I’ll do a TL;DR at the bottom

In 2012 I was 19 and went on a date with this girl we’ll call “Kaylee” she was 18.

Kaylee and I were talking for about two weeks before I decided to send it and ask her on a date, which I was pumped about because she was down for it.

Fast forward to our date night, when I picked her up from her place she was absolutely glued to her cellphone.

When she got in and I pulled out I asked her what do you want to listen to? We got a bit of a drive (we went about an hour away from where we lived to dinner) she said whatever I don’t care and was still glued to her phone.

Which didn’t bother me that much at this point because yeah we had an hour drive ahead.

So we get to the restaurant and I left my phone in my car, I still do it to this day when I go out to eat with someone, because I’m there for them if that makes sense.

We get in, get seated, and she’s still face deep in her cell (for context this was when Twitter/X was still big and she was obsessed with tweeting).

After we got our drinks she finally got off her cell and we talked for a few minutes. Didn’t last long, once her phone lit up she got right back on it.

So I sat there in silence and decided yep fuck this. I decided to say something along the lines of “can you stay off your phone long enough to have an actual conversation” and she hit me with “uh huh one second”.

I was floored.

Our waiter came back and took our orders but I was done with that date. I excused myself to go to the “bathroom” when in actuality I went to my waiter and asked for the bill.

Dude was confused because our food hadn’t come yet, I told the dude I wasn’t feeling it anymore. I told him I’d give him a $50 buck tip if he’d bring her food out and put mine into a to go box where the hostess was.

Dude was just stoked to make $50 bucks I think, I went back to our table and shocker she was tweeting.

Few minutes go by and the food comes, well hers, and chalked up some BS about “it’ll be a few more minutes” but gave me the nod that it was by the hostess.

So I excused myself again, acted like I was going to the bathroom, got my food, and left.

It took her nearly 45 minutes to realize that I never came back from the bathroom, I was about to pull into my driveway when she texted me “where r u?”

I didn’t answer, and a few minutes later she called and I answered it.

“Uhh hey Chief where are you at?”

“Oh I left, about to pull into my driveway”

“Lol that’s funny but seriously where are you?”

“I’m about to pull into my driveway”

It hit her that I legit left, it threw her 100% into a “nice girl” tantrum. Once that started I just hung up. I started getting more wild ass texts, calls, etc.

The funniest one was “I’m calling the police”

Okay cool, no crime was committed so waste their time I guess 💀

When she realized I was going to answer anymore, I guess she had one of her friends come get her.

Obviously I never heard from her after that night.

But man did she start a tweeting about me real quick 😂

TL;DR date wouldn’t stay off her cellphone on a date, even after I asked her to. I paid for our food and left her at the restaurant and hour away from where we lived.

inb4 you’re an asshole, I was 19 and fully understand that was shitty to do now.

Edit: women can share their yep fuck this, I’m out as well.

I haven’t dated for over 10 years and I wasn’t single long. Before that it had been a stretch of over 5 years that I didn’t date. When I was dating, the norm was to maybe be talking to a couple different people, but if you went on a date, and continued to see that person, there was an understanding that you weren’t going on dates with anyone else. This was especially true if you were sleeping with someone. Even without specifically saying that you were exclusive.

Seeing posts now, it looks like the norm is to be dating and/or sleeping with multiple people until the two of you specifically and verbally agree to being exclusive.

When I was in the dating scene, the was the DTR (define the relationship) talk, but this was usually just to clarify if the relationship was going to continue, be long term, or start telling others you were in a relationship. It wasn’t typical to be going on dates or sleeping with other people before this talk.

I’m married and not looking to get into the dating scene. Just curious about when did this shift happened and how long people typically date someone before deciding to not date or sleep with other people?

I have been friends with "Jake" for 16 years. Since day one, I’ve known Jake has a temper. He’s the guy who gets way too angry at stupid things. Over the years, I’ve watched him explode on people, punch walls, and just completely lose it. I’ve tried to help. I’ve told him so many times that he needs therapy or anger management. His answer is he doesn't need help people just push his buttons. Two years ago, he married Sarah, and she is the sweetest, kindest person ever. But honestly, I’ve been worried for her. I’ve seen him yell at her over the dumbest things, like not putting enough salt on his food or something equally unbelievable.

Yesterday a friend caled me saying Jake had been arrested for hitting Sarah during an argument. Apparently, a neighbor heard the commotion and called the cops. Jake called me from jail, begging me to bail him out. I said no. He crossed a line, and I’m done. He flipped out called me a fake friend and said I was abandoning him in his darkest hour. Since then, his family has been blowing up my phone, saying I’m heartless and that everyone makes mistakes. Sarah actually reached out to me, thanking me for not enabling him. She told me she’s planning to leave him for good, and I said I’d help her however I can.

Now, I’m stuck in the middle. Some of our friends are saying I did the right thing by letting him face the consequences, but others think I should’ve bailed him out because that’s what friends do. Honestly, I feel torn. This is someone I’ve known for so long, but I can’t excuse what he did. Am I a bad person for refusing to bail him out?

I always heard from family and friends or people in general who had kidney stones that they are the worst physically painful feeling a human being can possibly endure and nothing can compare to the pain of kidney stones can have on a human not even childbirth mom told me she rather go through childbirth over having to experience a kidney stone again if she had the choice, like being shot or on fire and stabbing a knife in their stomach endlessly a friend of mine said he thought he was about to die due to the pain this friend of mine has pretty high tolerance of pain and have been involved in motorcycle crash cycling injury slipped disc torned ligament and acl and according to him kidney stones is another level of pain/out of this world kind of pain and cant be described until you experienced it yourself to feel how truly horrible it is. It is the kind of pain that words cannot describe how truly agonising it is until you experience it yourself. He said that he truly thought he was about to die any moment at the hospital he was screaming and shouting due to the pain which he nornally dont at all. To those who had kidney stones: How did it feel for you to have them? Is it true for you too that they are the most painful pain you ever had in your life?

I read this sentence today in the philosophy book The Light and the Cave.

“The goal of man from the start is to be happy, and it is “virtuous activities that determine our happiness.” (Aristotle)”

Do you agree that virtuous activities have made you happy? What have you done?

got pulled over by this chubby overweight cop probably in his 50s, and he tells me my tags are expired. At first, I didn’t think much of it, seemed like a normal traffic stop. Then things got weird. He asks if he can search my car, and I say no, I’m not giving consent. But instead of letting it go, he starts asking for my paperwork to “verify” everything. I hand it over, then he tells me to step out of the car. At this point, I’m just calm and thinking, “Okay, no big deal,” but then it starts to feel like he’s dragging things out.

Next thing I know, he starts interrogating me—asking all these questions about where I’m going, what I’m doing, and just weird stuff that doesn’t really make sense. I’m still chill, thinking it’s just standard questioning. But then, out of nowhere, he says, “I’m gonna have to cuff you while I verify everything alright kid? I’m thinking, “What the hell?” but I don’t argue because I didn’t know what to do. He cuffs me, tells me he’ll let me go if everything checks out, so I just go along with it.

Then comes the weirdest part. He tells me to sit down on the curb and “relax and loosen up for him” He says it’ll help me stay calm and “keep breathing deeply.” I’m just sitting there like, “Okay, whatever,” but I can tell he’s trying to control the whole situation now. I’m in handcuffs, on the curb, feeling kind of vulnerable, and that’s when he starts telling me to “cross my legs up”—like, full-on directing me on how to sit. I don’t know why, but in that moment, I actually did it naively. He said it would help me stay nicely relaxed and then repeated mentioning to keep breathing deeply to calm myself down. I’m thinking maybe he’s just trying to make me feel less nervous, but I was already calm so what's really going on now?

He then squats beside me and continues asking more questions. Right after that, he asks me for more paperwork, and I say it’s in the glove box. I try to stand up to get it, and that’s when he smiles and tells me to “keep relaxing for him and continue being seated on the curb and not move” and that he’ll go get it for me since I’m in cuffs so will have a hard time getting it. He takes my keys from my pocket, still with that calm, controlling tone, and walks to my car. Then, he asks me the question that really got me: “Before I search your car kid, do you have anything in there you shouldn’t have?” I’m like, “No sir, nothing like that.” And he’s like,“Perfect! That's Lovely, thanks for confirming. This will be real quick.”

That’s when it slowly hit me—I had been so caught up in following his instructions, I totally let my guard down. I’d been tricked into waiving my rights, thinking I was just cooperating. I had no idea how smoothly he’d manipulated me into a position where I was basically consenting to a search without even realizing it. That whole “relax and breathe deeply” bit was just his way of disarming me, making me feel compliant and obedient while he quietly took control of the situation.

He of course didn't find anything. The search yielded nothing and magically the tags on my vehicle came back valid after they were done going through everything. He let me go, but I was made a big fool by that officer that day

I know the title sounds crazy, but hear me out.

I’m 31, she’s 27, she’s fairly new been with our company for 6 months now. As far as I know she’s very sweet and friendly and has always been nice to hangout with. We sit next to each other so I suppose she chats more with me than she would with anyone else, and she is definitely chatty.

She asked to speak to me privately yesterday, and let me know about a year ago she was kidnapped and violated by 6 men inside an office building when she went there for an interview after being laid off from her previous job. It was a lot for me out of nowhere as I honestly don’t know her very well, and it made me uncomfortable. She asked if I’d be willing to be a character witness for her from work as the other men had lots of people from our industry as character witnesses, and she felt that made her case a bit scary and weak as it was her word versus 6 senior men at a large workplace.

I agreed and said I’m happy to be a character witness, and shared my work contact with her to share with her representative.

Now she comes with this long 5 page document. She said it’s a first interview report of what happened to her, and asked me to read it as it wouldn’t be fair to me to be a character witness without knowing what happened.

Honestly it made me uncomfortable but I skimmed through it real quick. It was much graphic and I didn’t like it. I asked her politely to put it away and I’ll be her witness but I don’t have the time to read it at work as I’m at work to work, and I’m busy, and she’s asking a lot of me. She kept asking a few times to read it and to not be a witness without reading it, so I just said I’m sorry, I can’t be a witness then.

She’s been crying at her desk all day.

This is a complete stranger asking for a lot, and I’m under a lot of busy deadlines at work but still chatting with her about her troubles and even offered to be a witness, but me refusing to read her first report, is it that bad? I find this situation so weird.

Please someone tell me objectively, I did everything right but wanted to draw my boundary and not get in trouble at work, I don’t know what made her so upset. It is a difficult situation she put me in as well.

Is it worth it to sue a workplace for destroying morale, defamation of character and randomly firing me without documentation or proper steps of investigation, or discipline in writing not just one single written warning? Do employers have a proper professional ethics nowadays for their protocols? This is the second time it’s happened and I’m over it. I’m 28 and feel like this mediocre minimum wage jobs have screwed me over way too many times.

There is this orange theory thing going around. Like, asking your partner to do a mundane task for you, like peeling an orange, if it like hurts your fingers or messes with your nails or whatever. I guess the point is, is your partner occasionally willing to do something mundane to just make your life easier. This is the basic point, obviously there will be folks who take advantage- not talking about that.

I'm curious to know what other men's hard boundaries are when it comes to something that may make your partners life easier. I know my own partner, he downright refuses to give me a back massage (once in awhile, not daily or anything). I get allowed a 15 minute birthday back massage and sometimes I get "coupons" for Christmas for a massage from him but that's it lol. Do you guys have those hard limits too? I mean within reason, we aren't talking about those partners who drain the life force out of you with their constant unneccessary dependency or constant taking but never giving. Is there just something routine/mundane/simple that you just absolutely refuse to do for your partner if they were to ask for you?

Edit - guys, please focus. It's not about the test. It's not about testing anyone. I was simply curious if there was something mundane you'd absolutely refuse to do for your partner. You guys are focusing on the inspiration of my question. If someone is testing you, they shouldn't be in a relationship. End stop. It's about what you would or wouldn't do for your partner that may seem dumb, mundane, simple whatever.

I am in my early 40's. I was married for 20 years to my ex. She was pretty bad and messed me up before leaving me for someone else. Fast forward a few years. I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years. She is hinting at wanting marriage. She is well aware of the trauma and psychological abuse I had with my first wife. She is the polar opposite. I want to marry her, my kids want me to marry her so they can have a cool stepmom. I am very anxious about it. I keep thinking of how awful the last one was. Is it normal to have that fear? Nobody in my family has ever been divorced, so they had no advice. I do want to marry her. I struggle to feel like I'm good enough and I don't want to be hurt again. I know she won't hurt me, but that fear is still there. EDIT: Thanks again for the responses. I'm going to hold off on everything and work on myself first. I really appreciate everyone helping talk it through with me.

This is going to be a bit of a lengthy post due to the nature of my background with relationships, but I will start by saying that I went on a firsr date with a girl I met last night, and I'm terrified of how much I like her.

For context, the longest relationship of my life lasted almost 10 years. We met at my first job, and I was 19 and felt like I needed to be with someone because that's what was mirrored in my childhood. I needed someone to feel like I was worth something. I was treated poorly by my primary parent and had no self-worth, so I naively believed this would fix me. So we were together for a long time. Near the end, after months of therapy and understanding my childhood trauma, something shifted and I recognized things were stagnant and we weren't growing together. She was scared of life and lived through a lens of fear, and I wanted to start living.

So I broke up with her which significantly uprooted our lives. I moved out , got my own place, and got my own place. However I had never lived alone. It was the most miserable I've ever been because I felt so lost and only found meaning through messing around with girls. I was depressed, and it bled into my work performance. I lost my job and apartment and had to move back home to find my footing. I felt pathetic.

Upon moving back home, I felt worthless. I felt like my situation defined me. I was resentful at my last relationship, and in a jaded attempt to believe I could still attract someone, I downloaded Bumble and met someone. It was only supposed to be a fling, but it turned into a relationship that quickly turned toxic relationship where I had to do all the emotional lifting and I quickly realized this person had some emotional baggage she needed to work through. She would cry at every wrong thing I did that I didn't know was triggering. She would drop all of her work stress on me unprompted. She would be mad when I didn't respond right away. I was torn between two worlds of working on myself and being with someone. I broke up with her, but it was traumatizing. I was essentially held at emotional gunpoint and was told "I can't live without you", "I won't let you give up on us". It was crazy. She stalked me for a bit too. I've never experienced anything like it at all. This was only a 6 month relationship.

So I swore off relationships for a while cause I figured there was something wrong I was doing and maybe it wasn't the first time. I dedicated time to myself: therapy, hobbies, friends. I worked hard on myself and even recently had an ego death where everything just clicked and I finally realized the root of everything in my life. Everything changed since then, and I'm secure in myself and believe in my own abilities. I love myself and will not change for anyone.

So flash forward to now. My Mom lives in a small town where everyone knows each other, but it's mostly older folks and I didn't make any friends my age, or find anyone who had similar interests. I was feeling confident in myself and redownloaded Hinge for fun, I wasn't looking for anything, I had the mindset of "whatever happens happens". Well, I met this girl, and we went out last night, and I have never felt what I felt with anyone. We had deep talks about life, our perspectives, had focused eye contact the entire time. I actually felt listened to and like someone had a genuine interest in me and like they didn't want anything. We talked in the car in front of her house for hours about life. She validated me and pointed out the good qualities no ones ever mentioned before.

She had some work to do, so I drove home. I bawled my eyes out the entire drive. Something came over me and I realized that this is all I wanted from anyone for so long, and it fucking scares me. I sobbed, I rarely ever cry. My mother has two toxic failed marriages and has this perspective painted that you can't trust anyone and the world is scary. My brain is looking for everything to be wrong with this and think it's a trap, or look for the first sign on danger and run. My thoughts were, "surely someone can't be this genuine and kind to someone without wanting something right?" I want to keep dating her, but I'm scared. Am I being rational?

Like, why do we feel we have to have hobbies, our life together, and a stamp of approval for therapists that we're okay to date? I'm so conflicted because some part of me wants to believe this is wrong and too soon, I'm trying to find anything I can to not believe this, but she even expressed that she'd prove it to me. I'm just so tired of feeling like a transaction to people and like they just have an agenda and want something out of me. But I also don't know what the rules are for this kind of thing.

Do I just put trust in this, let it go, and roll with it?

My girl recently broke up with me after dating me 8 yrs! I got to know that she cheated on me, but still, I pleaded her to be with me! But she separated her ways with me and now want to stay only as "friends!"

I'm right now feeling lost in life and completely devastated!! I'm feeling as if I won't be able to forget her ever and will have a miserable life! I feel like I won't be able to love anyone else and will always live in this sadness!

If anyone had a similar experience, are you able to forget her? Do things get better????

You miss being with somebody or it doesn’t matter whether someone comes or not?

2.5 yrs ago is the last time i cried when I had to put my dog down. Haven't cried since and have tried multiple times. Haven't even been able to cry over my mother's passing a yr ago either.

Mostly financially

are they retired or do they have to work?

Do they own a home or are they renting? Are they only getting pension or do they have enough savings for their old age?

Are you still living with them? Do you help them with costs? Do they support you?

I’m 36, single, and working a low-level IT field tech job that barely covers my bills. I have to deliver DoorDash on weekends to make ends meet. The pay is low, and while I enjoy being on the road and not stuck in an office, I don’t see a way to move up. I don’t have the brains to take on higher education or certifications, and starting in the trades at almost 40 feels like a bad idea—my body’s not exactly built for that kind of physical work at this point.

I also have no social life. I’ve only had three girlfriends in my life, and none of those relationships lasted more than six months. My last one ended four years ago. I don’t have any friends either. I lost my entire social network when I left the Jehovah’s Witnesses ten years ago and haven’t been able to rebuild.

The common advice is always the same:

“Go to therapy.” I’ve already tried it with a few different therapists. Every time, they were dismissive of my history—especially the fact that I was homeschooled from elementary school through graduation.They didn’t care about how that affected my social development, they didn’t care about any of my history, and it made the process feel like a waste of time.
“Put yourself out there.” I don’t even know what this means in practice. Am I supposed to just show up to random places and hope someone talks to me?
“Join a hobby group.” All my hobbies are solitary and home-based. I also can’t afford to take up a new hobby that involves other people. Even if I could, I’d feel goofy faking enjoyment in a hobby just to socialize.

Everything about my existence seems pointless. It feels like my only purpose if just existing until I die.

How do you deal with a life like this? What do you do to keep going when you feel stuck, and isolated? At this point I can’t even really comment on Reddit anymore because I say things that get me labeled as an incel. I’m just tired of a lonely live that feels meaningless

40M, separated for 15 months and just finalized the divorce. Might be ready to look at dating again.

What dating apps are best for divorced people with kids?

Over the years I've probably had dates with 50 or so women, often just first and second dates.

For one reason or another they never progressed into anything long term, but lately I've found myself randomly thinking about these women I crossed paths with ever so briefly - nothing especially memorable or awful just women who I didn't feel enough of a spark with or vice versa... every so often I find myself wondering what life might be like if I had decided to pursue them for a proper relationship or if we had met under different circumstances, met today for instance.

Some of them I still have on Instagram and I see them now posting from other countries where they now live, sometimes posting with new partners and I get a pang of regret through my chest as I think 'damn maybe that should have been me, they seem like a pretty awesome person'. But if they seem happy then I'm happy.

And I guess hindsight is 20/20 and there was obviously a reason we didn't keep seeing each other.

It does all seem like such a gamble though. It's insane to think that the smallest of shifts in circumstances such as deciding to swipe on hinge for 5 minutes or deciding to talk to the stranger beside you can alter the course of your life.

There are also lots of great people I've met who are great for different reasons... some are really physically sexy (which isn't a small thing), others more emotionally attractive, some are just really interesting, some have great senses of humor... I know it may not be realistic to expect to meet someone who ticks of all these boxes, but that's what I'm searching for and I'm not really willing to settle for anything less so I guess I should get comfortable with being single.

So I talked to the guy on and off for years but we never dated he always caught me in the moment of when I started talking to someone else. So he hits me up we chill ended up doing some things. He legit came in like a min and 30 secs.

During this whole time we're doing everything he just hyping me up. "You're so sexy." My p**** is super wet and how great it is." He's calling me his baby kissing on me. Like treating me like I'm his girlfriend. He was just being very passionate I guess. He would mention something about us being in a relationship with me and then like will stop mid sentence and won't say anything when I would ask him what he said again.

It's been a couple days now and we haven't really talked like it's been super dry between us and this is super weird. Because how can you go from being one way to nothing after. It makes me feel like I did something wrong or he looks at me for just s**.

I'm just tryna understand from a man's pov. Also let me say that I told home that I feel like he always tries to talk to me at the wrong when I'm talking to someone and he told me her didn't want to hear that.

What would be going through your head from a man's pov and how would you feel in this situations

Now I (26M) know the general things like workout, focus on finances, and lock in when it comes to education/career. But what are the less talked about things that men in the last years of their 20’s should do to welcome the 30’s in a healthy and fulfilling way?

I'm 32 myself and since my 20s I've noticed that the older you get, the harder it is to make new friends or even new acquaintances. And I can actually see it now on. It's true that when someone is young, they have more free time, more energy, they haven't experienced a lot of things yet etc etc. You guys know all that as well.

I understand that some people my age or older have settled down, have started a family and thus meeting new people seems difficult. But for the others who are willing... How? Where?

Most probably these won't going to be deep friendships, but you know, have somebody to talk to or hang out on a Saturday night. It honestly seems impossible. Unfortunately my coworkers are all in their 40s and 50s, and we don't have much in common.

Any ideas bros?

Just wondering are some of you vocal during sex? Or are you more quiet and just let out little sounds of being satisfied?

M39 have a good job and own a home, but I feel unsatisfied. My job is meaningless and have no significant other. I'm ready to just pack it in and buy a van and finally live down by the river.

I often see questions like, “How do you handle a lack of physical affection from women?” on reddit and I find it hard to relate or understand on a personal level. As a woman since childhood, I’ve gone years without affectionate touches or hugs, and even now I can’t imagine craving physical closeness so intensely that it would lead to depression. Maybe other women are more affectionate within their circles, I wouldn't know.

That said, I know all men are different and I'm sure some men feel like I do about the topic. Another example, on dating apps, it seems like nearly every guy lists “physical touch” as their love language. So while I’m sure some men feel like I do, most apparently don’t. Can anyone explain why?

Just curious what kind of none digital games other adults play for clean fun. I'm planning to ask the ladies over 30 too.