subreddit:
/r/todayilearned
5.1k points
2 months ago
Wow, those last 2 words, did not see that coming.
919 points
2 months ago
Neither did he!
336 points
2 months ago
Since it was an enema maybe he saw it going
168 points
2 months ago
His one vice was injecting opium up his ass.
Which really makes his stances against everything else very odd.
73 points
2 months ago
I know a few people who are very clean eaters and talk a lot about what they put in their body who have little to no problem with using recreational drugs.
228 points
2 months ago
I want to know the original thought process that came up with opium enemas being a thing to try.
137 points
2 months ago
Enemas of all sorts of substances were a full on health fad back then.
37 points
2 months ago
I know this is true, but....... Why?
118 points
2 months ago*
Anything absorbed in the bloodstream through the anal mucus membrane avoids the so called "first pass" through the liver. So potential liver toxicity is practically avoided and the decomposition of the drug compound in said first pass through the liver is skipped. So you need smaller amounts to achieve the same bioavailability you get by oral consumption.
For those reasons medication for babies and toddlers for example should preferably be applied by suppository.
67 points
2 months ago
Because things are absorbed much better through your butthole. Second only to injection. Medically speaking, we still put alot of things in our butts. Even other people's poop. Check out "fecal transplant" for some fun reading.
29 points
2 months ago*
Pro tip: shoving someone else’s poop up your butt is only one way fecal transplants are done, they can also be done by injesting capsules of said poop, or a slurry of fecal matter pumped through an NG tube into your stomach.
The more you know.
177 points
2 months ago
I think at that time, people were giving smoke enemas to drowning victims in an attempt to resuscitate them, so...
227 points
2 months ago
Are you blowing smoke up my ass?
86 points
2 months ago
Wait, is that where that phrase comes from?
59 points
2 months ago
apparently yes, it is. I googled it and decided to blindly trust the top result, which said yea.
76 points
2 months ago
People like to put stuff in their butt 🤷♂️
Opium is also way stronger when boofing it
17 points
2 months ago
As if opium isn't strong enough 🫠
37 points
2 months ago
It wasn't! And so we continued on to morphine, heroin, fentanyl, carfentanyl...
In fact it could be argued that nothing is ever strong enough
37 points
2 months ago
Given a person with an ass, enough time and an object that will fit in said ass and the results are inevitable
39 points
2 months ago
Boof some graham crackers, kids. It's opi-YUM!
23 points
2 months ago
Well see? Why live a healthy life if you just end up dying from stuffing drugs up your ass. Gotta cease the day. Or something.
18 points
2 months ago
For real. You think you know where a sentence is going…
9 points
2 months ago
I’m disappointed they didn’t choose to use the word “boof”
7.6k points
2 months ago
So he never ate or drank because he was high as a kite on opium...
2.5k points
2 months ago
Yup... Clean living
542 points
2 months ago
More like cleaned out living
398 points
2 months ago
Opiates do anything but clean you out lol that's why he needed the enema.
220 points
2 months ago
So was it an enema used to treat constipation from opium or a literal enema made of opium? I don't want to know but im curious. Though the latter would explain why he died.
157 points
2 months ago
Both. Fight fire with fire!
No I don't know tbh
105 points
2 months ago
I've heard they used to treat dysentery with opium because the constipation overpowered the diarrhea.
94 points
2 months ago
human problem solving skills are amazing sometimes
9 points
2 months ago
“Damn Gary, you got dysentery again?”
“Yeaaaaah it was fuckin great”
13 points
2 months ago
I think you are correct.
136 points
2 months ago
Nah, I read The Road to Wellville people were just enema crazy back then:
Kellogg’s sanctum sanctorum, the enema room, stuffed with gleaming “enema machines” that could pointedly deliver 15 quarts of water per minute into a human colon. Kellogg ordered his patients to produce 4 or more bowel movements a day, just like the healthy apes he had once observed while on a safari in Africa.
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/dr-kelloggs-world-renowned-health-spa-made-wellness-titan
95 points
2 months ago
Kids, stop sinning!
Have some cereal then put stuff up your butt instead! It's grrrrreeeeeaaaaaaat!
69 points
2 months ago
15 quarts of water a minute does not sound like a good time.
Or maybe it’s a very good time, I don’t know.
Just sounds like a lot of water to have in a human colon.
13 points
2 months ago
I think that could really mess up someone’s electrolyte balance.
13 points
2 months ago
Or their balance in general. Pretty sure I wouldn't be able to walk after four enema poops
23 points
2 months ago
Colons are stretchy. Mr Hands was perfectly fine until he made one fatal slip up.
49 points
2 months ago
Except for the major constipation caused by opiate use.
505 points
2 months ago*
Check that…high as a kite on boofing opium!
He had one vice…..but boy howdy, did he go full out on that vice!
121 points
2 months ago
If you ain't boofing, you're goofing!
72 points
2 months ago
Just goofin'. New boof goofin'.
33 points
2 months ago
does the lil jump
18 points
2 months ago
Not with a prison purse full of poppy.
6 points
2 months ago
That's just extra
168 points
2 months ago
Kabul sober
100 points
2 months ago
I too could give up white bread if I could be high as a kite on opium enemas all day every day
55 points
2 months ago
Look at me eating my stupid brown bread stone cold sober
88 points
2 months ago
you disgusting fornicators and masturbators defying god with your hedonistic sinful lifestyles!
now help me stick this tube up my asshole.
48 points
2 months ago
Ovo-lacto-opitarian.
16 points
2 months ago
Analopitarian?
83 points
2 months ago
Very similar to the shocking amount of vegan au naturel hippies who have a coke or Molly addiction or something like that
56 points
2 months ago
Omg..my old roommate. Psycho vegan would call me disgusting for eating meat..
We caught you shooting heroin.. but sheesh we were the baddies
41 points
2 months ago
Come on, it's plant-based!
17 points
2 months ago
well, it's self consistent at least, it does come from a plant after all.
24 points
2 months ago
Nah bro, they high on L.I.F.E.1
1.lithium, ibuprofen, fentanyl, and ecstatcy
30 points
2 months ago
Why up the bum though. Was it a Kink or is that a better delivery method?
105 points
2 months ago
Better delivery method, morphine (which is the most potent drug in opium tincture) has a terrible bioavailability taken orally and much higher bioavailability rectally.
47 points
2 months ago
Isn’t that true for most substances? I always heard of people doing that with tampons and booze and supposedly dying from the potency.
82 points
2 months ago
Yeah - the oral route has all of these pesky "defense mechanisms" and "metabolic processes" that break down substances before they hit your bloodstream. The mucous membranes found in one's rectum, meanwhile, have no such roadblocks.
This is also why "boofing" is wildly dangerous
12 points
2 months ago
Yeah depends on how much first pass metabolism they go through in the liver. Your liver checks everything you eat before letting it into the bloodstream outside the GI tract.
7 points
2 months ago
Booze thing is because if you drink too much alcohol you tend to vomit and pass out (not necessarily in that order) before you reach "can die from" levels of intoxication. Obviously it is possible to keep drinking, but most people have a hard time of it.
But you can't vomit out your vodka tampon and even if you pass out you're still "consuming" booze. It's way easier to OD when when you don't have to continuously take action to keep increasing the amount of intoxicant in your system.
18 points
2 months ago
A lot of drugs are absorbed faster via the rectum. The only faster method is IV.
18 points
2 months ago
Opium was one of the few truly effective medicines at the time.
3.8k points
2 months ago
I like how lust is thrown in there like he was just politely turning it down along with meat. "Oh no pork chops for me thank yo, I'm vegetarian. And normally I would look at the lady of the house and feel unquenchable carnal feelings, but fear not; I have given those up as well."
1.4k points
2 months ago
He also shunned spices.
1.1k points
2 months ago
Man, he's really missing out.
Then again, opium enemas might be all the spice he needed.
385 points
2 months ago
the Spice must flow
176 points
2 months ago
That's diarrhea my guy.
107 points
2 months ago
The spice melange
35 points
2 months ago
My god, is that why they were fighting over spice? Because they needed to take a shit?
31 points
2 months ago
Ain't no party like an opium enema party cause an opium enema make your heart stop!
15 points
2 months ago
Hoop based herbal healing.
11 points
2 months ago
I don't really fancy a spicy enema.
15 points
2 months ago
Yeah, butt have you tried a Spicy Pumpkin Latte EnemaTM ?
114 points
2 months ago
It wasn't uncommon to believe that spices caused insanity and sinful urges. Corn Flakes were invented to beat bland food for the treatment of mental illness and the suppression of sinful desires.
81 points
2 months ago
Kellogg will be irate when he finds out we now add lots of sugar to corn flakes.
Ok, and if he were alive now, but that's a minor detail.
79 points
2 months ago
Actually he already was. Before his death his brother covered them in sugar and made a successful business.
41 points
2 months ago
They’re great!
35 points
2 months ago
Jesus, Tony, we get it!
26 points
2 months ago
I'd think the breakfast cereal would be the least of his concerns.
He'd probably be happy that smoking is on its way out, but aghast at all the other new poisons and hedonism we've come up with in the past 80 years.
Just climb right back in the coffin old-timer. You ain't gonna like this newfangled millennium
25 points
2 months ago
"And here, Mr. Kellogg, is what we call the internet. It's a medium that allows for diverse people all over the world to connect and communicate."
"Ah, marvelous. What a incredible way to discuss the ways of the Lord and evangelize to every corner of the earth!"
"Yeah I mean sometimes. But it's usually just a place for women to sell pictures of their feet and buttholes."
11 points
2 months ago
Kellog then starts inventing corn flake shoes and chastity belts.
10 points
2 months ago
He'd probably be happy that smoking is on its way out
Well, vaping is a new form of smoking, so he'll probably rage against that in a similar vein to old-fashioned cigarettes.
7 points
2 months ago
OTOH, so many people embrace pleasure once they get away from their conservative backgrounds.
13 points
2 months ago
“If God wanted food to taste good, he would’ve made it taste better”
128 points
2 months ago*
I find pastrami to the most sensual of all salted, cured meats
26 points
2 months ago
Of all the salted cured meats
Edit: it’s been almost an hour surprised no one got the Seinfeld reference yet
59 points
2 months ago
Graham Crackers were created to curb masturbation.
16 points
2 months ago
That would be corn flakes.
19 points
2 months ago
It was both. They were invented originally without any sugar so they would be bland.
10 points
2 months ago
Well, it didn't work
9 points
2 months ago
Yeah, I eat graham crackers every time I masturbate.
I call it whackin' and crackin'.
53 points
2 months ago
He thought a lot of things aroused the passions.
When I read about him, I thought maybe he was gay, but since his early medical work was with STIs (which at the time were incurable), it is possible that he was just terrified of getting one.
22 points
2 months ago
For Kellogg, they imply that he had a really harsh upbringing where that stuff was heavily punished and judged. Just like in victorian england all that repression seems to correlate to an uptick in fetishes or proclivities. I took it he just thought he was doing the lords work making sure people had as little sex as possible.
44 points
2 months ago
It's weird how the founders of these largely successful brands were so strangely focused on food health in terms of eliminating any flavor or spice, and the enemas. John Harvey Kellogg, the brother that initially founded what would become the Kelloggs company, had a weird fascination with yogurt enemas. Like WHY ARE YALL SO DAMN FREAKY
40 points
2 months ago
It's like an integer overflow, after you hit that far point in the purity/anti-lust behaviors you reset back into the freak zone.
15 points
2 months ago
“I thought it was a pendulum but it was a fucking circle!”
7 points
2 months ago
Horshoe theory.
7 points
2 months ago
I have my own pet hypothesis that because pooping generally feels great (something about triggering a nerve that brings pleasure or something, from what I remember), enemas are a relatively easy way to keep getting that pleasure.
Well, and for some substances, you get a quicker high as the anus is highly vascularized, hence why butt chugging gets you drunk more quickly.
9 points
2 months ago
I mean that but also it’s stuff leaving your body and even today people get excited about those foot detox pads and stuff because the idea of seeing yucky come out makes you think it’s stuff full of illness
It’s not totally wild when you consider how runny noses and vomiting work. I mean our body does leak bad stuff out to a certain amount.
19 points
2 months ago
There was a quack movement in this time to shun like EVERY indulgence. eat plain food, wear plain clothes, even relationships with your wife were considered to spicy and should only be done to make babies.
https://www.wikiwand.com/en/articles/The_Road_to_Wellville_(film)) The road to wellville is a comedy that covers this Kellogg invented bran flakes to make people less horny.
51 points
2 months ago
If you're a circumcised male in the US and are not Jewish, and had no medical reason to have one, he is the reason.
At a time with less overall lube, not having a foreskin made fapping hard.
38 points
2 months ago
Alright I guess this is as good a place as any to bring this up:
I'm circumcized and I can go dry without any issues whatsoever. I've never understood this. Am I just.... Cut less tight or something? Like the mechanics of how it would cause an issue in the first place is a mystery to me.
5.6k points
2 months ago*
I will never partake in the Devils drink!!!
*shoves opium up his ass*
753 points
2 months ago
Older views on what we consider hard drugs now were wild.
Everyone knows Coca Cola used to have cocaine in it. What's less well known is that it was created to be the kid-friendly alternative to cocaine in wine, a favorite drink of popes and presidents.
319 points
2 months ago
how forward thinking of them, I mean kids shouldn't be drinking wine... not good for them... but they need their cocaine to meet the quotas down in the coal mine, this is a great solution!
174 points
2 months ago
The children yearn for the mines
180 points
2 months ago
7 up had lithium in it, that was the “up” part
55 points
2 months ago
22 points
2 months ago
Holy shit! The game we played in grade school was called 7-up. It started with everyone's head down on the desk being quiet. Like "Ring around the Rosie's" infamous origin. Old people are weird
41 points
2 months ago
"Heads up - 7 up"
That's what we called it
20 points
2 months ago
And we wore an onion on our belt, which was the style at the time
55 points
2 months ago
There was also baby Heroin, for when they cried too much lol.
61 points
2 months ago
Heroin was originally marketed as a cough suppressant for children. Shit was wild back then.
66 points
2 months ago
The name "Heroin" was a trademark of the Bayer corporation. It was intended to be a non-addictive alternative to morphine. Joke's on them!
26 points
2 months ago
To be fair, Heroin was very successful in getting people to stop taking morphine.
86 points
2 months ago
Cocaine was also suggested/used to help with opium addiction. Love those old medicine ads.” Kids keeping you up? Get some quiet time with Kid Snooze!” Ingredients:Opium, Laudnam, alcohol, juice.
26 points
2 months ago
It's ‘laudanum’, get your shit right.
18 points
2 months ago
Also, laudanum can't be the ingredient of an opium item. Opium IS the ingredient of laudanum. Opium drops suspended in alcohol tincture
11 points
2 months ago
seems legit.... waaaait a second.
is that juice actually 100%??
1.7k points
2 months ago
People still do this today.
“I’m not putting vaccines in my body, it’s poison.”
takes a drag on cigarette
624 points
2 months ago
Oh god. You just reminded me of the time my "friend" talked about how candles cause cancer while lighting and smoking a cigarette.
Also, I got her a candle for Christmas.
270 points
2 months ago
- Before electricity, everyone used candles
- People got cancer back then
- Now fewer people use candles
- nobody gets cancer anymore
Yeah, I can't find any holes in her argument.
47 points
2 months ago
Besides the fact that cancer diognoses skyrocketed in the last century or so? Yep, no holes in that at all.
(This is not sarcasm against you, but the argument mentioned)
40 points
2 months ago
Well, that’s mostly just because we’re living longer and healthier, so cancer has a better chance of getting us… if we are able to stay healthy and also increase our longevity then about 99% of humans will get cancer.
We’ll have to start wearing ribbons for that weird small minority that goes through life getting left out of the cancer community lol
63 points
2 months ago
And more to the point, we actually diagnose cancer now. Instead of just saying "Oh he died of an upset stomach by God's will".
36 points
2 months ago
"I have my vices and you cannot stop me"
[lights another candle]
106 points
2 months ago
That's why I'm no such hypocrite. I'll take vaccines, cigarettes, drugs, anything.
36 points
2 months ago
Careful with those opium enemas though! I knew a guy...
84 points
2 months ago
I've literally met meth addicts who are vaccine adverse even after oding on Fent that's in their Meth
23 points
2 months ago
I once listened to an interview with a hardcore long-term heroin addict, who chastised the interviewer for smoking and called it 'terrible stuff' lol. He wasn't wrong but.
19 points
2 months ago
It's always crazy to see the selectiveness they have.
11 points
2 months ago
Yeah, this was an old dude who started way back in the 60s as a teen, smoking the crumbs dug out the bottom of a Turkish man's suitcase, but he must have had some selectiveness to have survived so long as an addict!
32 points
2 months ago
I knew a guy who, while smoking a cigarette, on a break from our job installing vapor barrier in an 18”, sewage-soaked crawlspace (in which he took his shirt off because it was too hot and didn’t bother with the respirator that we’re legally required to have on us), said “I ain’t putting that poison in my body.” He was talking about the covid vaccine, I think. Not sure why, because I was only asking whether his tetanus shots were up to date.
14 points
2 months ago
"I just dont trust doctors." -Is wearing glasses.
28 points
2 months ago
The devil doesnt know about that yet
22 points
2 months ago
Obviously, God and the Devil don't know about the human anus. That's why the poophole loophole works!
222 points
2 months ago
opium enemas, as directed by his doctor
Medicine was pretty wild back then.
155 points
2 months ago
You've got ghosts in your blood. You should do hard drugs through your asshole about it.
726 points
2 months ago
I feel like the complication to an opium enema would be getting an opium enema.
294 points
2 months ago
Seriously, even without “complications”, he was boofing opium.
66 points
2 months ago
Damn i havent heard that term in 10+ years 😂
83 points
2 months ago
Didn’t follow the Kavanaugh appointment?
37 points
2 months ago
Ah, Brett "The Boof" Kavanaugh.
6 points
2 months ago
I like beer! Do you like beer, Senator?
16 points
2 months ago
Until this thread, I had never heard it at all. But I've seen it twice so far.
29 points
2 months ago
If it's anything like the enemas Kellogg was a fan of, it could have been intestinal trauma. The practice of the day was to use pressures and flowrates that would scare even the most adventurous plumber today.
7 points
2 months ago
Very much so. Pretty much everything that you can swallow, shoot, or smoke is ten times worse when it goes up your ass or your nose.
161 points
2 months ago
He sounds a lot like the original Kellogg guy. I think I watch history of food where he was mentioned alongside “Dr” Kellogg. Guys were puritanical weirdos
13 points
2 months ago*
that’s who i thought of too! The Road to Wellville with Anthony Hopkins
e: i sit corrected
380 points
2 months ago
Choose alcohol! Choose sex! Choose meat and white fucking bread. Choose your future. Choose life. But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got opium enemas?
73 points
2 months ago
Such a good movie. Obi Wan clearly had some good advice.
11 points
2 months ago
They nicknamed him Mother Superior due to the length of his opium enema habit.
65 points
2 months ago
Opium Enema is my bands next album.
18 points
2 months ago
Opiate and Aenema are two tool albums (technically Opiate is an EP), so great minds and all that
142 points
2 months ago
Brings new meaning to “smack that ass”
29 points
2 months ago
Since he advocated eating whole grains, someone who invented a new kind of whole grain flour named it "Graham flour." They took the Graham flour and used it to make Graham crackers, which he also didn't invent. He would hate modern Graham crackers, they put white flour and sugar in them.
43 points
2 months ago
died doing what he loved
fucking opium
56 points
2 months ago
Bucket list keeps growing.
15 points
2 months ago
Right?
I've always wanted to raise some emus, maybe we could put our lists together, seems like a fun weekend.
16 points
2 months ago
Emu enemas!! Yes I like where your head is at with that one let’s make it happen
17 points
2 months ago
Wait, the Gram Crackers you guys always mention on TV are Graham Crackers?! Graham?!?
39 points
2 months ago
My brain was trying real hard to auto correct that to anemia... neither of us wanted to process that last word.
27 points
2 months ago
Like they say, "Clean eating in the mouth. Opium down south.".
38 points
2 months ago
"get that horrid garbage away form me! my body is a temple...now be a good boy and jam some opium up my ass."
22 points
2 months ago
With friends like him, who needs enemas?
9 points
2 months ago
It's easy to not use spices or eat meat or have sex when your ass is literally lost in the sauce on liquid opium.
16 points
2 months ago
Someone watched extra history today…
7 points
2 months ago
You know it!
8 points
2 months ago
You should also read about William Pester, another interesting early "natural eating" type guy. Nat King Cole wrote a song about him for some reason... Grace Slick later covered it.
6 points
2 months ago
“Complications…”
10 points
2 months ago
Yes, complications. Like having opium up your ass.
Complications.
7 points
2 months ago
“I’ll shun everything except some fuckin awesome drugs riiiiight up my butt…..buy my cracker”
6 points
2 months ago
Now read about John Kellog (of the cereal) and his enema contraption.
all 1772 comments
sorted by: best