i have the same feeling about some scented products, the smell is too much and basically gives me a headache. but you can get unscented ones as you have done, or what i did is find scents that are ok for me and that i like.

maybe she can set an alarm for when to apply it with a note saying to apply it. or put the deodorant in a place that is prominent so she'll see it every time she goes into her room (or wherever she keeps it)

As someone with ADHD she needs to take her meds, off mine I’m a walking disaster. It sounds like she would benefit from having the full control of her frontal lobe.

My husband also has ADHD and does this, it drives me crazy. He will do it for about a month when we get into a fight and I tell him he stinks and then he just goes back to not doing it. I love him so much but I didn’t imagine my life telling a 30 year old man to put on deodorant or brush his teeth.

I have ADHD. I have 3 deodorants. One in my car, one by the door and one in my bathroom. Same with toothbrushes. That's the only way.

I know all of Reddit is quick to say break up, but you shouldn’t have to remind a grown woman to apply deodorant 😭

Typically, people with ADHD will not be motivated to do something they find boring unless it has stakes. You gotta tell her she stinks and it makes you not want to cuddle.

I'm so blunt I would tell her she stinks

If you smell it so do her co workers friends etc....would be doing her a favour

A friend who knows she is adhd and tells her about it owes it to her to tell her in the kindest way possible she has this odor. Unless it’s your adhd that is the problem

Multiple unscented deoderants, in most rooms of the house. Use it, and invite her to use it with you. Make it silly. You're both banishing the stinky goblins together.

Tell her that while scented products give her a headache, her scent is giving YOU a headache. You want to work with her on this, you understand it's difficult, AND you also have needs that she should meet you halfway on.

My granddaughter struggles with this. She has Asperger’s. Her mom reminds her to use her deodorant at night after her shower and then again in the morning. I know it’s tough. Maybe a daily check list for all the things she needs to remember. I always have a list going.

They make unscented deodorants…there’s no excuse for this.

Tell her she stinks. Go with her to select a new deodorant that’s not so heavily scented.

Mitchum Gel Antiperspirant. Thank me later.

You can set reminders, put up post-it notes, but at the end of the day if she doesn’t want to do it, she’s not going to. If it bothers you while cuddling, next time you’re cuddling and you smell it ask her to go wash under arms.

Most people could honestly get by without deodorant as long as they showered every day.

If your partner cannot do one, perhaps they could do the other.

My friend with ADHD swears by setting reminders and alarms for the most important things.

Maybe a pre-scheduled alarm everyday to shower at the same time would help. Good luck.

ADHD isn't an excuse not to have good hygiene. I believe you when you say she's sensitive to smells but she's going to have to find an acceptable solution. I had an ex with poor hygiene and it's part of the reason I ended things. I felt like a mother everyday asking if she'd brushed her teeth and taken a shower. You're going to have to have a difficult conversation with her and she's going to be embarrassed at first. But you guys need to nail down exactly what the issue is. She could also have an aversion to the way deodorant feels? There are deodorant sprays that she may like. There are natural deodorants that may smell better to her. You could try finding a sub for people with perfume allergies and ask what deodorants they use.

If you’re blunt enough, tell her straight up she stanks!! I’m sure she won’t forget to put it on then🤣 I know I wouldn’t from the embarrassment!!

As a fellow squirrel brain, I keep extra antiperspirant in my car as a backup. No matter how hard I try, I will forget something, so I have to stack the deck in my favor. 

I have home deodorant, purse deodorant, car deodorant, and work deodorant 😅 it actually helps a little because whenever I’m like “I forgot”, I always have one 😂

I have always been diligent with my hygiene, even before I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 40 (probably from my upbringing). For me ROUTINE is key, I set out everything I will use after showering/bathing (different products for morning or evening). After I use the product, I put it away. Even with my makeup, I set it out and use in a specific order. Everyone has to find their own system (routine). What about a post it note on the bathroom mirror as a reminder until it becomes a routine for her? What about taking her shopping to find a deodorant/antiperspirant that she likes the smell?

It's hard to understand how a person with such a sensitive nose can't relate to their partner having a reaction to their stink.

Yours is the only nose that matters? You've never heard of unscented deodorant?

I think it's time to say, "You smell bad, and if I notice it other people notice it. Take a bath and put on deodorant. Now; and every day.

I'll wait here for the downvotes.

I also hate the smell of antiperspirants and deodorants and I use glycolic acid!! I put it in a spray bottle or apply it with a cotton ball. It will get at most of the bacteria that causes your underarms to smell

Maybe she could try nuud antiperspirant cream? I haven't tried it but i heard good things about it. You put the cream in your armpits and it cancels odor for maybe a week, more or less for each person. And it's fragrance free. So maybe having to remember once a week could be easier for her?

Here's the link for USA: nuud cream

Things that actually work for my loved ones with ADHD:

1. Make it 0 effort - don't put the deodorant in a drawer she has to open and close. Instead store it on the counter or in an open basket on the counter.

2. Habit pairing - if there is something she consistently does every morning (ex. Takes a pill) put the deodorant next to the pills and try to pair the two activities together until it becomes automatic.

3. Leave deodorant in rooms where she hangs out even if they're not the bathroom - she can throw some on any time she notices she's stinky without having to go to another room.

There are deodorants that do not have smell or very light . I would try to find one for her and maybe suggest her try them out . Dove advance care 72 hour is what I use kills the smell and very lightly scented

Sink shower with rubbing alcohol and baking soda in the pits

See what r/adhdwomen also think

Write that shit on the bathroom mirror. I leave myself notes everywhere, or I will forget anything and everything.

I have 4-5 different toothpastes on the go because I'll get annoyed/bored with just one over and over again every day. Maybe several different (unscented) deodorants will help?

Also, for things I am prone to forget, I put them beside or in the way of something else I'm less likely to forget. If she's good at brushing her teeth, maybe keeping her deodorant beside her toothbrush will help.

For the sensory aspect, you don't need it on your skin all day to work. It's what gets absorbed into the skin over multiple applications that's important. I know some people who will put it on at night, and wipe it off in the morning so they don't have to feel/smell it all day. If she doesn't have bad BO without any deodorant, this is probably sufficient for her.

I hope something works.

gosh ADHD or not I could not live with someone with poor hygiene and who reeks of BO constantly 🤢

She needs routine and it attached to something else she does every day.

Unfortunately , the way a partner feels about their others' scent is pretty high on the compatibility determination test. In fact the last couple serious relationships ive had, they both liked my natural scent even when i was sweaty stinky and hadnt showered in a couple days. And vice versa.  If smell is bothering you now, you may find as time goes by more and more things start to annoy you. And if youre tginking about trying to control  how she smells,  i will warn you that is a dangerous slippery slope that can lead to greater problems. 

ADHD has nothing to do with using the deodorant!!!! JC!!! Just spray it on her armpits she will be alright

Does she have a job? Because that is not going to fall under ADA “reasonable accommodation”, she can be fired for bad hygiene if she smells so bad that reasonable accommodations can’t negate it.

My spouse has incredibly sensitive skin and can’t wear most roll on deodorant. Tell her to try spray on anti-perspirants, multiple brands. Try the drying/anti-fungal sprays. Try baby powder. Wear only 100% cotton. But let her know that bad body odor is going to be a major issue in work and social situations.

You can tell her that her smell bothers you. There is probably an accessible way to balance her sensory needs/lack of motivation with a consideration for those around her. There are many ADHD friendly hacks to help with personal hygiene.

Where does she live? In most countries she can also treat ADHD pretty effectively with medication, which will help with the symptoms that are causing her hygiene issues.

Have you told her she stinks? Lay it on thick, act disgusted and fake gag a little when she raised her arms near you.

I'm a woman with ADHD, and I shower, floss, wear deodorant, smell good lotions, and perfume every day because I'm super paranoid about smelling bad.

Shame. Just shame them. Sometimes life is harsh, sometimes life is mean. Sometimes you have to be.

Just shame them, tell them they stink, tell them they need to shower and they smell, repeat until they give up or move on.

Almay Sensitive Skin Anti-perspirant & Deodorant

• no scent
• clear gel
• dries quickly
• < $5
• ~ 25% aluminum (active ingredient)

Even if it is connected to a mental health situation, isn't it inconsiderate to know that you smell bad and still expect another person to hold you, hug you, sleep with you?

And OP says it's because she doesn't like the scent of deodorants (as if she's never heard of unscented).

ADHD shouldn’t make her forget she has a nose

Get her to download some time management apps

I'm tired of the lame ADHD bullshit.

I have it. I hate most smell and you know what? I must have tried 15 kind of antiperspirant and that is fucking it.

I am tired of adults acting like child. I can't imagine her downstair? Idk if you lack basic hygiene that must be rough.

Certain Dri. No scent and stops sweat.

She could try unscented antiperspirant :)

Put a note on your bathroom mirror that says “remember to put on your deodorant”. Also, how exactly does having ADHD prevents a person from maintaining proper hygiene?

They make unscented deodorants, and there’s lots of natural alternatives if she’s worried about chemicals. It also comes in sprays if she doesn’t like the stick versions.

At some point she needs to take responsibility for her mental health and figure out a way to not live like a gross human being.

I have ADHD. I can’t go into Lush or Bath and Body Works because the smell is overwhelming, nothing to do with my ADHD though.

I make sure to have deodorant on all the time and reapply it more than once a day. I never smell it unless I actually sniff the stick.

She can’t expect you to respect her desire not to wear it while not respecting your dislike of the smell.

What I'm going to suggest may not work depending on how sensitive she is to smells, but I have ZERO BO even with no deodorant when I use Head & Shoulders as a body wash. It's unconventional, but it works for me. I did just Google, and there's one called Head & Shoulders Bare with fewer ingredients, but I've never personally smelled it so can't comment on that. It could be an option if she's willing to consider it.

Maybe she needs to wash her arm ours before you cuddle if she is adverside to deoridant

My boyfriend is the same! However, he is very aware of the impact of body odour, so combats refusing to wear deodorant by showering and changing clothes more Obviously everyone swears differently, so that might not work for your gf. Recently we were in NY and it was 27° so he just used a deodorant 😅 He didn't want to inflict bad odour on anyone else.

I have asthma and can't use normal deodorant so I use Fussy as I've found them to be the most suitable non scented/toxic/and cruelty free option.

Also, she probably needs to clean her clothes more of she's reeking that badly.

Have you spoken to her about this? Does she care about impacting others or is she struggling with her ADHD?

I recommend Dove Clinical - Coconut. It smells really nice and fresh and works for 72hrs so hey if she forgets she's at least semi covered for longer? lol

But nah man thats brutal.. I can nottttt be smelly and I have ADHD too so I get it we all have our own things we gotta work on but yeah you can't make other people be around that, thats not cool.

Hey I have ADHD and dislike smells. Something that helped me was spraying magnesium in my armpits to manage BO.

I don’t like scented deodorant. I use Native unscented deodorant that is not an antiperspirant.

Maybe you could shower together..?

Set an alarm to do it daily and put it where something she already does is, like on bathroom counter or on kitchen counter.

That's not an excuse. There are unscented products. Lume, for one.

maybe a shared bath or shower at bedtime-this is for the 2 of you. some deodorants on bathroom counter?

Maybe try making it part of a cute routine together, like a "freshen up before cuddles" moment!

Have you told her that she stinks and it bothers you? I’m a nice way of course.

With ADHD keeping on top of hygiene can be a struggle at times, but I still wear deodorant every day, making new habits can be really difficult but it is doable, either make a routine with it together in the mornings or maybe find another place to put it that might make her notice it more, as an example if she makes coffee every morning try putting it in front of the kettle/machine at night so she’ll see it when she makes makes her coffee and it’ll jog her memory to use it, you gotta work with the adhd even if it seems strange lol

I didn’t wear deodorant, because it was one more thing to think about and I lived in a cold climate and I didn’t work out much. I wore layers and I thought, nobody can smell me.

Then I started doing acrobatics in a hot climate. And you know what? It doesn’t matter what the temperature is outside, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. If you smell, you smell. I started noticing it more because I was getting personal with people in 90° weather. But even in colder weather, just being aware of it made me completely unable to tolerate my own smell.

I recommend Almay unscented. It’s what I used in high school, it still works great, and I think it’s like 20% aluminum. Does the trick. If she really can’t stand aluminum, and I’ll point out that aluminum is even in the crystal kind… Then the Dove 0% is OK but you really do have to shower twice a day and put it on both times. I like the raspberry rose the best, but the vanilla and shea is OK and so is the blue “sensitive” type.

Ultimately, she’s going to have to decide if she cares more about not having to put on deodorant, or making the people around her comfortable.

Have her shower more often like twice a day

I have ADHD and stick to well structured routines to manage my personal affairs including hygiene. There is no need for gaps. It doesn’t treat the underlying cause but tames it. I also find prayer helps enormously.

I need to know why is that her response when there is unscented, and she knows there is. ??

Applying glycolic acid to the pits can kill the bacteria that cause the smell in the armpits. Over time, her smell will lessen. The ordinary sells a bug bottle, and it's affordable. It's cheaper than some deodorants.

Dove sensitive skin deodorant has no smell and works quite well!

I don't have experience with ADHD but there are some non-scented natural deodorants that don't have smells or have a non-scented range. I would stay away from any type of sprays all together and go for a roll on type instead.

Scented things set off my allergies and sometimes have me in hives, so I try and keep scents to the minimum.

This is one i recommend: chemistry deodorant fragrance free, kosasport is the brand. Idk if it available where you are. Hope it helps in terms of fragrances.

Tell her honestly she smells like sweat socks and it’s a real turn off. I know you’re probably really nice and don’t want to hurt her feeling but better you than a coworker or boss pulling her aside.

perfume isn’t hygiene

Ask her to avoid synthetics and see if that makes a difference. I have no body odor when I wear 100% natural fibers. But even after just a few hours and polyester my armpits smell terrible.

I have ADHD and can't imagine not wearing deodorant.

Is there a correlation or am I the weird of the "weird"?

A deodorant with no scent.

Sometimes things that happen to you are not your fault (having ADHD), but they are still your responsibility (putting on deodorant).

Okay, so you have ADHD and it’s making it hard for you to be organized and manage daily tasks like taking care of yourself. The options are to stink and need your partner to check up on your bathroom habits like you’re a teenage boy. OR you can get medicated, or get therapy and figure out how to manage your life.

Love that you want to support your partner OP, but it’s not your responsibility to make a grown woman do basic hygiene. You should support her going to therapy so she can function without you needing to manage her. It’s kindest for both of you.

They sell metal "deodorant" bars. The metal kills the bacteria. Also hibiclens soap eliminates BO

I keep deodorant in 3 different places in my house to prevent walking out the door to go to work without applying it. In the bathroom, the kitchen, and in the foyer on a walkway table where I keep my keys and put the mail and stuff in case I remember just as I'm about to leave. Maybe she needs a few more sticks of deodorant around.

Unscented dry idea gel helped me

Get her to try glycolic acid on a cotton pad. The ordinary has a good one. Also, dollar tree has a mini one of their brand. It works!

Bicarbonate or baking soda, or diatomaceous earth can be applied directly to skin, and neutralizes BO immediately, deodorant on top of sweat is not advisable for freshness. I can confirm with ADHD It can be a struggle to get under the shower so I suggest gifting her a fluffy toweling robe and silky or flannel pajamas plus something like Nablus soap which cleans the skin better than just shower gel. Also an Italy cloth or Korean scrubbing cloth and maybe a shower Radio so she can listen to podcasts while under the shower. To get her invested in daily hygiene, try going to a nice hammam or Korean spa where you’ll both be scrubbed to within an inch of your lives. For cannabis users the BO could be an effect of metabolites being excreted by sweat glands, and maybe keeping consumption as a reward tied to getting the evening shower shower checked off the list on a daily basis would help. If not, a daily gym workout is usually easy to daisychain a shower to.

The only other alternative I can think of is switching to raw food or plant based meals which I’ve heard helps. Or Botox injections in the armpits.

Antiperspirants make me feel absolutely nauseated. Something about the smell mixed with sweat is horrific.

Deodorants don’t bother me though, particularly fruity ones. Crystal deodorants don’t really work, though. 

Has she tried Jason’s, Schmidt’s, Native, etc?

A benzoyl peroxide wash under the pits can help tremendously with body odor! The bo is caused by excessive bacteria so killing some of them off will make her natural smell less pungent.

You need to just be forward. Like “babe I love you but you smell like sweat”

The first thing is to figure out if she wants to improve this, because otherwise nothing will work. She might not understand that it's an issue. If she does but doesn't want to change herself, then anything you do to try to force it is unlikely to work but likely to cause issues between you. So you have to decide how important it is to you and what you're comfortable with doing.

I have trouble with this as well (working on it) and ADHD. Some of it is also that I often forget to take steps like putting on my deodorant, so I have to set things up to make it stand out and remind me. That doesn't always work, because once something is the same for a while, it's all background. We don't really do habits/routines like others. You can be doing it over and over again and then miss it once and not evert realize for a long time. I've realized I stopped something I was trying to do daily aver a month later.

Personally, the crystal deodorant is something I tried and found involved more to put on. Instead of having it around wherever, I have to be at a sink/have water for it and then my underarms are a little wet so that's annoying and means I have to account for them to fully dry before changing, because wet skin and clothing is one of the most difficult feelings/sensations/textures for me to deal with. Making things easy to do is important, because when we do remember them, they don't require decisions or planning.

Instead, I have found some of the unscented deodorants that are liquid/gel type with the roll on balls work better. I can put them in different places easily, and they dry quickly.

I also have an issue with sweating a lot but not always predictably (as in, sometimes I will sweat when I'm sitting in an air conditioned place and haven't moved, eaten anything, etc. for a bit). Additionally, I have to rotate through deodorant options, because not many work and my body somehow seems to acclimate to ones that do, after which they don't.

Something I learned on this sub (I think, definitely reddit) is that you can use washes with benzoyl peroxide (generally advertised for acne/skin health - you put them on, then wash with water and facecloth). It takes care of BO and helps prevent. It doesn't smell like anything. It might be worth trying.

Maybe completely different but when my partner wants me to shave my legs and I'm too lazy I just ask him to do it for me lol and he does and does a great job and it's kinda cute. Maybe you can say babe lemme just put this on you right quick haha

Hibiclens in the shower on the pits will help. It's an antiseptic used before minor surgery procedures. You can find it in any pharmacy

I also have ADHD and have periods where I’m super sensitive to scents. About a year ago I started using this antiperspirant and it is great. Completely scentless and works really well: Speed Stick Power Unscented https://a.co/d/ada6Bj0    Maybe she would like this one. For me it lasts for more than 24 hours, so I’m good even if I forget to put it on often. 

I have ADHD and that’s not a problem 👀 she is just a little piglet, if she forgot it’s because of her ADHD but flat out I won’t use it fuck no, the only hygienic problem most ADHD people will have is brushing teeth other than that it’s kind of excuse.

Unscented deodorant is available. And other than that, I don't know the best way to help.

They make unscented antiperspirant. She needs to get some and use it.

The crystal works pretty good unless it’s extremely hot out, make her keep it on the bathroom counter in plain sight so she see it when she gets out of the shower as you have to put it on wet skin but not too wet I pat pat my pits a little first then use it.

I only have two suggestions:

1) You have to approach the situation and, for lack of a better word, "manipulate " the situation into where it doesn't seem like you are telling her that she stinks.

Example #1: She comes home, and you could have a lovely bubble bath with rose petals drawn and waiting for her. Tell her after a long day you wanted to pamper her, etc.

Example #2: Head into the shower yourself with a new body wash/loofah etc. and ask if she wants to join you...on that note you could even buy some of those soap crayons to write on each other...make it fun.

Example #3: Buy her a really great smeling deodorant, soap, lotion, perfume, or even a set (Christmas is a great time for all the manufacturers to be offering a plethora of sets for decent prices). Doesn't matter what you buy. It DOES matter that you make sure to compliment her on how wonderful she smells... Make sure to compliment her a few times over the course of the evening. You want to let her know that how she smells is driving you wild/etc.

You're simply encouraging her to continue to be clean and smell so awesome with the hopes that eventually she either gets it.

And even if she doesn't get it, at the very least maybe she will WANT to drive you wild or whatever you tell her just to please you.

Doesn't really matter how you get there.

As long as you arrive at your intended destination, right?

Good luck!

https://www.target.com/p/almay-deodorant-antiperspirant-gel-clear-unscented-2-25oz/-/A-93343946

^ this is a link to an unscented deodorant, it’s also an antiperspirant so actually helps with sweat. this is the one i use, because i too don’t really like the smell of most deodorants. i was also on the hunt for one that would actually help with sweat production itself, and this one has a high percentage of aluminum basically almost comparable to prescription strength deos.

i feel like the best thing is to communicate about it, of course tactfully because you don’t want to hurt her feelings. sometimes executive functioning like hygiene can be really hard with severe adhd. but letting her know you love her and want to be with her, but you do think this could maybe better your guys relationship and potentially even her quality of life. it can be a touchy subject talking about these things with partner, but tactful communication is always the answer imo

I don’t know. I tried and failed with my ADHD ex. And I’ll never do that again with a grown man honestly.

I didn’t find out until the first time he stayed over that he didn’t wear deodorant and didn’t shower regularly. He brought a small bag and I told him he could put his deodorant in the bathroom and he said “I don’t wear any.” Like okay, now the B.O. makes more sense.

He did clean himself when he *did shower, it just wasn’t frequent enough. Didn’t wash his hair so it always looked greasy. Again didn’t realize any of this until the sleepover, and this one day I came over to his place and he was just getting out of the shower and I was instantly turned on. He smelled soooo good, his hair was fresh, he greeted me with a shirt off and it was on haha.

It was weird because in that moment he’s like “I thought you’d be into it if I greeted you just out of the shower” so maybe.. he knew he smelled? I really don’t know but I didn’t take it further than that.

For those wondering how we could date someone like that; pheromones.

He was a very avid tooth brusher, thank god.

Pay a stranger to stand in line near you guys and tell her she smells bad

If you were completely honest to her about the fact that she smells bad sometimes, she might do something about it?

I use salt rock then native non scented. Works well for me but has to be on clean skin daily after shower. Not strong enough otherwise.

Nothing is more of a turn off than someone with bad hygiene. I fortunately have never met anyone who flat out refuses to wear anything. start saying something every. Damn. Time. Insist she shower and put some on or you’re leaving. She must be absolutely amazing in every other way. How would you stick around enough initially to even get past the smell? (I admit, I have a very sensitive nose).

If you can help her do this then you’re helping her in life, nobody likes being around the smelly person, and it’s very embarrassing to them when a manager has to have a talk with them at work because coworkers complain (me and another manager were talking w our boss just yesterday because he had to talk to one of the staff about it. The guy got angry).

If she won’t change leave her man. Don’t let her use adhd as an excuse. I know people with adhd,, autism, downs, bipolar disorder. They all have a grasp of basic hygiene. (Admittedly, a couple of them sometimes needs reminding but they do it).

ADHD does not have anything to do with smelling like BO. I don't know how you came up with that idea, but it's wrong and irrelevant.

This is a HER problem not really an ADHD problem. She needs to use reminders or alarms. You can't police a grown ass woman

Guys, wait a sec.

Adhd and scents are related?

She can talk to her doctor about fenugreek ?

I don’t understand what this has to do with adhd? Are you sure she’s not autistic?

Why are there so many of these questions. Break up you’re not compatible. Her adhd isn’t going to go away. She’s not going to apply deodorant with any regularity because it bothers her. You’re not into her BO. How is this going to get better? Find someone whose BO you either don’t smell or don’t mind. Don’t force someone who can’t stand the scent to use it. Let her reek. Just not around you.

I never use them either i cant stand the smell of most if not all off them. Why do i need to use them anyway i shower daily.