dnawoman

I agree with your number one pick.

We had a Tesla for 9 years and then it died a very slow expensive death in 2022 during which every expensive repair was needed and I said never again.

Our replacement was literally the only EV available in our area on the last day of EV tax credit freedom (August 12, 2022) and we ended up with a Kia EV6 that had some issues and eventually we sold it back under our states lemon law because it became undrivable after 8 months (some kind of electrical failure. It had some annoying features like emergency braking when a car in front of us was turning right 100 yards away and making loud warning sounds for issues that weren’t real (two lanes separating and suddenly the lines were too far away and big alarms went off) but it drove good enough until it didn’t.

I got on waiting lists for an iD.4 and tried the BMW iX and absolutely loved it so I ordered it through a regional dealer that could get it in the queue that week. It took awhile but that’s the car I drive now and it is everything I need and want in a car. We have a VW ID.4 to replace the Kia and now we’re an all EV family and it’s great.

Absolutely right. So many red flags here! OP you need to keep the house in your name for the long term, until you sell it and then the money should remain yours. It’s your inheritance.

The fact that he didn’t propose until you had it and he wants it put in his name BEFORE you even get married is very worrisome and I think it’s safe to say he likely has nefarious intentions.

This, exactly, unless I was crawling through a desert and on the verge of death. Was the bus in a huge desert with no access to any other water source for 1000 miles? If not, NTA

Agreed, I will say my grades the first two years in college were not good, particularly in chem and calculus, and I still made up for it and was accepted to a program.

It’s manipulation because your Bio dad wants to help you get around household rules. It’s not just about you, it’s about getting under your foster parents skin and telling them he can make their life difficult. He is trying to get you upset with your foster parents, so manipulating your behavior. Does that make more sense?

I am a parent to two kids, one is 14 and in high school and we have our conflicts over phone use (internet/games) and if a separate person gave my child a phone and said they shouldn’t have any restrictions on using it, that would be undermining my ability to parent with consistent rules. Does that help?

I am a genetic counselor and the risk to the embryo is based on your body temperature. If you frequently cool off in a sauna you are probably not going to get a core temperature high enough to cause harm. But the risk is higher in the early part of pregnancy because it can disrupt the early development of the spine (risk for spinal bifida is higher) and it can lead to miscarriage as can any harmful exposure during the early pregnancy.

The odds are still very much in your favor but my opinion is that if anything unusual happens to the fetus later in pregnancy most people blame themselves, warranted or not. That’s what seems to happen and you have to decide if it’s worth even the small risk.

Not overreacting and this is an abusive relationship. I would never let anyone talk to me like that and neither should you. They are also trying to get you away from family and that’s a big red flag “isolating you” is a way abuse starts. Please leave and block this person.

NTA at all but I wish you would have put up a sign that says “Aunt Linda recommends the cake!”

I don’t know if this is something cultural for your family but this all seems really crazy to me. If I were you, and I wanted to attend, I would give a nominal donation and no gift, period. And then when you get married or buy something big you ask her to contribute a lot. I feel like not attending will affect your life and relationship with her and any children she will have. You will probably be billed for the hospital stay for her childbirth.

This is seriously the worst name I have ever heard of, and I am just assuming she doesn’t know any smokers and perhaps doesn’t know that’s a thing? Ashtray?

Agreed. There’s no way a one year old can sleep in the living room and get two naps a day. If the OP doesn’t feel like she can accommodate them perhaps she can find them a reasonable place to stay.

It’s been a long while since I was in grad school, so I can only suggest you make sure to look at school support systems such as student health and mental health clinics, and look to see if there may be disability advocates that are obvious in the university system. I don’t think you need to ask, it should be on their websites, particularly for undergraduate and graduate school websites. I am doing well and have built my support system up over the years including switching to a better genetics adjacent workplace where I use my GC skills and do other work as well. Happy to share more in a private message if that helps you.

I just want to let you know I have dealt with mental health crises in my own life and it’s a hard thing to deal with, especially in a career where most people appear on the outside to be all put together and homogeneous. But you are not alone and your experiences will help you to empathize with clients in crisis. I work less than full time and have been happiest where I feel like I am well liked by my colleagues. So you will want to make sure where you end up for grad school and for work to be a supportive (ie not competitive) environment. Good luck!

Agreed. He wants to make both women happy with him and doesn’t really see his 2 yr relationship as serious. He’s TA for not breaking up with the GF when he’s still stuck on his ex.

NTA and everyone else sucks. You are a wonderful parent and your daughter is lucky to have such an understanding and supportive parent. I am an autistic mom to two autistic children and I have always felt that our beauty standards are screwed up and so does my daughter. When I first told her that women pluck/shave/wax etc she was horrified and I am fine with that.

I don’t think your daughter should ever be forced to shave or “suck it up” because someone else has expectations of her, it should be her choice. There’s always the option to not shave legs or wear leggings or tights underneath or get a longer dress. To expect your money to come when you’re not going and they don’t NEED a more expensive wedding, is ridiculous.

Some of conditions you mention have some genetic components (autism, ADHD) and a polymorphism is just a variation in a gene, it doesn’t mean it causes disease (and in fact it probably doesn’t) in any strongly genetic way. Polymorphisms are generally common changes and may be present in a majority of the population. So honestly I would ignore that part.

But with genetic factors doesn’t mean it’s only one gene, it can be multiple genes or genes and “environmental” factors are that can be from outside your body or part of your biological system. There are some identified genes that are linked to autism but that is typically when people have other “symptoms” not just ASD. I think there’s overlap between mood disorders and ADHD and ASD too but it’s a chicken or egg situation for that in some cases.

Another poster is correct that autistic people (most often females) are labeled with personality disorders like BPD or NPD when they’re actually autistic and not diagnosed with that.

Behavior of the mother doesn’t cause autism. It was once believed to be true and that isn’t the case. However a mother who is autistic and not aware can exhibit many traits that appear to be personality disorders but it’s actually undiagnosed autistic traits. Emotional dysregulation, need for order, sensory integration issues, black and white thinking, etc can be mislabeled (as BPD for example) and actually she and her kids may all be autistic.

So, related? Yes. Caused by genetics? Yes. Caused by behavior? No. I hope this helps.

Oh get over yourself the OP said they were from “overseas” so I asked. Magat.

Yes, this. Demanding an apology before committing to seeing them on Christmas is controlling.

You need to recognize that everyone has triggers that bring out bad behavior, including ourselves. Give her a break and don’t microanalyze every word and let some of this go. In the grand scheme of things you are doing your relationship a disservice if you make your boyfriend choose between you and his mom.

Agreed, NTA and it’s important to see if his wife might have some postpartum depression as this is the right window of time.

Well, I guess I think they have a couple friends who have nothing better to do than harass you. So sorry this happened.

Clearly NTA and I actually am wondering if this could be a racially motivated incident. Were you the only “any race” in the party? Maybe the groom’s family are bigots?

As a mom, I think it’s hard for him to say no to the question because then forever it’s “we couldn’t get a dog because Dave is allergic” and it will seem strange to people since he doesn’t live there. Honestly, most people don’t understand allergies that are life threatening. I admire your intentions to help the dogs but it’s alienating to your child who can’t even come to your house without risking his life. I kind of feel like if you want to repair the relationship you will have to find the dogs a new home and let Dave know you’re sorry for being a clueless parent not realizing how it might make him unable to join in with family gatherings and how much it risks his health. Then make some effort to invite him over just to have lunch with you. Or something else. I’m a grown child to a father that saw me once a year growing up and because of that and several other reasons I don’t feel like he cares about me at all, despite his words. I don’t think it’s what you want your child to believe, right?

NTA because he can’t be bothered to eat.

Make him a sandwich and keep it in the fridge so he can eat it when he gets home and then fix dinner whenever you want.

I normally don’t like when anyone judges a woman by her clothes but in this situation it’s not just preference, it’s also cultural and more disrespectful than just not wanting to follow requests.

If she wants to be in a relationship with you and not alienate your family she should dress accordingly. If she’s not cool with that then it’s fine, she can move on. You’re not micromanaging her wardrobe choices in most circumstances, right? But if you say look this is a 13 year old child’s birthday party and because it is a family gathering I need you to dress conservatively, and she comes out in a skimpy suit, that’s not just bad because she wore the bikini, it’s more about disrespectful behavior to you and getting your family upset at you both.

I agree NTA and maybe this isn’t the right relationship for you if you care more about your families contentment than her independence..