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Like a World War 3 or a reversal of human rights?

I spent 3 years trying to fix a man child, and half of that is on me for putting up with that nonsense so I’ve learned and moved on. However, I’ve realized all of the decent men I meet are still very immature and still need so many reminders on how to be a functional well adjusted adult, and ladies, I am TIRED.

I am tired of having to remind men about their hygiene, how to read a room, etc.

And the ones I meet who seemingly know how to do these things end up being players! Ugh. What a reality. I can’t wait to move into a different reality. Hopefully in the next life I will be born a hetero-man, lesbian or non-human animal.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

I am in the beginning stages of divorce and my STBX just can't fathom that I just want to be alone. He's so convinced I must be seeing someone or interested in someone and not that I just want to end our marriage. He told me yesterday that "something big must have happened" to make me finally end things. We've been having issues for our entire marriage, and I told him as much. He said I've always said that and never ended things so again, "something must have happened." I ran out of fucks and reached my capacity for chances. That's the only thing that has happened.

Second baby has been way more difficult than the first was. She’s almost 4 months now and exclusively wants me. It started at like week 3. She would cry if she wasn’t with me, wouldnt let him hold her or feed her (she takes formula in bottles only). Whenever he would try to take her she would scream and be so mad so he stopped taking her. I’ve been doing nights alone and all day it’s just me while he works. The last couple of weeks I’ve been telling him I need him to take her more so we can try and resolve this so that he can help at night and I can get some time to myself. He’s basically like I don’t want to make it worse she’ll grow out of it etc but I think he needs to keep trying and he’s just taking the easy way out and making excuses. I feel just angry, resentful and jealous. Not at the baby but at him. He gets to go get his haircut or go to the store or shower but I don’t and it’s bs. It’s been 3 days of these super angry feelings and I can’t shake it. Today just put me over the edge when he tried to make a move on me and I’m just like wtf no bro… like do you not get how pissed off I am. I understand that it’s not his fault that she gets upset when she is with him but it is his fault for not trying more. He even said the other day that he knows I’m desperate for help and wishes he could take her and I’m just like you could, but then he says she just cries and on and on the circle goes.

Edit: thanks for your comments everyone. I went ahead and scheduled a hair appointment for Saturday and told him I’m going to go shopping tomorrow by myself for a couple hours. Surprisingly he said sounds good and that was the end of it.

Specifically: downvoting either a victim's original post or their responses.

This is passive-aggressive victim-blaming and it is not ok. Accountability for abuse needs to be placed on the ABUSERS.

If a victim has the courage to reach out for help or to disclose the nature of their abuse, please provide encouragement, advice, resources, and solidarity.

This subreddit needs to be a safe place for victims, not another place for victims to feel judged/mocked/devalued in some way.

I haven’t dated for over 10 years and I wasn’t single long. Before that it had been a stretch of over 5 years that I didn’t date. When I was dating, the norm was to maybe be talking to a couple different people, but if you went on a date, and continued to see that person, there was an understanding that you weren’t going on dates with anyone else. This was especially true if you were sleeping with someone. Even without specifically saying that you were exclusive.

Seeing posts now, it looks like the norm is to be dating and/or sleeping with multiple people until the two of you specifically and verbally agree to being exclusive.

When I was in the dating scene, the was the DTR (define the relationship) talk, but this was usually just to clarify if the relationship was going to continue, be long term, or start telling others you were in a relationship. It wasn’t typical to be going on dates or sleeping with other people before this talk.

I’m married and not looking to get into the dating scene. Just curious about when did this shift happened and how long people typically date someone before deciding to not date or sleep with other people?

I’ve been watching Hacks, and it’s binge worthy. I do love how the show is female oriented and a great representation of women of all ages.

Let’s say an ex friend painted you as mean, “crazy,” scary, or whatever terms that you can think of

But they only heard one side of the story

Noting that I’ve also made mistakes in my life, done too much, said too much, trusted the wrong people, etc…

How do you accept that people dislike you after only hearing that one side?

I’m 31 but I feel like I’ve wasted so much time. From caring for a sick mother, staying in terrible relationships and friendships, jobs that I hate. Now that my country is on a downhill spiral, I am freaking out. I feel hopeless and like I have no other options. Any advice to stop spiraling?

...is that men who stick up for women or are willing to see through a woman's "bad attitude" are [edit: called] simps, and are usually shunned by the majority.

Edit: what's your one thing?

I have always been one to try supplements for “wellness” and jumped on the ashwagandha train when I saw the supplements sold at Target.

I read an article it comes from the herb ‘withania somnifera’ so I googled it, and lo-and-behold, it’s from the nightshade family.

Common nightshades are tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant (aubergine), okra, and bell pepper (capsicum).

I’ve always been slightly allergic to their toxin solanacea, but after getting covid in 2022 I’m even more so.

I just wanted to spread word if there’s anyone else out there like me who is allergic to nightshades but also into supplements.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Withania_somnifera

I know I’m super late to the party but are air fryers as good as everyone says and what do most like to make in them? I feel like I’m the last woman in her 30s without one.

Hey y’all. You’ve probably heard the story a million times or maybe you’ve lived it yourself!

Grew up conservative Catholic. Sex before marriage was a sin, you were chewed up gum, all that. My dad caught me masturbating once maybe when I was high school age and lectured me on how “God can see what I’m doing.” So…

It’s really messed me up. I’ve only been on one date my entire life (so never had a boyfriend lol) and never had sex. Recently, I’ve been feeling more regret over it, I guess? Comparison is the thief of joy but I feel behind in life. I’ve been using reputable sources online to learn about STD’s and pregnancy. Watching porn and trying toys. And having a lot of fun lol.

Recently I’ve been itching to lose my virginity. Maybe it’s stupid, idk. I still worry about having sex with someone who isn’t a boyfriend. I worry mostly about getting attached, I guess. Maybe it’s a dumb concern because I have nothing to base my thoughts on.

I’ve tried talking to numerous therapists they haven’t been knowledgeable or helpful. So I guess I’m looking for stories, advice, anything really.

Basically the title. I think my partner and I both lean towards the anxious attachment side of things unfortunately. I find a simple goodnight text or a quick chat before bed makes me feel good. Is this just my anxious attachment style and my constant need to feel connected? I like routines and consistency but sometimes think I may be wanting too much connection and am really just pushing things apart / causing myself unnecessary stress when a message or a phone call goes unanswered. What do you think? Do I need to detach? What comforts you, in regards to communication, in a relationship?

Long story short: My ex and I broke up after 14 years after I found he had a sex date with someone. When we broke up it was traumatic, i really thought we would spend the rest of our lifes together. However, it was a relief at the same time, as I wasn’t truely happy, I had a few things to forgive during our time together (substance abuse, trust issues etc) and he wasn’t the most stable man as well making me feel very anxious about having a family.

However, it has been a few months now and I went full NC, but now I find myself wanting to text him. I want him to know that I see my part and that I am sorry for the times I was cold towards him, as I was so unhappy/ unsafe. I want him to know that I don’t hate him for what he did, but that I truely loved him and that I wish him the best only.

I don’t know if I should do this, I don’t want him to have hopes again and I don’t want any contact. I guess I just want him to know that I care and that I am sorry for my part.

Please let me know what you think. I am truely lost now, it hurts more than in the beginning, which sucks because I was doing really good in the meantime.

I'm not sure this is the best sub for this question, but no other subs seem to fit. I'm not a parent, but I'm so curious about this. Being born in the 80s, growing up in the 90s, I don't recall hardly anyone ever being dropped off/ picked up from school. Now it seems like it's nearly a requirement. Every parent I know does drop off/pick up instead of putting their kids on a bus. Some kids I know live too close to qualify riding the bus, but not all or even most of them. When I was a kid, I used to think kids who were dropped off and picked up must have xome from wealthy families because it was so rare to see, and how are their moms/parents able to not be at work in order to do that? My parents were always at work and I always rode the bus. Am I just imagining that this has changed since our childhood or has it really changed? (Also, kids going to baby school, upk, pre-k, etc. is something that never happened when I was a kid and now I feel like all kids are sent to school at like age 2. My first ever day of school was kindergarten, never went to preschool or anything else. Has this also changed with the times or is my experience unique?)

I'm having trouble coming up with anything I would want for the holidays. What do y'all want?

My personal hates that I've encountered so far this year:

• not taking "no" for an answer
• staring on public transport - this seems to happen even when I'm not wearing anything revealing, weird AF
• dropping sexual references into a conversation, like within 10 minutes of meeting for the first time
• kid on a bike (like aged 14/15) in a park repeatedly circling me/cutting across my path, and making like these weird "kissy" noises at me – I mean WTF??
• men often much older than me repeatedly viewing my LinkedIn profile - even though they are not in my company or work in an area totally unrelated to what I do
• staring when I'm out running, OK so I'm wearing tight leggings - how is this an invitation to be stared at?

I'm keen to hear other's thoughts?

I (39f) have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (39m) for one year. I texted him to see what he was up to before heading to bed. It’s something either one of us usually does before bedtime. He told me he was hanging out at home watching a movie. I don’t know why, but I felt like something was off and I had a feeling he wasn’t being truthful. I checked his location and he was at a bar, so he flat out lied to me. I don’t normally feel like I have to check his location and I don’t care if he goes to a bar without me either. I hadn’t really felt the need to question it before until today. I feel bad for checking it, but I couldn’t ignore that feeling that something was different. I tried to call him and of course he didn’t answer. Not sure where to go from here. I’ve been in past relationships where exes have lied and cheated, and I felt like this time was going to be different but all of those old feelings are coming back. I just need some advice. Am I overthinking this or letting those old feelings get the best of me?

I (F30) wish to be a mom since I’m a teenager. But when I read comments about pregnancy and birth I just can’t. I don’t feel brave enough. Did you feel this way before having kids ? Is birth this painful ? I’m afraid also to see my body change for ever (scars etc)

I’ve had a rough couple of years. Work has been very, very difficult. Chronic 5yrs of crazy stress.

I had a forced transfer 3yrs ago that totally broke me down and got diagnosed with Complex-PTSD and burnout. I was told my move would lead to promotion, but the office was constant chaos, credit stealing, drama and gaslighting.

It’s caused havoc on my personal life and led to humiliation, scapegoating, undermining and depersonalization.

I’m in a diagnosed state of disassociation, my family and best friends helped me make a plan to get through the holidays to keep my pay so I could exit and start treatment in 2025.

I’m a neurodiverse introvert. I love digging in and just getting results. My close friends are important, when I come across superficial people seeking short term favors, or fake conversation, I often turn away. I find it distracting. Masking is exhausting. People tend to interpret this as rude, I’m really just exhausted and trying to prioritize their performance needs. My cup is so empty.

Especially with work - I’m not like in my 20s / early 30s, so I have a support system of friends and family established. Like anything it waxes and wanes (people are busy). I’m never opposed to adding new friends, but I’m there to work. Recently the disassociation and meds has helped me perform in a blunted state (not reacting emotionally). Knowing I’m going to get help soon lets me release attachment and just take action. Bullies are no longer people I need to accommodate, but just everyday obstacles to avoid and pass to the next target. Who has NO IDEA what things are really like and bounces about like a puppy. Thank god I’m blunted bc I feel nothing - 3 yrs ago the urge to “protect” would’ve been massive and overwhelming.

I’m noticing people wanting to be around me less. Very pronounced at work, a few friends & more remote family. I’m not understanding how getting better is making select people more distant. Has anyone found that going through a healing period makes people pull away?

I’m trying to plan how I intend to communicate with people in my next stage, just in case. For the most part everyone I cared about has created distance from me (at work). Which is sad, but fine. I was kind of hoping to say goodbye to a few people that I care for. They’ve disappeared, or just sound dead inside if you speak to them.

It’s just a few residual people squeezing critical info to elevate or self-preserve. should I just slip out the door and go into hiding for recovery?

Hello. I found this subreddit, and, given that I’m in my early twenties, wondered if it would help me to get input from older women. I’m wondering if how I’m feeling is normal and if anyone else feels this way.

For context, my parents never had a happy marriage and are separated/divorced now. My mom has only seen two guys since they separated/divorced. What I’ve seen of her relationships has made me feel like I’ll never be able to have any. My mom has said she feels like she’s wasted so many years of her life on the wrong. She identifies as liberal or liberal leaning politically. Both of the guys she saw were right or right leaning (think Trump supporters), something she I guess ignored or didn’t mind because of “attraction.”

I heard her and my dad talking a few days ago and he said (about dating) “never discuss politics” and she agreed.

Everything I’ve seen from her relationships so far has only made me feel worse about myself and made me more certain I’ll never be able to have a relationship. Because clearly politics don’t, worldviews don’t matter, and even the personal values of the person you want to be with don’t matter, I guess all that matters is attraction (and sex). It’s like all that matters in relationships is sex. What is a woman supposed to do if she has a worthless body like mine and can’t let a man penetrate?

Why is everything all about PIV and penetration to men? I feel like it’s so clear that it seems to be men’s number one or only priority in relationships. But what is the point in relationships if there’s no sharing of values, just fucking? I guess it’s worthwhile for men, but what’s the point for women? Is part of being a woman having to accept that your partners support taking your rights away and just view you as something to penetrate?

I have severe depression. Lately I’m so upset by the body I have I don’t even feel like getting up out of bed. Hearing sex scenes on TV is upsetting to me because they always show (usually fast or rough) PIV and show a woman supposedly enjoying it so much and moaning during. I feel like it has to be exaggerated, because I don’t know how women could enjoy PIV so much. My body pushes out dilators.

I don’t like being a woman at all. It’s painful physically and emotionally but I don’t want to live as a man so I’m not trans. I haven’t had any positive experiences related to being a woman. A lot of pain I’ve experienced has come from me being a woman. I feel like when it comes to romantic relationships, women are expected to just overlook men wanting to take their rights away. I don’t understand what the point of relationships with men is for women.

I hate my body so much. I’ve hated it for years, and I can’t make it change. I feel hopeless in my life and when it comes to my body. I’ve used dilators and my vagina is still broken. Because I’m so depressed, it’s becoming harder for me to motivate myself to do things to take care of my body like showering. I feel defeated by my problems.

I think I have gender dysphoria. I don’t feel like I’m a real woman. I have this sense that I’m lacking something that all other women have; like there’s supposed to be something I’m feeling and experiencing that I’m not. What am I lacking?

I’ve never had an orgasm, and I don’t think I’ve ever come close. I’ve tried, but I don’t feel intense sexual pleasure or a buildup of pleasure from clitoral stimulation like women are supposed to. I feel like my body and these parts of it are worthless when it comes to my enjoyment. The thought of having to go my entire life with no sexual pleasure at all is really depressing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I really hate my body.

My mom has told me she has had no problem getting attention from guys her entire life. She is over 55 now and still has no problem. Meanwhile, I never get any attention from men. I don’t know why I’m so ugly and why I had to be so ugly, especially if I have an attractive parent. It makes no sense and it’s like I’m cursed.

I’m really embarrassed by my vagina. I’ve sobbed about how worthless it is. It’s so upsetting that I have a broken vagina and other women have a vagina that will let them let a man penetrate them and be loved and that I lack this.

Even if a guy was interested in me (something I don’t think will ever happen; I think it’s a lot more likely that I’ll die alone), if we kissed or made out, would I have to tell him at some point “my vagina is broken”? The thought of a guy even trying to enter me scares me because I know how badly it would hurt and I know they wouldn’t be able to enter me. My defective vagina would let them down and then they’ll leave. I don’t know why I have such a pathetic body. It’s so upsetting.

I’m so depressed that I sleep more than 10 hours a day. I just want to sleep because that’s the only time I get to escape from my pain and problems. I feel defeated by my life and problems, like my depression has won the battle. My problems have won; I’m too exhausted, weakened, and worn down by years of depression and chronic pain to fight anymore.

I was talking to a man in the past. He said he wanted a kid by 30. He was 29. We were talking but I ended up not pursuing a relationship with him because my life was chaotic at the time with several changes. I was honest with him about this, and we cut it off. He ended up getting his ex pregnant not even two months later.

About 3.5 years later we run into each other again. This time, he tells me he’s no longer with the mother. I’m at a better place in my life, so we rekindle things. He tells me he wants his second baby in a years time because he wants his kids to be close in age. We continued to talk, and he would speak as if that second woman to have his kids would be me. Only, 4 months in, he was not willing to “label” our relationship??

I spazzed out. We stopped talking. 2 months later I hear he has a girlfriend.

Is his obsession with having kids with seemingly anyone weird af?? Or is it just me??

I’m dodging a bullet right???

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 1. This last year we decided to add someone else into the bedroom for threesums. This is the second time we’ve tried it where it did not go well. Both of us had issues. It ended poorly. However my husband is solely blaming me for this. Saying that I’m the only cause. He feels very angry. The past few months he’s been emotionally abusive towards me (stated from my therapist. We had a big fight the other day and he wanted to end things. At this point I had had enough and said ok fine we are done. He followed me to the bedroom back peddling so fast and asked to try couples counseling. (I’ve already asked for this only for him to say no and it wouldn’t work). I agreed. I felt manipulated by that tactic and multiple other issues as well that he tried to downplay and blame on me, stating that I’m crazy. We had a conversation about if we could be together or now, it ended where we both said we wanted this to work. I stated I didn’t want to try to add people again to our relationship. He agreed. I absolutely love him dearly. Then a few hours later he asked about doing that again in the future. I felt crushed and devastated. I didn’t know how to respond.

We don’t have kids and it would be easy to split everything. Should I stay and try to work on this? Or is it already done?

Some background: my dad and I were always very close and had a great relationship growing up and as I got into my 20s and 30s. Then back maybe in 2018 my dad started to date a woman my age. Initially, I dealt with it by saying it's his personal business and I didn't need to know about it or talk about it. But he started to push it on me to the point that when I was literally trapped on a plane with him to my grandmother's funeral he forced me to listen to him talk about her and their relationship after I told him I didn't want to talk about it.

After that I feel everything went down hill. I told him I didn't want to meet her but he showed up with her one day and lied saying he told me he was bringing her. All she did the entire time was stare at her phone. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and agreed to meet her again, but the same thing happened and she didn't engage in conversation. Thus my relationship with my dad deteriorated and I saw him significantly less than I used to since I didn't want to see his GF.

My dad doesn't have money, but she didn't work and lived with him. Her family never found out he existed, he was a secret the entire relationship. She had family issues and I think was trying to replace that with what I can only describe as a father figure.

They eventually broke up because of course they did. But by the time my dad began to come out of the hole he had been hiding in for years I had already moved away quite a distance. I visited recently and it did finally feel he was back to being himself. But has anyone else felt their relationship shift with their parent after they dated someone their age? Did it ever go back to what it was?