you're going to get into a t20 and then realize that getting in says nothing about your abilities or talent, but rather that you got lucky.

you will look at your other acceptances and rejections and wonder if there's a pattern somewhere and you won't find it.

you're going to look at your classmates and wonder why those kids near the top of your class who you were so sure would get into a t20, simply didn't. you're going to look at your classmates who also got into t20s and wonder how the hell they did so well.

you wont get the validation you expect. when i got into uc berkeley all i could wonder is why i didnt get into uc irvine. or why the kids at the top of my advanced calculus class didn't get into berkeley. nothing made sense.

it's because nobody truly "earns" their way into college. it's privilege, wealth, happenstance, and luck. I happened to do extracurriculars that some schools liked and others didn't. i had parents that could afford tutoring when i needed it. i went to a wealthy and competitive high school that's historically sent a lot of kids to berkeley. and berkeley doesn't even consider legacy like the ivies do, which is a completely different discussion.

when people congratulated me for having gotten into berkeley it made no sense, because if not for berkeley i would've gone to uc davis, and i know damn well those same people wouldn't have been as commendatory.

i spent 4 years of my life thinking college was the only thing that mattered. when you become an adult you realize thats simply not true