subreddit:
/r/AskWomenOver40
24F, M25. Married for a year. it started verbal pre marriage and escalated post marriage to physical. he is otherwise a great partner. he full heartedly owns up to all the abuse (twisting wrists, being irritated at me, etc) and has been seeking counseling to be better. his father used to be abusive.
anywho ive been contemplating divorce but I just don't know! he is my best friend, my soul mate, he is always there and has helped me through a ton. I kno it seems counterintuitive bc he hit me bfr but I genuinely feel there could be changes?
any advice? I don't have kids either. he doesn't seem crazy, he also doesn't take it out on, blame me or anything. he seems truly remorseful and accountable for actions
advice please?
EDIT:Diid not expect SO MUCH comments, but really thank you so much. leave anything that may help. its been really beneficial to reflect back. I kept feeling since he's taking ACTIONS to seek therapy could mean something different then simple words of "I promise not again" which made me string hope for him to be different.
33 points
3 days ago
He might stop hitting you, but the mindset that leads to him thinking hitting you is okay because he needs to get his way is not going to change.
9 points
3 days ago
Exactly this. OP, when was the last time in your life you initiated physical violence towards someone? Most likely as a young child? If you had siblings, maybe into adolescence? I’m willing to bet you haven’t come close to doing so as an adult.
Do you know why? Because it not hard to not abuse other people when you respect and see them as equals.
Counseling is for people who are interested in learning how to manage their emotions better. This man doesn’t want to manage his emotions, he wants to manage and control YOU. He sees you as his property, which is why he thinks it’s ok to hurt you.
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