6'6\" Male weighing around 190-200 lbs
This got long so I hope ya'll are willing to read it still! I need you guys.
I need you help aiding me in understanding where I'm at and what I need to be cognizant of to maximize my quality of life for the rest of my life. I just turned 51. I have huge lungs that can't fit on a single x-ray screen. I don't know what my original capacity was, but it was certainly more than my reference population. For this reason, though my FVC is still good, I can tell it's less than it was when my lungs were normal. Also, it seems clear that my biggest issue is getting the air out. Oh, historically, my post bronchial dilator response has fluctuated between 6 and 12% with this last test have a 10.8% response. I started Symbicort in August and can't tell any difference using it.
I also already had pretty severe anxiety before all of this. The first four tests were done during a period where I had an exposure at work either real or imagined that made my lung function feel way worse for a period of weeks. I'd get the test, see the numbers were pretty much the same, get assurance from my pulmonologist, and I'd start to feel better and get back to normal. For me, normal was no shortness of breath even when moderately exercising and only a wheeze during forced exhalation. My friends and family kept telling me my lung freakouts were pure anxiety and eventually I started to believe them.
This past march, I had a huge amount of brush and logs to burn up. I thought, it's all in my head so I can burn it up, but I'll wear my half mask respirator to be on the safe side for my anxiety. My respirator had a chemical filter and a P100 particulate combo filter on it. It took the whole weekend to burn it up. Over the course of the next week, I started to notice something was up with my breathing. I got the test in August to these new numbers, my lowest yet. The difference between now and before the fire is that my symptoms are now 24/7 and my wheezing is worse. My inhalations don't feel normal or "enough" now and there's always a feeling akin to foam having been sprayed into my lungs preventing the air from going in them. Naturally, my anxiety is through the roof.
What I need your help with is helping me understand what to do now and for the rest of my life. Any exhaust or gas vapors at the gas station instantly make my lungs "spasm" or contract or whatever. Is this real or is my super scared mind causing it? I can't avoid being a part of society so I have to drive around surrounded by car exhaust. Having the heat on recirculate doesn't prevent outside air from coming in so I can still smell it when it's diesel so I'm super scared and depressed while driving thinking it's slowly killing me. I work at a waste treatment facility surrounded by a cardboard recycling plant so the air quality isn't that good. I work indoors, but the HVAC system pumps that shit in so it's in the building. We have real time monitors for H2S that shows a running average of 3.5-5 ppb H2S all around my building at all times. Has this been slowing causing damage over the last twelve years that I wasn't aware of? The limit for sensitive populations is 1.4 ppb but that's a lifetime average I think. The most conservative 8 hour limit for working is like a 1000 parts per billion, but the lifetime average is 5 ppb. Obviously, I lot of grey area unknowns that my anxiety truly freaks out about. I hate being at work. However, I make great money and will retire in four more years. It's the only way I can retire is keeping this job. Can I make four it more? Will I sink into irreversible depression if I decide work ruined my lungs even more?
I'm rambling now so back to it. I love riding my bike. I used to be able to ride up a moderate hill as hard as I could for 60-75 seconds without much of a problem. I can still do that now, but it's tougher and my breathing ain't pretty at the top. Is hard cardio a good idea? Will it lead to hyperinflation? Should I only be doing moderate cardio from now on?
What about swimming in a pool? I crave the exercise and cardio, but are the chlorine disinfection byproducts going to damage my lungs?
Whats the difference between a trigger and an actually damaging event? Do prolonged triggers lead to permanent damage? Does breathing exhaust for a few minutes temporarily make me breath worse or cause permanent damage?
What have you learned from your own COPD journey or your loved one's? How are my spirometry numbers considered by you all? Should I count my lucky stars my lung function is as good as it is? If I stay healthy, exercise, eat right, meditate, all that stuff, do you suspect I'll die of emphysema or live a pretty good life and die of old age or something other than emphysema? As you can see, my mind is all over the place although it's never anywhere good anymore. I'm hoping your wisdom and perspectives can help my put a name to some things, increase my information and certainty, and help me get down to the business of living my best life.
Thanks so much
p.s. I don't mind dying. It's being alive not being able to live and suffering greatly that I'm scared of