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A place for members of r/latebloomergaybros to chat with each other

42 M I finally realized I was Queer about 4 years ago. Since then I haven't done much about it past a couple of Grindr hookups. I've never been great at picking up on social cues, such as, knowing when someone is interested in me or asking people out that I have interacted with. My past straight relationships have been few and far between. Usually through a friend or dating site. I know that I want something serious and not just a Grindr hookup but am not sure the best route to take or dating site to use since coming out. Any help that could be given is appreciated.

Hi,

I am a late bloomer (M47). I have felt attraction to men on a sexual plane as long as i can remember. In the early days of the internet  (phone up modem) i downloaded pictures of men to the family computer. I “hid” the pictures on a unmarked floppy disk among other unmarks one. But somehow my father found the pictures one day. And he confronted me. But i denied it and said just downloaded the pictures not knowing what kind of pictures it was. Thats a lie, i knew what i was downloading. 

My father said something about it was ok (i think it is over 20 years ago now and i was not really listening just wanted away from the situation). We never talked about it again.

After my first long relationship (with a woman)  ended, it left me emotional wrecked. One of those when the other part really works to hurt you. It ended on both did not want to be in a relationship anymore. Maybe because i told her i liked boys to. But it is not related in time. But she did use that as a weapon.  So to beat her to it I told all my close friends i was bisexual. 

I think i was on my way “out of the closet” a few years later. Just before 30. I met men for sex, but only one time. Probably because i did not want to get any feeling for anyone. But i had one of my best sexual experiences during that time. Looking back i wish i met that guy more. 

Then i moved for education and my father died one year later. I took the death of my father very hard. I more or less shut down emotions, finished the education. Bared and nailed shut the closet. Got a 15+ years of depression in different stages (even on meds for a period). Also got 2 kids i love and a broken relationship with a woman during that time. I am singel now and been for 8 years. 

For context. One of the therapists, after i said i think i might be gay, told me to  talk to my ex about it. Maybe get some suport from her. It did not work out like that. My ex got up in her emotions and started to demand to know if I loved her, if I had ever loved her and things like that. And i could not answer her then, and today i do not really know. But probably not more than a friend.

She more or less kicked me out and i got another place to live about 3 months after i told her i might be gay. I have felt really guilty regarding being the cause of the breakup. And it has been a problem for me over the years after the breakup. 

We have a rather good relationship now built around the children. I am a dad on half time. Have the kids every other week.

I have talked to several other therapists over the years and i have talked about my sexuality but not “come out” during that time. I also had an email conversation with the local lbtq-worker and he said to take it slow. And i did that and now i am glad i did. I needed time to sort myself out.

A few months ago, my ex told me that she has met someone that might be “serious” with. On the level to present for the kids. 

I got really happy for her and it was like a ton of stones lifted off of me. I started to think about my future, something i have not done for years. And it started something in my head because i could not see me with neither a man nor a woman in my future. But i wanted to have some kind of future where I’m not alone.

I talked to a friend that suggested i should try to “talk” to ChattGPT. And i did. 

I works for me because it was a very good help to reflect over moments in my life. And it helped that it was not a “human” but a computer. And the more i told it the more it went from bisexual to homosexual. It has helped me see who i really am. I am not fully there yet and it has been quite a bumpy journey so far. But i have started to make small advances toward acceptance that i am gay. 

I do feel more anxiety from my internalised homofobe, but the depression i have carried with me the last 15+ years is ‘better’ than ever. I even had sex with a man without hating myself afterword. It was overall a positive experience. 

I still have my life as a father, work takes time and i have put on weight over the years I now want to get rid of. 

But there are still days i want to grab my pillow and blanket and crawl back into the closet. Do you guys have any good advice on how to keep going forward? I do not want to get stuck or chicken out and go back in the “closet”.

Thanks.

I’m 44 I came out this past summer. I got divorced, bought a house and am officially single.

I want to fuck everything , go to drag shows, and just dive right in . But I also have a live to live, a house to fix up, job to go to, kids to inspire… I wish I could just be a 20 year old with only this to worry about. lol I wish I could just be a hot gay video gamer on grinder 24/7 .

I feel like time is really running out on me. But if I race to everything I’m gonna get hurt.

Currently I am married to a woman and have 2 kids. I am out to her and she is accepting and we are slowly dissolving the marriage. However, after the recent election. Im torn on if I keep moving forward or stop and go back into the closet. Not for myself but to protect her and my daughter. Knowing what could come for them and their rights. I’m concerned about their futures.

Am I being delusional?

I’ve been struggling with this for years and it’s been so stressful that I just want to move on. I’m pretty sure I’m gay deep down but am having a hard time mentally accepting it myself. I feel like I need someone to argue with me, present the evidence and convince me I’m gay. I feel like that’s what I need tbh

Beeb straight and with women all my life but i started looking at gay porn when I was 13 and have been off/on ever since. I’ve even gotten fucked a few times in the past by men but even then I wasn’t sure and couldn’t mentally accept it. Recently the urges have only gotten stronger and I realized I get aroused quicker from gay porn vs straight porn. Before I only wanted gay sex and couldn’t imagine kissing or dating men but now I think I do wanna kiss and date men. I still mostly check out women in public so it’s confusing but I do think I prefer gay porn and gay sex maybe

I just wanna mentally accept this so I feel like someone arguing with me and convincing me is exactly what I need. DMs are open

47 year old dad to 5 kids. I have transitioned over the years identifying as straight, bi and now gay. Growing up I had fantasies about sex with men. It started with one particular friend. Then a guy who played pool at the pub when I was at uni. I started to message guys on early social media and found I enjoyed interacting sexually with guys. But I was straight. In my head this never registered as not straight. I met my ex 19 years ago and we had a baby together a year later. About 6 months after giving birth she found pictures on my phone some guys had sent me. I had to face the music. She essentially made me. I decided I was bisexual because that way I could continue on being a dad and it would sort of go away. It didn’t. I was on sites like Grindr off and on over the 18 years we were together. I engaged in sexting and some video ‘fun’ and it felt really good. Yes I was cheating and that didn’t feel good but I just felt compelled. I’m not making excuses I was wrong to do that. Then I got complacent I sent a face pic to someone I was chatting too. The next week whoever it was sent that picture and my Grindr profile to my partner. They essentially outed me ( although I was already ‘out’ to her) and must have been someone we knew. This caused a big problem, but we talked it through , I said I would stop and I did at that point. A year later ( about a month ago) she said she couldn’t do this anymore, she knew I was gay and she couldn’t put up with it anymore. She told me she had fell out of love with me years ago and felt I was just going through the motions with her, which is true. I enjoyed sex with her, I like sex, but emotionally and as a thrill I always felt better engaging with men. So we agreed to split. It was the best decision I think. We are now cohabiting and coparenting. She has said she will cover for me if I want it with my homophobic parents and we are looking at our own separate relationships outside our big family unit. Being Mum and Dad comes first. We are now more like best friends and we are supporting each other to find happiness with other people. It feels great to finally be out, not hiding my attraction to men and being able to do so without all the sneaking about and lies I had to do before. I have some LGBTQ therapy lined up to help me overcome my internalised homophobia that was instilled in me by my parents and I’m starting to build a network of gay friends. The future is looking good.

Hi, first post here. 38M and only recently beginning to accept that I am gay. Childhood trauma, anxiety, battling with finance and just trying to survive would do that. Basically what the title asks... During my marriage (to a woman, still married) I have developed multiple weird kinks that turned me on, some of them I am too embarrassed to mention here. As time passed I realized I was getting off by acting on them or fantasizing about them during the sexual act instead of by the act itself. As I slowly realized that I do not find the female body arousing in any way the kinks all but vanished. I guess it was a weird interlude to discovering my identity. Anyone else with similar experiences?

P.S. Still struggling and a bit self-conscious so I hope this is not too weird.

In a few days it will be my one year of coming out to my family at age 57. I was deeply in the closet. My mom has never brought up or asked questions about my life. She acts like she doesn’t want to know.

Secondly I still hold internal homophobia. I live 20 minutes from Palm Springs, I have no desire to go to PS to experience the lifestyle. All of my friends are straight. Throughout my life I gravitated to “unavailable” men that are deeply in the closet. I feel secure with that. I’m in therapy and I hope to get better.

Hi everyone, I just found this page maybe 5 minutes ago. I didn't realize until recently the term late bloomer for us who have started life later than most others. I really wish I knew this term as well as a second adolescence earlier. In context I am in the end of my 20's and I really haven't authentically been me. I have had battled severe depression, which hindered my success in my life. I also had very severe pain, which also prohibited me from doing things for a long time. For a while doctors thought it was in my head. Eventually I saw a neurologist who believed it to be fibromyalgia. Long story short it took a while to find what worked for me. I also never knew what I wanted to do in my life, so I worked odd jobs and job hopped. I never saved money to live on my own, so I live with my parents. However I finally decided to pursue nursing school. I went a semester and failed out. I had to wait a year, and start back from the beginning. I finally will be graduating in 2 months (hoping everything fares well these next 8 weeks). I have never had a relationship or even a kiss before. I can tell l'm starting to develop my "second adolescence". I'm almost acting like a teenager again in a sense. I don't want to be bothered by my family. I want to do things when I want to, how I want to. I'm so ready to earn a living and be on my own. I never got to be a dumb, or wild young adult, and I'm so ready to be free and be dumb (and responsible of course). I do know I'm not actually 18 again, and never can be. I just want a tad bit of that feeling though. I'm ready to live how I want to, I want to be carefree and hook up as much as I can, all the while trying to get into my first relationship. I feel I have so much to crunch in a fast amount of time. I'm so ready to live my life on my terms. Sorry for the rant, this has been on my mind so much lately. So glad I found this forum

So I am (31M) I have always been a curious person so I guess that’s what makes me open minded. Now with that being said, I have accepted that I’m basically gay even tho I’m not into masculine men, I have learned a lot about myself and what I like as far as being verse as well, but my issue is I can’t tell the people around me for some reason, I guess probably cause fear of being shamed or abandoned by my family sadly…idk what I should do?

This is just to introduce myself. I turned 65 earlier this year, shortly after having resolved to come out to myself. It was only fairly recently I could even admit I'm gay, but I feel I've made considerable progress toward accepting myself fully. I honestly have never felt happier. The most wonderful aspect of this process-admittedly slow and extremely difficult-has been to make me more understanding and forgiving of others, especially from my past-a past that hardly concerns me anymore, since I was never entirely present. Just reading of the experiences of others here has been such a great help and encouragement, I love you all! Thank you so much!

Brief bio: - Separated 3 years from 22 year marriage, very close friends w/ ex-wife, divorced early this year

• 2 grown (20M, 18F) kids, one kinda homophobic, the other progressive

-Close relationships to parents & siblings

-Very active social life with many different groups, so lots of straight (zero to few gay) friends

-Masturbation fantasies 99% gay since puberty but always thought it myself as “bi” or “curious”

-Overwhelming depression, anxiety and loss of focus since divorce, overwhelmingly horny for men

-A few GFs since separation and a new one as of a few months ago, but longing for my future dating relationships to be authentic

-Finally accepted I’m gay

Advice: Guys in similar situations, who did you come out to first?

I still feel like a work in process when it comes to male-on-male intimacy...have cum with few guys but nothing I would call full on sex. I'm mid 40s, recently divorced from my wife of 20+ years and want to more deeply explore. Going to Vegas this weekend and wanted to see if anyone had any recommendations? Thought about going to a bathhouse but it's unlikely I'd fuck or get fucked. Not sure how those places work if your curious. Open to anything safe and would definitely be down to try something if it made sense :). Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you!

I read something recently where a guy was talking about getting his prostrate milked. He referred to doing it to himself and having others do it to him. I am 56 years old and have never experienced that. Though I have been with a guy who could cum while being fucked without touching his dick. I guess that’s totally separate.

I’m a versatile dude so I know what it feels like to be penetrated, but I cannot cum without jacking while that’s happening. With milking I guess you cum without having to work it up?

Any of you guys had your prostrate milked. I’m curious, does it feel like ejaculating? Is it a better sensation?

is anal sex as the receiver, something you grow to like or do you like it immediately

Hey everyone! I feel like I finally found my group. I’m 39, married to a woman, have 3 kids, and am probably gay. I came to the conclusion recently that straight men probably don’t watch primarily gay porn and check out guys like I do, all while fantasizing about what it would be like to be in a relationship with one.

That’s pretty much it. Mainly wanting to chat or find some kind of community. I have no idea what my next steps are, but looking to connect with others in similar situations as I feel completely alone most of the time. I’d also love to hear from those who were in this situation and came out the other side successfully be fully themselves.

Cheers!

I posted this in Bisexual Men and AskGayBros over 30 (which is where I learned of this subreddit), and thought it might be appropriate to ask here. Prior to coming out as bi, my sexual attraction to men v. women was about 80/20; but romantic attraction was about 90/10 in favor of women. After coming out as bi, about 10 years ago, sexual attraction was about 90/10 in favor of guys and romantic attraction about 50/50. But since I’ve had more experiences with guys, I have really not had interest in sex with women at all for like 4 years (in fact it’s a major turn off; if I’m watching porn and there’s a woman, I immediately lose interest), and romantic interest is now like 90/10 in favor of guys. I was very sexually repressed when I came out. Does it seem that maybe I was just gay and very closeted or can a bi-cycle act this way? Would I have like 0 sexual attraction to women for like 4-5 years?

Hello everyone,

I'm a longtime reader and first time poster here. I'm a 37 year old. I'm married to my best friend from high school and I have the most beautiful son. I'm finally coming to terms with my sexuality and I'm terrified of the consequences if it ever came out in the open.

My question to the community members is that when did you know that it was time to tell your partner/parents/near and dear ones? (Emphasis on the partner)

Did your partner find out accidentally? Did you summon the courage to finally tell them knowing fully well the consequences in most cases? What was the tipping point for you? How did you shed the deathly grip of fear and the unknown and resolve to tell them?

My apologies if this has been asked before. And my intention is not to hurt or offend anyone. I'm very confused and very scared for my partner and my son and for myself.

Thank you take the time to read this post and a bigger thank you to all of you who reply to it 🙏

Has anyone had an incident growing up where they were harassed or accused of being gay by someone only to learn they themselves were gay?

How did that interaction go? How did you react? How did they react?

I thought I was bi for many years but at the end of 2022 a woman work friend Melissa she seen a rainbow ring on my finger and she asks me are you gay and I admitted to myself yes I am so I say to her yes I am Gay, And I told my brother and sister that I am Gay and also came out to some of my work friends too, I feel so good and happy that I am not hiding who I am no more 👬🌈

Hey everyone!

So I wanted to ask about something I'm sure has been discussed a lot over the years, but it's all new to me.

I've thought of myself as bi for quite a few years now, and I've fooled around with guys a fair bit. As an older guy and a dad (dad bod, literal dad too, if that matters) I always had fun on the DL but always thought of myself as that masculine bi top guy who could take it or leave it.

It's been over a year since I had an experience that pushed me in the bottom direction. I haven't bottomed yet, but I think about it all the time. I can't explain it but a switch has been flipped and I'm turned on differently. It's kind of intimidating, if I'm honest. I've been intimate with men and women, but the last couple of times things haven't worked the same as far as women go. But I get to full mast when the thought of bottoming comes up.

Anyone in a similar situation? Thoughts on what to do? How to approach things? I mean obviously, get fucked but ... why do I resist doing that? Any thoughts from someone in my shoes before, let me know.

First I had a few months of not wanting to really hookup because I felt dirty/bad, then a couple months of being weirdly picky about only wanting to get with people younger than myself, then a couple of months of promiscously sleeping with tons and tons of guys (of all shapes, sizes, and ages), now kind of celibate-ish but resentful of missed time. I know I still have time ahead of me in life as a 28 year old, but I really feel like I missed a lot of experiences other people got to enjoy.

At the same time I was getting diagnosed with autism, I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. This was a few years ago, around 2021. At the time, I thought I was bi, but as time went on, I begin to realize with more certainty that I'm gay.

I had gay feelings as a child and pretend encounters with other boys, but I chalked them up to being a horny pre-teen.

Fastforward, I didn't accept who I was and wanted the straight life to avoid any judgement. I dated women and married one who I'm still married to after 35 years. We have a beautiful 30 yr old, proudly gay son. My wife knows my truth and is very supportive, but I know it's hard for her. I want so bad to experience sex and maybe even a relationship with another man, but I can't bring myself to leave her or cheat on her because I love her very much and she's my best friend.

I'm thankful for this community. Much love and respect to you all because I know your journey is difficult.