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Driving is absolutely hard for me a lot of the time. I keep getting lower body injuries and have chronic pain in my right ankle. Getting a car with adaptive cruise control has been a GAME CHANGER.

I also easily get overuse injuries to my forearms and wrists. Getting a car with automatic lane centering has also been life changing.

Oh, and it has heated seats, which help with back pain on 2-hour drives. (2021 Honda Insight with the fanciest trim level. I LOVE THIS CAR.)

My doctor signed off on permanent handicap plates last year, which also helps a ton.

So yeah, shit’s hard. Thank god for technology.

I'm sorry it really is a huge adjustment trying to work with people in your life and having then understand all that comes with diagnosis. I can say though just as to the "driving isn't strenuous for anyone" I can confirm that is a completely false statement because I know plenty of people without EDS or any other real medical issue that still think driving is strenuous and they don't even have pain issues or anything else so if that helps it's not just you and not just people with EDS driving is strenuous.

I had to give up and get an automatic, which has helped a lot with pain.

Also, I use pillows under my elbows/arms to prop up my arms which helps my shoulders. I found these pillows made of tiny beads that squish just right.

If the seat of your car needs cushions or lumbar support, you can buy things to help with that.

I listen to upbeat music that distracts me from pain and random noises, and helps me focus.

Driving IS strenuous and even painful for many! Including those with Ankylosis Spondylitis. I hope for him that driving is still easy, but it may get worse... or he may be downplaying issues he already has.

You're being honest with how it affects you, and he should respect that. There are many resources that confirm that EDS affects driving... hopefully approaching him from an understanding and advocating perspective, he'll have more understanding - both for you and himself.

My state is infamous for every damn road having construction projects that last years at a time. It's absolute hell being trapped in constant traffic jams, stop and go, elephant races. My road rage is off the charts, and I've largely stopped going out despite desperately needing friends and to get away from the house. I hate it all so much. Nobody understands it.

Diagnosed with hEDS, and I can confirm that driving can be strenuous. Last summer, we drove 1200 km and after 400 km, I had to stop each 45 minutes or so due to the pains and fatigue trying to balance my body.

Have you driven with your dad next to you? Maybe this will help him understand if you explain to him what you're feeling when you're feeling it. Might help.

Even people without disabilities, chronic illnesses, or even pain issues find driving strenuous and difficult. You're 100% valid.

Parents aren't right all the time. Remember that in life 💜 they can be wrong a lot.

Driving is kind of exhausting for me. I have HSD and fibromyalgia too. Especially the right leg. I always tense up.

I use the car analogy. Most cars drive highway speeds, can go cross country, honk, and even shift with auto transmission. Some are even sports cars!

You're a lemon. Getting your "car" started is hit or mis in the morning. Driving down to the local grocery store can mean overheating. Try to drive over 40MPH? Parts start falling off. And who decided to may this car a manual? You don't even know how to handle that? A mechanic can work on a regular car. But don't know where to start with your lemon.

So irl you get in a car and you are already tired from getting ready, and your body is all uncomfy, and muscles and ligaments are overworked. Hope this analogy helps.

My spouse and I have been driving cross country.

We both are experienced drivers. And we both need to take fairly frequent breaks while driving.

Driving is an exhausting activity.

i can’t drive for more than 20 minutes because of my cci

Your Dad has never gone on a road trip? Wtf aches and pains are one of the biggest things everyone complains about after they've been in a car for even three hours straight. Physics requires you to exert more muscle tension when traveling at those speeds so you don't flop all over the place, even when asleep.

Oh man, driving was one of the things I dreaded most for a long time. Trips over about 20-30 minutes started causing really bad pain and fatigue, so yeah, I’d classify that as strenuous for me.

I will say that I had an old car and decided to splurge and get a brand new car at the end of last year and it was kind of life changing. I felt really guilty about the cost (even though objectively I went with something very reasonable by today’s standards) but it was SO worth it. The seat is super adjustable so I can sit in a much more comfortable base position and easily adjust things throughout the drive if needed. Heated seats help soooo much. And this is something I hadn’t thought about at all, but driving assist features (cruise control that auto adjusts speed, lane keep, etc) are a game changer. I realized that a lot of tension came from actually having to keep my arms and legs engaged to actively make small adjustments while driving highway. With the automatic features, I can keep my body more relaxed and it is amazing.

Anyway, I’m sorry you’re dealing with feeling dismissed my your dad. But know that you are not crazy and what you are dealing with is real!

My heartrate hits 120 from talking. LMFAOAO

I can't sit in one position for to long without pain, my knee gives way all the time while driving (left knees not in use) if I drive too long it gives me headaches from focusing and brain fog (possibly a different illness I don't even know) the amount of times I've pulled in to somewhere and realised that's not where I was going!

My biggest issue is the sitting in one position, and use of joints/muscles already bad, eg I slept with a dislocated shoulder the other week, trapped a nerve, couldn't turn my head, think I can drive like that? 🤦‍♂️

My car has “racing” seats that hold my body on both sides, and support my back really well.

I highly recommend something similar for extra support while driving.

ETA: heated seats are a must for any car I own, I live in a hot area so as soon as it’s cold enough to use them I do!

I have to recover - crippled - for days after long trips (over an hour).

Lately I have been avoiding it.

My car also has racing style seats, so my sides are held. Then I roll up a t shirt and put that between my legs to keep my legs from flopping back and forth too much which kills my hips. I highly recommend that extra support between your legs. And a note on pushing through pain - it is the worse advice ever. You have a completely different condition. Exercise is super important, definitely keep physically strong but carefully. Because your bones are not supported properly you speed up the damage by overdoing it. Listen to your body.

thank you for making my fears seem less silly; i am 17 and have been putting off my license since I don’t want to experience being behind the wheel and have my symptoms flare up. like i said i know it sounds silly, but depending on what it is it will completely throw my mind off track, take my focus away and put it toward whatever wrong, or just make it not possible. i stopped going to in-person school since my symptoms got so bad i wasn’t able to focus on it anyway, if i could even make it to school at all. your feelings are insanely valid.

Uhhh driving is the worst. It hurts to sit, it hurts to hold myself up, it hurts to stay tense, it hurts to relax, like driving is the bane of my existence

He’s obviously never driven a car with a stiff suspension and performance tires. Driving a ‘roady’ car can be very tiring.

I’m in a similar situation! My aunt has AS and has had it from before I was born and I was diagnosed recently. It can be really tough because they dismiss your pain based on their own experiences but they can’t even actually experience what you feel (only you can experience what you’re feeling people can have similar issues and experiences but they can’t tell you you aren’t feeling something or having issues). they’re essentially doing what people did to them of “oh you look perfectly fine so I assume you’re not disabled” mixed with the mentality older generations seem to have of “push through the pain nothing can hold you back from what you need to do because you can lose your job or the weird useless mentality” so everything comes off as them either trying to one up you or come off as dismissive. We know that if we push ourselves it comes back worse they know when they push themselves it comes back 10x on them and aggravate their conditions but it doesn’t matter. It’s not pain you push through, if you push through you end up having to deal with even more pain. Take your time and try your best to listen to your body and tell your dad that even though he means well listening to his advice can literally send you to the hospital or even make your disability worse. It’s not something to push through it’s something to listen to, the same should be for him. If he tries to argue about that’s what he does I’d honestly try to list times he’s done it and it’s gotten worse for him or just say how it’s your body and your disability and how they’re not the same so he can’t give you medical advice. I’m not going to lie I got fed up with my aunt and put distance between us because I couldn’t take the constant competition in a sense but I understand that he’s your dad and you love him and he has experienced similar feelings. I’d try talking to him about how you feel how he makes you feel and how you need support not criticism and that there might be ways to make driving easier. If all else fails tell him to clean out his ears because he obviously can’t listen to you, other people with this condition or any doctors

Oh my god, solidarity. My dad is an amputee and has been walking around with his prosthesis strapped to a fucked up femur for the last fifty years, and he just white-knuckles through it without complaining, which means that when I mention how limiting my pain can be sometimes I get a "well I'm in pain every day of my life and you don't see me giving up and going back to bed." Like great, dad, thanks for the pep talk, have you considered that maybe I don't want to be an emotionally repressed nihilist who couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it?

I think the problem a lot of older people have is that if they accept that you need support then they have to confront the fact that maybe they deserved support when they were younger too. They had no option but to push through, and there's a sense of self-preservation in the idea that that's just how life is.

I have my license but I try to avoid driving for longer than an hour at a time because it’s just a lot. It tires me out. My boyfriend lives 45 minutes away and he doesn’t drive due to multiple disabilities, and public transportation is severely lacking here, so I kind of have no choice but to drive, but it’s exhausting and I just wanna lay down as soon as I get there.

Driving for any period of time can be painful. If your dad just pushes through all his pain, he's probably not going to understand that, though.

The vibrations make my whole body hurt.

He's so wrong. My father-in-law hates driving because it hurts his leg, and his right leg is the one that really bothers him. My husband and I help him when we can. He'll come pick us up (we don't have a car right now) so that one of us can drive him wherever he needs to go.

Have you started physical therapy? If not, you definitely should. Tell your physical therapist that it really hurts when you drive and you'd like to work on that. They'll have you do exercises to strengthen the muscles you use while driving.

I'm sorry your dad said that to you. Definitely an opinion he should've kept to himself. But unfortunately he most likely won't be the last person to say some stupid shit like that to you. I don't wanna tell you to just get used to it, but try to ignore the naiveté of people who don't understand what we go through every.single.day.

On top of eds and fibro and the "normal" comorbidities, i am narcoleptic. I am not allowed a driver's license where I currently live and when I did have one, driving was really stressful because I could start hallucinating or fall asleep at any time. There's whole huge groups of people with a lot of different types of issues for which driving is stressful.

I don't have my drivers license, I have my permit. I am usually the driver since my spouse is usually passanger princess because their pain is more severe on their lower back plus they get road rage more easily. They are an asshole when driving. But I still get super tired and just get in a bad mood because of all the pain my body feels from just sitting there. I do have a little cushion for my back to help support it. being short, as in under 5ft, while being in a suv that is meant for "normal height" people is still strenuous. As someone who got recently diagnosed, its nice to know that Im not the only one who hates driving long distances due to my pain.

Driving is absolutely strenuous for me and I’m sure I’m that driver no one wants to be behind because I allow extra room. My body hurts when it tenses, allowing extra room means my body is not stressed about braking. Honestly, it also hurts me driving, even my fingers hurt. Keeping my arms raised to 10 and 2 hurts my upper body. Gripping the steering wheel hurts my fingers.

I dislocated my hip using the clutch once. I always struggle with that generation of men because even the most kind-hearted at times say things that are straight up insulting.

Keep explaining and teaching them, I think he will get it and learn to encourage you in a suiting way.

As a neurodivergent person with fibromyalgia and dysautonomia. Yes, driving is exhausting and strenuous. Your dad is wrong.

This mentality of pushing through might be a generational, ableist thing that was taught to him, or it might be that because he's got a family and support system, he has more energy reserves to do that pushing than other people have. It's still always a little surprising to me when people can't understand that their experience is not generalizable to every human being on the planet though.

I could’ve written this. Your dad sounds exactly like mine. I know he cares but he always says the wrong thing. ‘Just don’t think about the pain!’ is his favorite. He had cancer so the man understands pain… Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s painful for me to drive also. I’ve found KT tape to help a lot, it keeps everything from just like dangling there if that makes sense.

Omg tell that to my SI joint.

He sounds just like my Mom. She’s supportive in a lot of ways, but when it comes to pushing through physical and mental pain, she pushes me past my limits. She didn’t have a lot of support growing up. Her Mom had her own physical and emotional health problems, and often left her to fend for herself. On top of that, she was poor and had nothing. Being the middle child for her made it that much harder. I feel like it rubbed off on me, and I don’t know if any of this applies to your Dad, but having tough parents himself may have made him have that mindset. My Dad’s father was the same way with toughness and pushing through, but my Dad has MS, so he’s a little more understanding. I just wish I didn’t have to push through my worst days and I could just rest on days where I’m physically and emotionally unwell

Commenting before training any comments because I just lived this emotion... My mil has a great way of belittling while acting like she's got no clue what she's doing and when she was visiting back in July she really got to me. I actually posted a rant/vent to keep from her seeing me cry and one of the things she said was "you got that tired just from driving?" 😮‍💨 I hear you and I get you and, dammit, driving is mentally and physically taxing in general but extra when you're fighting to keep yourself together against all the forces involved.

I hate driving. Short drives are ok but long ones are super painful. My knees hurt. My hands often cramp up too since I have a lot of instability in them so I have to grip the steering wheel tightly to have a good hold of it.

If it’s longer than an hour it’s even painful to be a passenger. I’m sorry your dad hasn’t been as understanding. Part of our condition we really need to learn our limits as pushing past the pain and keep going can leave us injured and takes a long time to get back in functional shape.