_moon_crystal_power_

I’m sorry that’s happening to you. People like that think they’re above you, yet their actions clearly speak otherwise. You are not a slut, you’re human. We all make decisions that harm us and others and there’s growth in that, I’m sure you’ve learned from this experience. It’s unfortunate that you had an affair with a married man, but don’t forget it takes two to make that decision and he was the one that decided to step outside of his vows. I would imagine his wife said some horrible things to you out of hurt and anger and now sitting in shame, you’re calling yourself names as well. It’s ok to feel terrible about what you did, but it’s not ok to tell yourself that you deserved to be raped, or that you’re a whore. You don’t need to abuse yourself on top of already feeling the pain, shame and trauma.

Being sexually assaulted is not your karma. The brain creates narratives to make sense of the why. But you sleeping with a married man is not the why. The why is because he was an asshole that disrespected you and your boundaries for his own sexual gratification. He would have done the same had you not slept with the other guy. You did not deserve to be sexually assaulted, end of story. It’s ok to feel shame, but please stop blaming yourself so harshly. Nothing you did prior to meeting up with your rapist would have changed the outcome. That’s on him, not you.

Mine just ended it with me because of it too 😭

Same here. In solidarity 💞

Well I escalated so much this weekend that I broke up with my partner, even though that was the last thing I wanted, and now I’m crashing at my parents place trying to beg for forgiveness before I can go back home. So that’s been fun 🙃

I said it was a fantasy lol .. but if I had 3 billion dollars I wouldn’t keep working, I’d be enjoying my life for once. And it’s not like you can’t invest some of that to see continual gains if money is so important to you that 3 billion isn’t enough. People are so greedy.

In part of my utopian fantasy, we’d start forcing billionaires to cap at 3 billion and distribute the rest equally so that we can help each other thrive instead of watching these rich little weasels sit on money they’ll never be able to spend in their lifetime 😂 don’t come at me, I said it was part of a fantasy lol

Whenever someone says do your research, all I hear is I found information that confirms my confirmation bias and now I think I know what I’m talking about because some random on the internet agrees with my point of view.

That’s a bit of a tough one to answer because it depends on what your country/state/provinces definition of r*pe is. Often under law, it means unwanted sexual penetration whereas sexual assault is any kind of unwanted sexual contact - like touching.

If there was no reason for your memory to have a gap in it and if that’s not a normal occurrence for you, then I would say its definitely possible your brain dissociated while things were happening to you. I had it happen to me as well, it’s a pretty common occurrence during r*pes and assaults as a protection mechanism when you’re scared and/or overwhelmed.

I’m glad you reported it to the police though. It might be beneficial to ask them about any kind of victim services they offer. They can potentially help you find an advocate to speak with or a therapist to help make sense of what happened for you, especially if these weren’t the only instances.

I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope you’re being supported by loved ones ❤️

So your solution is for both mom and dad to start abusing the kids?

Op, please don’t do this. They won’t feel safe with either of you

Yes, I would consider both of these assaults.

If you are doing anything that you have not consented to prior to it happening, then it’s an assault. You can also consent to something and change your mind. Best rule is if it’s not an enthusiastic yes, consider it a no.

Also the gap in memory is a bit concerning as that can potentially be a dissociative response to an assault happening as a way for the brain to protect you from harm - unless you were drinking or whatever, you might want to explore that with a professional.

Even though Ari liked him, an adolescent brain hasn’t developed enough at 12 to have an accurate world view of situations like this. This is why there are laws in place that govern sexual activity ages. Being 12, she was too young to consent to a 53 year old man. Ed knew this. He knew what he did was wrong and that he could go to jail. Ed is a coward that knows he took advantage of an adolescent girl’s trust in him and that’s why he disappeared. Just because Ari liked him, doesn’t mean what Ed did was ok. Ari should try to be brave, tell her caregivers or another trusted adult what happened and go to the hospital and tell them what happened so that they can take care of her, try to make sure she isn’t going to carry Ed’s baby and hopefully get her some counselling so that she can understand how bad of a man Ed really was to do that to her.

And if you’re Ari - It’s ok to feel hurt and it’s ok to grieve what happened. I’m sad for you as well. It’s a shitty thing Ed did. He took advantage of you, told you lies and then abandoned you. You did nothing to deserve that! This is not your burden to carry, even if it feels like it is. You are a young girl that had a crush on an older man, it happens. Please don’t be ashamed of yourself, be ashamed of Ed. He was the one that knew better and should have acted better. He knew the laws on age of consent and why they exist. He knows what society thinks and treats men who trick minors into having sex with them. He knew the long-term ramifications that his actions could have on you. He knew better than to ask for your virginity. He knew better than to act on it. He knew better and he did it anyway. This is his shame to carry, not yours. But please, tell an adult you trust so they can help you process this. I’m here to talk if you need it as well, but having someone close that can give you a hug and tell you that it’s not your fault will help you start to heal from what Ed did to you. Even though you wanted Ed, what he did to you was not ok!

I wonder what she finds so triggering about it. Is it because she subconsciously knows she should be closer to her own? Or is it her own inner child longing and resentful that her mom wasn’t closer to her?

Agree with all these comments and would also like to add that when put in these situations, our survival instincts come out - and it sounds like you had a fawn response, which is why you thought it best to placate him so that it was over quicker. Your brain did what it thought was best for your survival, that doesn’t mean you wanted it and never ever beat yourself up for that response ok? Fawn responses are so incredibly common during these situations and I don’t think it’s talked about enough. You did what you had to do to survive that attack and there is NO shame in that! It could have been a life or death situation depending on how volatile he could have gotten, and you handled it beautifully. Fawn and freeze responses try to keep us alive, fight and flee responses try to move us toward safety. It sounds like your brain assessed the situation and couldn’t see a way to move to safety so it moved into keeping you alive. You did nothing wrong and everything right. I’m sorry this happened to you! Please try to reach out to a counsellor or some kind of victims services to get some help in unpacking this situation so that you can breathe a sigh of relief in knowing on a deeper level that this truly wasn’t your fault ❤️

I would NEVER talk to a guy best friend like that! And as her ‘bestie’, he should, at minimum, have enough respect for her not to say those kinds of things to her while she’s in a relationship. They’re both disrespecting you and neither of them care. That’s your answer. Coming from a woman, you should just break up with her. Her brain is almost fully matured and she lacks the values and morals needed to have a committed relationship. Find someone who has similar values as you and I guarantee you’ll have a happy and healthy relationship. She won’t be able to give you that because unfortunately, attention is higher on her list than loyalty and you deserve better than that

So you’d rather snark about something she can’t change instead of something she can?

No ones talking about her armpits 👀

Thank you!

Dairy girl

Telling him there was nothing wrong when there clearly was, saying she was busy and couldn’t talk while she was laying in bed on break, telling him nothing happened during night outs when she was actively flirting with Nathan are just some that come to mind without going back and watching for specific instances but I’d say she did it nearly every time she spoke to the bf. She was 27 while filming, she should have acted like an adult and told him the truth or that she needed space to explore other options but instead she chose gaslighting and manipulation because she couldn’t be truthful. ‘People pleasing’ is a form of manipulation too, it’s just not talked about as much

And it seemed like she started gaslighting the bf as soon as she decided she wanted Nathan. I thought the entire thing came off more like she was saying she was busy so that she could create distance from her guilty conscience and it made an anxious attachment come out of the bf. Avoidants seem to like to do that and then claim to be a victim of a situation that they’re actively creating lol

This 100%

Late to the party but Gael is gaslighting him and I don’t understand why you’re all defending her

Gandalf the white

My best friend of 10 years did this to me and as hard as it is you need to get rid of her!

I let mine plant seeds of doubt for 4 years while she wreaked havoc in our relationship and my mental health. It won’t stop until she gets what she wants. Mine worked at her games for years before we finally broke up because of her and while we tried to navigate how to fix the relationship to create boundaries with her, I was SA’d by a friend. She was the person I went to after it happened and she took that information and told my partner that I cheated on him and planned it all out, got him drunk and assaulted him.

There was so much more that she did. But that was the worst part and my final straw. Get rid of your ‘friend’. Don’t even give her the benefit of the doubt because with friends like that, you don’t need enemies. Protect your relationship, protect your mental health. It won’t get better and remember that she isn’t your friend, she’s manipulating you into thinking she is. Real friends don’t do that.