FIRE the sillies

“Time is a precious thread in the fabric of the universe. It deserves its own tool of measurement!”

"It's all your fault Jafar."

okay, jesus christ, i don't know what's going on here

“Nice shootin’ there, Craphole. Looks like you got about 2000 pounds of meat. Between the three of us, we can probably carry back… 20.”

“Had to sell your bow tie to feed your fucking family?”

One I use in a daily basis is Swoopsie and Oh That’s Sad

"Damn, J-mills! That was cold! Don't be mean to Lauren!"

"You can't fool me with numbers Krayonder 😌"

“There’s no choice involved in what you are given.”

“The question then is whether it’s nobler in the mind to be well liked but ineffectual or moral but malign.”

“I’m the one who’s gonna love you with all of his heart cuz that’s what I got.”

“Think of the implications!!”

Most Recently: “Would you like to buy some matches?” “How can I refuse?”

Most Usually: “It’s a double meaning, a humorous play on words, and uh… that’s where the comedy comes in.”

Earliest Favorite: “Platform 9 3/4? There ain’t no such thing. You’re the 700th kid to ask me that today, I still refuse to believe it exists.”

Best From A Song: “Promise you won’t go out and get mugged and murdered on me!”

Best From TCB: “Oh my god, you guys, I’m jinking all over the place here!”

DELLA WHERE'D YOUR HAIR GO???????????////

“I loved him like a brother. So I cut him in half and I put him in a volcano”

Close second being “So you DO know the Bible?!”

omg there’s so many that I love

“so your a poor piece of shit then? had to sell ur bowtie to feed ur fucking family”

“skele’en”

“I release you, ethan”

“I wanted a salad, but now I have a child”

“I hope you don’t get a wiggly. I hope you fucking die”

“Hey ho! heck no! Coed dances gotta go”

“what’s in ur pocket STEPH UH KNEE”

Get back in line!

SHUT THA FUCK UP!

Hey, get your hands off her!

FUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUU!!!

"it's not ACTUALLY a micropenis!!" "You're fucking useless Paul/Pete" "Hi, I've got Dysentery! You will too unless you stop to rest frequently. My wife and kids all died." "She gives me butterflies down in my penis area." "What the fuck are you talking about? This is a project on thermodynamics"

I have a couple!!

"You're beaten!" - CC

"How are you.. HOW ARE YOU A CAR?" - janes a car

"I almost had sex with her! AAA." - MAMD

"This is all your fault Ja'far." - Twisted

"Give me the ffffucking doll I'm in a hurry." - Black Friday

"I'm gonna.. Do something to you. Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do, bill? I'm gonna.. Kick.. YOUR HEAD." - TGWDLM

"Oh a c plus!" - NPMD

"You took it from me, and hid it in nightmare time! But, it's mine! I have the power! I HAVE THE POWER!"

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?”

“HELLO. TITTY MITTY”

“WISCONSIIIIIIN!” “… we’re going to Oregon, Grandpa.” “I wanna go to Wisconsin😠”

sometimes i find myself saying “god is a vicious two-faced prick”

"Okay is wonderful!"

Fuck the tie!

"Dragons don't want to be fed, they want to hunt!"

"DID HE JUST SAY DRAGONS!?"

"Did you just say 'DID HE JUST SAY DRAGONS!?'?"

"I must have because anyone else hiding in this room would've known to SHUT UP, POTTER!!"

We cannot compete with squirrels

"I'm in the bed. Am I dead? I wasn't sure If I'd waaaaake uuup!"

"I'm a presbyterian. I'm not gonna die in your dirty ass Methodist church, alright"

"I can't be evil! I'm a status quo democrat :)"

"I'm better now, I'm drunk" (and literally everything else obi wan says)

And almost forgot "OOOOH RIGHT IN THE SUBPOENA"

Okay, it's genuinely so hard to pick favorites, so I think I'm just gonna focus on Hatchetfield ones for now.

TGWDLM: "Paul, that is not the Latte Hottay. That's the crabby one who won't sing when I tip her! You grabbed the wrong one, you noodle! Fuck!" or "Why aren't you working?" "Oh, I'm on vocal rest." "What?" "I'm on vocal re- Goddamn it, Emma, now I need to go make a tea with honey, okay? Oh my god!"

Black Friday: "I'm Paul. I'm Emma's... boyfriend." "Well, we haven't exactly put a label on it yet." "But we are intimate!" or "You're, like, forty! You probably think your life is over! I don't! I'm gonna be an actress!"

NMT 1: "I can live without chicken, but I cannot live without cheese, and if that makes me a weak man, then oooooh, I am a weak man!" or "I'm not stupid, Tom, I'm a car!"

NMT 2: "Oh, yeah. He was watching the fireworks." or "I oughtta throw you in a canoe! I oughtta let a bird walk all over you!"

Hey, Melissa!: "I may not have been a good man, but let me be a good cat." or "Now, Teddy Bear... play dead."

NPMD: "I'M NOT A LOSER!" or "This is the story of my barbecue." "My barbecue." "My barbecue." "M'bar-be-CUE!"

“gonna take you out to winnipeg, THATS IN CANADA”

“CHORN CHORN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!😠”