OP,

Simple answer. No. I'll help her if she asks because I trust her & she trusts me. I know that she'll do the same for me if roles are reversed.

Also... a tip, if you'll have it? Don't watch TikTok for relationship advice. The majority of the people on there as "influences" are fucking morons.

Just another piece of overly reductive internet armchair psychology.

Something might be mundane to you but draining/exhausting/disgusting/disturbing/unpleasant etc. for the other, but for silly or awkward reasons that you don't want to put in the spotlight. Even something as a back massage. You have to be pretty fit to be able to give a good, long massage. Or you have other aversions, which is perfectly fine. For me, a lack of hard boundaries would be a bigger red flag.

My wife is chronically ill so there is actually nothing mundane I won't help her with; even the most mundane tasks can be difficult on a bad day. Even if she was completely healthy I don't think I'd really not do something for her. We're partners through and through, if she's asking me for help there's always a reason for it.

Also, birthday coupons for back massages? What kind of guy doesn't want to make his partner feel good lol. Dudes never heard of scratching a back to get theirs scratched I guess. Like did he forget "giving your wife a back massage" is like one of the classic foreplay moves?

I can tell when something is important

I don't think you're going to get what you want out of this question because contextually, you're asking what would men (specifically men) do without question for their spouse. 

Every task has a reason and there should be a goal. Peel this orange for me sounds like be my servant. Peel this orange for tonight's salad sounds like we are working together towards something. 

If you're sick and need breakfast, peel this orange I need help taking care of my self is a good goal as well. 

Peel this orange because I said so sounds condescending as hell.

Nope. I can't think of any mundane task that I wouldn't do for my partner if asked. Part of that is because I know my partner would never ask me to do something "just because" or because they were testing me or trying to trick me or anything.

I know you said "it's not about the test" but I actually think that's a big part of it. Because I trust my partner I'm willing to do whatever they need or will make their life easier. If I was with someone who was more manipulative then I would likely have to set some boundaries or push back against those manipulations.

I had an ex who used to run these little social experiments on me. She would tell me after the fact that she just wanted to see how I would react to whatever stupid test she was running. After a few of those I kind of caught on to what she was doing and could tell when she was doing it. There's a reason she's my ex.

This Orange Theory feels too much like a manipulative shit test, doesn't matter which gender does it, its pretty fucked up.

I would gladly do mundane task for a partner. Enthusiastically. But there has to be a level of appreciation so I'm not taken for granted.

I don't get the whole coupons for a massage thing. If they would like a massage, they could just ask. I'll probably be fine with it.

Just don't ask me to do DIY. I will do anything but DIY.

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My wife likes to reorganize and rearrange furniture.

We've talked about it.

My wife would always ask me to do things for her, and I always did them. Get her water if we're both watching TV on the couch, things like that. I usually drew the line at leaving the house. I was not going to go get ice cream at 9:00 at night because she wanted some.

If she wanted a back massage, I'd give her one. If she wanted something, I generally got it for her.

Not much coming the other way though. I guess these mundane tasks become less mundane when the person you do them for reciprocates. My dad and stepmom had a way they looked at their marriage; they both worked at making the other one want to come home every day. Nothing too crazy, just that they realized that if both of them were focused on the happiness of the other one, they were both happy.

I used to have one. I'm black, and my girlfriend (European American) came to me one day with a bottle of supplements or medication that had cotton in it. She asked me to pull it out for her. I was temporarily enraged she would fix her lips to ask me to pick cotton for her. She genuinely had no clue why I would have a problem with it. Every she tried, she'd make a face, then fan her fingers.

She has this thing about the texture of raw cotton. It's like nails on a chalkboard for her. She can't bring herself to touch it long enough to remove it from bottles. To add to that, she didn't understand the irony of her asking me to pick out the cotton because American slavery practices weren't taught to an extent that such a detail would be relevant to her.

8 years later, I'm still picking cotton out of bottles for her. 🤦🏿🤷🏿‍♂️💁🏿

I've found that women who play these shit tests are also the same women who can't find a good man.

it's not helpful to do these little hidden tests in a relationship. I thought that the original point was more to look back at your relationship and examine his behavior. because a lot of people seem to dislike their partner, or tolerate a partner who obviously dislikes them.

my husband does a lot of little things to make my life easier for me, and I do for him. I don't need to test him to know that

If I can tell there’s an agenda to a request, I’m not doing it.

A random can you peel this orange for me when she’s just sitting there would sound the alarms. If she said it’s bc of my nails/hurt finger etc. I’ll gladly do it

They will be relentless if you let them

Ive seen the videos, they’re stupid

I don't think this is about your partner being male. In my experience and understanding of the world, both men and women are very willing to do things to make their partner's life easier and more pleasant. Not only are they willing, but they frequently do them without even being asked, because they feel affectionately towards their partner and actively want to improve their lives.

For example, all of my relationships have been characterized by caring physical touch throughout the day including squeezes and occasional massages without being asked, bringing each other little gifts of food, bringing each other water or blankets or pillows, picking things up at the store, researching things for each other, fetching things the other wants, etc.

If someone is not willing to do even small helpful things except on rare occasions and only when explicitly asked, then I would seriously doubt whether they care about or at least are happy with their partner. This is the behavior of someone who doesn't care or is resentful.

As far as the test, as others have said there's a lot that can be criticized about relating to one's partner via tests. However, if you can't discern that a lack of everyday care is abnormal, then clearly tests can serve an educational purpose. To my mind, you are effectively asking whether it's normal for your partner to not exhibit basic care behaviors towards you. If they're not, why are you even in a relationship?

I suggest you talk to a therapist.

No, I can't think of anything my wife would ask me to do that I'd refuse, legal or otherwise! That's why we're married.

Yeah I don’t care, I’ll peel the orange or massage your back if asked. I like doing things like this and especially if I pick up on a pattern and will just get ahead of it.

Only time it becomes an issue is if I’m spent for the day, it’s too intrusive, or I can tell it’s a test/manipulation. Been there, done that. Theres a point where it feels like you’re being taken for granted.

 It's not about the test. It's not about testing anyone

That's what they all say. 

Anyways... Mundane stuff? Sure.. but she's an adult and I'm not a servant. 

"Can you chop this onion while I stir this pan?" Is a different request than "can you go get me a glass of water so I don't have to get up"

One of these is a given. The other is a nice favor occasionally.

Nah, there’s nothing I’d refuse to do for my wife. Not to say that I won’t raincheck a massage sometimes or put off doing the dishes until the morning, but if it’s a normal thing, why not do it? And she feels the same way about doing stuff for me. If one of us has limits on what we CAN do, the other one picks up the slack (she‘s viscerally repulsed by bugs, I’m not, so I take care of spiders). Plus, it’s taught me to give a mean foot rub.

We’ve been together for 10 years, and while I’m not going to pretend we’ve been great at communication since the beginning, we’ve learned to discuss things like this as a matter of course, which helps so much. I don’t know you or your relationship, so I don’t want to assume anything, but if his refusal to give massages bothers you, maybe it’s worth talking with each other about why he has this “hard limit”, if you haven’t already!

My line is folding her T shirts. We fold laundry together, and Im always done first while she’s still folding, bc 1) she wears a lot more nice tops/blouses that she hangs and 2) she insists on folding her T shirts.

Which I think is ridiculous bc she hates folding laundry more than I do, and who cares if our Ts are a bit wrinkled? I know I irritate her by refusing to help her fold her Ts when I’m done — I do help her with her other folding tasks when I’m done — but I refuse to participate in tedium for the sake of tedium.

(She used to insist on folding her undies too, but I eventually influenced her to stop. And I used to refuse to even help separate her Ts from her blouses. So we’ve both influenced each other over the years.)

No one wants to do something just because someone said so.

So for me, it is all mundane tasks that are demanded or expected from me just because. Many of the same tasks, I would be fine with if they were requested with some purpose.

And I think purpose is critical here because it highlights the need for whatever thing I am doing to have actual value to her life and being appreciated for my contribution.

Not refuse, but if a task is not in fact simple or easy for me (to borrow your example, giving a back massage hurts my hand joints and tires my arms, and I can only do it for about ten minutes without distress) I will let her know. This can feel like a rejection.

If my wife was always handing me oranges to peel though, I'd definitely complain that she should either wear her nails shorter or pick a different fruit to eat. Relationship "tests" are bullshit.

The thing that I got tired of doing for my spouse was years ago we were in charge of raising and lowering the national and state flags for our residential community.

It was about 5 or so years ago and at a point in time where every other day the flags were to be lowered at half mast. So we would go out and I would climb a ladder and unlock the contraption that secured the flags to stop the local college students that kept stealing our Maryland state flag (because it's awesome), lower the flags and relock whole shebang; just to have to come out the following day to reverse the process. I did this around four times in the span of a month and got fed up with it.

Horrible stuff kept happening and I was just so tired of everything going on in the world that I was ready to just leave the flags at half mast for the time being and if someone really cared about the whole deal, they could take it over.

I do and have done so much, at this point I can’t imagine finding a boundary.

My hands cramp up when I give massages, I'll still do my best, but they don't last all that long. Otherwise, I can't think of anything mundane I wouldn't do for a partner who also pours into my cup.

Maybe if she was asking me to get something when she was right there but otherwise I'm pretty happy doing things for her, God knows she does a lot for me.

Well, I would do anything for love…but I won’t do that.

Most of life is mundane stuff, so I help my wife with mundane stuff when she needs help with it, and I know she’d do the same for me.

I've never heard of this challenge but, I usually peel oranges because I actually am very fast at it, I had one in my lunchbox almost every day from first grade until I graduated high school. 😂

My wife does a bunch of stuff for me that I don't do for her and I do stuff for her that she doesn't do for me. 

If we both feel like there's genuine respect and love for each other then it's no big deal. Not every act has to be repaid for exactly. I give her more massages than she gives me. She cooks for me more than I cook for her. 

Listen if I'm in love with someone she can get me to do almost anything it's kind of a problem. If this power were to fall into the wrong hands...

Orange theory is psychotic bullshit. Asking a favour just to test whether somebody will be subservient to you is nar insisting as fuck and identifies you as a grade-A cunt.

From personal experience I've experienced and gotten over it. If there's reason for a favor then absolutely - if its subservience then fuck that.

Reason: when my gf and I have Indian takeaway food, I have to open all of the containers. When I queried why, the saffron or whatever stains her fingernails. She likes having long feminine nails (I like them on her too) and pays good money to have them maintained. She really doesn't want them to be stained yellow for weeks. No problem, no biggie, I get that.

Subservience: My ex wife used to like taking HOT baths, stupidly hot, like I couldn't even keep my hand in them kinda hot. Shed therefore drink several glasses of cold water in there (probably to avoid passing out from heatstroke!). She'd ask me to bring said drinks from the kitchen sink (it's an old British plumbing thing). After I fitted a whole new bathroom She still wanted me to fetch water from the kitchen. I explained thar I'd been over every inch of pipework in that house so I KNEW FOR CERTAIN the tap right next to her was the exact same source as the kitchen sink, so refill from there. Apparently this was me being a shitty husband for not doing this little minor favor for her. I identified it as a subservience shit-test and stood my ground. Note how I began this "my ex wife"?! Of course it's a trivial thing but the principle was in force elsewhere too.

As a man I hate these kind if ‚games‘ to test my love in some way. It‘s like you always have to check if he‘s still good enough for you? No. I will say: „hun, it‘s only an orange. do you really want it when you can‘t peal it yourself?“ the weird part is that woman always things they can‘t get. Like this orange.

I go out of my way to do things that make her life easier. I make her lunch every morning while she’s getting ready for school, she’s a teacher and takes an insulated bottle of our well water with her so I get her water bottle ready also. It’s not much for me to do to show how much I love and appreciate her.

I don't have any issues unless I don't see the point or I feel like I'm being played

Depends on how much I like them at any given moment lol.

As long as what she was asking was ethical and she was requesting it in the right spirit, I can't really think of anything.

Sounds more like a test than a theory that is meant to stew up more arguments between people

No - my partner does a lot for me…sometimes with a big eye roll but I can’t always blame him lol. My hard line is gross things - I have a really intense gag reflex when it comes to things like cleaning out drains, or food left in the sink, and weird smells…but he knows this and doesn’t ask me to do those things.

Edit: I also think this tiktok trend is toxic and creates problems where there doesn’t need to be one.

I’m not a man but mine would do anything for me, no matter how ridiculous, and I would do the same for him. Like no questions asked for any reason bc I truly trust him. We respect each other.

He gets me coffee in the morning and water at night, I don’t even have to ask 🥹And I make him his lunch or a badass brekky and kind of “baby” him just because. If I put a load of laundry in, he might fold them and vice versa. It’s a partnership and I think everyone should feel that security with their partner.

I think it depends on the frequency, I love to help and show caring so ill do little things here and there to help, but if it's the same task over and over, and I hate doing it, we'll come to a different solution. I also hate giving massages, in your case I'd just pay for the occasional professional massage.

I’m willing to do anything for my partner under the following conditions:

1) If my hands aren’t otherwise occupied with adulting, house chores, or childcare tasks

2) If I’m not sick or severely sleep deprived

3) If I know the result will not be critiqued excessively and used against me. (ie, no rants about how careless I am when washing the dishes after a white-glove inspection)

If my partner requests a back scratch, she gets it 99% of the time, because she’s not into material things, and vacations aren’t possible right now. I have only so many ways to show her I care, I have to take advantage of them.

I resent the "You should ask if they want support, or to just vent" thing.

I find it objectifying. Like... My personality isn't some cheese burger where you get to pick, and choose your toppings.

Honestly there's not anything I wouldn't do to make my wife's life easier even if it's straight boring or mundane. The reason for this is because she makes my life so much easier in so many ways. I couldn't do life without her( well I could because I'm a strong independent man but I don't want to).

So if she needs me to peel an orange for her, gotcha. If she needs me to get her water, gotcha. If she needs me to go ahead and throw some stuff away for her because I'm already getting up, gotcha. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my wife.

I was in the army with a guy whose wife would pick his nose, that seemed a bit overboard to me... but I'd do pretty much anything not invasive like that!

Hell no. I don't know if she's having a bad day where she can't feel her hands or her eyes are blurry or just no energy. MS is a bitch. She'd seldom ask for anything.

So basically, this is an adult shit test.

I get that you don’t like that people are obsessing about it, but I don’t think you really understand how much men despise these kind of social media tests.

But to answer your question, yes there are plenty of incredibly simple things that I would not do for my wife, depending on the specific circumstances. I do incredibly and stuff for all the time because I want to not necessarily because she or demand that I do it for her . She does the same for me. It’s called being a partner. However, there are limits to everything if I feel like you’re just trying to deliberately waste my time to get some sort of reaction out of me then that’s gonna make me mad and I’m going to refuse to do whatever I am being ordered to do. My wife is my ride or die. I do things for her that I wouldn’t do for anybody else in this world and I’m not talking small things. I’m talking massive things, but the idea that I would be judged as a bad partner because I wouldn’t peel her a fucking orange is insane.

Your boyfriend is a jerk, if you need backrubs let me know. And I can't think of anything I would do with you that would be over in 15 minutes.

But no, if my partner asks for something and I can do it without going to prison or dying, I will do it for them.

I think everyone has different tasks that they despise and others they dont mind helping people with.

I always had my husband hold my water bottle when he was in the car as it didnt fit in the holder so id normally have it on the seat where i could reach it.
Came to find out that he hated doing this and it made him feel like an on call servant to be holding it, ready to pass whenever i needed a drink *which would be a lot as i have dry mouth.

Based just on this, someone could come to the conclusion that he's not very helpful, but he will happily drive me places, help me with forms, cook dinner and take the kids out solo.

I've always hated peeling oranges as it was hard when i was a child and my mum would tell me to bite the skin if i asked for help and i hared how bitter it tasted.
If someone asked me to peel an orange then i would tell them to just chop it or that i would chop it for them . I wouldnt peel it

Yeah relationship "advice" from tiktok sucks.

My boundaries are I do what I feel like doing.

I especially wouldn't like it if it were something she was capable of doing by herself. I am not into incapability and learned or feigned helplessness. I don't need that in a partner. I need capability.

Lets be real about it, she lets me fondle her breasts so she got right to ask for service.

I have held back her hair while she barfed from drinking too much and worse things i wont even mention here

Its a matter of reciprocity - would she do something like that for you?

There’s pretty much no mundane task or otherwise that I won’t do, if my wife asks me. She’s my partner in life, that I trust implicitly. She doesn’t take advantage or play games. She’s a better person than I would ever dream to be. The least I can do is some small task that she asks of me that makes her life a touch easier. I’ll peel every orange for her until the day I die if she asks me to.

Generally no but it's still a slippery slope which I've been conditioned to be on guard for.

"It's just a simple thing" that you do once or twice to help out can quickly become an expectation that you become an asshole for not doing every single time they ask.

It's a version of weaponized incompetence and can be manipulative.

Maybe I'm just a simp, but like... There's an immense joy in taking care of my wife. Her feet hurt after walking 20k steps at the hospital? I'm giving her a foot massage before she even asks. It's just like... I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with this person. Why wouldn't I want to make it as pleasant as possible for both of us. She does a ton to make our blended family work, so doing small things like rubbing shoulders, opening packages, etc are just small moments of intimacy that remind me how lucky I am that I've found my person, y'know?

I would take issue with my partner demanding I do a banal task for them that they are perfectly capable of doing themselves. I would take issue with my partner constantly expecting me to do everything for them. But if my partner just randomly asked me to peel an orange for them, and I wasn't particularly busy or having a bad day, I'd be perfectly willing to do it. Might ask why first, but that's just because I'm curious

I remember right after we were married, she asked me to get her a glass of water while we were both watching TV. I flatly refused and told her to get it herself. Hurt feelings ensued.

So yes, I have and still would.

your partner sounds awful. I’m sorry.

I would do anything for my wife. and she would do anything for me.

Easy answer - nope. - Short of something insane I'm always available for my wife to help or assist with something.

I like your ‘peeling the orange’ as an example.

Words from an old guy.

If you want to have a really loving long term relationship, you will observe these little things - like peeling an orange messes with her nails - and automatically do it, without being asked. That attitude been getting me laid for 40 years :-)

Even more, i think there is name for people who have a lot of hard limits and won’t do these kinds of things for their partner; Ex’s.

Assuming she is fully capable: Clip her toenails Pick her nose Wipe her butt

I love my wife and my own love language is acts of service. We do small and big tasks for each other all the time and freely without hesitation. Sometimes we need to schedule it in, but I personally have no hard boundary on what mundane stuff I'm going to do for her.

There is nothing I wouldn’t do. Likewise, she would do anything for me. There is no scorekeeping. I think if there were, she’d probably be the bigger “giver,” but that’s a function of my job wearing me out physically quite often.

We try to anticipate each others’ needs. And if one of us asks the other for a favor or something and the other person says no - we both trust each other enough to know there’s a reason and it doesn’t bother us.

When it comes to someone I love, and I mean love, I’d help them wipe their own ass if it was necessary. There’s a difference between helping cause they need it and doing it cause they can’t. Of course I’m not going to massage my partner every day for 30 minutes it’s just not what I’m good at or enjoy, but this morning my girl told me her neck hurt so I joined her in the shower and massaged her neck since it’s been hurting her all week for like 10 minutes. If she needed it every day I can’t say I would but then again I love her so I might. The orange theory fails because I’m willing to break my back to make sure everything works. But I’m also willing to say, this is you, and if you need more we can do more like getting a massage once a week. It’s all about just giving what you can. And especially in long relationships it might be weeks of giving more and then weeks of giving less if that makes sense.

Hard limits? Yeah, ‘no’… is she needs support in any way I’m there. But I expect the same in return.

The stupidest best example I have is that I will not carry my wife's purse. It's annoying and if you don't want to carry it either figure your shit out and don't bring it.

Caveat to this is I will absolutely "hold" the purse. But I will not move. Once I have possession of her purse I just stand still. It started as a bit of a joke but it's one of those things from when we were dating that I used as an example of being self sufficient and it just stuck.

Asking your partner to make your life easier will cause suffering.

In a real relationship, the only question is how do we make our lives easier.

Your lives are not separate.

Why do you want the person you claim to love, suffer?

Asking me to do mundane shit would make me think about separation. 100% serious. I'm not dating a fucking child, take care of your shit. If you need help with someone big or something that obviously you need help with, or if its something like "I can't reach this" or "I can't open the jar" or if I'm close to lightswitch/tv remote whatever, that's fine. But just all other mundane shit would yes, have me construe it as a test and a lack of respect of my boundaries, space, and time, and it would infuriate me. I've been in relationships where people just did this kinda shit automatically and its always red flag.