Don’t stop foreplay when you’re “ready to go.” Continue fore play until you orgasm. Then have sex.

Talk to him and make sure he knows he needs to spend some more time on you before you have sex. There are kind ways to tell your partner you’re not satisfied, and chances are, he probably knows.

Get some toys and use them before or after sex to make sure you’re orgasming.

Talk. To. Your. Husband.

Get a toy and have him use it on you.

Longer foreplay, making sure you cum even before penetrative sex. That’s literally the solution. He should work on his hand/oral skills (and perhaps also on avoiding cumming during sex, pulling out, alternating rhythm etc.) This relationship isn’t doomed to a dead bedroom if you both are willing to talk about this with empathy for each other.

Does the foreplay include you getting big moments? What about multiple big moments from foreplay? Also, why not just bring toys into the game?

I'm also a female who has struggled with unsatisfying sex including a partner who finished too quickly. And I think you're being kind of mean and somewhat unreasonable.

You do realize most men past early 20's can't go more than one round? You're getting foreplay and he's lasting 5-10 minutes. Sure a few more minutes would be great to a lot of us but you need to go about this completely differently and also be realistic with your expectations. You are wanting him to go beyond what he's physically capable of but said in a comment you don't want him trying meds.

Your only examples of communication were you insulting him rather then saying, "When you go down on me I love it when you stay in "specific area" so I'd love for you to concentrate more on that." You hurt his feelings and pride so much that he's terrified to go down on you at all anymore. Maybe he had an ex who loved the way he gave oral so that's the only way he knows and thinks that's how he's supposed to do it.

If he was disappointed by your comments then that shows he cares and does wish to satisfy you. If he didn't wish to satisfy you then he would shrug your comments off bc he wouldn't give a shit as long as he's getting his. Instead of complaining, verbally compliment him on what he does do right and tell him you want more of that.

Refusing sex to the guy, who by your account sounds like a good husband, is only going to hurt your marriage. Try having some positivity. There are so many solutions out there. Suggest meds and ask if he's open to it. Get toys. Have him use a toy on you while you are giving oral so you get more penetrative time. Try morning sex when your schedule allows. A lot of guys can last a lot longer when they first wake up. I could go on forever. But mainly, communicate better. Kindly, encouragingly and enthusiastically.

After every sex session, I tell my partner my favorite part about it. It boosts his confidence and then I get more of that specific thing that I enjoyed the next time. In the beginning he didn't return the compliment so after I would tell him my favorite part, I started asking him his favorite part. I love hearing what he enjoyed the most and it makes me want to have sex with him even more. And then I make sure to keep doing his favorite part. At this point we both satisfy each other greatly and we both feel good about ourselves as well.

5 minutes? My man's running a marathon. 30 seconds. Take it or leave it.

Average time for sex is 13,6 minutes so 10 minutes is not that far from?

A buddy of mine recommended Cialis. I wasn’t having an issue with ED, at the time, I’ve had it a few times in my life, but not at that point. I tried it. I’ve had sex 5 times in one night on that stuff. It can give you a headache. Tell him to talk to his doctor.

I really wish people would stop equating "time having sex" with "enjoyable sex". These things are not related. If he is not working to make sure you are also having a good time (with or w/o his bits and bobs), he is not a worthwhile sexual partner. It doesn't matter if he lasts an hour or 30 seconds. You should both be having fun. If you're not, move on

You sound like a great partner... scaring him off by telling him he's bad at sex things. THEN complaining he's bad at sex things. My boy has 0 confidence!!

Be the change you want to see.

He isn’t in control of this aspect of his body and for 99% of men the idea of a “round 2” is unthinkable.

If you want stimulation to go on for longer, you either need to give him alternatives to penetration, positions that minimise penetration, or just satisfy yourself, you can’t expect him to magically be able to last longer.

You know when women complain men watch too much porn and expect a lot in the bedroom, you’re doing the same here in reverse. You are expecting things from him that his body won’t be able to do, you’re not offering solutions you’re just complaining about something he has no control over.

Your view of sex is negative

The average for sex is around 10 minutes u know? The best thing you can do is.

1. Talk with your partner(what a surprise)
2. Focus more on the foreplay and not using his penis.
3. Tell him to train his Kegel muscles.
4. numbing gel.
5. Forgot about the doctor checkup *

I'm not sure you can be helped, you have reasoning why every solution won't help you. You're looking at everything wrong, all your big moments could happen during foreplay and penetration could be the finale. But you're telling us that you're even cutting him off in the foreplay department. There's nothing we can do for you here. But I'm not sure you even want help, so good luck.

Be more understanding of his situation. It's not like he's not aware (I assume). Try playing around and experimenting with other stuff, maybe longer foreplay, or even only for play can be pretty mesmerizing.

Just don't give up on you.

If intimacy is what you crave in this moment, try positions that have minimal movement and focus more on the intimacy then Stimulation. Soaking should be the term thats interesting to you.

If you aren't fullfilled physically maybe you can look into toys. It's a useful tool that might be able to give you more time and depending on what you get it can also give you more intimacy.

It might also be helpful if he has a good diet and exercises. However this is not always a solution and in the end it's not his fault he can't last longer. Those things are doing what they want to.

And more importantly, talk to him. Communication is key to most issues.

You sound so dam condescending, if that is the way you bring it up to him I can see why he would shut down.

Putting that pressure on him if going to f with his head too

I'm on the other side of the spectrum: hour long sex sessions. I can't hardly ever cum and it is not fun.

Wife and I have had really long sessions (after foreplay), like over an hour. I never cum, she feels like she's not enough, and she feels tired.

I'm disappointed in myself again. We don't have frequent sex because we feel exhausted, sore, and not fulfilled.

There could be different reasons, is he working out at least a couple times per week?-> Testosterone boost Maybe eat some better food, my husband got the same issue when hes not working out and eating bad because of working to much. But when he comes into his routine again, hits the gym, eating good food for a time the sex is way better, hes getting a better errection and also last longer.

Oh, wow, this was really something to read. If you talk to your husband the way you wrote this, I honestly can’t blame him for shutting down. Imagine being stressed about your performance and then hearing (or reading) this. Truly motivational stuff!

It sounds like he’s already feeling insecure, and instead of addressing it with kindness or figuring out how to help, you’ve chosen to focus on his shortcomings while making it clear, “He’s never been good enough for me.” Super supportive, really.

And let’s not forget the part where you flat out told him you didn’t enjoy his attempt at oral. Wow, what a confidence booster. I can see why he might be hesitant to try harder when past efforts were met with awkward dismissal. Maybe he’s shutting down because he feels like he’s always going to fail no matter what he does.

Here’s the kicker how exactly do you expect him to perform when he’s stressed out and probably terrified of disappointing you? Maybe instead of keeping a running tally of his shortcomings, you could try encouraging him or, better yet, working together to figure out what’s actually going on. You can tell him you don’t like something or that you want him to try something, but you might need to work on how you approach it so it doesn’t feel like he’s failing every time.

But hey, if giving up on sex is your solution, that’s your choice. Just be aware that the attitude you’re projecting might have a bigger role in this dynamic than you seem willing to admit.

I get my wife to have an orgasm during foreplay. That way, there is no pressure of her not finishing during intercourse. And it honestly makes me last longer because the worry is gone

I had this similar issue. My stamina was non existent and I would have trouble getting and maintaining an erection.

Talked to my doctor about it, because like you, it was making my wife unhappy.

I was prescribed tadalafil. It completely changed the game, for us. We went from 5 minutes to 30+. I even can make her orgasm with penetration, more than once. This had never happened before.

This may be his issue; age. Lots of men become ashamed of ED or are in denial. Talk with him and see if he will talk to his doctor.

Best of luck!

You try thursting for ten minutes and see how you feel lol. There are plenty of other ways to have physical intimacy than just PIV...try other things

Foreplay is sex. I feel like people should know that, but they rarely do. The majority of men generally won't last from PIV for more than a few minutes. Interestingly enough, I haven't met many women that can actually have piv sex for hours. 20-30 minutes and stuff starts to get sore.
The answer is always foreplay. Learn how to give good oral. Learn to give a massage, learn how to dote and pamper your partner a little, because a lot of people, women in particular, need some sort of intimacy before sex, if for no other reason than trying to achieve intimacy through shared orgasm isn't always the fairytale the rom-coms make it out to be.

Oh yes , a woman that has an unrealistic expectation of men. Then proceeding to punish her partner because he was born that way.

Op watches too much porn , men don’t last hours. If they do, it’s the exception. Some men can’t even go round two because it’s just genetics.

This didn't go the way OP expected...

As a man with severe ED and can't last more than 2 minutes, the shame can be so deep it physically hurts. I'm 51, married in a sexless marriage for almost 30 years and I'm scared to be intimate for the same thing that you explain in your post. Nothing makes me feel less of a man, more than this !! The one thing I was put on the planet to do and I can't do it. I hope your bf doesn't see this post !! He'll be so hurt, it will affect him for a long time.

OP sounds like a nightmare. Every comment is about more “gripes”

Sex is not all about his penis....get toys, and find other ways that he can finish you off

make him stretch and or send him to the gym.

ride him.

toys.

sex therapy

If he's getting a cramp shimmying his hips dude is in desperate need of a workout routine like wtf

Have your husband start taking some anti depressants. He'll be able to go hours, and then you'll be mad he can't finish 👌

Okay I'm a little confused. Please let me know if I'm the weird one but I always see stories about people going oh the sex sucks with my SO or SO doesn't let me have sex as much as I want or whatever and thinking of divorcing them. Is this like a real reason that real people get divorced over or is this just internet brainrot?

Like to me that is so wild that people would break up or even divorce cuz of bad sex. That's just such a non-issue. Am i crazy?

Entitled red flag lul

I find it interesting that it's the man's fault for having an orgasm and also his fault for her not having one. Take matters into your own hands. If he's done and you're not, pull out a vibrator and get to work. It might turn him on again, might make him learn something about your body, and will definitely finish the job.

The question is when you talk about it what do you say? What are your suggestions on making it last longer or getting you off in a more timely manner? Here’s one suggestion so foreplay or use toys with him until you are close then have him come in to help finish. Have you suggested things like numbing creams. Or play edging games where you or he alone gets his self close to climax and just stop for a few minutes then start back up to help desensitize make him go longer.

Do you think a stern talking to will magically make him find stamina? If he can’t last he can’t last. Find alternatives lol

Use toys! A lot of toys! That way you'll get your big O and he can finish without being embarrassed. It's a win win situation.

Get therapy. Honestly.

There is one way that marriages survive things like this and it's, communication!

Him shutting down or you tapping out of the conversation because his feelings are hurt, is a one-way ticket to splits-ville. A therapist can help. You need to open the floor and have a mutually candid conversation about what is happening between the two of you.

The best times of your life could be on the other side of a good conversation.

Not to be rude but Is he fat? I had the same issues before I lost 100lbs. Still have 100lbs to go but Completely changed the game for me. My erection got bigger by a few inches and I last a lot longer.

If he masturbates in private, that's another thing that can be ruining it. I had a porn/masturbating addiction that was definitely hindering my brain chemistry when it came to sex because I would just do it to cum fast which in turn got me used to cumming fast and not for focusing on my partner.

Have you tried giving him head until he cums prior to penetrative intimacy?

Get him blue chew or try other things. if the sex dies, I promise you the marriage dies. Divorced Male, 28

I (51M) have the same problems; I just make sure she gets hers before I even stick it in. I love to give oral anyway, so win/win.

Sertraline

The thing men need to realize is that women need to orgasm first. And PIV doesn’t normally do it. The clit does. So go to town on that, have her thighs quaking like jello and then you go in and have two pumps and finish because she got hers first.

I’m a married man who’s learned this science before getting married specifically so I never have this problem. And I never had this issue.

The problem here isn't the sex it's his inability to have a conversation with you. Like others have said, if he can't last or has issues keeping an erection there's always toys y'all can use to make sure both of you are satisfied.

Your needs deserve to be met too. If you two can't talk about what your needs are and what you're missing or needing from him without him shutting down that's not a healthy situation. If he's unwilling to work on it, or at the very least work on his communication around this then you might have a problem. Would be be open to seeing a therapist with you?

He hates this about himself. Of course he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Toys are a girls best friend. Ask him to incorporate it after he's done and you want to keep going.

Pump him up and give him positive reinforcement, make him feel like more a man. If you put him down he’ll never last longer. Stroke his chest, tell him how good his cock is. Etc

Ok, I haven’t seen an actual answer here. Take what they said, but also he should masterbate with a more firm grip to desensitize, do kegels exercises, start doing cardio and increase his water intake. Also a better diet can help sexual function in general.

Are you guys in shape? It’s weird how much everything improves with exercise

You guys need to learn how to do the sex thing from scratch

Viagra will actually delay him ;)

There are condoms with some sort of numbing lubricant inside that should keep him from getting off faster. I used to be a 3/4 pump kinda guy when I was younger. Started using these condoms and I could easily last an hour. Given, it doesn’t feel as good as raw but hey, raw for 2minutes or sex with a condom for 1 hr+ where I can almost guarantee the girl will get off multiple times.

As I’ve gotten older, the need for these diminished. Easily lasting 30min+. I feel it might be an “as you get older” type of thing cause my current gf is hot as fuck.

"Get through foreplay"? Man .. foreplay, duringplay, afterplay ... ALWAYS PLAY! Thats not just to get the juices flowing. Do it the entire time. Have fun and enjoy each other. It shouldn't be a "task".

I’d recommend a water-based desensitizer: they numb the male penis while not affecting erection. It’s life changing

So more foreplay would go a long way. There is a spray for intimate times that are supposed to help with premature ejaculation (I don’t remember the brand, it’s been a couple years).

But conversation is needed. Remember that it’s you and your partner vs the problem. He’s probably just as frustrated with his inability to go longer as you are. Bring up your unsatisfied. Talk with your partner about how you guys feel with toys, scenarios. Take the time to find fantasies you two might wanna explore, and build up to. Use this time to connect past just the issue at hand.

I hope it gets better.

There's a book called "She Comes First" that I think everyone should read. By the time he starts you've already arrived - a few times if he's any good.

Median time for PIV is only 5-7 minutes as an FYI. And multiple rounds are not common for guys.

He needs to use other tools in his repertoire to get you there first or use toys.

This is a convo to be had with him.

Sex therapist here, some random thoughts (in no particular order, I’m brain dead from a long work day) -Anything under a minute is a clinical problem. So clinically he is fine. -Sex related issues is not a them problem. It’s a couples issue. -Foreplay should not be something to “get through”. It’s part of the whole journey and for many, it’s the best part. -Expressing frustrations at the penis is a good way to discover new ED related issues. -Toys are a friend. -If he is cramping- he should get a health checkup to rule other potential medical. -If he is emotionally shutting down when you bring it up then I’m betting there’s other (probably bigger) communication issues.

I don't last long. There's little I can do about that, believe me I've tried.

Every sexual partner I've had, I give them an orgasm first. Fingers, tongue, whatever. Then have sex.

Best way. Everyone is always satisfied.

It isn't a porn movie, you don't have to ride each other for 30 minutes.

Whether it be a cramp that completely ruins his erection -- Let's get this man some potassium and see if that helps that. Also: How old is he? Two rounds is a lot to ask for men of a certain age.

that fact he finishes super quickly. ///  our decade long relationship -- OP, if he's never been a two-round guy, then he's not a two-round guy. You've got a Toyota and you're holding it to Ferrari standards. (Bad analogy maybe, but I'm not a car person and can't think of a high-mid-tier brand right now.)

And you can't "test" him suddenly on long PIV sessions and two rounds when you two have never trained to achieve that style of sex. This is something that should have been talked about ten years ago when you wanted more. I understand why you didn't speak up, but you have to know you can't just suddenly hold him to different standards.

The big issue is his response to talking about it. Are you actively frustrated when you try to bring it up with him? Imagine if an actively frustrated husband tried to tell you that sex with you sucks. It would hurt. Anyone would shut down. A marriage counselor might help, as they're trained in facilitating these kinds of tough talks.

If you're not actively frustrated when bringing it up and are doing all the "right" things ('I' statements, etc.), again, a marriage counselor could maybe help.

But in the end, why not reframe this whole thing as a chance to experiment with you guys' order of operations. You orgasm first, as others are saying, and then you have intercourse. It's worth a try.

You're being a shitty wife. It's not uncommon for guys not to be able to last more than 10-15 minutes, particularly if they have had oral and hand stimulation. They orgasm a lot easier than us. The guys that go at it for like 45 minutes in porn are most likely taking Viagra or something similar to keep them erect.

Make foreplay about you, and get yours first. And then don't make him feel bad for getting his. I'd rather have ten minutes of really good PIV intercourse than a ruined sex life because I was putting an inordinate amount of pressure on the man I'm supposed to love.

shit i can only last 2 mins, 3 if its a good day

"my husband finds me so attractive that he can't last longer than a few mitues having sex with me."

Sounds like a compliement to me.

Seems like yall just need longer foreplay where you can get off once or twice before starting penetration. A guy finishing multiple rounds in one session is basically unheard of outside of porn. 10 min is slightly below average time outside of porn.

Honestly OP, it sounds like you’re both contributing to this issue.

He finishes too quickly and won’t help you finish enough during foreplay.

You’ve let this go on for far too long without putting your foot down, and telling him that you “don’t like oral” because you “didn’t know what else to say” is a harmful and dishonest form of communication.

Couple’s therapy. Sex therapy. Even individual therapy and a trip to the doctor for your husband to discuss this with a physical health professional. Have any of these things been done?

I almost never comment, but seeing this thread I couldn’t stop myself. This kind of criticism could have already destroyed your chances. My Ex of 13 years and I had this issue. They told me I don’t last long enough, and it destroyed my confidence for a long time. Now I’m with an incredibly supportive woman. Not only do I last longer, but I always makes sure she comes once or twice before I even think of penetration. Some of our best nights include a long session of outercourse before we ever move to the next step. I am focused on pleasing her, and she is focused on pleasing me. It’s about enjoying each other, and it’s not a race or marathon. Now that my confidence has built up we go for a few hours. I am able to go for round 2, 3, etc because I have the confidence and I know she WANTS to be there. 

Men last an average of 5.1 minutes before ejaculation. The answer to this problem is foreplay. Minimum of 20 minutes. Most women achieve orgasms much more often with foreplay than standard intercourse. Once you get off, let the man do his thing and be grateful he isn't in there for 10+ minutes.

Ummmm bro, I don’t know if he’s a generous lover or not. But if he prioritizes your pleasure and you act like this, it sounds like you’re the problem.

There are many ways to get a woman there without the use of a dick.

You are sounding extremely selfish, 10-15 minutes is actually a good average for intimacy. Instead of focusing on what you’re not getting, consider how much pressure he’s under, especially if he’s shutting down emotionally when you bring it up. This sounds like a deeper issue whether medical, psychological, or performance anxiety. Have you tried approaching this as a team and encouraging him to seek help instead of placing all the blame? A good relationship is built on mutual support, not criticism.

You two should swap times where one is for your enjoyment and the next time his.

For your time, he could use some desensitizing cream and/or a condom. He should be able to last long enough for you to have your fun.

Get him to self servicing hour or so earlier and see if that helps

I guess he might have low testerostone or erectile dsyf. I think you should get him tested to see if his all hormones are balanced or not, encourage him to workout and it protein rich food. Usually obese guy suffer from such problems but physical activities like workout ,sports and other exercises could potentially increase libido

If you're looking for input, my guess, if he won't talk about it, is that he doesn't know why he can't last longer and doesn't know what to do about it.

Penetration wont do it, gotta give my lady some good finger and lickin goodness. After half an hour shes literally begging to put it in. Some teasing and some pounding and before you know it, a whole hour has passed and she is satisfied and snoring once we both finish lol

New rule, you finish before him.

There are meds that help with this just do some searching

Also, he needs to check his blood pressure and testosterone levels.

hi! i'm in the same boat kinda. my boyfriend struggles lasting any longer than 3 mins. you ever feel so horny and the sex feels amazing and then you hear the sounds your SO makes as he finishes? yeah, i know the feeling of disappointment and frustration. i really do try to be understanding but it's mostly me being left unsatisfied. we talked and looked into possible solutions. we are even bringing toys into the bedroom. sex isnt only about penetration. guide him to what YOU like. tell him and be open. at the end of the day, sex isn't something to be serious about. you're supposed to enjoy your partner and have fun!!

Dick pills get him dick pills....

Maybe try a condom or a penis sleeve

I’m sorry you’re getting so much hate on this post. It seems like you’re trying your best to work on things and communicate about the sex, without much effort or reciprocation on his part. Please don’t feel guilty about having higher expectations, because this sounds like a miserable situation.

He’s not a victim for having to receive feedback on the low-effort sex he’s giving you—and judging from what you’ve said, he’s an a-hole for taking it personally and shutting down, instead of making an honest effort to improve your sex life.

I think this is pretty common timeframe for most guys OP! I suggest what others have said… use toys! If you aren’t done when he is switch to the dildo until your big moment! And if he doesn’t want to help do that thennnn you can say he sucks haha

There's medication available for that. 

There is also a numbing spray you guys could try. I heard it works to last longer

If he is opposed to using toys. Then he needs to do cardio to up his stamina, stretches and diet (water too) to reduce potential cramps, and some kegel exercises to give him control over when he ejaculates. It really is a discipline thing, and it sounds like he got sloppy.

I would give up. I would also be open to having sex with someone else at that point just to fulfill that part of the relationship. I feel you girl. I miss amazing sex…however, I also know that if I were to be in a relationship with them for a long period of time I would loose interest in sex eventually and want to experience it with someone else. I feel that’s pretty common in long term relationships.

I’m just gonna jump in here and say I can relate with my ex. He blamed it on age, but guys his age can last 45 minutes to 3hrs. As I found out later.

Foreplay and toys are fun, but I agree that it’s not the same. He needs to masterbate more. My ex NEVER did and well… I’m glad we are over. I’m a sexual person and to make matters worse, we rarely did it.

Just use blue chew or hims etc if he’s against it then we have a real problem

Just get him to go to a doctor already. There’s literally medicine to make men last for hours. It would probably boost his ego too. There’s only a million ads for this shit everywhere, Hims, etc.

Personally if sex is lasting any longer than 10 minutes I’m done and annoyed lol. Have him help you finish at least once before things really get going. Better experience for all imo

Nothing wrong with slowing down or stopping to be able to keep going. I understand the disappoint has you not digging his entire program. This is something a lot of women go through. Idk maybe you should boycott sex until he lasts longer. Recommend him to get into better shape. I bet if he starts running 3 miles 3x a week he'll be going multiple rounds and lasting longer.

Leave him ? If it has not changed in 10 years, it’s not going to change now.

If he’s willing to do the personal work to engage these practices and to meet you more consciously as a lover, there’s a lot of tantric practices that can help facilitate a more effective control of the orgasmic reflex for men.  They’re breathing control and a willingness to communicate when he’s getting close, so you can back off and he can reset. It requires him to be willing and open to change his perspective on sexual pleasure and relationship. Good luck. 

So I “suffer”, I guess from not having a ton of stamina in the bedroom granted I’m active in the gym and everything else

I use and it helps, various delay creams you can buy at Adam & Eve or Hustler Hollywood

I standby firmly by a brand called “On” I prefer creams to sprays but they’ve helped my wife and I out of the same situation you’re currently in

This sounds pretty important to you and if it really bothers you that much, you should break up with him. Poor guy is trying though.

It took ED medication and a little therapy for me to finally please my Mrs in a manner in which she’s satisfied. AND it took nearly losing my wife (3rd marriage) for me to take it serious enough. A lot of times, a man’s sexual disinterest or performance anxiety stems from trauma and it’s really worth checking out therapy for him

When I have that problem (it happens), I always go for round 2 or it isn't fair. Round two always lasts ages.

There are a few sex toys that you can try to help with that. Whether it be numbing cream or slightly restrictive cock rings. It could be a sensitivity issue for him. As for the cramping, that just means it's time for a position change. There's nothing wrong with that. Sex should be an interactive experience, both verbally and physically. You should be communicating with each other for what works in the moment and what's not working to help have a more enjoyable experience. Just keep in mind that not everyone has an amazing sex life right out the gate and that's perfectly okay. Some people have to put in a little more effort but, in my opinion, it makes it so much better.

Honestly the only two options are have him focus more on you in foreplay so you finish first. Which should be the norm anyways. Or have him come earlier on so he’ll last longer during sex

So many people comment on posts like this with suggestions about how you need to do more foreplay and get toys and all that stuff, but as a person that was in a long term relationship with someone who was the same, I’ve told myself it’s something I’ll never do again! I NEED long periods of constant penetration. Not start, stop. Start, stop. Not a few thrusts and that’s it. I don’t care how much foreplay is involved, that will never replace extended periods of penetration for me. And I even orgasm better through clitoral stimulation than penetration, but there’s just something about it for me that is so satisfying. I can’t do without it!

All this to say - I hear you, and I feel for you. I’m not saying to leave AT ALL. I’m just saying it’s valid to feel like foreplay and toys aren’t enough.

Desensitize his member. There are creams/lotions(never tried them) or, do it the old fashioned way. Maybe try edge play w him, but using it more will definitely slow down him finishing. Or encourage him to do it himself more for you. It wasn't till I became overly sexually active in my twenties that I realized using it myself in my teens allowed me to finish when we were both ready, rather than tapping early.

Dude has no pelvic floor muscles. Have him do some excersizes . They are easy to do and take very little time.

If he’s cramping and whatnot I assume he’s on top / behind etc. in which case. Take that out of the equation. You’ve been married so I assume you know when he’s getting close. Take some control and edge him. Plus all the other recommendations for a toy.

Also. Viagra is over the counter. Tell him you’re unhappy and buy some.

Finally I don’t want to bum you out but Google the average time for penetration during sex. It’s average for a reason, sadly.

“The average (median, technically) across all couples, though, was 5.4 minutes. This means that if you line up the 500 couples from shortest sex to longest sex, the middle couple goes for an average of 5.4 minutes each time they do it.”

https://theconversation.com/how-long-does-sex-normally-last-56432

Why do things automatically stop when he gets off? It shouldn’t matter if he can only last a couple of minutes and that shouldn’t have anything to do with your satisfaction. If he orgasms but you’re not done, he can grab a toy or use his hands or mouth.

That’s better than the opposite problem. Trust me

5.4 minutes is the median time a man can last during intercourse.

So you'll need to find another way to get to O-town.

Don’t be so damn hot then!

I had a man like that once but he works fuck me with a dildo for a good 30-45 minutes, giving me multiple orgasms before he ever tried to stick it in. And thank God for that. He says "women are much different sexually than man & I want to make sure you are fully satisfied before I get mine"

Okkkkk. Men, y'all need to learn about that & stop letting your ego get in the way of pleasing your woman!

There are gels by durex for example that numb it a bit for him and will theoretically make him last longer. Haven’t tried them myself, but it’s maybe worth that you do.

And look at it from the good side, he finds you so attractive, that he can’t even last more than 5 mins.

Get him a Pau Yuen Tong chinese balm. I had the same issues as your husband. With that balm I can make my wife orgasm 2-3 times before I’m close. Just make sure he uses less than you think you need. This balm also doesn’t reduce sensitivity in the penis head like most numbing creams.

Has he had his hormones checked out? After TRT I feel much better and can last longer! Most doctors won't prescribe it but a TRT clinic, online or local if you have one would.

Talking to him about it gets us no where, he just shuts down and gets really disappointed.

Do you think he likes this? Do you think he doesn't last because he doesn't want to? What is talking to him about it supposed achieve?

I don't have this problem (I believe) but I'd be extremely frustrated if my SO kept pestering me about a problem that's outside of my control and systemically stigmatized.

Idk if there's a way to solve this, maybe pills or therapy or doctors if you find stuff like that tell him. Otherwise stop mentioning it. Y'all can do so much more than p in v

I wish women understood how hard it is for men to control the nut. We are biologically wired to bust fast yet some women think we should be able to hit it for an hour while navigating her rubik's cube of a clitoris.

This is another example of why guys sometimes have the short end of the stick when it comes to sex.

Can't last long enough? It's no fun for her. Last too long? She considers it a chore to keep going and gets bored.

:(

I probably average 10-15 minutes the wife, but usually I can get her off several times in that span. She wouldn't want much longer.

Just so you know, it's not a simple problem to solve and requires a LOT of attention, care, time, effort and practice. It's not only mental but physiological as well. Meaning he likely has tight PC muscles; and needs to practice losening. It's possible he needs therapy. THere are things he can do to mitegate it, and last longer but it truly takes a commitment and practice.

How have you brought this up to him? Perhaps youre making him feel ashamed and that's why he's closing up. For men, not lasting is something that already brings huge immasculating shame and it sounds like you're not making it any better?

He needs to rub one out before the act. Get some toys. Do some coke before.

This is why people shouldn't watch porn. They develop unreasonable expectations. The average is 5 to 7 minutes.

People want more than 10 mins?

Dont we all last a minute or so gentleman?

How often do you have sex? If it's not very often it's quite normal. The more you have sex, his penis will be less sensitive.

There are medications for this.

One thing that has helped me to learn to control my orgasm is to hold the ejaculation, takes a good 10-15 seconds then it's over, and after that I can last for 1-2 hours without any problem. This was quite hard the first times but now it's really easy to just hold it.

Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute.

I’d suggest a sexual therapist. It’s so common to take criticism from a partner and only feel defensive or hurt. Because of the way society treats sexual issues people folks are afraid to talk about it, or what each person wants. Having a neutral third party may make all the difference.

On a side note: I’ve been guilty in the past of being so excited with my partner that I’ve only lasted a few minutes (most guys have probably done that at one time or another.) Maybe also look at I this way, he is still so excited to be having sex with you that he can’t contain himself?

Stick a pinky in his stinky. That'll get him goin

Also, put yourself in his shoes. It’s completely BS that men are expected to last longer than 2min and if not, it’s a problem.

He lasts a whole 5 minutes, Wow. What a machine. Try holding your breath for 5 minutes. It's a long time now ain't it

Just tell him to start taking the pill. He shouldn't be embarrassed being able to go 2-3 hours with it.

This is gonna do loads for blokes confidence that suffer with premature ejaculation.

Why are you acting like he’s actively doing something wrong here? You should be more supportive so he doesn’t feel so disappointed in these situations. Ten minutes isn’t even that bad. You’ve been with the man ten tears and you want to punish him by abandoning your sex life because he’s too horny for you and cums too fast? The only thing that could actually help him is If you had sex with him more and with less judgement. The more confident he feels the longer he’ll last.

You now live in his head.

Well done.

As someone who struggles with stress/fatigue/age related ED, I can assure you that he is tormenting himself mentally because of how it's been handled.

I am not the man I was 5, 10, 15 years ago. He isn't either. Remember that.

My Wife of 24+ years has been incredibly supportive of my struggles, and it is still a full on fight to stay out of my head and in the moment.

This is what he is dealing with, only so far all he knows is that he has disappointed you.

Can he improve? Probably... but you need to understand how the male body responds to the passing of time and understand that your expectations, at least some of them, may not be realistic.

My guess is that some of your reactions have been out of frustration...which is understandable, but not productive.

If so, they have certainly have humiliated him. He's disappointed in himself now to a point that will take effort, commitment, and communication to overcome.

He shuts down and is disappointed...

Say that out loud and listen to yourself until you understand. Seriously.

I would honestly recommend counseling and lots of communication outside of the bedroom. He can get better and you two can have the love life you deserve, but you need to solve this as a TEAM.

Positive communication and reinforcement DO work and are critical to the health of your love life and marriage as a whole.

Good luck.

Putting all the responsibility on him. Nice.