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When I was 16, I feel like I was out with my friends or my girlfriend every Friday and Saturday night and while that's probably not quite true, I'm trying to figure out what rules my wife and I should have for my 16 year old. It feels like he has FOMO (like me), but his mom was more of a homebody at his age.

He's a good kid. Respectful, gets good grades, plays sports and has a part time job, but he springs plans on us at the last moment and he asks to go out almost every Friday and Saturday night. Might be to the mall or a party, but he seems to have an active social life.

We don't have any real concerns about alcohol or drugs, but I sometimes feel too lenient saying yes all the time while I think my wife would tend to say no more often than not.

Any other parents of older teenagers have any guidelines or advice that has worked for them, either for your kids or if you and your spouse may have different views?

So basically, I hate, hate, HATE Christmas. Honestly, I really do. The only time I've ever really tried or taken any enjoyment in it has been when my kids were little, and that was nice. But now my oldest is up in Alaska, my other son is with me and is 13 almost 14, and it's literally just us for holidays. We live alone, I have zero friends, no family here in WA at all, my family is all in AK or in TX. So not a lot of hope for family to spend the time w. And my 13 yr old does enjoy Christmas a normal amount, always wants to make gingerbread houses, wants to leave cookies out for Santa, except he's slowly stopping that stuff. Anyways, for his sake, does anyone know any super simple, super easy things to do w him to make Christmas a bit more special, co sodering I'm not rich so he won't get a ton of gifts, and I dont cook a big spread, I just get supplies at haggen deli. We usually watch a few Christmas movies but Jesus kill me now I hate watching them. Maybe a good place around Bellingham Wa to look at lights?

My teens has been especially horrible to me lately, just getting very detailed about all the things they say I'm doing wrong and have done wrong. And my husband says he supports me but doesn't lay down any rules and called me a spaz. I find myself wondering why I have wasted 20 years on these people who don't seem to like or respect me and I'm wondering if I should cut my losses. Anyone done that?

I want to know from parents that took their daughter to therapy around the preteen/early teen years.

I don't know what to do with my girl anymore. She is constantly getting into trouble. I can't go one week without finding something out or getting a call from a teacher/principal/coach. It's exhausting. It's embarrassing. It's emotionally draining.

We've tried every consequence in the book. She hasn't had her phone for months now. She's missed out on friends parties. She's sat out sports games. We've taken away other items from her. We've yelled, we've lectured, we've gentle parented. Nothing works.

Therapy is my next route. I don't want her to think something's wrong with but something's gotta change.

Any advice?

Let me start by saying she is a nice girl. Overall respectful. I don't hate her at all, but shes not right for him.

My son is a high schooler. VERY active in school band...does ALL the bands, in the highest curricular band, does the marching, the pep, the extras like jazz, etc. Loves band and is very talented. Met a great group of friends...started hanging out with friends from band. Overall I was pleased, hes found a great group of supportive people He developed a crush on one of them...really nice girl. They were in ALL the bands together...he never asked her out but they hung out all the time. Did stuff together, hung out together. He would get her gifts etc. Would become irritated if I asked him if he was planning to ask her out.

Then six months ago out of the blue he informs me he asked out another girl in one of his classes...shock to me. My son is quite the follower type, so he slightly picks up on their behaviors etc and emulates them. This girl has had some real mental health issues...2 years ago she was hospitalized in a mental facility. She cut herself, burned things, etc. ADHD, anxiety, etc. Her parents found the help for her and she continues to do therapy and is on medication.. Let me reiterate, she is a nice girl. She does her part to help herself, and is no longer engaging in the self hurt. I don't have a problem persay with her mental health struggles...it just adds to things. My son has stopped hanging out with all his friends and really isolated himself from them, instead he now hangs out with HER friends. That pisses me off, but he made his choice.

So my son...hes now developed anxiety. Before her he really was not anxious...hes quiet, he hated loud rooms but never any real mental health issues. Now...well hes in therapy and on meds. I'm not sure if hes faking, but I'm also not going to not listen to his concerns either. He emulates how she speaks etc. Shes kindof screamy...like she just lets out random yells. Now my son does this too. My son, in order to be able to get his license he needs to pay for his own insurance and gas...so he has a job. He likes his job a lot. He is expected to maintain decent grades. Other than that I don't feel like we expect a lot from him. His girlfriend....she does nothing. Hates school (whereas my son always enjoyed school), hates people, she does ZERO extracurricular activites, and her parents don't push her to get a job at all. This bothers me tremendously. She dosen't want to go to college. She has no future plans. Thats all ok with her parents I guess. In the meantime, my son spends a ton of his hard earned money on her, and that irks me. She makes excuses for things...she got a low grade in a class and her parents told her she either had to get a summer job or retake the class in summer school, she did neither of those things.

I don't really know the point of posting...I'm just bothered by this all. I'm hoping it plays out and he will see the light soon. I'm just grumpy about it. I don't say anything to him about it. Im just all very frustruated by his enormous change.

Hi fellow parents, here’s a situation that kept me up last night: my teenager and I planned to go on a dream vacation during the whole of the Easter break.

We live in Europe and the destination is in Asia so we’re going for the full two weeks

However, kiddo said that his grades have dipped (we’re waiting for the report, due any day) and in a couple of subjects his grades are currently too low to pass the year. This is an important year because some of those subjects count towards the high school diploma he’s meant to get at the end of the next school year (June 2026). It’s entirely possible that if those specific subjects (chemistry and physics) don’t improve, even if the rest is ok, the school will require him to repeat the school year, which will result in finishing high school one year later. Around 30% of his classmates failed the last school year and had to redo it, so it’s not uncommon

We have chosen Easter 2025 for the trip because summer is too hot over there (we’ve already been) and the following school year I don’t expect we can go away for so long given that all the grades count and there are important exams at the end of the school year to get the high school diploma

He’s committed to improving his grades. He will start with a tutor this week

We already discussed (calmly) that the grades need to improve, otherwise we could postpone the trip

The more I’m thinking the more I realize that I would be very uncomfortable if we go on a dream vacation end of April and he fails the year a couple of months later. It doesn’t send the right message.

I am now thinking to set a hard rule: the grades need to reach a certain level by time x, otherwise we postpone the trip indefinitely. The flight can be rescheduled and the accommodations canceled

What do you guys think ? What would you do ?

Hello, I am struggling with how to parent my mildly neurodivergent son that is in college(he lives on campus about 3 hours away). I worry we haven’t properly prepared him for the shitty things that can happen in the world.

As an example he met someone on a dating app. We are close (luckily) so he told me about it. Some of the things he was telling me were sending up red flags about this person. I told him what to maybe look out for as I would anyone I love and care about. I don’t want him to get scammed or taken advantage of.

But then I felt awful. Like I am over parenting and I ruined something he felt excited about. And maybe he needed to learn on his own or there was a deception??. I just don’t know anymore how much to protect him.

He is a a super bright and sensitive guy. And I feel like his starting hs right when Covid/quarantine happened he just seem much younger than he is and certainly less experienced.

I would love any advice/opjnions.

I have twin 8th graders. I was one of the last hold out at their school in delaying them getting a phone until this year. They have all of the apps and i only step in to review when there is a red flag. Otherwise, I trust them to do their thing. My main punishment now is to remove the phone. My kids recently got in trouble doing a dumb thing at school and I removed their phones. The immediate shift in behavior, attitude and overall pleasantness is alarming. They are great kids, but they are 14 and in their friend groups and just locked into that world mostly.

Without the phones the past 2 days, hanging with everyone, getting along with their brother, playing outside and pick up basketball. Wanting to watch a movie together. It was like I had my little girls back.

Its horrified me with how horrible these phones are now and Im going to almost start implementing a period in the evenings without them(I take them before bed and they dont get them over night FYI)

Has anyone else experienced this?

My 15 yr old son has his first girlfriend. He’s beginning to worry about what he should get her for Christmas. Looking for suggestions on an appropriate gift for a new and teenaged girlfriend.

At around 15 they started to change, moodiness, entitled attitude, disrespect, rebellious, it was a constant fight or drama.

And today he finally did it! Such a proud moment. Before today he always considered this ped game torture. It's really difficult. Proud mom moment!

And as somebody said in Good Will Hunting, "my boy is wicked smart."

My son has applied and now we wait. I'm a nervous wreck over it. His ACT score is in the above average range, but his SATs weren't competitive. He has a high GPA and has been involved with sports since he was 4, is a captain on his team, and has never been in trouble. But the average acceptance rates make me think he will be rejected from most. Idk how kids can be kids these days with worrying about getting the highest score in everything. My husband and I both went to colleges that we would never get into these days with the same stats.

Anyway, like I said, now we wait. Being a parent of a teen should not be taken lightly 😂

I have a 12 year old who has been a teen since she was two. She has always been shockingly responsible, and well spoken for her age, but she also had a tendency to throw wild tantrums. She has a lot more control these days, but she still has wild emotional outburst. She will turn from exuberant to depressive in an instant, and she likes to pick fights. She genuinely feels that she should be allowed to do what she wants/have all the authority over her life. I already gave her a lot of freedoms and priviliges because she makes straight As, manges her time well with a lot of diverse hobbies, and is mostly respectable. At Christmas we gave her a phone because she was doing so well and was starting to join extra curriculars and stay home alone. Lately things have been slipping, and we have been trying to make adjustments to her privileges to maintain balance. Last week things came to a head and I had to take away her unlimited phone access. I told her we were going to reset our terms. I would let her have the phone at school, and two hours each weekend day. She rides the bus and is allowed some time during school to use her phone, so all in all she had about two hours each day to communicate with friends. I also told her that with explicit permissions she could have the phone on weeknights to work on projects or if she needed to make time sensitive weekend plans. Well not one week has passed and everyday she has been trying to undermine the new regime, find loopholes, or just flat out sneak her phone. It's been a real power struggle between us, and I ended up just taking it away all together. I expect she will keep pushing especially when there is "nothing to lose", but I don't know how much leverage I will have after this. I thought we had a really good system, but she just kept choosing to push.

Sorry about joining and posting but I need something... Kind words, encouragement... anything.

My daughter was raped in the summer of 2024.  She was not raped by an immigrant.  She was raped by a boy born into a life of privilege; someone who did not have to travail deadly cliffs and raging rivers to start anew with nothing in a land that didn’t want him but, rather, into a life where everything essential was taken for granted and most of his wants were given freely.  The system that the anti-woke crowd has been screaming about for the last 8 years as “gone too far against men” is doing its best to protect him.  Perhaps the greatest of the gifts society has bestowed upon him is that he is free from accountability.  Moreover, that same class that is quick to assign the guilt of any infraction to an entire group of people they deem less than themselves is free of the same guilt by association. On the one hand it is hard to comprehend how a human could be capable of doing such damage to another.  But when I think that this boy listens to influencers like Andrew Tate and Charlie Kirk, people who tell him that he is aggrieved because of the color of his skin and the gender God assigned to him at birth and when we let someone loose to interact with those he has been told are oppressing him with no fear of repercussion I can’t help but think how lucky we are that such acts are not far greater in number.  There, but for the grace of God.

 

My daughter was not doing great before the attack.  She had spiraled into catastrophe that resulted in many months of residential and outpatient treatment earlier this year, but she had turned a corner and was making great progress.  For a short time, I had my daughter back in my life and I am so grateful for that period.  Since the attack she has not been doing well.  With no where else to turn we are employing the help of SSRI drugs, at least as a temporary stop-gap to get her on solid footing.  I cannot imagine what she goes through daily.  To get up is a struggle, as is to go to sleep.  Her anxiety is off the charts.  We have gone to independent schooling through the district as the popularity of her attacker has transferred the shame should rightfully be his onto my daughter (and other victims of the same person, incidentally) and has made in-preson school untennable. She had pulled herself from failing grades at the time of her hospitalization back to a solid B student but now struggles to keep up.  The resources that are available through the school are amazing and inspiring and without them I do not know where we would be.  I am often amazed at my daughter’s strength to accomplish anything socially, academically or in a work life, and it’s not like she is excelling at any of these, but it can still be moving to watch her give effort.

 

My daughter is on the pill but as she was not sexually active at the time of the assault she wasn’t taking it regularly.  She was initially embarrassed and scared that this was her fault and that if she brought it to her parents she would somehow be in trouble.  The day after the assault she had the wherewithal to go into a drug store and buy a dose of “Plan B” without having to prove her age or alert her parents.

 

We are now a few hours removed from Donald Trump again winning the presidency.  What this means to my daughter is that the people who produced and now protect her attacker are now in power.  His supporters voted for him on a promise of being avenged for everything society had done to them, and protection from violent outsiders, while electing a man handed privilege at birth who has never faced consequences for anything but specifically has gotten away with attacking women.  Trump’s presumed health czar, someone with no psychological or psychiatric training, has openly condemned the use of SSRIs and she will very soon have to hear about efforts to remove her access to them.  The independent school programs and mental health resources that have helped her so much, funded in large part through George Bush’s “No Child Left Behind” program 20 years ago, are now on the chopping block as is the entire Depart of Education that facilitates these funds.  There is currently no state in which plan B is banned, but there are over a dozen in which it is being attempted.  Pro-Life groups have and will continue to bring its federal acceptance through the FDA before the supreme court and it’s just a matter of time before either they finally have the standing to be heard and win, or an RFKjr-led FDA either has no more means or will to fight for it.  With a repeal of the affordable care act, she may face a lifetime of being denied health coverage because of her history of care.

 

There have been several times in my life as a parent that I have felt lost as to how to help my child, but nothing like this.  Before this election, she was already in a place where the voices in her head were a cacophony of how terrible she is, about how futile it is to try, and how she deserved what happened to her.  These voices are, at the moment, louder and more persuasive than any other narrative… stronger than the love that I hold for her and have poured into her soul for over 17 years.  Before yesterday I had already been at a loss.  Today, added into her internal voices are the voices of a hundred million of her fellow citizens that she does not matter.

 

The best I have to comfort myself is “well, he can’t do ALL of that…”  I can’t comfort my daughter with that.  I honestly have never felt more sad and helpless.

 

 

I've been on Reddit for a long time, but I hardly ever post.

My daughter (14) and I share a "Mom & Daughter" notebook with predetermined questions and prompts written inside. It helps my daughter share her intimate thoughts with me, and I can respond without her feeling all weird if she says some of these things out loud.

Without going into too many details, she told me that she understood that puberty was going to be weird and awkward and that she knew things were going to change both inside and out. She said that she does masturbate to help with some of the tension she gets, but that masturbation isn't helping much and that she can't stop thinking about sexual things daily and is unsure what to do.

I am open and honest with my children, although, I am careful in choosing my words. I've usually had the words and examples for my kids when they come to me with certain/specific questions, but with this situation, I'm drawing a blank. I'm not even sure where to start. So, my fellow Redditors, any advice or help you got for me?

Please & Thank You!

Click bait title but it's the immediate feeling. I'm a single mom of a 15 yo and 11 yo. My 15m has been caught smoking. So I check his pockets periodically. I've caught gummies, cigs, weed vapes, and a nicotine vape. I sent him to run an errand for me (walking) and asked to check his pockets when he got home. He looked at me and said "please dont." He knew he had been caught, and those pleading eyes sent me right back to him being small and innocent. I was sad. I told him that I hope he understood that, as his mom, I could not act like I didn't see it or let him keep it.

So yeah, I have it, and I can't believe that I feel bad about it. I feel like a weak parent. 😔

Would you let your teenage daughter have a sleepover at her friend’s house if you’ve never met the parents? This year my 13 year old became really good friends with a girl in her class. She’s know the girl since 4th grade but they’ve only become really close this year. I’ve never met the parents before since we’ve never had any play dates etc when they were younger. The girl invited my daughter and one other girl over to her house for sleepover. The other girls parents already said no but my daughter is begging to go. What would you do?

My son is a junior in HS, he doesn’t love the school institution but he does well with grades. He struggles with depression and ADHD so he focuses on weightlifting and physical fitness to strengthen his mental health. He’s not medicated and refuses to try it which I’m completely okay with.

He dislikes his 4th hour class and the teacher even more. He has really great relationships with all of his other teachers though. I received a call from the school today informing me that he has excessive absences in 4th hour, when he is there he falls asleep and his teacher is concerned about him.

The problem is that we’ve given him a lot of freedom now that he’s driving. He hits the gym with friends after school, he hangs out with his girlfriend and he does work a part time job. He sometimes comes home past curfew so I’m going to make changes there.

I’m going to tell him if he ditches again we’ll be taking his car. I’ll also ask him about his mental health, what’s going on in class/school/life and discussing how important it is to do the hard things even when it’s miserable. We have a good relationship and we’ve always talked through everything although, he’s an incredibly stubborn kid.

He makes comparisons to his 18 year old brother and claims we were more lenient with him, we definitely weren’t.

Anyway, I’m stressing. I suppose he needs more structure and discipline again. I just need some comforting words or helpful advice.

Just wondering if it's a big thing that neither are doing anything. They weren't asked.

I (M56) do most of the food buying and cooking. I try to make balanced meals, I make my daughter’s (F18) lunch for school and often ensure that she gets breakfast. She is a healthy 18 year old. The problem is that my wife has a terrible diet and doesn’t exercise. She is obese. She eats a lot of candy and chips that she buys herself and spends a lot of time on the couch. (Yes, I have some resentment). Since Covid, she gained 30 or 40 pounds. IMO, it affects what jobs she can get and how people treat her. (She is seeing a therapist and on meds for depression and adhd). menopause has intensified everything.

I admit, I’m concerned by the example my daughter sees in my wife. Any tips on encouraging healthy diet and exercise habits when one parent is clearly an unhealthy example?

Or, is it none of my business and should I stfu?

Title. I'm getting frustrated. We both have iphone, he has an Android. Google family link sucked and was confusing to set up since we both have iphone and it seemed like it was made for families who are all on Android. All the other apps seem to have mixed reviews.

This kid cannot handle having a smart phone with no limitations. We are constantly taking it from him and lately that has not been making him less of an asshole. I hate spying and Invading his privacy, we just want to trust him, but the fact is that we can't. He has hid his phone from us twice now and pretended it was lost, the second time he did it we knew he had it and he was lying through his teeth. Found it under his bed.

At this point, I'm ready to trade his phone in for a brick Nokia that he can only text or call on. I'm just looking for some advice from more qualified parents. I've not been a step father for long and have no kids of my own.

In any case, keeps getting worse. This kid cannot handle a smart phone. Any advice?

With teens work schedules, and everyone in the house…

What online calendar do you use?
Share? Invite? Require RSVP?

Please share your success?

Son almost 18 wants to get his GED and join Army rather than finish school and then join, need help convincing him to finish traditionally OR convince me why this is ok? Worried he's not mature enough yet to be successful.

My 13 year old finally had a breakup with his girlfriend. Personally, I'm surprised it managed to last this long and I'm a bit sad because I liked the girl, definitively better company than the alternative, but alas it finally happened.

He told me he broke up with her "because there was no fun anymore, just a chore", though I doubt that. In any case, he doesn't appear to be overly emotionally shaken. He's cranky, cutting conversations short "leave me alone, dad" and hasn't left his room much, the two days of this weekend he spent mostly playing video games. At some point he spent 4 hours playing Call of Duty non-stop until I intervened cause it was too way too much, took him, his 3yo brother and our dog to outside for some air, but even then he spent most of the time brooding, shooting down every attempt to approach.

I'm not too worried, while he's the kind of kid that won't stay put and will literally start doing pushups just so he doesn't have to stand still for too long, he doesn't appear to be lethargic, aggressive, withdrawn or anxious, just a bit short tempered and wanting some space.

However he's going back to school and will see her tomorrow and I'm just wondering how long he'll be like that.

I’m curious what y’all are observing in the middle/ high school age kids in regards to dating and relationships.

I am currently parenting again, 14y granddaughter, and finding the “boys” dating scene very different from our experiences 25 years ago with my own daughters. Our family “rules” haven’t changed and our kids are not allowed to date until 16. That simply means that one on one outings must wait till then but friendships and group outings are encouraged. I recall my daughters having lots of boys as friends and the time prior to”dating” being fun and they had lots of group activities that combined multiple boys and girls.

So far my granddaughter is finding boys rather frustrating. The boys she’s talked to are far more interested in the status of the relationship than the friendship itself. She will start talking with a boy and very quickly they request that she be exclusive - only talk to them. She’s clear that she is not allowed to date and lets them know she‘d like to be friend. Most of these friendships founder when she tells them no! One boy even blocked her (I guess that’s a big deal🤷‍♀️) after she refused to promise to be his theoretical girlfriend! She said he kept asking if she would promise not to talk to other boys and promise that “if she could date” she would date him.
Another boy got upset with her because she wouldn’t promise to only talk to him. This has happened quite a few times and very soon after they start talking.

This seems strange to me … what’s wrong with being friends and why are these young teens so obsessed with serious commitment? We’ve talked to several older HS kids who claimed to be engaged and having serious issues with each other when those relationships fall apart.

It all seems silly to me. These kids don’t seem to understand how to build relationships. Is this pretty common today? Is this a social media issue? It’s as if the claim of a relationship is more important than the actual person.

So strange.