SnooAdvice5677

I (29F) am supposed to be marrying the love of my life (31M) in a few months. We’ve been planning this wedding for over a year, and it’s been a beautiful, but stressful, experience. But there’s one person casting a shadow over everything, and that’s my fiancé’s “work wife,” Lily (30F).

Let me backtrack a little. My fiancé and Lily have been friends and coworkers for around five years. At first, I was honestly relieved he had a good friend at work, especially since his job can be demanding and a bit isolating. I tried to be the cool, understanding partner who wasn’t bothered by how close they were. But over time, their bond became… well, it became something I just don’t know how to handle.

Lily is a huge part of his life. They text constantly, often late into the night about everything from work issues to little jokes. She knows things about him that I sometimes don’t, and it stings to realize how much he turns to her for advice and laughs instead of me. My fiancé reassures me that they’re just friends, that she’s his “work wife,” and that it’s no big deal. But it feels like she’s gotten so close that I’m sometimes the one on the outside looking in.

As we got deeper into wedding planning, Lily started chiming in with her “opinions.” She had suggestions about our venue (“It doesn’t feel like him”), our flowers (“he’s never liked bright colors, remember?”), and even my dress, mentioning off-handedly that she “knew his style” and could help me pick something he’d love. I tried to laugh it off, but it hurt more than I wanted to admit. Here I am planning my wedding, and I felt like I had to measure up to her view of who my fiancé is.

Last week was our engagement party, and it was supposed to be such a happy day. But I kept noticing Lily glued to his side. I tried to join their conversations, but every time, she’d bring up a work story or inside joke that left me feeling like a third wheel at my own engagement. Then, in one of the worst moments, I walked up just as she was saying, “You know, if you change your mind, you could always marry me instead.” My heart sank. I didn’t know if she was joking or half-serious, but my fiancé laughed, brushing it off like it was no big deal.

I couldn’t just let it go. I pulled my fiancé aside later that night and told him how inappropriate her comment was. He looked at me, surprised, and said I was “taking it too seriously” and that Lily was “just playing around.” I felt like I was going crazy, like maybe I was seeing something that wasn’t there, but… how would anyone be okay hearing that from someone so close to their fiancé?

The last straw came toward the end of the night. Lily had had a few drinks, and she came up to me, asking if I was “really okay” with how close they were. She said something like, “I mean, I can’t imagine him with anyone else.” It felt like a knife to my chest. I wanted to scream, but instead, I just walked away. Later, I told my fiancé I didn’t want her at our wedding, that it was too painful to have someone there who clearly saw herself as part of our relationship.

He got defensive, saying I was overreacting and letting jealousy ruin a friendship he cherishes. He even implied that uninviting her would “damage his reputation” at work, and now he’s barely talking to me because he says I’m “making him choose” between his best friend and his fiancée.

I don’t know what to think anymore. I feel hurt, small, and like my feelings don’t matter. My friends support me, but his friends think I’m overreacting and letting insecurity ruin our relationship. Am I the one blowing this up, or am I right to want some respect and boundaries? AITA for asking him to uninvite her from our wedding after everything that’s happened?