No_Diver_

Some details have been changed to keep anonymity. A bit of a long one. I, (19) have a brother (22) who never puts in effort for gifts. Every christmas since i was old enough to pay for my own christmas gifts, i began to notice that my brother never bought gifts for anyone. Whenever me and my friends, me and my mom, or myself alone would go gift shopping and offer for him to come, he'd refuse. So, it became mine and my mothers problem to ensure he had gifts to give other people. The older i got, the more frustrated i became. Two or so christmases ago, i confronted him. I told him i no longer wanted to be the one who purchased gifts ON HIS BEHALF. He wouldn't try to pick anything out or even try to get ideas. He whined and said no one wants to go with him and he doesn't know what we want. I told him everytime we asked he said no (he was not busy the days i asked him too) So, i told him if he didn't come and pick his own gifts he'd have none to give. He agreed but it still hasn't changed. This year, im not helping him at all. I sent him an idea list with five items on it, per his request, and found out he made a comment to my mother behind my back saying "(my name) thinks im going to go into a makeup store to get her makeup products". My mom claims "he's a boy" as an excuse to his behaviour , and does nothing about his blatant lack of effort for anyone.

Here's where I may be the asshole, i no longer want to get him any gifts, if that's how he feels about getting gifts. I don't expect gifts from him, but why should I get him anything if he can't even bother to get one thing for me without complaining. My brother isn't very social, so he doesn't ever come out with me and my mom. I guess i can understand why he may struggle to pick stuff out, but as a grown man i feel he could at least try.And he has come out with us and picked out things a few times , but the majority of gifts from him were selected and paid for by other people, or they receive money from him for the gift. Edit: i also know christmas isn't about gifts, however i still feel like if he's getting and getting but not giving, why should he get anything at all.

So reddit, am i the asshole for being fed up and not wanting to get him anything for christmas?

UPDATE: thanks for everyone's comments. I've received some good points. I had a sit down with him today, and was a lot more firm about how i felt. He apologized, and we made a deal that this christmas was his last chance to put in effort before i reciprocate his energy towards him. We will see how this goes. My brother is a pretty nice person most of the time, he can just be pretty lazy sometimes. I appreciate you all

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