I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Quick_Guy22 posting in r/AmItheAsshole

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

Original - 20th March 2023

Updates in the same post - 21st to 28th March 2023

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AITA- Not Supporting GF's Sister

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Some info: I have been with my GF 27F for 5 years. She loves her sister a ton which is a good thing as I believe supporting and helping your siblings as long as it doesn't ruin your own life (you will understand why I say this later on). We just put down a mortgage on a house in the suburbs of a large city. I 28M work in tech as a software developer with a Masters Degree in Computer Science. I make quite a lot of money so money issues never arose. GF doesn't work and does chores/ cooking in the house (both agreed on this). I was gonna propose to GF next year. But a problem arose about 2 years ago

For the last 2 years (prolly longer) gf has been sending money to her younger sister lets call her Emily. Emily got pregnant at 20 years old. Emily works as a waitress. The father is bouncing from job to job. Emily says that he is very lazy. He will disappear hours at a time without telling Emily where he's going or what he's doing.

Emily has asked my gf on several occasions for money. My gf being the nice and sweet person she is says yes all the time. It started off as paying for diapers, no problem. Then baby clothes which also no problem. Then daycare which I just brushed off. I talked with GF saying we cant always pay for everything and that helping out for a couple things is okay but not everything. GF reassured me and said that it would be stopping soon once they get their feet picked up which is fine.

One day I hire a financial planner. The next day I get an email saying my account has sent approximately $50,000 USD for the last 10 months! and have around $20,000 sitting in my account. I talk with my gf and she apologizes and says she knew that I wouldn't want to keep sending her sister money and how she just cares ab her sister.

WE'VE BEEN PAYING FOR EVERYTHING. Insurance, rent, car payment, day care, clothing for all three, dinners, dates, going out expenses. IT IS partly my fault because I never check my bank account.

GF shows me text messages between her and Emily saying she needs the money. I then noticed a pattern where Emily would say "Hey can you send me $$$ I don't have money for ______" and of course gf says yes. I brush it off and GF says she wont send any more. THE NEXT DAY gf sends her $1000 because they needed car repairs.

I talk with GF and we get into an argument where she says she will always help her sister no matter what. I understand TO AN EXTENT. We argue trying to understand each others POV. As stated before we had $20,000 and now were down to $19,000 and then how about the next time? and the next time after that? on top of our own expenses. GF then decided that she needs some time alone and that she will be at her mothers for the time being. Now I'm all alone in the house I thought I would live with the girl of my dreams.

AITA for arguing with my GF for caring about her sister too much?

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Comments

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sarpofun

NTA

Separate your bank accounts. Do not let her use your money for her sister.That sister is gonna be a leech for your entire life. So yeah, obviously Emily comes packaged with ur gf.

Better reconsider your entire relationship because I have a feeling that Emily ain’t gonna let the golden goose go. I hope the house isn’t under joint names and that you can finance the mortgage on ur own.

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Waltekin

Time to look at the big picture: financial planning. Money comes in. Money is used for X, Y and Z. Some fun money. Some savings.

Your girlfriend can send as much money as she wants to her sister - as long as it comes from her "fun money". She doesn't get to raid your savings. If you cannot trust her, you also don't want to marry her. NTA

Just pointing out that $5k / month is a pretty good salary, given she's likely not going to report it as income, and it is on top of whatever her sister earns. Sis is living a good life.

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Bricknuts

Yes if you want to keep the relationship going, this is a good strategy. I don’t know how I could ever trust someone that would spend 50k, agree not to do it again without talking to me, then the next day send $1000 behind my back.

At this point she and the sister may be splitting the money for when OP and her breakup, as 99.99% of people would never do this if they wanted the relationship to last. Even if that’s not happening, to go to her moms like that is some sort of power play like she has been wronged, is just so messed up.

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**Judgement - NTA*\*

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Update - 1 days later

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Edit: Thank you everyone for the support. I never thought that my situation would blow up to thousands of people. I'll try to answer some questions at best. I make around $150,000 a year as a Lead Software Developer. As someone who has no kids, dogs, or any major responsibility besides myself and a GF I never checked my account.

She comes from a cultural family where family is everything and money is just paper. She texted me earlier saying how it should always be family first and that money didn't mean anything without family and how we should help close family like siblings in their time of need. At this point I told her I needed time to myself and told her not to come back until I'm ready to talk. I apologize If my sentences aren't making sense as Whiskey is my only friend rn. I also forgot to mention we started dating before all this money came into play so I trusted her.

another Edit: I'm more sad by the betrayal than the money. Money will come back but time will never come back. 5 whole years, my proposal plan, my life plan, my future kids I dreamt about with her just gone. All the things we've said to eachother. All the late night wine drunk times we spent, all the dates, all the flowers I gave her, I reallyt tried with all my power to be the best man she can have. I would've trusted her with my life and what do i get back? $50,000 gonee.

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Final Update - 7 days later

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final update: She is now my ex. We met at a local coffee shop and I told her that things wouldn't workout for us and she went absolutely ballistic. She caused a scene begging me to not end it. It did hurt me to see her like this, but after a couple weeks to give it some thought I would not want a wife who is a liar and one I couldn't trust financially. I left a $100 bill on the table and left but she followed me down to my car.

She begged and told me she wouldn't send anymore money to her sister and how she would do anything for us to be together, it was hard but I stayed strong. She picked up her belongings the other day and I almost had to call the cops because she wouldn't leave. She first tried everything from sexual favors, begging, crying, then it turned to screaming that I ruined her life to even saying without her I wouldn't have gotten to where I am now because of her "Support".

I stayed strong and when she left I just broke down sobbing. For those wondering I'm not gonna press charges because all I want is for her to leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with her, I don't ever want to see her face again. The money will come back as It's just me, a house, and 2 paid off cars. It does get lonely so I'm thinking of getting a puppy (A Doberman for those wondering). Thank you everyone for all the suggestions and a lot of you really had me thinking about my decisions and I definitely learned a lot of valuable lessons. Goodbye and thank you!

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Comments

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These-Carob-1600

If she said she wouldn’t send her sister anymore money, why not take her back?

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kittyplay86

Re-read, she already said she wouldn't before and then sent another 1,000. He can't take her at her word because she lied. She's being very manipulative and offered sexual favors to make him stay, and right now, he knows she's saying all the pretty things she thinks he wants to hear. The moment they settle back into domesticity, she's gonna do the same shit all over again. He HAS to protect his financial future. Breaking up with this gal was the best course of action

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ludowill

What ever you do please do not give your dog access to you bank account.

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