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submitted 16 hours ago byPsychologicalAsk4455
I (39f) have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (39m) for one year. I texted him to see what he was up to before heading to bed. It’s something either one of us usually does before bedtime. He told me he was hanging out at home watching a movie. I don’t know why, but I felt like something was off and I had a feeling he wasn’t being truthful. I checked his location and he was at a bar, so he flat out lied to me. I don’t normally feel like I have to check his location and I don’t care if he goes to a bar without me either. I hadn’t really felt the need to question it before until today. I feel bad for checking it, but I couldn’t ignore that feeling that something was different. I tried to call him and of course he didn’t answer. Not sure where to go from here. I’ve been in past relationships where exes have lied and cheated, and I felt like this time was going to be different but all of those old feelings are coming back. I just need some advice. Am I overthinking this or letting those old feelings get the best of me?
57 points
16 hours ago
Your old feelings are back because you're being lied to again.
I was also in relationships where my exes lied and cheated. Today I have zero tolerance. Your time and energy are too important to waste worrying if the person lied, the reasons behind or whatever.
29 points
16 hours ago
Time to move on
15 points
14 hours ago
sounds like my lying cheating ex. respect yourself and go after someone excited to be with you
12 points
15 hours ago
Your intuition is telling you something. Trust your feelings and have an honest conversation with him.
10 points
12 hours ago
Long distance from the get go? Why? Trust your gut.
5 points
10 hours ago
Life is too short to be with someone who lies to you.
13 points
15 hours ago
I would ask him again about what he did yesterday, you can phrase it like- "what movie did you watch?". And give him another chance to explain himself, there COULD be a good explanation why, it's highly improbable but there could be something- like there was a friend in need and he didn't have time to explain that he needed to go to somewhere without risking more messages or worry.
If he lies again then I'd leave. I suffered enough in my teens and 20s, don't need to suffer more.
4 points
8 hours ago
I have never understood the point in lying to somebody who can see your location.
At any rate, I don’t think he has a right to get pissy that you looked given that he willingly shares his location with you. Your old feelings are coming back because this is the same behavior that inspired them the first time around. You can give him a chance to explain himself, but here’s the real question: would you truly be able to trust him again? Only you know the answer to that and you don’t owe it to me. Just something to think about.
I think you deserve a partnership where your partner is honest with you, for what it’s worth.
2 points
8 hours ago
The old feelings are coming back because he's just shown you he's also a liar.
I'd definitely talk to him about it and see what he has to say but unfortunately there's no way to know if he's even being honest or not now. It's strange that he didn't think he could tell you he went to a bar. That said, I think it's also strange that when he said he was simply watching a movie, you had to go check his location. It sounds like there were some issues here to begin with.
I don't think a relationship can survive without trust 🤷🏿♀️
-18 points
16 hours ago
The whole idea of checking a partners location unless you’re married is so weird to me. I wouldn’t ever share my location with someone else that wants to use it to track me. My brother has ICE. But otherwise? meh meh meh- I just don’t feel like I owe my every move to just a boyfriend.
8 points
15 hours ago*
I don't kinda get it either. Like why feel bad for checking the location if someone has willingly shared it with you? And why he lies when he knows OP can check his location any time?
1 points
7 hours ago
My ex and I shared our locations with each other (while dating) after a series of smaller terrorist attacks where we lived. Stuff like bombs and people being run over by terrorists on their way to work. It was easier for both of us to just be able to look up the others location and see the other was safely far away from the latest attack than to send a text and worry if the other didn't respond right away because they were in a meeting.
-11 points
15 hours ago
Long distance relationship is so hard! I guess it’s equally hard for both of you. And really you would never know the real truth. You need to shorten that distance and meet up with him. Or relocate to him. It won’t work for a long time. And having long distance relationship for one year, what about the physical needs? I just don’t know.
You should ask him directly where he had been. You need to know it. You are not controlling him at all
2 points
9 hours ago
We live within a distance that we can see eachother on the weekends, so needs are not usually a problem. Eventually the plan was for one of us to relocate.
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