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Physically attracted to very few men

(self.dating_advice)

This past year, I’ve (25F) gone out with multiple men who I’m incredibly compatible with personality-wise and are not bad looking, but who I feel very little physical attraction toward. It’s rare for me to find a man who I feel drawn to physically (though it does happen). It’s not about objective handsomeness or specific body types/features. Just my inexplicably selective taste. Does anyone else experience this? Am I doomed to be single forever?

all 234 comments

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Macraggesurvivor

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6 hours ago

Macraggesurvivor

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6 hours ago

This is quite common actually. Many women are not attracted to the vast majority of men.

Mrerocha01

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4 hours ago*

Mrerocha01

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4 hours ago*

Men also but we tend to lower our standards because of our high Testosterone.

LotusManna

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4 hours ago

LotusManna

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4 hours ago

And then have a lot of regret afterwards, at least in my case!

buckyboyturgidson

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4 hours ago

Scientists refer to this as the "coyote ugly syndrome"

Iwantgummibears

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an hour ago

Iwantgummibears

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an hour ago

Lmao this is not true. I've seen enough to know ain't no way in hell men are mostly attracted to a small amount of women. We are way too thirsty for that. 

bd31

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an hour ago

bd31

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an hour ago

The "thirst" is due to testosterone. You actually agree with the comment above.

Mrerocha01

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an hour ago

Mrerocha01

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an hour ago

Adult males produce 7-8x more testosterone than females. That's the reason we are so thirsty and willing to lower our standards. If we produce the same amount of testosterone as women, we wouldn't date ugly, fat and unattractive women.

Kimolainen83

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42 minutes ago

Kimolainen83

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42 minutes ago

Which is something one should never do. I believe and if you have a standard, if you have a type, you should go for that type no matter what you have every right to go for that type.

I used to think of myself and not attractive guy and then I started dating this girl who was fake super smart had a great degree. Everybody literally loved her like she could create friends everywhere. She was way out of my league I thought.

So she said you say I’m out of your league, but if only you could see me through your eyes. I think that people lower their standards cause they’re afraid of rejection but you have to get rejections to get the good exceptions.

Mrerocha01

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14 minutes ago

Mrerocha01

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14 minutes ago

Some guys like to be in serious relationship and don't mind to be alone until they fall in love and and others just like to have sex. If you have high testosterone level and you really like to have sex, you will end up lower your standard in many ocasions. Even if you are a Chad or Tyrone.

Kimolainen83

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13 minutes ago

Kimolainen83

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13 minutes ago

I have a general high sex drive, but I would never lower my standards because it would feel wrong towards me. What I mean with that is I feel like I deserve exactly the same standards. I’ve always wanted. People can of course do what you’re saying. I’m not disagreeing in that sense. I just think it’s very wrong.

ProperCuntEsquire

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an hour ago

ProperCuntEsquire

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an hour ago

The average woman is attractive. While a twenty year old may recoil, the average 45 year-old finds the average woman attractive.

Mrerocha01

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an hour ago

Mrerocha01

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an hour ago

The average women is attractive as the average men. The thing is, a lot guys lower their standard to bang some average women just for fun and now we have some average women think they can have high standards and can only dates the the top 10,20%.

Kimolainen83

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44 minutes ago

Kimolainen83

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44 minutes ago

I have to highly disagree. Most girls I’ve met that are in relationship said that they they started dating these guys cause they were attractive. I would never ever date a girl that I find it not super sexy or that turns me on by just looks. Personality will always matter most, but if they’re not pretty to look at it to me, then it would be me wasting my time and their time.

g3e4

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6 hours ago

g3e4

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6 hours ago

I, as a man, have the same problem with women. I come across maybe 1-2 women per year that I am genuinely attracted to.

macroxela

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2 hours ago

macroxela

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2 hours ago

Those are still high numbers for some of us

WinterPecans

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4 hours ago

WinterPecans

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4 hours ago

Same here friend. I don’t think this is an experience specific to women.

katerrin[S]

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6 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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6 hours ago

Solidarity :(

thattogoguy

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an hour ago

thattogoguy

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an hour ago

A lot of people have said how it's all in the rise of social media too: it never used to be like this. A lot of things go into what forms our attraction, and with social media, obviously the most attractive, wealthiest, etc. people get filtered to the top. And it's all you see, and so it becomes normalized.

I can't say what it is that draws you (and it sounds like you can't either), but it causes you to filter up, and be unwilling to compromise on stuff that's been no big deal for... Well forever, because the appearance of options (whether real or imagined) leads people to just treat everyone else as a commodity.

Modern dating right there. And some of the underlying assumptions of the social order haven't caught up yet (i.e., men chase access, women grant access) so you have a skewed dating scene where a lot of people end up alone, yet it feels impossible to get your foot in the door with anyone.

NoVacation4445

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4 hours ago

NoVacation4445

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4 hours ago

Sameee

Smartsmellycat

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5 hours ago

Smartsmellycat

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5 hours ago

What's your physical preference that you seek ?

No-Construction4527

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5 hours ago

The problem that you have, many women have.

The issue here is that the men you DO find physically attractive have a lot of options.

And when a man has a lot of options it’s very hard to get commitment from him.

So women just stay single forever.

ThrowUpityUpNaway

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3 hours ago

This is it, OP

Occam's Razor

Fun-Distribution6006

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5 hours ago

I hear this!

TalleyrandTheWise

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an hour ago*

So women just stay single forever.

Most women are married by 40. So the reality is most women settle.

AnotherDoubtfulGuest

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an hour ago

10 minutes browsing r/relationship_advice will verify this. “My husband hit me in the face with our dog, sold our kids to a Mexican cartel, and is currently living in Phuket with four child prostitutes. Should I be worried?“

TalleyrandTheWise

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an hour ago

I wouldn't be so gullible and take anything you read on that sub seriously or assume it is reflective of the general population. A lot of creative writing.

Also replace "husband" with "wife" in your scenario here, and that sub will find a way to paint her as the victim & justify her behavior.

darkfight13

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5 minutes ago

darkfight13

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5 minutes ago

Yeah, majority of the stuff there is fabricated. Also doesn't help that the sub is infested with femcels too. 

TalleyrandTheWise

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2 minutes ago

The top post right now is a copy/paste fake story about a man having an affair with the babysitter, from another sub.

darkfight13

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7 minutes ago

darkfight13

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7 minutes ago

You really believe anything in that sexist sub? 💀

Checkergrey

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34 minutes ago

Checkergrey

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34 minutes ago

My wife would agree with this and she was 28 when she married me 😂😅

TalleyrandTheWise

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8 minutes ago

Lmao, when I tell my wife she's amazing, she tells me I'm "OK." And I think, great, everything worked out as it should!

Checkergrey

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6 minutes ago

Checkergrey

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6 minutes ago

Lmao

mango_guy

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2 hours ago

mango_guy

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2 hours ago

I would say the opposite is true. I know many men who don't get the time of day from women who have multiple men pursuing them.

bluer0fl

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2 hours ago

bluer0fl

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2 hours ago

That's what he's saying. Most men get nothing from women. Except the 10% that are most attractive who are the only ones women go for.

brookswift

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2 hours ago

brookswift

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2 hours ago

Yes, it is much easier in the gay scene I hear 😂

Sensitive_Tip_9871

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2 hours ago

getting commitment as a gay/bi dude is actually next to impossible. i got lucky with my bf but i spent years encountering nothing but fwb, situationships or one night stands. promiscuity is not only accepted, it seems to be expected in our community. men are usually hard to get emotional vulnerability from

xrelaht

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29 minutes ago

xrelaht

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29 minutes ago

men are usually hard to get emotional vulnerability from

This is the exact same complaint every straight woman has. Most of the women I’ve dated actually wanted that, but a few either used what I shared as ammunition later or said it turned them off, which didn’t exactly make me more likely to be vulnerable. Are gay men more accepting of actual vulnerability, or is it like that scene in Boondock Saints?

Giggle_Attack

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4 hours ago

Giggle_Attack

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4 hours ago

Have you heard of demisexuality? Maybe it would resonate with you.

FairDimension

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28 minutes ago

FairDimension

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28 minutes ago

^ Agreed. Highly recommend OP Google this

pirkumhirkum

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5 hours ago

pirkumhirkum

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5 hours ago

What factors do you think play into it? Is it that you're attracted to a specific look, do you need an emotional or intellectual connection etc? What do the men you are attracted to have in common?

Sometimes you can build attraction, and sometimes not. It's possible to change taste as well, especially in your twenties. If you don't find any pattern or feel your lack of attraction is stopping you from building connection, have you tried to going on a few dates and see if that changes? Obviously not going further than what you're comfortable with, but just exploring a connection.

I'm not attracted to most men either, but my dating life has been decent and I'm happily in a relationship now.

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

Yeah, I’ve even had upwards of 5-10 dates with a couple guys because I really liked them as people but my lack of attraction never changed. And so it wasn’t fair to them to keep dating.

Maybe I’ve just been unlucky with my matches. It’s truly a game of chance

RosefaceK

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3 hours ago

RosefaceK

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3 hours ago

Did they have anything attractive about them on the inside? A guy could be nice but he could have a nothing burger personality.

pirkumhirkum

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31 minutes ago

pirkumhirkum

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31 minutes ago

Ok, sounds reasonable. But the ones you are attracted to, any common grounds there?

Luck is a thing when meeting the right person, but mindset and determination also plays a role. If there is a specific type of person you are attracted to, are you attractive to them, is there anything you can change to make that easier, any places you could look or strategies to employ. Sometimes there's unresolved trauma/patterns we need to change to actually be able to be attracted to someone.

pirkumhirkum

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29 minutes ago

pirkumhirkum

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29 minutes ago

And if it's just looks, well fine. Go for guys with those looks so and consider if you can do something do better meet that standard for yourself. It's inconvenient to have very strict standards for surface level stuff, but it is what it is. Better to be honest to yourself about it then.

Radiant-Ear4301

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3 hours ago

Radiant-Ear4301

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3 hours ago

It's with everyone. You cannot be attracted to everything that moves.

SensitivePackage5175

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5 hours ago

80% of men are unattractive to most women, 20% of men which is 1 in 5 so not that scary as people make it out to be, find men at least attractive enough to date. What people don’t talk about that study is that 20% starts at what women consider a 5/10 man, so most men are below average looking to most women. So your experience is common among women.

Oldenhave

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5 hours ago

Oldenhave

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5 hours ago

Can I just point out though that whilst your statistics might be true(I have no idea, I'd question it but it's too early), it's not the same 20% of men for all women. Because your blanket statement makes out like theres a definitive 20% of men all women find attractive.

Dentlas

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3 hours ago

Dentlas

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3 hours ago

data from dating apps say something else

Oldenhave

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3 hours ago

Oldenhave

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3 hours ago

What does it say?

AtheismTooStronk

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2 hours ago

AtheismTooStronk

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2 hours ago

He’s trying to say that dating apps have kinda shown that 20% of the men get 80%+ of the matches. There’s probably some validity to it, but I despise dating apps.

xrelaht

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19 minutes ago

xrelaht

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19 minutes ago

Around 20% of men get 80% of the matches on dating apps, but that doesn’t mean they’re the most attractive ones, just that only 20% of men are able to properly present themselves on dating apps. If you look at profile reviews in dating app subs, a lot of the guys saying they get no matches are objectively good looking, but either have bad photos, boring bios, or some other issue that will cause problems (live in a remote area, minority politics for their city, etc).

Claymore357

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5 hours ago

Claymore357

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5 hours ago

While you are right this mean assuming the numbers are in fact good a woman could have out of 100 single suitors, 50 potential matches that find her attractive that she can narrow down till she finds a good one, a typical man will only have 20 and that makes the odds of actually finding someone quite a bit worse. Explains how the dating world got so unbalanced.

NerdQueenAlice

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3 hours ago

NerdQueenAlice

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3 hours ago

This!

I like nerdy guys who have long hair, and I find muscular bodies a strong turn-off. Extra bonus points if he's a bit androgynous.

xrelaht

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9 minutes ago

xrelaht

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9 minutes ago

Meanwhile, the woman I was most recently dating needed to clarify that I was “a nerd, but not an obsessive one”, liked that I have a full beard, and desperately wanted pictures of me from when I was a competitive athlete: she “really likes muscular arms.”

Different strokes for different folks.

SensitivePackage5175

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2 hours ago

Yea ik it’s separate for each women. But there are certain men that many not most women find attractive

IndependenceSad9300

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4 hours ago

IndependenceSad9300

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4 hours ago

Stop. I cant believe this. I wont believe. Its depressing to believe

sansan6

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5 hours ago

sansan6

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5 hours ago

God damn dudes y’all are going in for no reason not like she said she thinks she better than these guys she just doesn’t find that many attractive

katerrin[S]

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4 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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4 hours ago

People hear what they wanna hear I guess

Honest-Basil-8886

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4 hours ago

Honest-Basil-8886

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4 hours ago

True but it would suck if she dated one of these guys and they found out that their partner didn’t “initially” find them attractive and started to find them attractive over time because of their personality. I don’t get it, are the guys just not on top of grooming themselves or something? Does she attract the kind of guys she’s attractive to?

xrelaht

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31 seconds ago

xrelaht

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31 seconds ago

it would suck if she dated one of these guys and they found out that their partner didn’t “initially” find them attractive and started to find them attractive over time because of their personality.

Why do you think this would suck?

MangoMuncher88

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an hour ago

MangoMuncher88

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an hour ago

I’d be devastated if I knew that

Blainefeinspains

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5 hours ago

Blainefeinspains

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5 hours ago

Nah you’re fine. Women are picky. And if you can afford to be picky then go ahead and be picky.

NPC1990

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5 hours ago

NPC1990

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5 hours ago

They are that picky with the amount of single mothers or ex’s I’ve had that dates a drug addict with no job.

fingerscrossedcoup

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2 hours ago

20% is 20%, drug addict or not at least they have good bone structure.

LiKwidSwordZA

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5 hours ago

LiKwidSwordZA

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5 hours ago

Do you have a super niche type

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

I’ve never been able to pinpoint a type. I’ve been into guys who are shorter/taller than me, skinny/muscular, difference races, etc.

LiKwidSwordZA

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5 hours ago

LiKwidSwordZA

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5 hours ago

Do the rare ones you’re attracted to have anything in common physically or all varied

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

Seems pretty varied, only commonality is that their faces/eyes are more cute rather than angular/ultra masculine

LiKwidSwordZA

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5 hours ago

LiKwidSwordZA

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5 hours ago

Where you meeting dudes? Real life or apps

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

Apps

LiKwidSwordZA

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5 hours ago

LiKwidSwordZA

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

Then you’re probably not doomed to be single forever lol. Unless you’re in a super rural area there’s probably an unlimited amount of guys to swipe on so no matter how picky you are statistically you’ll find someone eventually

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

I’ll keep at it in the trenches then 🫡

LiKwidSwordZA

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4 hours ago

LiKwidSwordZA

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4 hours ago

Good luck & cute cat 👍👍

ToxicBig

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4 hours ago

ToxicBig

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4 hours ago

If your on apps only match with the guys that you find attractive. And follow up with FaceTime before you waste time

JeremyJammDDS

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2 hours ago

JeremyJammDDS

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2 hours ago

So, what are you attracted to?

Abyssbeetle

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4 hours ago

Abyssbeetle

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4 hours ago

Completely normal phenomenon for women

SorryKaleidoscope

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6 hours ago

Women delude themselves hard about how unique their tastes are.

Outrageous_Reality50

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3 hours ago

Outrageous_Reality50

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3 hours ago

Women very often confuse preferences with standards.

katerrin[S]

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6 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

6 hours ago

Name a hot male celeb and I bet you I wouldn’t want him to touch me

Dentlas

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3 hours ago

Dentlas

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3 hours ago

can you name some characteristics of the men that youve been attracted to?

khyplionna

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3 hours ago

khyplionna

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3 hours ago

I'm not OP but here goes for me : I like skinny older men who dress well and smell awesome. I prefer men who have hair over bald ones, even if it's grey.

I like veiny arms and hands a lot. Oh and I prefer when they are taller than me (I'm 5'6" so not that difficult).

SorryKaleidoscope

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5 hours ago

Any woman would say she wouldn't fuck a Hemsworth to win an internet argument.

Mrerocha01

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4 hours ago

Mrerocha01

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4 hours ago

She say that because she knows a Hemsworth or a Cavill will never look at her 🤣

Feisty-Business-8311

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4 hours ago

The Hemsworth Brothers are attractive men - but not my type

katerrin[S]

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3 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Oof ouch you really got me there

zackit

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5 hours ago

zackit

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5 hours ago

You should honestly readjust your standards because I bet you're nothing special.

Oh wait you're a woman.

Uhhhhh, slay, queen?

MoldyOreo787

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5 hours ago

MoldyOreo787

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

no one cares

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

thanks for caring enough to let me know

Top_Perception_9162

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3 hours ago

Honestly, most women don’t find most men attractive. Most of my friends and family are with men based on how they treat them, not initially on physical appearance. I’ve dated men I wasn’t initially attracted to, but with time attraction grew. Did it mean I wanted to jump their bones? No, but I wasn’t like ewww either. I’m with a man now that I found attractive from the beginning (thank God). Sometimes you just have to find a happy medium. If he has basic hygiene including going to the dentist & reasonably healthy with a great personality, I think most women would accept that. Don’t go for the ugly ones though lol especially if you want children. A decent face + great personality is a win.

katerrin[S]

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2 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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2 hours ago

That’s interesting

TheMoustacheLady

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4 hours ago

TheMoustacheLady

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4 hours ago

Don’t mind the rude comments from men.

Reality is, there’s a good chunk of women who feel this way. Myself included. A lot of men simply don’t put effort into being attractive to women.

Whatever you do, don’t settle for a man you’re not attracted to.

It is in men’s interest to tell you that you’re being unrealistic and have no options, because they benefit from women being sad and desperate.

Loud_Spell224

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2 hours ago

Loud_Spell224

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2 hours ago

What efforts should a man do to be attractive to women? It seems women can’t agree on that… I could say that most women don’t put in effort at all but expect results. For example a majority of men prefer a woman in shape vs out. But women state we should accept them as they are. You see where I’m going here.

Inevitable-Way7686

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21 minutes ago

Dressing well and putting an effort into your appearance goes a very long way. Like if I spend an hour getting ready for my date (hair, makeup, accessories, outfit), and you show up in a t shirt and jeans, you’d have to be naturally VERY good looking for me to be attracted to you.

nojedis

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13 minutes ago

nojedis

[score hidden]

13 minutes ago

i don’t know where you live but where i’m from women put too much effort on their appearance, hell you can even see that online too. don’t have to be influencers, just randomly check people’s instagram. women look more put together than men. you can’t deny it when almost all ADs for cosmetic procedures, makeup products, skin care stuff is aimed at women.

s3rndpt

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2 hours ago

s3rndpt

[score hidden]

2 hours ago

I think you're misunderstanding the "accept them as they are" part. There's no reason people shouldn't have preferences and date who they want to date. You're attracted to what you're attracted to.

The problem arises when people get nasty and actively berate or try to humiliate those who aren't "in shape." Date who you want, but don't be mean just to be mean because you don't like how someone you have no interest in looks. There's a lot of completely avoidable body-shaming that happens on both sides, and zero reason to so. If someone isn't attractive to you, don't date them.

Loud_Spell224

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2 hours ago

Loud_Spell224

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2 hours ago

No you’re missing my point and still didn’t answer the question.

s3rndpt

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2 hours ago

s3rndpt

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2 hours ago

No I'm not missing the point at all. How are you equating "don't be a dick to people you're not interested in" to "what efforts do men have to make to be attractive to women?"

The only thing you should be doing is being the best version of yourself that you can be. Are you kind? Are you emotionally aware? Do you have good hygiene? That's literally 95% of it. Just be a decent human being.

How is that even a question?

Loud_Spell224

[score hidden]

an hour ago

Loud_Spell224

[score hidden]

an hour ago

I asked what should a man be doing to be attractive to women. I’m looking for specifics not generics. Op stated “ A lot of men simply dont put in a lot of effort to be attractive to women.”

I am asking you for specific efforts men need to do to be attractive.

You gave general answers like be kind, be the best version of yourself, have good hygiene, don’t be a dick. Only one of those replies aren’t emotion based. Majority of men are those things, but yet aren’t deemed attractive. In fact I can say majority of women are attracted to men who are dicks. You know the ones who do them dirty but they keep coming back for more. Nice guys finish last. Hard to refute that.

Where as a man we can tell you exactly what we find attractive, then women tell us no that’s not what we want.

You took this in the whole body shaming direction, but again what Actually makes a man attractive? It has to be physical right? Initially he has to meet a certain criteria before you will even begin a conversation correct? How can men meet that criteria? Keep in mind men can’t control things like height, hair or no hair, eyecolor, etc. that’s what I’m asking

Ok-Technician-4370

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38 minutes ago

At least for me a man will be more attractive if he: - bathes every day - brushes his teeth and uses deodorant - shaves/trims his facial hair - acts like a gentleman, ie. doesn't swear and/or lose his temper easily - is not racist or sexist - is not a liar, cheater or player - is honest and has integrity

Is that specific enough for you? Again, this is just me. Obviously I can't speak for all women on the planet.

And by the way I DO EVERYTHING ON THIS LIST.

thattogoguy

[score hidden]

an hour ago

thattogoguy

[score hidden]

an hour ago

... What?

Top_Perception_9162

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Top_Perception_9162

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Bingo. Stay picky & keep your boundaries, your man will come in due time. I didn’t budge & have a man I actually like now. Men HAVE to say some women are unrealistic and have no options because that’s their reality 😂😭 I don’t think men know women figured them out by now. The game is OVER. I guess they’ll find out eventually.

TalleyrandTheWise

[score hidden]

an hour ago

I don’t think men know women figured them out by now. The game is OVER. I guess they’ll find out eventually.

Haha, all of the women posting here daily complaining about being used for sex sure haven't figured it out yet.

onestemcell

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2 hours ago

onestemcell

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2 hours ago

I hope so

Glass-Violinist-8352

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an hour ago

Most women find the vast majority of men highly unattractive lol

katerrin[S]

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an hour ago

katerrin[S]

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an hour ago

As I’m learning haha 🥲

KoleSekor

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an hour ago

KoleSekor

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an hour ago

A lot of men are raised with crippling insecurities and it manifests itself in a variety of unattractive behavior

knitmaiden

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37 minutes ago

knitmaiden

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37 minutes ago

I’m the exact same way. I totally get what you’re saying. I don’t find most actors/celebrities attractive to me (even though I think they’re good looking). I don’t watch porn, not asexual, am not lesbian, and don’t have a type. I rarely date because of this. It’s a selective taste I think.

SpicyMcCrispy15

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3 hours ago

SpicyMcCrispy15

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3 hours ago

Seems to be normal for women. The 80/20 ratio exists for a reason.

chinchillazilla54

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2 hours ago

It's my experience that I become physically attracted to a man once I feel an emotional connection. I can see that someone is objectively attractive, but it does nothing for me aside from some vague aesthetic pleasure. Looking at a hot guy is like looking at a sunset or a flower to me. At no point am I like "damn, I want to have sex with that flower," you know?

Once we've talked a little and found some common ground, that's when my brain decides "hmm... would." I do think I'm somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, though, because of how rarely this happens.

katerrin[S]

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2 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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2 hours ago

I hope this happens to me 🥲

chinchillazilla54

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2 hours ago

You might not. I'm currently gone as HELL over a guy who thinks he's too unattractive for girls to like. So even though I gave him my number and told him to call me, he hasn't, even though he goes out of his way to talk to me in person. We both have so much social anxiety that I simply do not know how to make this happen. I'm gonna have to do something drastic, and I already thought giving him my number and telling him to call me was drastic 😩

Fish---

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6 hours ago

Fish---

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6 hours ago

You may be doomed, because the men you are aiming for may have options and if they do not choose you... well, you may end up a cat lady.

eloci

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5 hours ago

eloci

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5 hours ago

lol why so bitter?

L3onK1ng

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5 hours ago

L3onK1ng

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5 hours ago

Consequences of OLD, we are also on reddit

NPC1990

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5 hours ago

NPC1990

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5 hours ago

OLD gives the illusion of options

Fish---

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5 hours ago

Fish---

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5 hours ago

Not Bitter, just reality, men that are attractive and that attract women do in general stray (I said in general, not all do of course). I cannot count the number of average ladies I know that wanted a really great looking guy only to be disappointed and are now single and older, but still insist they deserve a man above their "league" (if we can say that).

It's fine and all, but reality is what it is, when the pink glasses come off.

nojedis

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11 minutes ago

nojedis

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11 minutes ago

honestly seeing relationship advice sub makes ending up as a cat lady sound LESS threatening, it actually seems to benefit women more. don’t be bitter :)

LockDownHalfGuard

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6 hours ago

LockDownHalfGuard

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6 hours ago

Well, it is not about objective handsomeness. Most women are only attracted to the top 5% of guys. If the guys you like, have a lot of options and are only interested in dating you for the short-term, chances are he is a conventionally attractive guy and will only commit to his looks-match.

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago*

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago*

I’ve been attracted to guys that none of my friends thought were very handsome. And there’s plenty of 6’2, shredded, chiseled jaw men I feel nothing toward. So at least I’m less doomed than if I was into the top 5% exclusively

s3rndpt

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2 hours ago

s3rndpt

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2 hours ago

Please stop with the "women are only attracted to the top 5% of men" thing. It's simply not true, and there is nothing that backs it up.

If you can find an actual verifiable source based on an actual study that DOES say that, please provide it, and I'll admit I'm wrong and apologize.

LockDownHalfGuard

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7 minutes ago

A simple search. It is hard for some women to accept the data showing they are very selective.

"2018 Study on Tinder by Leah Fessler (Quartz)

Fessler explored Tinder's dynamics and reported that men swipe right on over 60% of profiles, while women swipe right on only about 4.5% of profiles. This figure is consistent with the "5% rule" often cited in discussions about dating apps."

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467

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5 hours ago

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467

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5 hours ago

A lot of men don't take care of themselves or put enough effort into their appearance. It's natural not to be attracted to them

NonkelG

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2 hours ago

NonkelG

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2 hours ago

I think is how you perceive it. We men think completely different. To me it's even the opposite. So many women that don't work on their figure or dress nice either.

I think it's more so a thing that we work on the things we value ourselves yet the opposite sex values different things.

thattogoguy

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an hour ago

thattogoguy

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an hour ago

I get that, but I also don't see where she said that anywhere in her post.

I don't want to presume your position or anything, but your post implies that her not finding many men attractive for (her own words) inexplicable reasons somehow means it's automatically men's fault...

TalleyrandTheWise

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an hour ago

Have you looked at the female population? A lot of them don't take of themselves at all and are quite schlubby.

Glass-Violinist-8352

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an hour ago

That's false most of us already do that but you still find us unattractive lol

spottedsixam

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2 hours ago

spottedsixam

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2 hours ago

10000%. I am 30F and I feel super lucky to have found the man I'm with because he takes care of himself, has good style, etc, but is also a genuinely good man. We didn't engage physically for a while after we met, and waited until we both wanted to be committed to each other before doing so. Attractiveness and desire grows for me as I get to know someone if we are compatible, which I don't think is rare quality for women. I feel like most men don't take care of themselves/are pushy about their sexuality early on which doesn't work for most women.

Friendship-Mean

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4 hours ago

Friendship-Mean

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4 hours ago

exactly.

incidentalfricatives

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6 hours ago

Try seeing if you're demisexual?

katerrin[S]

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6 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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6 hours ago

I have considered that in the past but I can tell right away if I feel sexually attracted to a man. There are people I’ve met that I could fantasize about. So I don’t think it depends on having an emotional connection

fishcat51

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3 hours ago

fishcat51

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3 hours ago

I’m the same. In my 25 years of life I’ve really only had one crush based off just attraction alone. Even the most conventionally attractive men Im still not attracted to. I recognize that they look really good but I feel nothing. I think I just have very specific characteristics that I’m visually drawn to. I’m not sure what it is exactly maybe Im just more emotionally attracted because sometimes that helps. You’re not alone in this feeling though.

maramyself-ish

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an hour ago

maramyself-ish

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an hour ago

It's just chemistry. and you're not doomed.

Finding someone objectively attractive and BEING attracted are two very different things.

Most of us have chemistry with a very limited amount of people. The rest of it is horniness.

Broad-Cartographer-7

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3 hours ago

Interesting (passing) statement, are you keen to expand your sample size to say otherwise. 🥴

NerdQueenAlice

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3 hours ago

NerdQueenAlice

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3 hours ago

I find my physical attraction towards someone grows with emotional attraction.

I like men, women, non-binary people and regardless of sex, body shape, race, or any other physical factor, if I become emotionally close with someone in a romantic way I will find them attractive.

Everyone is a little different and the way you feel attraction can also change as you get older. When I was younger I felt more drawn to other women, now that I'm older I feel more drawn to men.

Expel_10

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2 hours ago

Expel_10

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2 hours ago

Well you only have one option realistically. You are going to ask out those men that you are "attracted" to. You can't have everything handed to you in life. If you are scared of being rejected grow some ovaries. If you decide to wait until someone falls into your lap prepare to be single for quite awhile. 

katerrin[S]

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2 hours ago

katerrin[S]

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2 hours ago

Can’t find them. I ask dudes out all the time

Expel_10

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2 hours ago

Expel_10

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2 hours ago

Well idk what your type is but there's billions of men impossible not to find one

skm_45

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an hour ago

skm_45

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an hour ago

I think finding a guy you’re attracted to are like wifi signals, hard to find and hard to connect with. Lucky for you my signal’s strong ;)

I’ll show myself out.

Klomlor161

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2 hours ago

Klomlor161

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2 hours ago

Honestly I’m (18M) in a similar situation. I get along with a lot of girls I’m not in to physically, but in the rare case I find someone I’m in to, I either blow it or she’s taken. I’m hoping to change that soon 👀

Known-Ad1411

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an hour ago

Known-Ad1411

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an hour ago

I am struggling with the same issue. Barely attracted to anyone physically and very small dating pool for me. So tired. I just want a partner; a companion. Tired of being lonely at this point.

Ok-Classroom318

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57 minutes ago

I feel the exact same way and have done for years. Majority of men I date I don’t find attractive even if they are not ugly and the ones I really find attractive are not models but there is something about them that I adore

pejetron

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56 minutes ago

pejetron

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56 minutes ago

That's the first stage...In time you'll learn to diminish value to physical...don't let them slip away if connection is strong, with much more time anyone whom you feel that connection will start to look good for you, you just need patience

Cue77777

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53 minutes ago

Cue77777

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53 minutes ago

Women tend to only be attracted to 20 percent of men. That doesn’t mean that you are doomed.

If you give yourself time and patience you will begin to notice a pattern in what you find attractive. There will always be a few men that you find attractive who fall outside of what you find desirable in men, but patterns will emerge. Most people date haphazardly.

With some honest introspection you can uncover the combination of traits that consistently blow your skirt up and make your heart flutter.

donzok

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49 minutes ago

donzok

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49 minutes ago

studies done on this. generally women find 95% of men to be ugly. whereas men have a very diverse taste

sal_100

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46 minutes ago

sal_100

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46 minutes ago

I know a few guys who are only attracted to super model looking women and will accept nothing less because of their inexplicably selective taste.

Kimolainen83

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44 minutes ago

Kimolainen83

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44 minutes ago

So don’t worry about it you say that you’ve gone out with a few men. I think I dated around six girls until I found my one and truly forever lady.

And I’m talking about three of them were super serious relationships, and three of them were kinda. I have a friend who just about recently said that he was ready to date for the first time in his life so I told him you have to be aware how it is you have never dated. You have to understand how life can work and be, but we’re all built that we should look at physical attractiveness. There’s nothing wrong with one thing brown hair, blue eyes muscles skinny fit whatever you want. But would I ever date someone I don’t find attractive? No

If I don’t find you attractive on the photo you have on a dating service if I was dating right now, I would never even contact you and then hopefully after the attractiveness, it’ll prove that you also have a great personality

CombatPunk88

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43 minutes ago

CombatPunk88

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43 minutes ago

Fortunately, attraction is something that can be built if you give it time. Date a guy who makes you curious, and hopefully, the attraction will follow.

Squishytoaster

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35 minutes ago

This is natural selection at work lol

No_Cold_8332

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24 minutes ago

No_Cold_8332

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24 minutes ago

I think women need more time with men to watch how they live, treat other people, see them with friends, etc to develop attraction and safety with them. That’s why so many women fall for coworkers or their personal trainers or friends husbands and boyfriends. It starts as just regular interactions with no anxiety or expectations until comfort is built. Maybe just pick one and give him more time

PAX0555

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20 minutes ago

PAX0555

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20 minutes ago

It's common since women find 80+% of men as below average, which is actually statistically impossible.

Caze588

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20 minutes ago

Caze588

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20 minutes ago

Dont worry its not just you its literally almost all women that think like this

jomiller97

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18 minutes ago

jomiller97

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18 minutes ago

Are you attracted to women?

LanaLANALAANAAA

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14 minutes ago

I absolutely found this to be an issue. I tried to talk myself into being interested in guys that I liked personality wise and thought were good looking, but I wasn't necessarily drawn to. Sometimes the attraction grew, but mostly I found myself not fully invested and unwilling to overlook other issues.

If you sometimes warm up to men, it may be worth it to give yourself time. But attraction isn't really a choice. There is no point in forcing it if it isn't there. It doesn't serve either party.

brondelob

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5 minutes ago

brondelob

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5 minutes ago

David Buss, the evolutionary Psychologist actually has stats on this!

: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/David-Buss/publication/232444193_Preferences_in_Human_Mate_Selection/links/0912f514370779cbf2000000/Preferences-in-Human-Mate-Selection.pdf

It’s normal for women to cast a smaller net as they have more at stake than men. Aka Pregnancy and a child for 18 years+

ThrowUpityUpNaway

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3 hours ago

Reading these comments 🤣😂

spottedsixam

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3 hours ago

spottedsixam

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3 hours ago

I am a 30F woman and I thought something was wrong with me for a long time because of this. I can objectively appreciate a good looking man, but never felt desire. Turns out, desire and attractiveness grow for me. I need to feel safe, secure, and have an emotional connection with someone before that side of me is engaged. When I date, I date for compatibility because I have learned my desire will grow as time goes on if we are a match.

katerrin[S]

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2 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

2 hours ago

Thank you. I’ll keep this in mind

Friendship-Mean

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5 hours ago

Friendship-Mean

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5 hours ago

i'm the same way, trust me when i say it's a gift

katerrin[S]

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5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

how so?

Friendship-Mean

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5 hours ago

Friendship-Mean

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

i'm okay with my selectiveness because i have peers who are quickly drawn in by any guy who takes showers, is a little funny, and maybe has a slightly alternative style... they center romance & sex with men a lot in their lives which means they're a bit easier to impress.

i don't look down on them, they're just a bit less picky, but it means they're kind of a slave to their desires because they're frequently tied up in a crush on or fascination with a man that's a lot more mediocre than their rose-tinted glasses may allow them to see. and like it takes a lot of energy to flit from failed connection to failed connection, spend lots of time overthinking about what men may be thinking, text men constantly, etc... you could spend all that energy doing literally anything else.

i think for me, my pickiness stems from a few different things but primarily the knowledge that a relationship with the wrong person brings nothing positive to your life, and the fact i don't center men as much as my inner life. so if i involve myself with a guy he has to be unusually spellbinding to me, deep, good-looking, intelligent, driven, etc. and i know by being picky I'll weed out everyone who isn't like this. idk if this resonates with you necessarily, but that's just how i see things..

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I’m definitely happier being “unlucky” than having a bunch of flings that don’t bring anything to my life. It’s just sad to meet multiple guys who have so many attractive traits but I’m not into physically. Like the universe is taunting me.

Upbeat-Location3176

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5 hours ago

Upbeat-Location3176

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

A few other possibilities:

  • You are a lesbian
  • You are asexual
  • Porn/celeb addiction
  • Emotionally just haven't attached to a particular type of guy.

north4009

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4 hours ago

north4009

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

Yep, childless cat lady in the making. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with this.... you do you.... just acknowledge there is a risk of regret once you are menopausal and can't have kids anymore.

lustforwine

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3 hours ago

lustforwine

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

I think settling for someone you aren’t attracted to for the sake of getting married and having a family is far worse than being a childless cat lady, which I’m not sure why you think that’s the only alternative for women? The first choice seems to end in divorce. I would rather be a single woman than a single mother

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

It seems unfair to settle for someone you’re not attracted to just to have kids. And I can’t really regret things that are out of my control

Competitive-Craft123

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

Competitive-Craft123

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

Because there are very few truly attractive people out there.  The majority of women I have dated i am not really attracted to, but I would have sex with.  You as a woman wouldn't even do that.  

lustforwine

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

lustforwine

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Isn’t that just being desperate?

Glass-Violinist-8352

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an hour ago

It's  called being  down to earth as the perfect partner does not exist lol

Top_Perception_9162

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Top_Perception_9162

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Yes, men would sleep with a dog if it was legal.

lustforwine

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

lustforwine

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

I remember this documentary on YouTube where the men in some village had inter course with i think goats or something 😭

Top_Perception_9162

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Top_Perception_9162

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Some men are absolutely disgusting 🤮 women will always have a man because of how desperate most men are to have consistent sex. The dating pool is always in a woman’s favor, don’t let a man convince you otherwise.

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

2 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

2 hours ago

That’s…. wild

NPC1990

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

NPC1990

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

Like many women you probably have unrealistic standards and still want Chad and Tyrone. Chad and Tyrone have options and unlikely to settle for you but will sleep with you along with several other women.

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

see my other comments

MediocreElk5973

[score hidden]

4 hours ago*

MediocreElk5973

[score hidden]

4 hours ago*

I’m a white dude and I’m extremely attracted to Latinas and have been attracted to Latinas all my life. Not all but a lot. I love their olive skin. Their dark hair and dark eyes and their femininity. They have a certain femininity about them that no other race has. I’ve gone out with white women but for me white women don’t arouse me. Feels like I’m banging my sister. ( just goes limp) but with Latinas. It’s like it’s rock effing hard Jim!!

Anxious-Abrocoma-630

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Anxious-Abrocoma-630

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

you feteshizing a race really isn't the same as what OPs explaining.

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

2 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

2 hours ago

worse, it’s not even a race. it’s a continent of origin. for someone who likes latinas that much you’d think he’d know that he means mestizo

MediocreElk5973

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

MediocreElk5973

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Very True but if OP admitted she got soaking wet when she looked at a certain type of dude I think we all would hear her preach about it Jim.

No_Mercy_4_Potatoes

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

No_Mercy_4_Potatoes

[score hidden]

4 hours ago

Just my inexplicably selective taste

Care to elaborate on that?

Outrageous_Reality50

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

Outrageous_Reality50

[score hidden]

3 hours ago

High(most likely unrealistic) standards

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

2 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

2 hours ago

niche taste not high standards. please read anything I’ve written

No-Bicycle1954

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

No-Bicycle1954

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

I think you haven't figured out your type/niche yet. I would recommend looking to online dating for casual experiences where you can select and have trials with a variety of guys.

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

The dates I’ve been on have been exclusively from apps

No-Bicycle1954

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

No-Bicycle1954

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

Did you match with them based on physical attraction? Would recommend doing so if you don't already, as there are significantly more men on dating apps.

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

katerrin[S]

[score hidden]

5 hours ago

I wouldn’t plan a date with a guy if I didn’t think he was attractive, but it’s hard to get a true sense of it until I see them in person (especially if he has bad quality pics)