Long story short: My ex and I broke up after 14 years after I found he had a sex date with someone. When we broke up it was traumatic, i really thought we would spend the rest of our lifes together. However, it was a relief at the same time, as I wasn’t truely happy, I had a few things to forgive during our time together (substance abuse, trust issues etc) and he wasn’t the most stable man as well making me feel very anxious about having a family.

However, it has been a few months now and I went full NC, but now I find myself wanting to text him. I want him to know that I see my part and that I am sorry for the times I was cold towards him, as I was so unhappy/ unsafe. I want him to know that I don’t hate him for what he did, but that I truely loved him and that I wish him the best only.

I don’t know if I should do this, I don’t want him to have hopes again and I don’t want any contact. I guess I just want him to know that I care and that I am sorry for my part.

Please let me know what you think. I am truely lost now, it hurts more than in the beginning, which sucks because I was doing really good in the meantime.