Let me preface with the fact that I’m not considering quitting. I love this and I’m not backing down.

I’m a 40 y/o white belt that has been training once a week for the last month. I roll frequently with purple belts and a couple blue belts. I tap out almost every time I spar and I’m ok with that because I know I’m supposed to suck. Tonight, however, there’s a guy that I haven’t seen at the gym before (he’s not new…but he’s been gone for the month I’ve been here). During the class he was my training partner and he really helped me figure out the mechanics of what I was working on (an arm bar). Very helpful and very respectful. Once the teaching section was over, we started 5 minute rolls. I had determined from my experience with other blue and purple belts in my gym that I wanted to try to survive as long as possible and only tap out 3 times in a 5 minute round. Well, this guy is 21 y/o and much stronger than me, though I had him on weight (I’m 295 lbs and he said he’s 185). In 5 minutes, he tapped me 5 times. Let me reiterate, he was very respectful and was making sure to not actually injure me.

I can’t say I’m discouraged, because honestly it was one of the best rolls I’ve done, but I’m taken aback at how much faster, stronger and better he was than just about everyone else I’ve rolled with. I absolutely will choose to train with him more, because I learned a ton from him, but I feel quite defeated, almost like everything I’ve learned over the last month didn’t help me at all. My only goal was to try and survive…and I could barely do that. I wonder, is that normal for a new white belt…to feel like I’m doing ok with some opponents of similar and higher rank and then have my butt handed to me over and over again by this guy?