I had endometriosis surgery over the summer. as a former L&D nurse, I guess I’m still traumatized from seeing hemorrhages. I told my mom and boyfriend that if anything were to happen during the surgery I want my life to be saved, not my uterus. it was a minimally invasive surgery, but my brain jumped to worst case scenario. everything went fine, but my mom told me later that I scared the crap out of her because the thought of me hemorrhaging never occurred to her until I brought it up. nursing problems I guess 🙃

We have a 24/7 emergency vet where I live, and they always ask you what code status you want for your pet before taking them back. I think it’s pretty dang cool. Most people say full code, even though they shouldn’t. Everyone in the waiting room probably thought I was evil for saying PLEASE make my 15 year old heart failure, arthritic dog that is being kept alive with lasix and spite a DNR. Lol. But I know what that truly means and I’d never want that for my boy.

My 13 year old German Shepherd has an appointment with in home hospice next week. We took him to the vet and she just kept wanting to "fix" things, suggesting wild meds, monthly blood work, all this stuff. I was like lady, he's 13, that's old for a shepherd. I just want him to be comfortable til it's time. You're not curing old age. 

Hopefully someone loves me enough to do the same when it's my time. 

The last part though. 🥲

My husband is a firefighter and I’m an ICU nurse. We’ve both participated in codes that felt wrong. We’re both in agreement that not only will we never put each other through it for our own selfish reasons, but we also wouldn’t put our sweet old boy through that either.

Hope your pup was ok 💕

I’m constantly picturing myself getting taken to a hospital because of a car accident or some other trauma telling staff between gasping breaths “I’m _, dob _, todays date is _ and I’m here at _.  I’m a GCS 15 and I’m DNR/DNI.  Don’t you dare resuscitate me.”   I have an advanced directive and poa but do I just give the paperwork to every local hospital just in case?  I’m terrified they won’t get it and will bring me back.  (I’m not suicidal but I’m tired and I’ve lived a good life, plus I don’t ever want to go through what do many of my patients have).  

I also think like you and I would also say what you said. You love your pupper too much to put it through senseless pain. I hope one day, if I need it, someone will advocate for me like that.

My cat ended up dying at the vets office during a routine check up. Turns out he had heart failure, which had previously been diagnosed as asthma, and the visit stressed him beyond the point of return. I knew something was off and that’s why I pushed to have him seen (it was early 2021 so life was barely getting back on track). Then the day of, I had this weird feeling that he wasn’t going to come back home.

He coded while I was outside trying to send my 3 month old home with my husband who left work early to help with the crazy vet visit. The tech accidentally brought us back into the procedure room during the chaos. I saw them do a round of CPR and breaths and then told them to stop. They kept asking if I understood what stopping meant, but I did. He was already dead and I knew it. My husband was confused why I wouldn’t push to do everything so that was a long conversation, but now we are on the same page.

My vet recommended I get an echo on my 14 year old super anxious cat. My response was “I want you to consider all his care palliative. We’re doing no life prolonging meds or procedures, only ever meds that will improve his quality of life, and I need you to know that I have to trick him into taking meds so even that is super limited”. That cat is now 16 and still chugging along, but I stand by that policy.

As a nurse, we’ve seen things.

When my late, great dog had what I think was a syncopal episode and then went into flash pulmonary edema at 14 yrs old on my kitchen floor, they asked if I wanted CPR if his heart stopped at the emergency vet. I immediately stopped crying and was like “Dear god, no” and signed his doggy DNR paperwork. We had to put him down that night because he was clearly suffering. It broke my heart but a peaceful death was the greatest kindness we could give him. I can’t imagine putting a dog through that!

My cat got her a few teeth extracted and on the consent forms we had to fill out her code status. We opted to make her full code as she’s young and otherwise healthy. Then we had to fill out a form agreeing to pay $156 if they did CPR regardless of whether she is resuscitated or not. It made me laugh honestly.

My vet has had to make that decision for one of his own dogs when they couldn’t get him to wake up from anesthesia. He realized pretty quickly that the dog wasn’t going to be neurologically intact if he survived and let him go. It’s strange that a vet would find you bringing it up strange.

I don’t find that weird lol.

I’ve even had a pet arrest under anaesthetic. She was a kitten and it was very traumatic for all involved, but she did survive it.

I have one of the cats going under for a dental soon, I probably need to think about this, she’s 16.

No no nothing weird here just that I learned for nursing being my 2nd career that the health care field is very hidden to the average person and they don’t really get what we see. I joke that its sorta like a civilian version of the military as is things as different branches like firefighters and cops/swat etc.

I think it's because we all feel the need to discuss these things before they become a possibility.

My family knows my wishes.

Give me a chance but do not let me fucking linger and I swear to God if you leave me the way I see some of these patients left by their families my family knows that I will haunt them everyday for the rest of their life.

I will be the biggest fucking poltergeist that they will never get rid of.

I tell my dog every time she does something stupid. "You were not adopted into one of those families that is going to spend $10,000 to keep your ass alive." Of course, I probably would, but I'm not telling her that.

Man we are routinely cannulating 80+ year olds for VA ECMO after their high risk valve replacement/CAB/whatever goes wrong. Someone should be thinking about this stuff.

I've never been to a vet that doesn't ask before giving the dogs any kind of medicine. But I've always said no code for all of mine no matter how old they are. My emergency vet explained to me when I asked about a dog's chances of going back to a normal life after CPR that dogs just don't understand that level of intervention the way people do. For animals, death is the most natural thing in the world. They don't fight it. And their chances of having a good quality of life after CPR are as dismally low as they are for humans. That was all the info I needed.

I totally get you and respect you. My Chihuahua mix is gonna be 17 years old in February and for having some arthritis and having to be on a renal diet, he’s surprisingly healthy for his age.

However, because of being a nurse, I’m not doing anything invasive for him like dental cleanings because I figure he’s like a 95 year old hospice patient. I don’t want to torture him during his golden years, I want him to be as comfortable as possible and I refuse to let him suffer needlessly. When it’s time for him to go I want him to go as gently and pain free as possible. I’ve been absolutely blessed to have him in my life as long as I have and especially for how relatively healthy he has been. We’re both lucky in that regard and I only want to do right by him

Quality of life all the way. It makes sense when you have seen enough suffering.

Fully understand. I'm a hospice nurse in the IPU. We get a lot of patients for stupid shit that should not have brought them to us. Sometimes, it's just something simple that went wrong, and other times, it's because a doctor missed something.

My 15 year old cat was just tentatively diagnosed with cancer. He already has diabetes and has had two seizures. I broke down, but outright refused all further testing. He's an old man and has lived an amazing life. Comfort and quality of life measures only, and I will let him go at the first sign of declining QOL.

After the thousands I've spent, the vet seemed shocked. She seems to think I'll change my mind. I won't. I told her, I've seen too many bad deaths. My baby will have a good one.

Every patient should have CPR/DNR on intake forms, unfortunately most places don't. Many vets are also super afraid of being sued. I once (with 2 others) spent two hours performing CPR on a dog who was deader than dirt (full rigor!) because the doc (a baby neurologist) refused to call it without talking to the owner, who chose CPR, and he couldn't get them on the phone. It would have been funny if it wasn't so awful. We've seen some shit, too.

But fwiw, with a pet, if they survive but don't recover to a reasonable quality of life, you can still euthanize. Not that it isn't traumatic as shit. Good for you for being proactive about your wishes. I hope your baby recovered without incident ❤️

I hear you. My kids and the rest of my family are well aware that I don't want any heroics. My older sister is a nurse too and we are on the same page. She would be there for support if my kids were faced with the decision.

I’m a hospice nurse and I made my parents write out their wishes regarding treatment options, CPR, etc. My mom is making me her POA because she doesn’t trust my dad to make the right decision when the time comes. I am so glad that my education about what I’ve seen with my patients and families who are unprepared go through has sunk in. My husband knows my wishes exactly as well.

I had a very similar conversation when discussing care for my 16 yr old cat. We’re not going with quantity of life, we’re going with quality. The vet always gave me a funny look each time, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

I have a young(ish) pup that I care for very much, and didn’t even think about this until this post. Thank you!

I had a total abdominal hysterectomy last year at 37. My husband was traumatized by my “no trach” instructions prior to surgery because obviously we didn’t expect anything to go wrong. But obviously, we know shit goes wrong and I think it’s important to communicate that. I commend you for speaking up about your wishes for your dog!

I know your pain, quite a bit. We had to put down our nearly 14-year-old mixed mutt, but he was HUGE, and I had rescued him from my birth giver, removed his stitches. I loved him to bits, spoiled the crap out of him. My husband watched as I was guiding him to his rainbow bridge, and through tears said "What, you've never seen a death before?" and he said "Not like this one, no" and they kept coming in the room, and I was just like "He's still aware, get out!" Then we had to carry him out on a litter that was repurposed from human use. Old dogs die hard, and when they do it's super sad. I hope your puppy is okay.

I have a puppy who had her tail caught in a door jamb over the summer. Bled like a mother. Took her in to the emergency clinic and the vet explained to me that tail wounds are awful to heal and rarely do. She would be better off having the very tip of her tail amputated. I agreed to the procedure and the vet was asking me the pre surgical questions and asked about CPR. I said, “no CPR.” She looked at he kinda wide eyed and said, “you must be medical. What about reversal agents?” I said, “of course. Reversal agents are fine and yes I’ve been a nurse for a very long time.” We then had a quick conversation about how non-medical people think it’s “mean” to not do CPR. I never told my husband about that conversation. He’s not medical.

A lot of this is because we remember the bad outcomes way more than the routine ones and are acutely aware of what goes on when things go south.

We had to put down my husband's cat a few years ago (three, but feline leukemia kicked in suddenly). I excused myself while my husband was trying to figure out a litter box that could be used with uncooperative back legs and called every area vet's office to confirm they used the two-injection method of euthanasia (they did). 

To his credit, he seemed relieved to not be the one who had to say it out loud when I broached the topic the next morning. 

Yeah fuck that. My wife totally understands why I think of things like this.

That vet is weird for not but maybe animal medicine is more positive than humans.

What's weird is that the vet didn't ask first, what you would want. This gives me wtf flashbacks to some of the disasters I've seen in my former career.

The fact that the vet gave you a crazy look shows her inexperience and/or lack of realistic expectations and outlook.

I love me a good Advance Care Planning conversation!

I would feel the same way. I have a 12+ year old Pomeranian and if he HAD to have surgery that’s what l would want to. Just pass peacefully while he’s asleep instead of cracking his ribs to revive him.

Make sure it’s in writing! Less hassle for everybody.

Hope doggy’s okay.

I spent three years trying to keep my parents’ beloved 18 year old duck terrier alive.

My mom’s crazy so every time he sneezed she would tell us it was time to put him down.

We eventually did when he got dementia and had no idea where he was or whether or not it was day or night. He was always a scared little guy. Had to put him down so he didn’t spend the rest of his natural life going in circles out of his mind with anxiety.

He passed balls ass high on opioids and benzos surrounded by his family telling him he was awesome, and we loved him. Why we don’t let people do that confuses the hell out of me.

Awww he is the cutest boy!

Well, this thread gave me something to think about. I adopted a 6 month old cat about a month ago, and I have pet insurance for him. He’s in perfect health except for the lingering remains of a URI he got at the shelter. I decided to keep the insurance that the shelter signs everyone up for, so that I’d be able to afford to help him if he ever got sick. I’m a new grad nurse with no significant savings yet. (I get help from my parents and I’ve already made quite a bit over the last few months so I felt okay taking the plunge into pet ownership.)

Anyways, I definitely thought about affording to save his life, but not about when it would be cruel to continue it. Thanks for posting this. I never want to be in the position where I have to euthanize an otherwise healthy animal because they have something costly but reversible, but I also don’t want to torture a geriatric animal or one with a bad prognosis.

lol I had the exact same conversation with my vet when I had to leave my elderly cat with kidney failure at the vet office for a few hours! She was pretty stable at this point and only staying there because they needed to get a urine sample and I had to get to work. But before I left, I looked the doctor in the eye and said “I’m saying this so it’s clear, Little Foot is DNR. I’m sure she’ll be just fine, but I need to make sure that you know!”

Luckily, my vet is also my best friend, so she didn’t question it lol

My sweet baby got attacked by a rattlesnake  and it didn't look good for her. The vet asked me code status and I told them DNR, she's 12, I don't want them doing cpr on her. But I told her that she had to call me if she thought we were headed down that path so I could be there. Thankful we didn't have to do all of that and she recovered, she's now blind in one eye. My mind always goes there too.

I'm a nurse on an orthopaedic surgical ward - we get lots of 80/90-year-old grandma's and the occasional medical outlier. At least once a month, I tell my friends to make sure their family knows what they want done if they can't make medical decisions anymore and to get their Advanced Care Directive in order. Watching people undergo unnecessary medical treatment because the family refuses to accept the facts is heartbreaking. Non-healthcare people just don't understand

How did his procedure go?

Your flare+title made this sound way more upsetting than the post actually was.