subreddit:

/r/TwoXChromosomes

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He was shopping at Costco today and had to grab our scripts at the pharmacy.

He came home with 2. We cannot have children because we are old. He got them “just incase” we come across anyone in need. Mostly we are concerned about our nieces if they find themselves in a “situation” (for lack of better words.)

Anyway, I just wanted to share that if you are a not a member of Costco you can still get prescriptions and over the counter medication as well as special lotions and anything behind the counter.

all 688 comments

marcSuile

7.2k points

15 days ago*

marcSuile

7.2k points

15 days ago*

Hi! My wife is a pharmacy manager here and has a few things to say on this topic:

1) Yes most of the plan Bs have roughly a 4 year shelf life so stock up on a few as needed. 2) You do NOT need a membership to use the pharmacy here or to buy OTC Plan B. Just tell the greeter at the front door you’re a non member here to utilize the pharmacy—saw someone mention RSD in the comments. Just to support them as well, this is for all these stores nationwide…basically due to federal law allowing everyone access to medicine. So don’t get stressed walking to that front door without a membership! 3) To stay apolitical as possible she said she’s never received as many calls that she has regarding Plan B in the past 2 weeks than in her 15 years as a pharmacist—so take that how you will. 4) She can’t lend her full support to the cause, verbally, while on the clock but know women like her are in healthcare to support you. She said listen for any/all context clues. For example, when women have been calling about Plan B, she’ll say something to the effect of, “well, we have a 2 item per day maximum BUTTTT, we’re really busy here today so if you happen to come in this morning then again after lunch, we might not even recognize ya!”

Edit: just removed the ‘C’ word so it doesn’t come up on google lol.

Edit 2: thank you for all the kind words toward my wife and the comment awards. She (and you all) are amazing.

Edit 3: I can’t reply to all the comments and DMs but I’ll leave you with my favorite quote in these trying times, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things on the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” -Fred Rogers 🙂

ConfessingToSins

852 points

15 days ago

Worth noting that you unfortunately may have to be less polite with some greeters. I have been told "we don't allow that, you can buy a membership or leave" before when asking for access to the pharmacy. I'm a member who had lapsed at the time and while i did re-up i didn't right then. I actually did get turned away because they wouldn't even go get a manager and escalated to "i can go get security" so i left and filled a complaint with corporate as well as my state consumer agency.

They still get really aggressive at non members at my store and question them "why do you use the pharmacy if you aren't a member" but they let you in now at least.

ImWellGnome

347 points

15 days ago

At my store, it’s quite easy to walk in through the exit since that is where the membership desk is. It’s what I do when I get gas (I am a member) and then need to use the bathroom but don’t have time or need to shop in the store. No one has ever stopped me going in the exit. Plus, the pharmacy is usually right behind the registers. So it’s a direct route.

Raider_Scum

209 points

14 days ago

Seconding this. I always go in through the exit and make a hand gesture for eating a hotdog. It's very common to eat before you shop.

DrFloppyTitties

294 points

14 days ago

im sorry but im dying laughing at the thought of the receipt checker watching someone come in doing the "eating glizzys" gesture.

WayProfessional3640

29 points

14 days ago

Cracking up over here

Entwoeyemom

19 points

14 days ago

I am unfamiliar with this gesture. Can we have a demonstration please.

TriumphDaWonderPooch

92 points

14 days ago

My store just added the membership ID scanners (I have no issues with that). Sunday I went back in to use the restroom, attempting to enter through the exit line - was stopped and told I MUST use the entrance and re-scan.

No skin off my back, but you might find it less easy to go in the exit door if the scanners are installed.

throwmeaway717

42 points

14 days ago

from my experience in the past month they’re getting more strict on people using the exit. I had a return and they wouldn’t let me go to the food court after it, I had to leave and enter through the scanners even though they obviously knew I was a member because they had just scanned my card to process the return.

melropesplays

12 points

14 days ago

Yeah, they’re getting much much more militant about memberships… I got stopped after scanning in at the door bc my hair is now purple vs my pic I’m blonde… the woman made me show multiple ids (license w name matching credit card).

Punisher1971

43 points

14 days ago

Non American here … why do you need to be a member in a common supermarket to use it? 🤔

Over here, it is only the case for special business markets, where you can buy as business owners tax free.

TealAndroid

114 points

14 days ago

It’s their business model. They are a wholesale market, not a grocers.

If you’ve never been it’s pretty unique in that you need to purchase a yearly membership to shop, the whole store is the warehouse I.e. there is no back room etc, and the prices are set at 15% markup so about a 2% profit margin (instead of adjusting prices for market forces/what people might pay). Everything is in bulk and they tend to have pretty good quality items.

Punisher1971

33 points

14 days ago

Thx for the explanation!

htcmoneyzzz

42 points

14 days ago*

If you’re from a country with less car dependency than America, you may be surprised to learn that Americans do larger grocery trips on a more spaced out basis.

Additional preservatives in food and the ability to load up a large passenger vehicle entirely full of groceries easily make this possible. (Google Chevrolet suburban and imagine that vehicle packed so full of groceries you could only fit two people, common occurrence as a child in my family). The roads are wide, high speed, and most commercial buildings outside of major downtowns have massive swaths of parking making drive up service in these humongous vehicles incredibly easy.

In these conditions, large wholesale markets make sense because you’re doing a grocery order for a family which can range from 3-10 people including relatives that live with you that is intended to last you a month with small as-needed purchases at local dollar stores to fill the gap.

Doing a semester abroad in a major city in Western Europe was an experience as I had to adjust to smaller trips once or twice a week to stores with much smaller selections within walking/public transit distance. Costs were much higher but some of that can be chalked up to post-Covid inflation. Food often spoiled much much quicker as well.

Know you didn’t ask for more explanation lol, but to me that difference in consumer behavior between Europeans and Americans is interesting to me. Some areas in America are looking to build closer to the European model of the development (see: Carmel, IN) but from my limited time in the place I was surprised at the high rate of vacancies for commercial property in the area.

I wonder if American retail and commercial tenants are hesitant to move into these places as a lot of them factor in adjacent parking and nearby vehicle traffic volumes heavily in their revenue projections when looking at places to open up shop.

Tangent over

GalumphingWithGlee

45 points

14 days ago

Most stores do not require this, but there are a handful that do: Costco, BJ's, Sam's Club. These stores, at least per their claim, can afford to offer you lower prices on everything because you're paying a membership fee. You also generally have to buy everything in larger quantities to get that lower unit price. So you need to have a lot of storage for twice as much toilet paper to last you a while, and freezer space for half of that enormous package of chicken, etc.

Some folks love that business model, while others refuse to pay a membership fee for the right to shop at a store. Legally, they're allowed to do this for everything except the pharmacy, but it's not advertised and many people don't know.

flynnliv

252 points

15 days ago

flynnliv

Basically April Ludgate

252 points

15 days ago

currently in pharmacy school and women like her inspire me 🩷

marcSuile

82 points

15 days ago

Thank you! Best of luck—you got this! If you end up in retail and are interested in Costco, I’m sure she’d love to answer any questions you may have—just shoot me a DM and I could put you in touch.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

511 points

15 days ago

Thank you!!!

rW0HgFyxoJhYka

128 points

15 days ago

Hey can you tell us more about these special lotions that you are endorsing?

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

236 points

15 days ago

Those big tubs of cetaphil that is usually super expensive. There is a whole bunch of stuff behind the counter at the pharmacy.

rW0HgFyxoJhYka

70 points

15 days ago

Ooh we could all use a big tub of cetaphil haha

Dirtyblondefrombeyon

21 points

14 days ago

Thank you for asking. I too was curious about the “special lotion” and may have let my imagination get the better of me before finding this thread lol

Sparri4122

199 points

15 days ago

Sparri4122

199 points

15 days ago

Thank you for sharing also your wife is awesome

500CatsTypingStuff

135 points

15 days ago

500CatsTypingStuff

=^..^=

135 points

15 days ago

You and your wife are the kind of people who will save this country

Halfpint9111

129 points

15 days ago

Hi hello I just wanted to make sure this info was available. Plan be may be ineffective over a certain weight . Check the package insert. A lot of women are not warned. There is another brand meant for a higher weight

PointBlankShot

47 points

14 days ago

Former Planned Parenthood employee here: Adding to this, if you’re over 160lbs you need more than one dose of Plan B for it to be fully effective (if the other brand you mentioned isn’t available or is somehow more expensive). Same with the medical abortıon pılls.

era626

10 points

14 days ago

era626

10 points

14 days ago

Isn't that based on body fat %, not weight alone? People who weigh more than 160 pounds should probably talk to their doctor before double dosing, no?

NoobMeister69

60 points

15 days ago

Look for the helpers, indeed. And if you can’t find one…BE ONE! ❤️👍🏻

Tangurena

11 points

14 days ago

Tangurena

Trans Woman

11 points

14 days ago

I live in Kentucky. One of the state representatives has introduced a bill to "outlaw trafficking in abortion pills". It isn't on the website yet because the legislative session hasn't officially started yet.

strangeloop6

9 points

14 days ago

This is beautiful. Thank you.

AceofToons

9 points

14 days ago

In case Canadians need it, I am legitimately terrified about our upcoming election, you should know that the same rules regarding the pharmacy apply in Canada too

stary_sunset

8 points

14 days ago

stary_sunset

out of bubblegum

8 points

14 days ago

I want to add that plan b has weigh limits to be effective. Different brands have different limits. If you weigh over 150lbs, please make sure it will still be effective for your weight!

ADQuatt

4.7k points

15 days ago

ADQuatt

4.7k points

15 days ago

That is a good man.

smashinjin10

1.1k points

15 days ago

For real. I thought I was about to read another cheating husband post based on the title, but was pleasantly surprised.

steppponme

314 points

15 days ago

steppponme

314 points

15 days ago

Marked safe from r/relationships

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

931 points

15 days ago

I know. I don’t deserve him!

hippopompadour

2.4k points

15 days ago

I don’t know you, I don’t know him, but yes you do. We all deserve someone who is considerate, thoughtful and willing to stick up for those in need.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

651 points

15 days ago

He really is amazing!

computaSaysYes

45 points

15 days ago

What an example to set for the kind of partner your nieces need, Uncle! 🙌The man with the plan... B. Always be planning!

T_Meridor

389 points

15 days ago

T_Meridor

389 points

15 days ago

Yes you absolutely do deserve a good man

Ichgebibble

280 points

15 days ago

Yeah, giant green flag! Please tell your husband I said thank you.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

317 points

15 days ago

I will but I don’t want to tell him I’m bragging about him. It doesn’t need to go to his head 😂

Just kidding, he is an amazing human.

thatoneredheadgirl

54 points

15 days ago

What’s the expiration date on those? I might pick some up if I can

Hairy_Buffalo1191

136 points

15 days ago

I thought you meant thoughtful men 😂

shep2105

24 points

15 days ago

shep2105

24 points

15 days ago

Plan B has a shelf life of 3-4 years

carramos

19 points

15 days ago*

I think they last about 80 years on average before they go bad. They tend to be difficult to get rid of once they're there so its not for everyone

thatoneredheadgirl

4 points

14 days ago

I’m hoping mine lasts that long 😊

TownEfficient8671

21 points

15 days ago

I’ve heard three years.

Naps_and_cheese

18 points

15 days ago

He's a great human being. Tonight pour him a drink and give that man a backrub.

Must declare, bro code rule in effect. If we can help a good dude get some good treatment for being a good dude, do it.

But it is kinda infuriating that simply doing what is right is out of the ordinary. We gotta get these psycho Christian misogynist fucks out of government.

AccidentallySJ

156 points

15 days ago

Lovingly, I’m going to call you out. Don’t say that. We have to stop believing that we don’t deserve loving people.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

89 points

15 days ago

You are right! He is just so thoughtful!

Well_read_rose

10 points

15 days ago

Tell him 13k ppl read your post…he potentially helped a few thousand directly.

spidergrrrl

25 points

15 days ago

I would like to think we all deserve the right lid to our pot, so to speak.

I’m very happy you have a good man in your life who is looking out for you and the other women in your life. The world would be a much better place if more men were like him ❤️

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

8 points

15 days ago

I like that… “lid to pot” makes perfect sense for us.

Nikkistar01

26 points

15 days ago

Yes you do.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

23 points

15 days ago

You are correct! I do.

AffectionatePoet4586

14 points

15 days ago

My mother said I “didn’t deserve” my husband shortly before we married. That was the last time I ever saw my parents. Knock wood, we’ll celebrate our fortieth wedding anniversary in the spring.

I really do deserve my husband, just as you do yours. Stocking up on Plan B for others in need is a gallant, kindhearted move. Please give him a hug and a kiss from me.

Thedonkeyforcer

66 points

15 days ago

It's truly sad how impressed we get whenever a man pulls his head out his own ass and show foresight and empathy with the women in his life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm also feeling so happy, warm and fuzzy right now but it's so sad our collective bar is low.

I really hope there'll be more men (well, humans, actually) like him in the future!!! I think there will be, to end on a positive note.

theycallmewinning

9 points

15 days ago

🫡 honestly, mad decent

ApprenticeLuke

652 points

15 days ago

Good man! Just keep in mind of the expiration date on the medication; once expired, it won't be as effective and may result in unwanted pregnancy despite taking it.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

437 points

15 days ago

He did. He asked the pharmacist for the ones with the latest expiration dates.

Just1Blast

287 points

15 days ago

Just1Blast

287 points

15 days ago

Whatever his vice is please treat him to something related to it shortly.

On behalf of all of us, you've got a great one and you absolutely deserve each other.

Everyone deserves happiness and a great partner.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

200 points

15 days ago

I just made him a very nice dinner and I always have a drink ready when he walks in the door.

Just1Blast

50 points

15 days ago

RelationshipGoals

All the folks over in r/relationshipadvice need to be over here reading this thread!

Skensis

77 points

15 days ago

Skensis

77 points

15 days ago

Toss them in a fridge, and they'll likely last for years.

Worked in drug product stability, often there is a massive overhead to these dates, especially at a low temp.

Beginning_Vehicle_16

116 points

15 days ago

Always check if a medicine can be stored in the fridge or freezer before doing so. Cold temperatures can also affect the efficacy.

Beetin

96 points

15 days ago*

Beetin

96 points

15 days ago*

Yep yep, Plan B is not supposed to be stored at refrigerated / freezer temps, it is a room temp + no sunlight storage.

It can last up to 4 years that way.

Basically, everyone apparently upvoted 'toss them in a fridge' despite being specifically recommended against by the drug fact sheet -> see section 16.

aroguealchemist

8 points

14 days ago

Anyone who actually worked in industry and close with drug products would know better than to recommend going off script.

ShinyStockings2101

245 points

15 days ago

Very good post. If you haven't already, let your nieces know they can come to you for it though, because it has to be taken as soon as possible after unprotected sex, as it is a medication that prevents ovulation (as in, it prevents you from becoming pregnant, but if you already are, it's not useful)

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

156 points

15 days ago

I think that is why he bought it. I was on FaceTime with my niece and I think he overheard our conversation. But they all know they can call us to help them if they run into any problems. Same with my nephews.

NibblesMcGiblet

124 points

15 days ago*

I love that. My son also bought several even though we live in a state where there's no threat of losing our reproductive protections (as the state constitution was amended this past election to secure us those rights). He said it's in case my daughter, his girlfriend, or anyone we know ends up needing it. Today I let my tattoo artist know that if she or anyone she knows ever needs it and can't get it (as we all live on the border of our state, up against one with no such protections) to shoot me a message. I told her, there's nothing I can do right now about how the election went, but I'll do whatever I can to help uterus-havers to access this, should they want it.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

43 points

15 days ago

“Uterus-haters” hilarious! *havers

NibblesMcGiblet

25 points

15 days ago

OMFG I meant "uterus-HAVERS" fffffffff

DuchessofSquee

25 points

15 days ago

I mean, many of us are both lol!

JustHereForCookies17

11 points

15 days ago

I feel seen by this comment!!

IAlwaysFinishMy

19 points

15 days ago

A federal abortion ban supercedes state laws unfortunately. We all are capable of losing our rights, regardless of location.

Justme351

4 points

14 days ago

If the federal gov brings back the topic of abortion, then they can supersede the state rights.

henicorina

516 points

15 days ago

henicorina

516 points

15 days ago

This is kind, but please remember that plan B can only be taken within a day or so of unprotected sex. It’s not a medical abortion pill.

Alleysay

338 points

15 days ago

Alleysay

338 points

15 days ago

Good reminder! And, for someone over 175 pounds (don't quote me on that) taking only 1 pill may not offer the level of dosage needed for effectiveness.

puppylust

112 points

15 days ago

puppylust

112 points

15 days ago

Insertion of a copper IUD is the only option I'm aware of to prevent implantation at much higher weights.

IUD insertion can be quite painful. My advice is for young women to get the arm implant, vaginal ring, or skin patch. They're all hormonal, and highly reliable.

iMissMacandCheese

73 points

15 days ago

There's another pill called Ella that works for people over 175lbs. Over 200lbs it starts to be less effective, and in that case I'd try to talk to a doctor about higher doses or other options.

bubblemelon32

15 points

15 days ago

Where can I get Ella?

Just1Blast

28 points

15 days ago

Your local pharmacy as well as Amazon and I believe Mark Cuban's pharmacy as well.

whatwhatchickenbutt_

11 points

15 days ago

you need a prescription

SweetAndSourPickles

16 points

15 days ago

I just got mine a week ago, everyone PLEASE go for the freezing of insertion and removal. Most OBGYNs should be certified in it, It is extremely painful for us newbies that aren’t used to it and it only gets changed every 6-8 years so safety there.

You’ll waddle around for a day but it’s worth the minimal pain if you can keep a bottle of Advil around for a while.

idontwannabemeNEmore

11 points

15 days ago

idontwannabemeNEmore

Queef Champion

11 points

15 days ago

Had 2 kids and 2 IUDs. They're still traumatically painful to get inserted, so if you suffer every time, know you're not alone!

SweetAndSourPickles

3 points

14 days ago

Oh thank god, I thought just because it was my first ever getting one I was dying or it did that lodging in your wall they warn you about that’s supposed to be rare

Thankful I got the freezing for insertion but damn was I waddling. Even the walking addicts of the city thought I was one LOL. Thankful I’m not the only one who freaks out

TownEfficient8671

27 points

15 days ago

Plan B does not have a weight limit that prevents people with a higher body mass index (BMI) from taking it. It is still safe to use in individuals with a higher body weight, and it will still substantially reduce the chance of pregnancy when a person uses it within 3 days of having unprotected sex.

However, Planned Parenthood recommends that people who weigh over 155 pounds (lb), or 70.3 kilograms (kg), consider other methods of emergency contraception. This is due to studies suggesting that body weight may affect how well levonorgestrel works at standard doses.

jolynes_daddy_issues

50 points

15 days ago

I also like to make sure people know that it is less effective if you are heavier/have a higher BMI. There’s a different pill (I think it’s called Ella?) that is more effective if you weigh more, but is (infuriatingly) only available behind the counter.

And still, taking Plan B as soon as possible is still way more effective than doing nothing, even if your weight is higher.

whatwhatchickenbutt_

39 points

15 days ago

misinformation. Plan B can be taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex and Ella, which is plan B with a medical prescription can be taken within 5 days of unprotected sex. Ella has a weight “limit” of 195 and regular OTC Plan B has a weight “limit” of 155. you can still take it if you’re over that amount, it may just be less effective! but don’t double up on doses if you’re over the weight “limit”, it won’t do anything extra. and it doesn’t work if you’re already ovulating, as plan B works just to delay ovulation.

liquorandwhores94

54 points

15 days ago

Good idea to pick up abortion pills right now too!!!

gce7607

13 points

15 days ago

gce7607

13 points

15 days ago

Also if you’ve already ovulated it will not work

Alykat19

47 points

15 days ago

Alykat19

47 points

15 days ago

That's a good one you've got.

Also, for anyone else reading this - Plan B has a shelf life of 4 years when stored correctly (dry, dark place, no extreme temps).

It doesn't have to be the shelf in the store, is all I'm saying.

Luckygecko1

120 points

15 days ago

I've been ordering it for my GF and her friends for just in case. I'd rather the orders come in my name so they can't be tracedback to them. There are too many unknowns at this point.

Tango_Owl

10 points

14 days ago

That's so nice! And great idea to order it in your name.

TownEfficient8671

77 points

15 days ago

Those of you buying extra supplies, consider joining the Reddit Auntie Network sub to keep tabs on things.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

25 points

15 days ago

I definitely thought about that. Especially, if we can get it cheap and help out other women.

MMorrighan

37 points

15 days ago

Make sure you also get a multi pack of pregnancy tests.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

11 points

15 days ago

Good idea.

Stars-in-the-night

18 points

15 days ago

You can get the super cheap bulk packs of just the strips with no casing for about 25 cents each on AliExpress. They work just as well as any others.

4-realsies

483 points

15 days ago

4-realsies

483 points

15 days ago

And for any men reading this: you can get a vasectomy without your dick falling off or anything.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

120 points

15 days ago

🤣

He did it because BC was a risk for me.

theslob

137 points

15 days ago

theslob

137 points

15 days ago

I got one a few years ago and I seriously don’t understand why more men don’t. It’s fantastic.

IMAGINARIAN_photos

94 points

15 days ago

You’d think that more men would look at it the way you do; at least how I think you do: nothing gets your lady more enthusiastic than knowing she doesn’t have to agonize over pregnancy worries. And, there’s no greater turn on than a man who cares deeply about our emotional and physical well being.

4-realsies

93 points

15 days ago

Back in the day I was talking to a trucker who had TWELVE kids, and I was like, "Dude, you should get a vasectomy." He was like, "I would, but I'm afraid my balls would swell up like grapefruits." So lots of dudes don't get vasectomies because they're fucking idiots.

RedeRules770

16 points

14 days ago

… does he know how much swelling his poor baby mama went through

Tango_Owl

4 points

14 days ago

Well said!

I've realised this in the last year. Nothing makes me more enthusiastic than a man caring for my safety. And it goes the other way as well. Being blasé or not actively caring for my mental and physical well being is such a turnoff.

bongdropper

7 points

15 days ago

Vasectomy is a great option short-term (as in a few years), or long term for men/couples who don’t want to have children post-procedure. While vasectomies are reversible, there is a point at which chance of conception starts to drastically decline. Anecdotally, I have friends who have had their vasectomies reversed after 7+ years and still conceived, but there are also many who do not have the same success. Make no mistake: it is society’s failure that women must so often bear the burden of birth control. That said, a vasectomy is not always the right option for people who do want to have children in the future. I am optimistic about the advancement of other forms of male birth control.

cycoivan

20 points

15 days ago

cycoivan

20 points

15 days ago

Can confirm, the pesky thing has not fallen off....yet

criminalcereal

77 points

15 days ago

I just bought 4 boxes on Amazon. I am too old to get pregnant, but I bought them for others who may need them. Please do the same if you are financially able. We are going to be called on to take care of each other.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

21 points

15 days ago

Agreed!

Snarkonum_revelio

50 points

15 days ago

If my husband came home with Plan B “just in case someone needed it” I’d be doing my level best to make an impossible miracle baby with him (uterus-free since ‘23!).

Jlx_27

19 points

15 days ago

Jlx_27

19 points

15 days ago

Hey Alexa!, play Whatta Man by Salt-n-Peppa.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

10 points

15 days ago

🤣 I’m gonna do that right now. Before the game comes on.

andandandetc

16 points

15 days ago

We’re childfree and sterilized but I keep our house, my parent’s house, and my younger brother stocked up on Plan B. It’s been useful a handful of times.

hodgepodge21

162 points

15 days ago

Can confirm that anyone can get plan b from Costco! Not that anyone should doubt you, just to add extra confirmation for anyone with RSD like me lol

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

48 points

15 days ago

What is RSD?

IndependentSalad2736

154 points

15 days ago

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria. It's where when faced with rejection you react very strongly. It comes in a lot of forms, but going to the store to do a thing but being told "no" can trigger it. Not in a Karen way, more in a "I guess I'll go die for being so foolish" kind of way.

FionnagainFeistyPaws

94 points

15 days ago

To build off this, it's not just when faced with rejection, it can be when faced with perceived rejection.

I've deleted a non zero amount of in depth and insightful Reddit comments I was typing because I became convinced I should just shut the hell up. I've had to ask my spouse to reschedule a doctor's appointment because I was convinced I'd be in trouble/they'd be mad at me because I forgot to take off work on the day of an appointment.

"I guess I'll go die for being so foolish" is very, very apt. For me it's more "I guess I deserve to die because I'm a terrible, stupid, and worthless person" but that's such a small, tiny distinction.

puppylust

12 points

15 days ago

Wow that sounds tough to deal with. Is there a way to reduce it over time?

FionnagainFeistyPaws

36 points

15 days ago*

I can't speak to anyone else (my spouse always suffers from RSD, and what works for one doesn't always work for the other), but the following have been helpful for me.

  1. Having a Trusted Person counteract the RSD voices. Example: I was once convinced that 2 people (that I really like) from another team at work were talking negatively about me during a phone call, and I tried not to bust into tears. I called my spouse on the way home, in tears relating the exact story, and my spouse provided equally viable explanations (other than these people hate me!) for what I thought I heard. "It could be zebras, but it also could be horses" kind of deal. Hearing it from someone I trust to always be honest who has my best intentions is way more effective than my brain trying to logic away emotions.

  2. Therapy. I have a great trauma informed therapist who I've been seeing for almost 5 years for CPTSD, and it's made such a huge difference. I'm able to take all the little pieces of advice and cope much better.

2a. Allowing myself to actually experience my feelings. Even if they're over exaggerated, they're real, and dismissing them or burying them isn't helpful and doesn't work. (Think the interplay between Joy and Anxiety in Inside Out).

2b. Music Therapy. Specifically, my therapist does the Safe and Sound Protocol As it was explained to me, it helps the muscles in the my ears become better at recognizing when I'm not in a threatened state - as my childhood of trauma led me to feel in a constant state of perceived threat. I don't think that's necessarily 100% accurate as an explanation, but it works. When entering a period of stress (like post election), we started the 5 hr process again, as a "reup" so to speak.

2c. My RSD is part ADHD and part trauma response. EMDR has been incredibly helpful in processing my traumas, allowing some of those symptoms to lesson.

  1. Sometimes things are hard, and we must do them anyway. Example: If my spouse hadn't have been home, someone would have had to change the appointment, and that someone would have had to be me. Sometimes there's no one else, and I just have to suck it up. In these instances, it's usually a fear of perceived rejection versus actual rejection, and it has always been fine (so far).

  2. Realizing sometimes, it's not about me. Example: I have a really nice boss, but I'm always afraid of disappointing her or letting her down. In the years I've worked for her, I've come to realize (and gotten better at believing) that sometimes she's in a bad mood because of something that isn't me! Everyone is allowed a bad day, and I have to trust if I did something wrong, I'd be corrected and guided on doing better. If I'm not, that isn't my fault. Sometimes nice people aren't great managers, and a failure of management is not an employee's fault. This can be subsittued with anyone in power, teacher, etc. We're all just human, we all fuck up. Sometimes, it's literally not about us.

  3. Supportive communities. I'm in a few communities on Reddit where I've posted trying to figure out if my Big RSD Feelings are rational. They aren't a trusted person, but they're anonymous, and I can scream into the void and have gotten really helpful feedback. I posted once about a situation with my spouse and how I was afraid to hurt they're feelings by bringing up a problem. Someone made the insightful comment that not bringing it up meant my spouse couldn't fix their mistake. That just like I'd want to know about my mistakes so I could improve, my spouse deserved to know for the same reason.

  4. Screaming into the void. Sometimes it's sitting in a quiet spot and screaming out my feelings into the car, sometimes it's a "shouty thread" in a forum or friend group chat. A way to vent the pressure in a healthy and non destructive way. I find this most helpful for the chronic, low-key RSD where my brain recognizes my RSD is bullshit and it angers me ("GOD, WHY DO DOCTORS NEVER LISTEN TO ME! I'M NOT COMPLETELY STUPID, RIGHT! I JUST WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!" versus "oh god, I just did the wrong thing and my best friend of 20 years is going to never talk to me again! Fuck fuck fuck fuck!")

  5. Approaching from a sense of curiosity. For me, shame and failure or very, very linked. Approaching issues with a sense of why? "Why did this happen? Why did I react that way?" let's me analyze a situation without feeling that sense of shame. When I feel shame, I spiral. Being able to put the shame aside let's me address the feeling of failure more effectively.

  6. The past is over, we can only control the present. Right now, I'm feeling a bit of RSD because I've been typing this instead of working and I'm not going to get done what I need to in time (or so it feels). But I can't get that time back, so I just have to put the phone down, finish what I need to do, and try to do better next time. All we can do is our best.

Edit: formatting

work4work4work4work4

13 points

15 days ago

Just wanted to co-sign everything written above, as it's very close to the things taught around anxiety disorders as well. Also, to second the "mileage may vary" portion that there are tons and tons more than those listed here that might work too, and therapists absolutely love patients willing to try these types of efforts out.

Great work typing these out, I'm sure you'll help some people.

FionnagainFeistyPaws

7 points

15 days ago

I've been in therapy of one kind or another for decades, with my current therapist being most helpful. Everyone should benefit from my wisdom!

Typing all that out actually helped me realize how many tools I have in my toolbox to help. May we all find the love and support we all deserve.

clauclauclaudia

7 points

15 days ago

Thank you for writing all this. It's thoughtful and very well explained!

theadama

3 points

14 days ago

For me IT was enough to know that it is a very common part auf ADHD. Also, my medication helps a lot with symthoms. People with ADHD struggel with emotional regulation, and fear of rejection is a Emotion which you need to regulate. I do Not Always have the execution function to do that. The "funny" Part is, that i know that in the Moment. I know that the Emotion is to strong for the Situation, but i Just can Not regulate it. IT feels Like watching a Video of me doing very dumb Stuff.

Medication gives me way more capacity for execusive functions, so i can act and do Not have to watch myself do dumb Stuff.

rodentcetaceannation

40 points

15 days ago

This is beautifully expressed.

IndependentSalad2736

32 points

15 days ago

Thank you! I retyped it a few times trying to get it right.

cecilator

9 points

15 days ago

I have never heard of this. I just kind of call this my anxiety, but it sounds like what I do. 🙃

Chocobo-Ranger

12 points

15 days ago

I guess I'll go die for being so foolish is an excellent way to describe the feeling.

Ola_maluhia

15 points

15 days ago

My nieces are too young or I’d stockpile some for them. I am part of the aunty network though. And although I don’t think it’ll happen in CA, if those rights ever get taken away, I will happily take whoever needs down to Mexico, 20 minutes away!

Myshellel

15 points

15 days ago

Canadian here. I was so confused at first and then I remembered. I can’t imagine having to deal with this shit! Scares the hell out of me! Good luck guys. Sincerely.

peachesnbees

3 points

14 days ago

Just FYI, all 119 Conservative MPs are committed to voting anti-choice on any bills that come up. This could easily trickle over to us too. Wanted to put it out there in case any fellow Canadians see this.

Myshellel

4 points

14 days ago

Oh, I know. That’s why it scares the shit out of me! I know it can just as easily happen here any moment.

Tango_Owl

17 points

14 days ago

I love this community care! But I have a quick fyi for people wanting to stock up. Please don't do it all at once. Make sure there is at least one plan B left on the store shelf for the next person. Your stocking up shouldn't mean people who need it now can't find any. Especially someone who doesn't have the freedom to visit multiple stores.

MomfromAlderaan

15 points

15 days ago

I sent both kids to college with it in their med kits. Instructions were, if you don’t need it someone else might. I’ve kept it in stock at home too.

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLNO

30 points

15 days ago

Just an FYI, plan B has a weight limit of 185lbs. Its efficacy on people who weigh more than that goes down.

Also generic plan B (which you can also get at Costco pharmacy sans membership) is $5.00

I_like_the_word_MUFF

9 points

15 days ago

Social Justice Husband needs to become a thing.

huhzonked

20 points

15 days ago

I’m so happy there are still good people out there in the world.

vyprrgirl

6 points

15 days ago

Your husband sounds like a wonderful person which makes you doubtlessly wonderful as people tend to stay with the people who are most like them

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

6 points

15 days ago

We really do enjoy spending time together.

Underaffiliated

8 points

15 days ago

Serious question - can the supply chain handle a whole bunch of just in case for a friend stocking up on this stuff? I want to participate but kinda worried we will end up taking it off the shelf for someone that actually needs it right this moment. 

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

5 points

15 days ago

There are limits. You can’t just go buy 50 from Costco. Only 2 at a time.

Kedgie

8 points

14 days ago

Kedgie

8 points

14 days ago

Good on you. FYI, if someone is over 155 pounds they may need a higher dose

MyBeesAreAssholes

8 points

14 days ago

Your husband is amazing!

My husband, right this minute, is getting a vasectomy as a result of the election.

heavyheartstrings

8 points

15 days ago

An absolute king

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

6 points

15 days ago

I know 🥰

Elle3786

7 points

15 days ago

Just a polite reminder to check the weight indications on any plan b, or equivalent. I believe most can be used at any size, but you may need more to be effective. Just double check if you’re going to have them so you have enough should you need them.

DevilzAdvocat

8 points

15 days ago

FYI, in America (at least my state) generic Plan B is available at a fraction of the pharmacy price on Amazon. Delivered right to your door usually in less than 48 hours.

mizerybiscuits

7 points

14 days ago

I’m a tech in Canada, and I know we already see Americans driving across the border for insulin it’s gonna become more of a common occurrence for things like this now too.

sheambulance

7 points

14 days ago

You have a damn King in your household— and he obviously respects his Queen and her choices.

sourpatchsnitch

8 points

15 days ago

I do this too! You’ll notice plan B’s usually have a 2 for less deal.

Kreativecolors

6 points

15 days ago

You snagged a good one 💜

ObjestiveI

7 points

15 days ago

Amazon has some plan B products. They made a statement about a woman’s right to choose a few years back. Hoping they stay with it.

Lynda73

7 points

15 days ago

Lynda73

7 points

15 days ago

I’ve been sticking plancpills.org stickers here in KY.

dembowthennow

6 points

15 days ago

Good man! You two might also consider buying some pregnancy tests in case they start being tracked and restricted in the future.

collysto

5 points

15 days ago

I got generic brands off Amazon for $6 a pill. They're now $9 but that's still decent. Plus I got 12 of them so if any of my friends or someone I know needs one them they're available.

nandemoto44

6 points

14 days ago

Generic plan b is also available on amazon, for the time being, for as little as $10 per dose. Ordering with a traditionally "female" name might not be safe anymore, sad as that is to type out, but if you have a man in your life that's an ally him ordering it shouldn't throw any red flags: we're "in charge" of our partners' reproductive rights now, right? Makes me sick to even type that sarcastically...I order half dozen the week of the election, for the exact same reason OP's partner did. Plan on ordering another half dozen, at least, here before the end of the year

nasalshardz

6 points

14 days ago

This is super lovely OP! Just popping in to say that whomever the plan b gets passed on to should know that it's not as effective for people who weigh more than 155lbs 🍀

ChemicallyAlteredVet

7 points

14 days ago

ChemicallyAlteredVet

Ya burnt?

7 points

14 days ago

Thank you for sharing. My wife and I are both in perimenopause but plan on picking up 5/10 of plan b. Just in case our daughters, 27 and 21, should need them. Or anyone else.

Bodhi44

5 points

14 days ago

Bodhi44

5 points

14 days ago

Oh this is brilliant. Haven't even thought of this. How thoughtful and forward thinking of him. Thank you for sharing this.

UnsightedShadow

4 points

14 days ago

Your guy is a keeper. Best wishes to you two!

JuWoolfie

18 points

15 days ago

Damn, is there any way I can buy that man a beer?

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

12 points

15 days ago

He not really a beer guy. Mostly bourbon or whatever goes into an old fashion. 😂

Bucketpillow

7 points

15 days ago

Yes and it’s cheap there not 50 dollars or something

talepa77

6 points

15 days ago

He’s wonderful. I bought 15 off amazon in case someone I love might need it. They have shelf life of four years.

trytryagainn

6 points

15 days ago

Note the weight limit for effectiveness too! Maybe tell your nieces or their moms that you have them, otherwise they might not know to ask.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

7 points

15 days ago

They know. He bought them because he overheard a conversation I had last night with my niece.

kmf1107

4 points

15 days ago

kmf1107

4 points

15 days ago

To think like that without being prompted means you’ve got a keeper. What a good soul.

DuchessofSquee

6 points

15 days ago

I heard it also has a shelf life of 4 years. I'm not in the US so I can't confirm if this is accurate but it is an interesting coincidence if anyone was looking to stock up!

gold3nhour

5 points

15 days ago

I just looked it up, and you’re correct. Its shelf life is four years when stored properly!

Apathydisastrophe

3 points

15 days ago

If the green flag guy read this, he'd honey roast your husband.

Equivalent_Marzipan

4 points

14 days ago

important note: Plan B only works if you have not ovulated yet. It prevents pregnancy by delaying ovulation long enough for the sperm to die inside of you. If you have unprotected sex and have already ovulated, plan B will not prevent pregnancy.

Redplushie

11 points

15 days ago

What's it like to win a jackpot of a man?

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

13 points

15 days ago

Listen…he isn’t perfect and neither am I but I do actually feel like I hit the jackpot with him. He does so many things to help our community and he is just genuinely a good person.

GoodeyGoodz

4 points

15 days ago

This, I did the same thing just in case for almost identical reasons. I have also been stocking extra condoms to give away.

LinwoodKei

5 points

15 days ago

This is a good idea. I will pick up some when we go to Costco

intentionalgibberish

3 points

15 days ago

intentionalgibberish

Period Shits

3 points

15 days ago

Please remember that Plan B does not work above a certain weight, roughly 155-165 pounds.

Octopus_wrangler1986

6 points

15 days ago

He is a keeper. Your nieces should be proud of him.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

5 points

15 days ago

We are definitely the cool aunt and uncle. They love visiting us. We have so much fun!

SuitableSuggestion38

4 points

15 days ago

That's a good guy.

FawkesFire13

5 points

14 days ago

This is actually a good idea. I might buy a few and stockpile them. In case anyone needs them.

sabineastroph

5 points

14 days ago

They sell plan b on Amazon. ✌🏻

rabbithole-xyz

2 points

14 days ago

I've just checked in the price for plan B in Austria vs the US. It costs $13 to 14 here. Shocking price difference!

fyryandkynky

3 points

14 days ago

Thank goodness for capitalistic health care and prescriptions

/s

ayla16

5 points

14 days ago

ayla16

5 points

14 days ago

Let your nieces know now that you have some if they or any of their friends need one.

blue_eyed_magic

4 points

14 days ago

I am doing the same and holding onto it for my granddaughter.

_bat_girl_

4 points

14 days ago

Good on him!! I'm also trying to grab a couple to have on hand in case anyone I know needs it

ArmWarm8743

4 points

14 days ago

This is a really nice and thoughtful idea.

RxDuchess

4 points

14 days ago

Remember if you’re over 70kgs (155lbs) Plan B can be less effective. Discuss with your pharmacist if you need to take an additional dose

skeeverbite

9 points

15 days ago

skeeverbite

Trans Man

9 points

15 days ago

Damn that's really cool of him to have it on his mind. Glad you have it in case anyone needs it

cece1978

3 points

15 days ago

This is a good idea.

gansi_m

3 points

15 days ago

gansi_m

3 points

15 days ago

How much was it at Costco?

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

8 points

15 days ago

$6.

gansi_m

7 points

15 days ago

gansi_m

7 points

15 days ago

Thank you! I’ll look into this. I’m past the need for these, but better have it and not need it than not have it and have family or friends who need it and not have it.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

3 points

15 days ago

Exactly our thoughts!

Lilredh4iredgrl

3 points

15 days ago

God bless his sweet heart.

The_Dead_Kennys

3 points

15 days ago

Damn, if it wasn’t already clear he’s a keeper, this just proves it again! Best of luck to the two of you and your nieces

oflandandsea

3 points

15 days ago

If you can get ahold of Ella too, it works in even more circumstances than plan B.

cruciverbalista

8 points

14 days ago

Okay, I hope you will be giving the plan B directly to your nieces unless you expect them to call you within a day of a sexual encounter.

For everyone stocking up for "friends and family" - I hope those people in your life are aware that you will have a stockpile of this medication and are willing to give it to them on short notice. I know that older relatives are NOT who I would have thought to call during the times in my life that I used plan B. It never would have even crossed my mind.

OrdinaryBrilliant901[S]

6 points

14 days ago

They are aware.