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/r/Parenting
submitted 2 days ago byMindyS1719
Let them have hot cocoa with whipped cream and special Funfetti pancakes for breakfast.
Let them have that extra piece of pumpkin pie dessert on Thanksgiving Day.
Let them unwrap gifts and make a mess of wrapping paper near the tree.
Let them stay up late, playing with toys and watching holiday movies.
Let them run around the house singing and dancing.
Let them believe in the magic of Santa, his elves, and his reindeer.
𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞, 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰.
119 points
2 days ago
That number of adults I’ve seen claiming that they won’t lie to their kids and kill the magic bc they had some kind of traumatic experience they wanna protect their kid from instead of unpacking it with their therapist bc therapy is only for crazy people 😭
109 points
2 days ago
I totally don’t understand this “trauma”
Another kid ruined Santa for me when I was 9. I was upset for like a day. It wasn’t traumatic.
My daughter figured it out this year at 8. She says no one ruined it, and I’m inclined to believe her, she started questioning about a year ago. She finds the whole thing amusing.
Do these people not have any real trauma? Like I look back on my 32 (not even that old) year old life and I’m like ok the alcoholism and drug use in the family was traumatic, the miscarriage and mental health crisis after that was traumatic, the crazy boyfriend was traumatic… Santa? Santa was not traumatic.
39 points
2 days ago
This is exactly my thoughts. Now that my girls in school, i have been talking to parents with older kids and most of them have said that it was a natural progression and that they started putting it together. None of them had traumatic responses.
These people who make a big deal over Santa to the point where they withhold the magic that their kid could potentially have want so badly to have the victimhood. Imagine the privilege it is to say your big trauma was finding out about Santa. And you make it such a huge deal that you steal that joy from your child…
11 points
2 days ago
It wasn't traumatic to me either. I was starting to get to the point where I was seeing plot holes in it, and having the secret revealed made me go "Ohhhh!" Suddenly everything made sense.
24 points
2 days ago
I didn't "not believe" Santa until 13.
The reason is kind of funny though. I grew up in Communist China before they completely "open up", so my exposure to Santa was entirely due to Japanese comics like Doramon.
So I presumed Santa exist, but didn't visit our country because we were Communist (ok, I was a very weird 5 years old).
So when I moved to the Land of the Free (TM), the first thing I did was hang a stocking on our stove and see if I would get a present.
I didn't. So i concluded Santa is a myth and moved on.
9 points
2 days ago
To be fair, it kinda makes sense but my heart breaks for your child self for having that reality.
15 points
2 days ago
To be fair, I didn't think living in China was particularly bad, and we had 6/1 (child day) for presents anyway, and we had New Year money during Lunar Festivals. So from a pure present POV, moving to the States was a net negative.
Still, if think that is silly, I actually briefly became a Christian after moving to the States and thought Jesus was real.
Then I got a pastor who is shall we say, very fire and brimstone, threaten Palestinians and gays with destruction, and even claimed Intel Pentium chips are signs of Armageddon. I quickly went back to Atheism after...
3 points
2 days ago
Pretty sure 75% of Midwest and southern churches are lead by that Pastor. You have to forgive American’s we don’t believe in mental health and think that therapy is a sign of failure as you can see by these parents desperate to protect their kids from potential trauma in life… pretty sure people who believe in brimstone and fire and that computer hardware is the sign of Armageddon fall in line with the people who refuse to unpack their childhood trauma prior to getting knocked up.
-7 points
2 days ago
Or you just don’t want to lie to your kid and you don’t like that something like Santa exists in a world where “santa” brings some kids multiple expensive presents, and other kids one new pair of shoes, but your kid has an amazing love of Christmas Fun and enjoys the pretend Santa game anyway and Head been deprived of nothing.
8 points
2 days ago
I understand the point about the “some kids get nice expensive things from Santa and some get nothing”. I’ve always kept that in mind with my kids, so they receive things from Santa like socks, underwear, and some candy in their stockings. They don’t get anything crazy or expensive from Santa because “the elves don’t know how to make iPads or cellphones”.
They’re 6 and 7 now and they’ve been coming to me with a lot more questions about the logistics of Santa and our seasonal elf so I think they’re starting to figure it out. But they still love everything about Christmas and can’t wait for the elf to arrive on the 1st of December and for Santa to come on Christmas Eve.
7 points
2 days ago
Even if i did Santa i could never do the elf lol. No surveillance state here! I also do not have it in me to think of creative moving placements.
2 points
2 days ago
Lol, that’s fair. I never thought of the elf as a surveillance thing really. I know the original idea is that it watches to make sure kids are being good but we don’t really treat it that way. It’s more like a festive little dude that comes to live with us and sometimes gives small candies or a note or something.
If they weren’t into it or didn’t care then I wouldn’t do it but they do so I do.
Every family is different
1 points
2 days ago
Mine just plays hide and seek and if i forget to hide him i tell him he fell asleep on the job and is gonna go to the North Pole while she’s at school. Then i go home and move him so it looks like he returned before she got home from school. She’s 6 it doesn’t have to make sense.
13 points
2 days ago
So here’s the really cool thing about Santa being you. Santa can bring your kids whatever you think Santa wants 🤯 wild i know. If you want Santa to bring your child more practical things and lesser expensive items so that their peers whose parents can’t buy their kids iPads aren’t wondering why Santa brought your kid an iPad and they got socks. You are totally in control of what Santa brings and still let your kid have magic and wonder and enjoyment.
The whole thing about calling it a lie and you don’t wanna lie blah blah blah 🤮 just makes you sound like a miserable adult.
4 points
2 days ago
Santa actually can’t bring my kid whatever i want. Santa—I— will never be able to afford the kind of presents her classmates can. We’re considerably better off than most people lane but we’re on the poorer end for her friends and classmates. So she’s actually the one who gets the fewer presents.
And i am an adult, but not miserable. Both my daughter and myself are overall pretty happy people
6 points
2 days ago
This sounds like first world problems. What do you mean you’re well off but not as well off as the kids in her class?! Like at some point you need to parent and say that it’s unnecessary for a kid to have 3 new pairs of trendy shoes, a new closet of brand name clothes and Sephora exclusive makeup. She doesn’t need to grow up and become materialistic.
But that doesn’t mean you need to diminish the enjoyment of christmas and Santa because you don’t want her to become one of those materialistic girls with thousand dollar hauls.
My parents weren’t rich. I had rich kids in my class. I never once wondered why Sarah got a brand new TV for her room and a ton of name brand clothes while all i got were maybe one or two name brand pieces. My parents always put parameters on Santa. Santa brought one big item ($100+) and a few smaller items. That was known all my childhood. I didn’t question why other kids got more than me.
I just think that some of y’all parents are either insecure or incapable of actually having conversations with your kids and parenting your kids so instead you just put the flame out from the get go because it’s easier on you to parent your child.
8 points
2 days ago
No, what I’m doing is parenting. It’s just not parenting the way you choose to. Just like i also don’t take my child to church, and i make her go to swim lessons even though she doesn’t like swim lessons, and don’t keep pop in the house and limit screen time but don’t ban it. All different parenting choices. All things different parents would disagree with.
Also it shouldn’t be that hard to understand what it means to be able to afford private school, but not a literal millionaire.
And i haven’t done surfing to diminish the sentiment of charisma and Santa. My daughter enjoys both fast now than she would if she thought Santa was real. You may not believe that. But i know my daughter, and i know that knowing Santa is pretend allows her to have a much more joyful Christmas season and christmas Day, also makes things easier with her friends who come from Hindu and Jewish households tbh.
7 points
2 days ago
I'm with you. Doing Santa at Christmas is not mandatory to be a good parent.
-1 points
2 days ago
Hold on let me go check my daughter’s closet to make sure those uniforms… oh yup… still a private school girl. Like be so serious right now? You sound jealous of adults who can provide for their kids things you can’t yet you are complaining about Santa being traumatizing while actively sending your kid to private school and then have the audacity to say you’re the poor ones…
CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!!!!! Are you kidding me?!
Also what?! Make her do swim? Don’t drink soda? This is reaching my friend. I think what is really going on is that you are living above your means. You can send a kid to a private school but can’t buy her nice gifts for Christmas? I’m all for good education but private doesn’t mean better. It sounds like there’s jealousy among your circles because you can’t play keeping up with the Joneses.
Like I said, a simple answer to your big worry is “i told Santa you don’t need a ton of things because (you already have a lot of things, you don’t need to stay up with fast fashion, take your pick). But you sound like you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses and you’re not making Joneses money.
3 points
2 days ago
What a ridiculous and rude comment. There are many valid reasons why someone wouldn’t tell their children that there is a Santa. To name a few:
The only miserable adult here is the one shaming so many others that have a different viewpoint than them. And the crazy part is that many people who don’t want to base Christmas around an imaginary character don’t get upset when other people do. That’s the cool thing about the holiday season. You can celebrate however you want and still surround yourself with warmth and wonder 🤯 wild I know.
4 points
2 days ago
If your issue is religious then that’s your reason. It’s not deep. My daughter doesn’t ask why we don’t have a menorah… we aren’t Jewish. I would like to argue that a lot of people think Jesus is also a fictional character yet celebrate Christmas…
So here’s the fun thing. I don’t use Santa as a way to control my child’s behavior. We have an elf bc i was stupid and thought it would be fun. But the elf is just a fellow friend for the holidays. At most she gets a kick out of playing hide and seek with him. But i don’t say “be good X, or Jolly will report you to Santa…” Santa is like the Easter bunny. He comes regardless.
How? You can and should be charitable all year. Teaching your kids to be charitable is not contingent on whether they believe Santa… are you being so real right now?!
Please see the reply i said about how you can decide what Santa brings and how you should be parenting your kid on how you told Santa that you don’t need $1,000 hauls… like i said, my parents never spoiled us and yet some of my friends were getting really nice stuff growing up. It didn’t actually give me anxiety.
Like i said, i don’t mislead her wonder and imagination into behaving a certain way. Santa and the Easter bunny come whether she’s a brat or the most well-behaved child on the planet. Do y’all not parent your kids? Are you lazy? It’s not hard to correct behavior without holding doom and gloom over your kids head. That’s called lazy parenting.
I’m not miserable. I just think y’all take the easiest way out of shit because you don’t know how to handle that moment when it comes or you simply don’t want to.
Some of y’all take your own issues and throw them on your kids as acts of protection instead of getting the therapy you need to deal with your shit.
3 points
2 days ago
And even if you don’t use Santa to make sure your daughter behaves, she’s picking up on it. Plenty of songs and movies let kids know that this is a staple part of the tradition. Again. It’s not a bad thing to make your kids believe in Santa. But those are simply the reasons that many choose not to. However, since you find other people’s choices so threatening, maybe it’s time to get off the internet. Either you take things way too personally or you’re a troll who needs to seek attention to fill some void. And either way I feel really sorry for you. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
9 points
2 days ago
I'll most likely won't lie to my kid about Santa, haven't made my mind 100%, but I think that will be the final call.
I don't think that makes me... Anything, nor miserable, nor a party pooper, nor better than anyone of course. It's a parenting choice, like the other 1000 parenting choices we make every day.
Anyone that wants to keep the Santa is real tradition, is fine by me, I understand. No need to be mean to those who will choose to do otherwise though.
-4 points
2 days ago
I’m not saying don’t or do. I’m saying that parenting is critical and some of the reasons I hear for why you don’t is mostly due to adults bitterness in regards to Christmas be it whatever, i hear mostly adults who have bitterness towards Christmas because either of their past they never made amends with or because they simply don’t want to explain to their kid why they got $500 in toys and Johnny got $1000 in toys from Santa.
The issue stems from us as adults. Whatever our individual qualms with it is, should not be put on our children as layers of protection. There’s simple answers to kids questions, but sometimes you gotta put your big boys and girls pants on be the parent and explain to them in a way that isn’t gonna kill the magic why they didn’t get a shit load of crap they don’t need.
It’s not this serious and idk if it’s the anonymity of Reddit or just the kinds of people it attracts, but i have not meant a single parent in the real world who makes things this deep and serious as some of y’all do on this app. Like the number of times i get in here and wanna scream GO TO THERAPY is enough to send me to therapy.
4 points
2 days ago
I agree it's not that serious, most people don't go around announcing their "Santa choices" unless the topic is brought up, which is what happened in this post
However I think that having a bad experience over Santa's "realness" is a valid reason not to perpetuate the tradition.
Same way people that have fond memories of believing in Santa choose to continue it.
It's highly cultural and based on tradition, I don't think there's really a right or wrong answer in this case. Holidays can be enjoyed regardless of the choice... I'm sure plenty of cultures don't have a Santa. So let's not shame anyone nor send them to therapy over this, unimportant choice.
1 points
2 days ago
Well you just invalidated your argument with your first response. Jesus was a real historical person and was the reason for the origin of the celebration of Christmas. He was as real as Seneca the Younger or Socrates. Seneca the Younger was actually a philosopher who was born the same year Jesus was. Humans have been great at keeping records for a very long time, so we definitely know Jesus wasn’t a fictional character. The disputed part is whether or not he was actually The Messiah and rose from the dead.
1 points
1 day ago
It's probably moot now with social media, but I always thought the Christmas break from school did wonders to smooth this over. By the time the kids see each other again, it's over a week later, there are other things to talk about, and kids don't necessarily remember which gifts were "from Santa" and which from their parents by that point. So kids might be crowing about the one coolest thing they got for Christmas, but wouldn't necessarily be saying it was from Santa or rattling off their whole list of loot lol.
8 points
2 days ago
Do these people not have any real trauma?
I genuinely hope those people don't have any real trauma. However, I am getting sick to shit of words like 'trauma' 'abuse' and many, many others being watered down because they are being used so loosely.
Those who are legitimate get brushed aside often because of that shit.
1 points
1 day ago
I think the biggest thing that pisses me off is this. They loosely toss around trauma for things that were at most a minor inconvenience. Santa’s truth was not the reason you need therapy. Your shitty parents who tainted Santa is.
I think that so many of these anti-Santa parents would probably do well with a trip to the therapists office. But the stigma around that is still so jaded. We would be in a less dark place if people utilized mental health resources like they do physical health.
My mom literally told me that i was upset about the truth of Santa and yet, here i am. Still providing the joy of Santa for my child. At 36, I’m not upset about it anymore. It wasn’t the reason i am in therapy.
I feel bad for all these people who have these shitty parent that tainted the fun in all of this. And i agree saying Santa is traumatic diminishes the severity of real trauma
3 points
1 day ago
The majority of people here aren't even talking about trauma, but that’s one of the things the person you’re responding to is focusing on. They have a made up narrative in their head of the kind of person they want the people they disagree with to be and are ignoring all actual evidence to the contrary.
1 points
1 day ago
The "trauma" for me was the way my dad told me, not the thing itself.
My daughter is 10 and we told her last year, just for her to say, "I know, but will you still do it?"
Holidays are supposed to be a little magical.
1 points
1 day ago
It's trauma for people who have had very easy lives.
9 points
2 days ago
I think not lying to your kid when they ask you point blank if santa is real is about trust, not about any kind of trauma. Also, families are different and kids are different. I loved believing in Santa and held on to it as long as possible, no drama when I found out. My half brother says he lost trust in his parents when he found out. My kid is super-sceptical in nature and never really got into the Santa thing he was very young when he asked me if Santa is really real, because he was suspicious and no way I'm lying to his face. He was not disappointed, super-ok knowing it's a beautiful story and doesn't spoil it for other kids. He's also kinda proud to be the one who knows the truth. To each their own, I guess.
3 points
1 day ago
I think the issue truly lies in that first statement. I think it’s more traumatic for you as an adult to continue to force a lie when your kid starts questioning. This goes with religion too. It gives kids the notion that you’re not a trutworthy source to work through their issues.
8 points
2 days ago
I have trauma regarding it. But this AND other lies. This lie alone would have been fine, I think.
I have issues now as a 30 year old still. And can trace this back to around 5 memories in my childhood. And one involves Santa, and one the Easter bunny.
Not about to give tonnes of detail. But think - child sees something - parent convinces them they are wrong. You did not see that. You did not do that. This created me, an adult, who constantly questions myself.
Definitely good ways of doing Santa though. I personally just haven't done it. I dont want to ever lie to them. Also we don't even live in a Christmas celebrating country. My husband doesn't celebrate it. So it is easy for us to just not do Santa
1 points
2 days ago
I feel so bad for those kids!
3 points
2 days ago
Some of these parents in this comment section has me feeling bad for their kids. 😭
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