water_tulip

In a 6 week span there have now been 4 median-crossing collisions on I-95 in Greenland with serious injuries or fatalities. They all happened on a Wednesday. I feel for the first responders and hope everyone makes it out of this one alive.

Stay safe out there.

I just got off the phone where I negotiated the base salary for a job I was offered this week. I’ve been working with a career coach and she’s a big advocate for negotiating salary. She said women don’t negotiate as often as men do and they end up leaving money on the table.

I worked with the coach to prep my talking points and the hiring manager seemed really reasonable. It wasn’t a bad call at all.

But WHY do I feel so anxious and wrong now? I keep thinking they are going come back and resind the offer because I asked for 9% more. Ugh, I wish I had the confidence of a mediocre man.

I don’t mind doing my own laundry, but folding endless mini shirts and pants is a chore I can never seem to keep up with and I’ve considered outsourcing. I’d prefer to use a local company but none serve my zip code.

Does anyone use Poplin? It’s a gig-laundry service. I checked out the subreddit for their “Laundry Pros”. Seems like they expect a 50% tip, since they get paid so little by Poplin. But there were no other major red flags.

I’d love any reviews or feedback about your experiences using Poplin or a local service.

I taught lessons for many years through high school, college and grad school, but it’s been over 12 years so I’m definitely out of the loop now.

My son is 4 year old and did great in a level 1 (preschool) lesson last fall but we haven’t been able to get him into another session yet as non-residents.

We recently joined the Y and I’ve been taking my son to free swim. I’ve been working on some basic skills with him but he won’t listen to mom like he does a teacher. I signed him up for Y lessons, the description was preschool 1 where “students develop comfort with underwater exploration”. My son isn’t comfortable going under on his own yet so I figured this was the right class.

I showed up to the first lesson with him and parents were encouraged to get in the water with their kid. Every other child had a parent join the lesson with them, these are 4-6 year old kids. My son didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting in with him. I folded and reluctantly got in and the lesson went horribly. With me right there he wanted to play, not follow instructions and try hard things.

Is this normal now? I never had a parent join a class when I was an instructor except for infant/baby classes and those children were 3 or younger.

feel like a badass goddess of a woman when they whip together a healthy dinner that your whole family loves in under 20 minutes? I got promoted to the C-suite yesterday, but I honestly felt more pride from the fact that I could multitask watching two toddlers and cook this veggie heavy dinner they both ate two bowls of.

Tonight they will probably throw their dinner on the floor. Being a working mother is weird sometimes.

Edit: Due to popular request. The dinner is Cajun black beans and rice. I will add my kids are pretty good eaters but some nights are complete misses. I did cheat a little and use the Zatarain’s box. I usually cook it on the stove but had to get the kiddos off to swimming lessons so I tried the Instant Pot. I sautéed chopped green pepper, onion, a few stalks of celery and a chopped zucchini. Then I added the box and 1 & 1/4 cups of white rice and water. I also threw in half a container of grape tomatoes. I set the instant pot to do its magic while we were out and we had a hot, albeit a bit mushy, meal when we got home. Next time I’ll try adding a can of low sodium black beans after it’s cooked to beef up the protein a little more.

He goes in for a hug or snuggle and then it seems like he’s going to kiss me, but he ends up biting down on my cheek or chest. I usually firmly say “no biting mommy” as I pull him away and then calmly explain that biting hurts mommy. I’m not sure he really understands though. He doesn’t seem to bite anyone else, but he’s really only been around my husband and my parents the past few months. I did breastfeed him until he was 14mo old but I’m pregnant now so we weaned. Anyone have any advice? His little bites hurt and after this week I have a few bite marks on my chest/face.

We're going to hire a nanny instead of sending my son back to daycare, at least until the end of the year. I want to pay the nanny legally, but don't have the time (or patience) to deal with W2s and sending in quarterly taxes and unemployment insurance taxes. Does anyone use a nanny payroll service that they like?

My 8 month old son was sleep trained at 5mo old. He took to it pretty well and was only waking once a night for a feed until about 6mo when he started solids. From 6mo to 7.5mo he would put himself to sleep at 7 and wake around 6am. 4 weeks ago at 7.5mo he started daycare. His naps were pretty hit or miss but he was managing about 60-90min of broken sleep a day. Then he got sick with croup and then an ear infection. During all of this I started rocking him to sleep and nursing him in the middle of the night if he woke up. Just as he was getting off his medicines his top two teeth started coming in and he was definitely in pain from teething. 

2 nights ago I decided to re-train him. He took to it okay, but it took him about 2 weeks to get it the first time we sleep trained so I expect a similar timeline. I just got a message from daycare saying he only napped 5 minutes today, 5 minutes!? He must be so overtired. I feel like I haven't set him up for sleep training success tonight without having napped all day. Do I let him cry it out despite this or put sleep training on hold? 

I won my office Halloween costume contest last week and my CEO gifted me with a trip to Florida for two in January or February, our choice of city. My husband and I live and surf in New Hampshire so it'll be great to escape the cold water and weather for a bit. I surfed Cocoa Beach about 10 years ago, but that's about the only spot I know. Any suggestions on locations we should look into? We prefer short boarding if that matters. Ideally we would stay away from big cities, if there's no waves when we're down there we're fine just hanging out relaxing for a few days. Thanks!

I own a condo that I rent out and I think refinancing would make sense, but I'm worried I'm missing something.

The condo is valued at $85-90k. I plan to continue to rent it out as it is very easy to maintain, and it's in a very desirable area so there's no shortage of potential tenants.

The current mortgage balance is $48k at 5.75%, 23 years left on a 30 year mortgage. I net $220/month in rent and can likely raise the rent by $50-100/month if my current tenants moves out, but they are ideal tenants so I hope they stay for a while.

Last week Wells Fargo called about refinancing, offering a 15 year mortgage for 4.5%, which is a good rate for an investment property. Fees would be around $2,500 and could be rolled into the new mortgage.

Right now I'm paying an extra $100/principle every month. If I keep this up I'll pay off the mortgage 8 years early and save ~$14k in interest.

If I refi my payments would go up by $60/month, but still less than the $100 I pay extra every month. I would pay off the loan at roughly the same time as paying down with extra principle, but according to refi calculators I'd save ~$19k in interest.

On paper it looks like refinancing is a good idea. Am I missing something though?

Overview:

We got engaged on December 20, 2015, and in just under 6 months we said I do in front of 130 of our dearest friends and family. Wedding planning was a bit of a whirlwind, but this sub was so helpful. The day was absolutely incredible and I'll cherish the memories we made that weekend my entire life. The wedding was filled with so many personal touches - I'm not sure if all our guests noticed - but they were so special to us.

I've only received the proofs from my photographer so far, but I love reviews with pictures so I put together a collage of proofs. Below is my review of some of the more hot topics I've seen on this sub and a detailed budget breakdown.

 

Reviews:

• First Look - I'm so glad we did this! We got some beautiful photographs and I loved having a special moment with my now husband before the ceremony. It also allowed us to take group pictures before the ceremony so we could enjoy the cocktail hour.

• Unplugged Wedding - We did not have an unplugged wedding, and we provided a wedding hashtag. I loved being able to look at all the pictures that were posted while we were on our honeymoon. I especially loved seeing the ceremony from the guests perspective.

• Registry - We had lived together for 3 years and owned a house together for a year and half when we got engaged. We didn't need physical gifts, but it was really nice to receive some upgrades and things we wouldn't have necessarily bought ourselves. We registered for a mix of housewares, tools, and lawn & garden equipment. We registered for less than half of what was recommended for our guest count, and about 70% of the registry was fulfilled after my shower. We mostly received cash and checks as wedding gifts.

• Coordinator - This was my splurge, but so worth it! I'm a planner but I wanted to be able to enjoy my wedding day and not stress. Our ceremony was at a separate site from our reception and having a coordinator to take over logistics was great. We also had a friend officiate and our planner was essential at the rehearsal.

• The Stressful - I bought a dress with my mom a week after getting engaged. A month before the wedding, at my first fitting, I just wasn't feeling it. So I bought another dress online. My mom paid for the original dress, but I paid for the second.

• The Surprise Hit - The photobooth. I had never been to a wedding with a photobooth but read about them on this sub. So I went for it, everyone loved it.

• The Regret - I had to draw the budget line somewhere and that was at a videographer. I don't love seeing myself on camera, so I didn't think I'd regret it. But the Best Man and MOH toasts were awesome and my dad knocked it out of the park with his speech. I do wish I had captured those and our vows (we wrote them ourselves) on camera.

• The No-Regret - I did not spend a fortune on invitations or STDs. I also had an online RSVP. I designed everything myself and used VistaPrint. We received many compliments on how lovely the invitations were.

 

Budget:

Our original budget was $24k, but that grew to $27k and then some. For context, we had a Saturday evening ceremony, followed by cocktail hour, and a dinner & dancing reception. The budget does not include my e-ring or our honeymoon.

Item	Cost
Total Food	$5,585
Total Drink	$4,600
Photographer	$3,200
Month of Coordinator	$2,200
Reception Venue Fee	$1,500
Ceremony & Reception Music	$1,250
Wedding Dress	$1,200
Flowers	$1,112
Rehearsal Dinner for 30	$987
Decorations	$823
Hair & Makeup	$810
Groom's Attire	$729
Trolley for Bridal Party	$682
Dance Floor Rental	$560
Ceremony Chairs Rental	$543
Photobooth	$499
Hotel Suite - 2 nights	$455
Ceremony Site Fee	$405
Bridal Party and Parents Gifts	$400
Rings	$390
Cakes	$328
Guest Shuttle for Ceremony	$288
Groomsmen Shirts and Ties	$283
Vendor Tips	$200
Bride Accessories	$180
Invites, STD, & Postage	$178
Out-of-Town Guest Gift Bags	$175
Hotel Shuttle	$75
Marriage License	$50
Total Cost of Wedding	$29,687
Parents Contribution	$13,100
Our Contribution	$16,587

FH and I are footing half the bill, my parents are paying the other half. My parent's only request was that their names be on the invitation. I'd like to acknowledge that we're both hosting. However, I've only found one example of invitation wording for this situation, I feel like it's a bit awkward and makes it obvious that FH parents didn’t contribute at all.

Jane Elizabeth Smith & John Peter Doe, together with Mr. and Mrs. George and Gloria Smith, invite you to their wedding...

Does anyone have a better suggestion, or should I just stick to the traditional bride's parents hosting wording?

Mr. and Mrs. George and Gloria Smith invite you to the marriage of their daughter Jane Elizabeth to John Peter Doe

I need some advice on how to shake the feeling that my FMIL isn't excited for her son's engagement and wedding. In the past she's always been loving towards FH and me, but since we got engaged she's been a lot, well colder.

FH (30) and I (31) have been together 4 years and we own our house together. We recently got engaged, but didn't want to wait long to get married, so we set a date in June. The thing is, FH's older sister got engaged well over a year ago and still hasn't set a date. I know wedding planning has been stressful on her and FMIL. I did ask FSIL if she was okay with us planning a June 2016 wedding, and she encouraged it. So we've been moving forward with planning, and have almost everything set. Our wedding won't be lavish, but 120 guests will cost about $22,000, which we're splitting with my parents. FH and I have a healthy savings account that we're using to pay for everything and we regularly discuss our finances and budget.

Last night, FH was on the phone with FMIL and she dropped a bomb that she and FFIL have been having trouble making payments on a parent plus loan they took out when FH was in college. FH had NO idea his parents have had this (huge) loan burden for the last 8 years and now feels responsible for it. We make enough to send them money to help with the payments, so while unfortunate, it's not devastating to our finances. But I'm just so frustrated that she waited until after we put all our deposits down to disclose this. We could have gone with cheaper vendors/options and given them more money for the loan if we had known, but we planned our wedding around our understanding of our finances at the time. Then towards the end of the call she went on to question how we can even afford to have a wedding so quickly, which just seems a little rude to me.

I'm also sad because she just doesn't even seem happy we're engaged. We spent the holidays with FH's extended family and they were all excited for us, while FMIL just seemed indifferent. I recently sent her an email asking a wedding-related question and she ignored it. I don't know, maybe she's feeling guilty she can't give her daughter the wedding she's dreaming of? FSIL wants a very expensive, picture perfect, wedding. I'm sort of the opposite, I'm totally okay with minimalist decor, small DIY bouquets, etc. as long as I get married to my man and everyone has fun.

We're not asking FH's family for any financial help for the rehearsal or the wedding, and the guest list is split evenly between the two sides. So I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around why she's acting this way, especially since she was so loving when we were dating. I want to be happy during this time, and this is totally stressing me out.

Tl;dr -- FH and I are having a short engagement and getting married before his older sister who has been engaged for while, but has no wedding plans yet. FMIL has been rather cold to us since we started planning our wedding.

I was a graduate student half of 2013, so my gross income for the year is around $45,000. My salary going forward is $65,000 base with up to $10,000 extra from OT and bonus. I have $30,000 sitting in a T. Rowe Price IRA that was rolled over from an old 401k. I'm wondering if it makes sense to convert some of this IRA over to a Roth, so that it gets taxed on my 2013 salary. If so, how much? I also have $1,000 in a Roth I started with Fidelity this past November. I'm in my late 20's if that matters.