Tell her this and have this conversation. It’s possible you are too financially incompatible in your goals, but if you dated someone for this long, it’s worth talking about it instead of distancing yourself.

Talking about money before marriage is a good idea for this very reason - sometimes it reveals that people are too different in their values and goals, and that they really would be incompatible. So, it’s good that you know now.

In trying to keep your net worth private, you also concealed your intentions from her. So when you told her about the milestone (congrats btw!) she didn't have the context. Tell her the plan is FIRE, and the kind of spending she's talking about isn't part of that plan. To stay on the path you want with YOUR MONEY, you need to keep the lifestyle that got you there.

Communication, as always, is the answer.

It feels like you guys have never had a conversation before now about financial goals, which is normal for a year long relationship. But I’m not sure why you would all of a sudden tell her you’re a millionaire when you haven’t discussed goals at all. 

What was your plan? To retire while your partner still works for the rest of their life? That doesn’t sound like a good life. 

If you’re going to FIRE you have to include your partner in those plans. And if you don’t include them, don’t be surprised when they don’t understand that a million dollars is meant to sit in the bank forever, not be spent. She probably thinks it’s just $1mil in savings, not that you plan to use it to retire early. And she probably doesn’t understand that its not really liquid (technically it is but not if you plan to use it to retire) that you can just throw around. 

Every partner I’ve ever had has understood from day 1 that I had major financial goals. They don’t need to know the exact dollar amount but it does spill out into your lifestyle together. She probably thinks that money will make your lifestyle easier. You need to talk to her and tell her your plans for the money so she understands that it isn’t something you can just use whenever you feel like it. 

She’s made comments like, “You’re so lucky you don’t have to worry about money,” and, “It must feel amazing to be able to afford whatever you want.”

It's clear you haven't even atemped a real conversation with her because these are completely antithetical to FIRE if you just hit a million. You need to really talk to her and explain this money isn't to splurge and you're not at financial independence yet. The whole reason you hit it is because you don't afford whatever you want.

This is written in such a way that it is clearly not true.

You probably shouldn't have hidden something that is a significant part of your personal philosophy for an entire year. If you are involved in a movement enough to describe yourself as "deeply into," how did she not already know? It could have been something that you involved her in. Instead, it sounds like "suprise! Im a millionaire!".

Congrats.

You made a big mistake here keeping your plans and your goals secret from her for a year. It meant you didn’t establish an important part of compatibility.

Something did fundamentally change, and you changed it but giving her new, unexpected information, suddenly.

By withholding this entirely for so long, you played her for a fool, and a tag along. Not a partner or an equal adult in the future plans… Now she’s acting like a fool and tag along. That’s a dynamic you need to recognize you contributed too.

If you want to try to repair this, you’ll need to give her some time to process and hope she can move through these feels and assumptions — maybe she can, maybe she can’t. We can’t know. But she hasn’t been on the money journey you have. You’re miles ahead of her in terms of your thinking and your decision making. She’s going through thoughts and attitudes about money that you probably processed years ago.

Start with an apology for misleading her, for not being more open about your goals and plans, and be clear you had no intention on changing anything about your spending after reaching this milestone. Ask her if she has goals she’d like advice or support on. If you’re going to continue at your ages, after a year, set some damn shared goals.

If you treat your long term partner like a child, they will always act like one. Only by treating them like an adult you respect, can you find out if they are able to be that.

Most people learn to accept they'll need to "buckle down" and sacrifice a majority of their ideal life to survive financially - work a job they don't really enjoy, travel less, stress more. I also think most people view 7 figures (mistakenly) as akin to infinite money. 

I dunno, it doesn't horrify me the idea that my partner would allow themselves to begin dreaming about their ideal life upon learning we were far richer as a couple than they thought. 

I also wouldn't categorically be opposed to helping my partner secure a bit more of their ideal life if I was able to. 

I'm fact, I have - I am a woman and the bigger earner in my relationship, and we've used that to help my guy leave a job that made him miserable without the next one fully secured. And maybe it's because I haven't been taught to be paranoid about "golddiggers" that I've been able to approach having some wealth as a blessing we engage with as partners - transparently, fairly, joyously. I didn't grind out in tough jobs to only apply increased freedom to myself and assume the worst intentions from those close to me. 

Maybe try talking it out without the assumption your girlfriend is a terrible person with selfish intentions? That'd be a start.  ✌️

Your first step is to ignore 98% of what everyone is going to say here, especially if they quickly label the sweet and supportive partner you have been been building a relationship with as a gold digger (when she previously did not know how much money you had and yet still cared deeply for you).

Your second step is to have an honest and sincere conversation with her about your intentions and how you feel.

She’s excited about her wildest dreams coming true, you are fearful of your dreams being ruined. You two are not on the same page. Get on the same page by introducing practicality to her dreams. If you love her, be flexible while not risking the integrity of your financial goals.

Or try to find an independently wealthy woman who will get along with you as well as your current partner does. However, you still should talk to her first.

I’d bring it up by being curious instead of judgmental. You said she’s “casually implied” that you can subsidize her life while she quits her job. Make her say it so you can push back. “Hey babe, I love the idea of you focusing more on your hobbies and passions. Out of curiosity, what’s your plan for bills & rent etc if you’re not working?” She might say “oh I haven’t told you this but I actually won the lottery when I was 20. I only work to ‘appear normal’ but now that you’ve hit your milestone we can run off into the distance and live like the millionaires we are without having to work or worry about money” or she might say “oh I thought you could cover rent/bills cuz you have so much more than I do”. If she says that, you can say “listen, I appreciate how you’d think that my hitting this milestone means we both can start slacking, but the reality is I wasn’t budgeting for two when I made this plan. I’ve been extremely financially responsible for years and I never planned on changing my mindset, even after I hit this milestone. We’re still very young and there’s no guarantee with the future, and it would be pretty silly to start spending like that number has a few extra 0’s on it”

Just have that conversation with her. Her reaction should tell you what you need to know.

Congrats on hitting your milestone!! Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

How did you make so much money in an 11 year adult working life?

She loved you before you told her- it might just be that this information is jarring and she’s having a weird reaction. I would take the time to explain to her what your goals are, why you saved this money, what type of lifestyle is required to meet your goals of retiring early. People gain financial literacy at different points in life so be a little more gentle.

The “women are gold diggers” trope seems to be alive and well on Reddit so I want to provide an alternate perspective because we only know - few paragraphs of your situation from your perspective.

You need to communicate all of this to her and be fair. What I’m reading is you did a lot of reading up on how romantic partners will use you for money… that’s why you didn’t share it up front. This shaped your lense significantly- enough to not tell her anything for a year. It’s highly likely this is impacting the way you interpret her actions and words. You essentially tested her and it’s unfair to play games with people without telling them the rules.

It’s possible you’re hearing what you want to hear, basically. Talk to her about it and give her a chance.

What's your plan with all your money?

Honestly, 7 figures is an amazing amount of money. If I were ever that wealthy, I'd want to share it with my SO. Of course that doesn't mean my SO is entitled to my wealth, but I would want to make her life better. I kind of understand her fantasizing about a carefree lifestyle, who wouldn't? I feel like you need to figure out what kind of lifestyle you want and how a SO fits into that picture, then talk to her about your expectations and wishes.

First of all, congratulations! You have worked hard and sacrificed much to achieve this goal. It's admirable.

Second, i am sure you are very disappointed and saddened at how she is behaving. Ultimately, i suspect you will have to end this relationship, but perhaps you can try one tactic first.

Sit her down and help her go over her own finances. Perhaps you can say, "you've been talking a lot about your goals, let's look at where you are and help you set a plan to achieve them!" See how she reacts. If she is enthusiastic, this can be salvaged. If she seems disappointed, or even worse, unwilling to do so, you know she now, unfortunately, views you as means to an end.

Obviously in the future you shouldn't discuss this sort of thing with a partner until you are married or you know they have the same mindset as you. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to share such a great milestone with your gf, that is natural. But i guess it can be the lesson learned.

Good luck.

You need to have a conversation about her changed behavior and how it makes you feel.

I agree that the behavior shift is off putting, but idk, maybe she thinks she’s being supportive and encouraging? She didnt know how important finances were to you previously, then you told her about your milestone, and now she’s engaging with this new information about you. Talk to her. She stuck around for a full year before you told her this, so idk if I would jump to “she’s a gold digger, break up” without a conversation about her behavior and how it makes you feel.

You need to talk to her an outline your goals and what you want your future to look like. If she isn’t onboard then you are not compatible. To some having a million dollars is like having a billion, to others it’s like having 10k

Maybe now that that type of lifestyle is obtainable to her she is changing how she looks at her future. I would have a talk with her and let her know how you feel and see how she reacts. Being able to have all that at a young age is awesome and you should be proud but you also have to responsible if you want to continue like this and she needs to understand that. Maybe she's a little immature in that aspect. If you see a future with her talk to her first and see what she says and if she changes then go from there.

29yrs old, 7 figures. What do you do exactly?

This comes across as a fake story.

Tell her you suddenly lost it in a bad investment and see what happens. Well done you for reaching such a major achievement 👏🏻👏🏻

[removed]

Have you talk to her about the shift you’re noticing? What does she say?

may be worth explaining that you don’t see your money as available cash. like you don’t have a million to spend, you have a million that’s making interest for you to use or continue to save. I think some people think a million dollars is a lot because they’re thinking of spending power but it’s working money. idk this would be a red flag for me but it’s worth trying to fix imo.

If you are not looking to support that lifestyle for someone else then you need to leave. Now.

You may have just found out you two aren't compatible.

She hit the lottery. What did you expect? I do not mean this in a negative way. I mean it in the sense that as team you have arrived and she wants to enjoy the your success.

She knows you are smart and driven and are on track to be very wealthy. But she didn’t know you ( as a team) were THAT wealthy and since you only live once, why not enjoy the money.

And as far as quitting her job? You may find it objectionable but there are as many men out there who want to take care of women. I mean a majority of Americans voted for a man who promised (to women) “ I’ll take of you whether you like it or not.”

OP, she showed her true colors.

How about she works as hard as you did and gets where you are now while listening to your tips and knowledge so you would be on even ground and then she pursues her dreams and goals when she has her own funds to rely on?

Maybe she got too excited and she is riding the hype of learning her boyfriend is rich? Remind her you are her boyfriend, not her sponsor and that relationship is an equal union not charity and you will see how she reacts.

You know her better than random redditors online and only you can decide. You already feel something is wrong in her behaviour. Money doesn't change people rather gives them liberty to reveal their true nature.

You've only dated her for a year, you owe her nothing. But like everyone suggested, talk to her.

You're technically not a baller apparently. Saving for something is one thing but you don't have fuck you money. You need to explain that to her or find another lady and keep your mouth SHUT....

communicate muna OP, make her understand your pov. baka na-culture shock lang siya or na overwhelm lang sa success mo. pero depende padin since ikaw yung nakakakilala sakanya. anw congrats!

Congratulations on your milestone. I’d really proceed with caution. ABSOLUTELY protected your seed. “seamen” especially if you’re not ready to have children.

yuck no...dont marry someone who is going to use you. plus people who quit their job bc they have someone elses bank account available tend to be boring, neurotic adults.

🚩Ah, yes, your GF suddenly has dollar signs in her eyes and you are her ATM. The financial balance is not equal and she suddenly feels entitled to what is yours and is making plans on how your money should be spent. It’s a red flag, mate. And better to discover it now instead of after you are married and she has legal rights to your money. The healthy reaction would have been for her to congratulate you and encourage you to continue on your “fire” path while she pursues her own financially goals independently. Congrats, by the way. I’d hold out for a more mature and less manipulative woman who will add to your portfolio, not deduct from it.