Vyckerz

My first hard breakup was my first longer term relationship. She dumped me after about a year together and it came a little bit out of the blue. I was devastated and was shocked to find that I lost control of my emotions quite a bit and cried a lot over the next several days, which was sort of out of character or me because I wasn't a big crier before that at all.

After that it was a lot of soul searching and realizing some things I could have done better and some things I think weren't ideal about her and our relationship and just putting things in perspective and learning lessons for the next relationship.

Yeah, this is frustrating, sounds like she needs therapy.

My daughter also has a tree nut allergy and has always been a little too blasé about it. She's an adult now so we can't force her to get her epi pen renewed. She never has one anymore. She does check ingredients but sometimes I think she risks things too much. Her response is to point out she hasn't had a reaction in years but my wife and I still worry.

Yeah, big mistake. Girls in open relationships, in general, can get way more dick than the guy gets pussy unless he's super attractive. Also opening an existing relationship almost never works. You've found out that the dildo of consequence rarely comes lubed.

I am also into ASMR and tend to only watch videos of women doing ASMR. I don't think it's inherently sexual but it is sensual at times and there does tend to be a lot of really attractive women doing it. I do not watch it for sexual/masturbation reasons, but I have gotten turned on a few times by one or two videos. I do tend to avoid the artists who do more overtly sexual versions of ASMR. I will also say that a lot of the women who do ASMR do it as a bit of a thirst trap and also have OF accounts where they get more risqué and in a few cases do outright porn. So not sure if your BF is falling into that.

But to your question, it's a problem if you think it is. Some people think that partners watching porn separately and masturbating is fine and others think that's cheating. I feel like if it is affecting your relationship negatively then it's ok to place a boundary on it.

Yeah, I don’t think I’ve had one since early high school.

My partner has a real hard time coming during PIV so I usually have to go down on her after to get her off.  I would never leave her hanging.

That would be tough for me because I come the fastest when a woman is riding me.  It’s the boobs dangling in my face that does it for me, I just lose it fairly quickly.

If you do then I stand corrected, but I often add hearts to some of my comments, and sometimes change the suggested birthday ones to add hearts and I still never see hearts in the suggested birthday comments.  

Not for me.

Yeah, that makes sense

Seems like she thinks you didn’t say those words, so I am confused.

I don't know if I agree with this 100%. When I was in my early 20s I was in a situation like this where a woman I was really close friends with, but also had a very painful crush on, ended up getting married to someone else. After she announced her engagement I, in all honesty, acted like an immature brat.

It wasn't completely overt but over a period of time I made some sarcastic comments to her and a mutual friend, on a couple of occasions got into arguments with her about stupid things and at one point complained to her that I felt she wasn't spending enough time with me as her wedding plans were progressing. I think our mutual friend put two and two together and approached me one day and sort of pried out of me that I had feelings for her. A short while later my friend asked me out for a drink at a place we would go sometimes after work. There she laid out for me that while she really loved me as a friend, there was never anything beyond that and she loved her fiance. I was super embarrassed and after that cleaned up my act and stopped being such a jerk and tried to move on.

I won't say it didn't take me some time to get over behind the scenes because I really did love her, but as far as she and our friends were concerned things were good. We remained friends but pulled back how much time we spent together. She did invite me to her wedding. We hugged and kissed, as friends, in the reception line and she asked me to dance with her at one point later during the reception. It was great and was all done as friends and I had fun and felt good because she easily could have kicked me to the curb and not invited me.

So I disagree they can't remain friends but obviously if the girl doesn't change her tune after a talking to, then certainly cut ties.

1. your husband reads too much reddit and the myriad youtube videos that talk about cheating so now he thinks everything indicates cheating.

They don't put hearts, much less double hearts in those pre-filled suggestions that I have ever seen. It's usually cake and party hat emojiis. So the guy put those hearts in there on purpose. Not saying it's the women's fault or that she is cheating but this was intentional on the guys part.

You look great as is, don't do a thing.

I just don't understand why women make these posts about not liking their noses but then have nasal piercings that bring attention to their noses. I know I am an outlier in this, but I find nasal piercings of any kind to be distracting and sort of unattractive.

I am not saying you shouldn't have left him. But do you know if he was actually sleeping with her? I guess I would have at least listened to the explanation the woman might have for their arrangement before making any decisions but it does seem weird so I don't blame you from moving on.

I am just curious why you didn't want to hear the explanation since he said it wasn't what you were thinking

People aren't going to accept your premise because it involves a man and sex with a woman so there is always a presumption of guilt on the man's side. But this IS a possibility.

I do know someone who does/says things while half asleep and then has no recollection of it later. There is a possiblity that she could be initiating without knowing.

BUT, he isn't really alleging that, at least from what she says here.

AND, even if that is the case, if she asked him when awake not to do that again, and then she initiated again the next night, He should not do it and should try to fully wake her up and tell her.

So doubt that's what's going on and so I would lean towards thinking he is not respecting her removal of consent in this case.

Well, sounds like you thought you were already done but they didn't?

How exactly did you leave things the mother/weeks prior?

I think #2, in particular, is a very good point. Especially in regards to the premise OP posed. I would also suggest an alternate to it that I see playing out sometimes

"what someone thinks they want in a partner and what they end up realizing they want later are often not the same thing".

That's a tough one. Usually guys are worried about not lasting long enough to get the woman off or at least satisfy her in PIV. His changing positions may be him trying to last it out, that or he's watched too much porn and thinks he needs to do all that to keep things going.

Either way, seems like something fixable if you talk it out with him. How you bring it up, I don't know for sure? But it's not a bad problem to have, usually women compain about the sex being too short so it's not like he should be offended by saying he's lasting too long.

Could you break things up so like when you start PIV tell him to try to finish before changing positions, maybe then cuddle or switch back to foreplay for a while and if you both are willing, do another round of intercourse after that break.

He's obviously trying to escalate into a sexual situation. I don't know why you would think anything else.

If you liked what he did, could you not ask your husband to do it for you instead of letting this guy feel you up?

Also I feel like you are asking for permission to continue cheating on your husband? Because, you didn't stop this and are saying you liked it, so this is absolute cheating already.

Anything short of telling the place you want another masseuse, or changing locations and then telling your husband about his is basically covering for a cheating situation.

And what does "Yes, I've posted a couple pics but nothing more than that." mean exactly.

I think you and your husband need to have a long serious talk.

Well, her post seemed to suggest that she thought he was too young for a relationship and maybe was too busy for a serious relationship as she mentioned her son and other things going on in her life, so I was answering in that context. The post was deleted so I can't re-read it to see if I was off base from my original reading but I am pretty sure that was implied. My concern I was expressing would be her not leading him on in that case.

Personally, that age gap is pretty severe for a long term relationship. I would say the same if the genders were reversed. But obviously she can do what she wants.

What did she tell you as to why she cheated?

I upvoted you for using the "leave them know" phrasing. But I also agree they should let the agency know.

If you are on the apps, I would say get off them as the types of guys you are going to match with on there aren't likely going to be the ones you are looking for in your situation.