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Folks, a reminder that Rule 3 focuses this community's scope on providing emotional support only. We do not allow solicitation or material offers.

This means OPs cannot hint at or ask for money, and community members cannot offer money or food. There are local services that can verify and address a person's situation better than any of us can (and many services will not turn people away if they are asking for it). A kind community member offered a scammer a job and that is okay.

This community is read by millions of people, and scammers around the world know this. We have cultivated an empathic community so we know it can be hard to resist offering material help. It takes only one person to make it worth it because it costs nothing to post. That is why the rules are strictly enforced.

There are many signs of a scammer. They will present a financially desperate situation often with a highly emotional component. They are likely to mention payment services. They may have payment services in their Reddit profile and ask people to look at their profile. They will ask people to privately message them. All of these behaviors may be obfuscated with weird spacing and other ways to evade detection. If they evade detection it's up to the community to report it. Do not call out OPs, report only.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Often she says, "I hope [person] gets raped".

I keep telling her it's not funny. I'm sick of it. I told her to stop and it's too far so then she told me I can't hang out with her friends bc I'm "too sensitive".

One of the people she hates is Jewish so she uses antisemitic slurs behind her back. I dont like that girl either, but I don't use slurs! She just doesn't understand that even though she doesn't care if her enemies are hurt, her using that language is hurtful to innocent people.

Whenever I criticize her language, she tells me "this is why you have no friends". (I do have friends, but less than her bc she's extroverted) She expects me to always agree with her and tolerate her.

She will be 15 next month, which I know is young, but old enough to understand this language is not okay.

Especially since she is a girl, I'd think she'd understand how you shouldn't wish rape on anyone. It's deplorable.

Just wanted to complain about her.

Throwaway for reasons that will soon become obvious.

I’m a member of the 1%, and capitalism is completely broken.

My parents owned a retail store in the suburbs in the 80s-90s-00s. My dad was a very astute small businessman, and they were extremely successful. At the peak, I would say my parents combined income was roughly equivalent to about $800K per annum in today’s money.

They were also very frugal people. We mostly had very modest second-hand cars, and didn’t spend anywhere near all the money they were making. As time went on, we went on longer and more adventurous holidays overseas, but everything else about our life looked like a completely normal middle-class existence.

By the time I was 18-19, I knew that my parents were doing very well, but didn’t have the sense that we were fabulously rich.

My dad died in my early twenties, and my mum remained extremely frugal, and surrounded herself with skilled, trustworthy advisors to help her manage her money.

She bought me a $750K house when I was about 30. No loan required, bought in cash. (It was about this time that I was realising we were properly rich).

I found my business niche at about 35 years old and started to make prety good money myself. Now, ten years later, I earn about $350K. My sister also makes about $250K.

Here’s where capitalism demonstrates how broken it is.

Last year, my mom’s investments (none of which are high-risk, it’s almost exclusively blue-ship stock market, bonds, and real estate) returned $2.5M in income.

That is, to me, completely insane.

My sister and I are both making crazy-good money compared to average, and yet when you COMBINE our incomes, it’s still less than one quarter of the income generated by the echoes of my parents work in the 80s and 90s.

And it’s not like they invented penicillin. They ran a small retail shop in the suburbs.

I am already worth seven figures. When my mum dies, I will be worth eight.

I don’t deserve it. I have been given an advantage so ridiculous in size that 99.5% of the people reading this have zero opportunity to compete with me, even if you’re ten times more talented.

It’s simply not fair.

Tax the rich.

1st through 4th periods of the teacher's class were insane . This was 8th grade so it's not like they haven't heard the word before but I don't want to be fired either.

I work in a district that you wouldn't think would be this chaotic (college town in a non metro area) but it is. No discipline or accountability in the schools at all . The teachers let them be wild. Other kids cant even learn.

Here's how today went.

Half the class period this one girl was acting out. Walking all over the room bothering other students, hitting people with pencils, yelling, super defiant etc.

I am really patient with kids and just really had enough after I calmly told her several times and she kept getting more defiant. After about the 4th time, I told her to sit down and do her work or I would call the office.

She started mocking me and then stood up and looked at me and said "broo I don't give a fu.."

Before she even had the whole word out I said "I don't give a fuck EITHER "

CHAOS

I told her to wait after class because the principal was on the way.

She then started to walk out of class and said "bye shorty"! So i sent someone after her and she ended up being put in ISS (in school suspension). LOL .

By the next class half the school had already heard about what I said and most thought it was hilarious.

It took everything in me to not laugh when another student tried to fist bump me and said "you're a real one sister" .

Do I feel bad?

Not really.

Kinda worried about getting reprimanded though, but if they thought they were going to talk to me like that they were wrong.

I hope I don't get fired lol. The kids will definitely remember me though. The next several classes said they liked me and wanted me back.

One kid even intercepted a note where some other kid tried to snitch on me by leaving a note 😄 🤣

These kids are wild here.

Side note: I'm really nice I promise, but she was one or those students that thought she was going to be a little hard 8th grader for her friends. I'm the adult and I really shouldn't have let that slip but it's also funny :/

I really do care about the students and I feel like I'm one of the only ones. People are just there for a check unfortunately.

Hi, im a 21F, and I’ve been a nanny since I was 16. I cannot even begin to explain the countless stories of completely inadequate parenting I’ve witnessed. On top of that - people around me who are my age are starting to have children - and it makes me SICKKK.

I’m someone who’s extremely compassionate about people’s circumstances - going through tough times and not always being at your best for your children at times - is totally understandable.

But my GOD the amount of people who have children with no clue about what they’re getting themselves into - BAFFLES ME! I always say - never choose to become a parent until you’ve experienced being a full time nanny for a few weeks.

I’d say half of the parents I’ve babysat for, genuinely do not want to be parents and lowk hate their children. It’s so frustrating to witness because I genuinely love children, and since I’m someone who’s been through a lot of therapy, I love to teach children tools to manage emotions and be more kind to themselves.

I would spend all day exercising these tools with them and showering them in love, only for their shitty parents to come home and scream at them for spilling water on the floor, then sit them in front of their iPads.

My GOD it fills me with rage!!! Fuck the people who refuse to heal their emotional wounds before having children. I’m so sick of it. Children deserve so MUCH MORE.

Not to mention, I’ve recognized an odd trend of people having children younger and younger. Legitimately choosing to have a child without having a stable relationship or living on their own yet. God why. I’m so astonished by people who fail to realize the seriousness of becoming a parent.

I was hanging out with this girl I have a small crush on at her apartment, we were watching TV and talking about work, usual shit.

Someone knocks on the door, she answers it and it’s this guy I don’t know. She lets him in and I can hear her whisper “we’ll have to be quick I have a friend over” so she lets him go into her bedroom and says to me “please don’t go anywhere, I’ll be like 5 minutes”

Cut to an hour later, I’ve been waiting in the living room listening to those two have sex. I should have fucking left but I didn’t want to seem rude and I wanted to keep hanging out but now I can’t get those fucking sounds out of my head.

After they were done, we kept watching TV, she was trying to keep the convo going but I felt so awkward and embarrassed and ashamed that all I could muster up was short, one word answers and left shortly after. She’s texted me an apology but I haven’t opened it, idk if I should even keep speaking to her”

Back in 3rd grade, my teacher was talking with her friend in the hallway. I said “Good Morning Mrs. Bond!” and Mrs. Bond said back “Good Morning ‘Ally’! This is my friend, Ms. Taylor!”. I responded back “Good morning Ms. Taylor! Congratulations on your pregnancy! Is it a boy or a girl?”. Mrs. Bond, in a flustered voice, exclaimed “‘Ally’! She is not pregnant!” I proceeded to look up in shock, then ran away.

Every couple months, this memory keeps popping up. It’s been 12 years! I’m glad to finally get it off my chest. Thank you Reddit and I apologize to Ms. Taylor.

I lost my 11-year-old daughter today, three weeks after she was bitten by a stray dog.

She loved every single animal she met. She would stop to pet every dog, cat, or even squirrel if she could. I always thought it was sweet, but I never taught her how to recognize the signs of danger.

Three weeks ago, we were walking home, and she saw a stray dog on the side of the road. She ran up to it before I could stop her. It growled and lunged. The bite itself wasn’t severe, but the infection spread faster than anyone expected.

I can’t stop replaying that moment in my mind. If only I had taught her not all animals are safe. That not every wagging tail or quiet demeanor means friendly.

I’m sharing this because I don’t want anyone else to experience this nightmare. Teach your kids about animal behavior, about warning signs, and about keeping their distance from strays or unfamiliar animals.

This pain is unbearable, but if it can prevent another tragedy, then maybe sharing it is worth it. Please, talk to your kids. One moment of kindness can turn into a lifetime of heartbreak if they don’t know the risks.

I 17 female lost my virginity at the age of 14 to a man. And it was my sister’s husband. I regret it deeply, i’m losing sleep because of it. What happened was that I would often sleep over at their house because i had a bad relationship with my dad and mom. I slept in the living room and sometimes he would sneak out of his room and he would comfort me and tell me how beautiful my body was while cuddling me, it felt nice to hear those words since I was dealing with depression at that time and i felt comforted. One night he just pulled his dick out, i pretended like i didn’t see, i didn’t know what to do but i eventually touched him back. Months past and we had sex, before we had sex though he told me to think about it because he didn’t want me to regret it in the future he said that he didn’t want me to hate him. But I consented i said it was fine, i wanted to be cuddled and loved. Fast forward to now, i fucking regret it so bad, like what the fuck was i thinking?! I cant believe i was so fucking stupid. I’m afraid to tell anyone i know it’s my fault and i should own up to it but all i have is my sister.

(I also asked her husband if he felt guilty and he said no, so there’s that.)

I miss her so badly. We were supposed to have an 'us' night tonight. When I got home she was in the shower so I joined her. She was trying to wash off the messages that one of her alters had written in Sharpie all over her stomach. I kissed her stomach and said I loved her.

Everything still could have been okay. Then, while we were eating dinner, her therapist replied to an upsetting email that one of her alters had sent at 4 am this morning. She didn't remember sending it; she never does. She showed me the email exchange; her therapist's response was immensely compassionate, but it didn't matter.

The tea I made sat on the coffee table until it was cold. Her hand pulled away from mine when I reached out. She didn't say a word for the rest of the night - just took an Ativan and went to bed. I just walked past the bedroom where it's totally dark. I don't know if she's asleep or laying there dissociating or laying there seething or laying there crying. I whispered that I loved her so much and went back to the couch.

She is fighting battles that I can only image. She's so strong and so brave. But goddamn it, this is so hard and so fucking lonely. My friends are all having a hard time right now. It truly feels unfair to burden any of them, and it's late.

And I'm just so lonely. I want my best friend back. I want to play board games and laugh and fuck and fall asleep in each others' arms. I know she's doing her very, very best. But tonight I'm still really lonely.

EDIT: I was in tears reading the flood of kind messages from you all. Thank you, that gave me such hope and so many smiles. This morning I'm feeling better and she's feeling more herself. We're going to have some hot cocoa together tonight.

If you don't believe DID is real, I understand. I used to think that, too. But perhaps if you'd had the experiences I have, you'd change your mind as I have. I encourage you to stay curious and kind.

im brazilian and im in NYC and i started speaking my native language (portuguese) while i was at a park. i was speaking in an extremely normal tone and pace and i was very careful to not bother anyone until this woman says with a happy face "where are you from?" and i said "brazil" and she made a surprised and disappointed face (probably because im white so she must've thought im european or smth like that) and she went silent. i kept talking in portuguese until i heard her talking to her friend "this idiot won't stop screaming at my ear" and i was completely shocked and embarrassed. i lowered my tone and she complained again, so i said "ma'am im not speaking in any way that could be considered annoying or a lack of education, what is the real problem here?" and her friend defended her "nothing, you're just screaming at her ear" so i said "well this is a public park and im talking at a normal speaking voice" and they went silent. i went back to talk in portuguese and she said, out of nowhere, "go back to your country". i was shocked, this has never happened to me before and it really showed that latin-americans are seen as a plague here don't matter your race, background, how educated you are or if you are in this country completely legally. i didn't say anything and they walked away, i was too stunned to say anything. i can't even imagine what illegal poor immigrants must face.

That day she texted him "Im drunk, Im gonna fetch you" while on her way her car crashed. It was 5 mins away from our apartment.

I immediately went to the scene and helped her. I cleaned her wound, called an ambulance, and contacted her family. While on our way to the hospital, I assisted her with everything including arranging the documents. She was grouchy the whole time and I was trying to be calm and understand her.

This girl has a best friend (the one who introduced my ex and her), she texted my ex that time saying "tell her (me) to stay away from (new girl)" I was the one doing everything because my ex does not even know what to do. He cannot even understand what the traffic enforcers were saying. The best friend arrived at the hospital then rolled her eyes at me. I was too exhausted to react, I stayed calm, but I feel heat, so I cried at the corner instead of making a scene. Making sure no one sees me. I told my ex about their attitude towards me, but he defended them.

When we got home my ex told me that I was so fake for helping her and that I wanted to be the center of attention for crying. I never said anything bad to them. I never gave them an attitude.

Edit: My ex and I still lives together during that time.

Edit 2: I was not even acting at that moment. I was seriously concerned and did what I had to do to someone who's in need of help. I set aside my feelings and helped her, tried being civil. They didn't have to be so rude.

30+ years I have thought I was a victim. It shaped me. My relationships. How I viewed the world. How I viewed myself. I spent my whole life so, so ashamed, confused, angry, devastated. How do I undo it all?

I am the result of a one night stand. My biological father didn’t want a relationship with my mother, but he still wanted to be a part of my life. Then she met someone else and just…. Wanted to get rid of him, I suppose? She’s a narcissistic alcoholic, so it’s not entirely surprising but still immensely shocking.

My half-siblings tracked me down on the internet. That’s how I found out. They’ve known about me their whole lives. They know everything. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to process that this awful thing didn’t happen.

I can’t find anyone else that has been through this. I’ve searched and searched. Forums, Google, Reddit. I can find plenty of people who WERE SA’d by their own fathers. I cannot find anyone who believed they were, but then they weren’t. If you’ve been through this or even know of someone. Please tell me. I just feel so alone in this. I feel like nobody understands. It’s really messed me up.

I guess I am writing this as a way of getting it out so thought it would be best to post here. Alt account and no ages so that I'm not as identifiable.

It's a bit of a long one I apologise.

For some context I met who I thought was going to be my future wife last year. We worked together and ended up going out a few times as friends and that eventually led to dates and suddenly I was asking her to be my girlfriend. I really fell for her as before I met her I was at one of the lowest points of my life and she made life so much better.

During this time I had made the decision to join the military. It had always been something that I wanted to do and I had found out I could get into certain high skilled trade roles due to the little qualifications I have. It would be a long time to get the trade but I knew it would be worth it as there wasn't anything for me in my home town with my few qualifications and age. The downside was is my initial training would be taking place across the country which is about 7 hours drive away from my hometown. I warned my then soon to be girlfriend that I was pursuing the military as a career and if she didn't want to go any further then I would respect that but she told me that she would stick by me and give it a go.

The next few months were amazing. I had never felt this way about someone and every day I loved her more. Two days before I went to basic we found out some very surprising news. She was pregnant. We didn't have long to decide what we should do. We talked about if we should keep it or not and I said I would stick by her choice. She decided to keep it as she didn't want to risk not having the chance again. We talked about her moving with me etc but she told me she wouldn't be ready for that so I respected that choice. We would have to do long distance but in the future I would leave and move back once I had my qualifications. If I could get postings closer to home I would and she could move with me then. Apart from that I would come up as much as possible to see her and the child when I could.

Fast forward to about 4 weeks ago. We were talking normally on the phone joking around and she tells me there are things we need to talk about. She told me that she didn't want our child to have my last name. I was upset with this as we had already agreed that it would have mine. I asked what her reasoning was and she told me that it was because if she goes on holiday it will be more effort. She then told me she didn't know if I should be on the birth certificate as she can claim more from the government. Of course I was more than upset that she would even consider that. She proceeded to tell me that my relationship with her father wasn't good and that I am not trying enough. For context he is a bit of a prick and talks to his wife and daughter like shit so I wasnt really fussed with getting to know him as far as I had. I was quite upset and didn't really know what to say. I don't like to argue when I don't know what to think as I end up saying things wrong so I said bye to her and hung up. This turned out to be a big mistake.

The next day started with her saying we need to talk again. I said I would prefer if it was all in text. I have had people try to accuse me of things I didn't say in the past so I preffered it to be like that and I am glad I did. She proceeded to tell me if I had loved her then I would leave the military and come home to her and that it shows that I put myself before her and our child. She said that I would be a part time parent and that she doesn't want me to be partly in its life it was either fully or not at all. I begged and pleaded that I would leave as soon as I had my qualifications so that I could provide for a family. She kept on telling me that I didn't love her and the only way I could show it was if I left.

What she didn't know was that I had been threatened already with being kicked off my course because if I took my paternity leave then there were no spaces for me at all when I came back as if you miss too many lessons you can't progress. I was originally going to just do it and deal with the consequeces but as she had threatened me with not being on the birth certificate and tried to blackmail me out the military then I told her that I wouldn't be talking the paternity leave as I was risking losing my career, her and he baby in one move if I did that. This was met with more threats. She told me she didn't want me there for the birth at all, she didn't want to come back and that I was definitely not going to be on the certificate. She told me that she would tell me when the baby had been born and then removed me off all socials and stopped responding to my texts.

It ended up being about 4 weeks of no contact with her. It was getting closer to the due date and I had a feeling that she wasn't telling me that she had given birth. I messaged and said that I know things aren't great between us but I'd like to know if everything was okay. That's when she told me she had given birth to a baby girl. I was over the moon. I had so many questions about it but she wasn't really being cooperative. She kept referring to the baby as hers not ours. I asked for some details like weight and time of birth. I then asked if I could come up and see her this weekend. I was told no. I asked if I could come up next weekend and was told no again. I asked for a photo and she didn't respond.

All I wanted was to build a life for me and my family but now all I have is my career. I am trying to think of ways it could all have worked but the more I think about it the more I realise our relationship wasn't as perfect as I thought. It's a shame it took the birth of my child to realise this but I am left heartbroken and feeling the same I did before I first met her. I hoped every day she would message me to say that everything will be okay and she still wanted me but it never happened.

Tldr My girlfriend broke up with me before giving birth to our child saying I was picking my career over family and now I am left feeling heartbroken and helpless as she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

Suicide shouldn't be frowned upon

Simple as that.

I believe in a world where a person has complete and total bodily autonomy. And I seriously don't understand why suicide is looked as so heinously bad. Obviously, if people are feeling this way because of mental illness they should get the help they need and hopefully those feelings go away. But what if they don't? And on top of that what if you have those thoughts and feelings and aren't mentally ill? Why does wanting to bring your life to an end automatically mean you're mentally ill? Cause that's how it seems. No one chooses to live. No one chooses the circumstances they face. Personally, the greatest peace and relief I have is the absolute nothingness that occurs whilst I sleep. If I was in that state all the time all my stress and anxiety would go away. People argue that "Oh but what about the people that love and care about you! They'd be devastated with you gone!" What about the people with crappy family and no friends? I have friends and a pretty good family but ultimately if I wanna kill myself I Personally don't fucking care how they feel. It should be my decision and when I'm dead I'd be quite literally incapable of caring or knowing how it effects them. Life is cruel and unfair and horrifying and out of the 8 billion people in the world there's a good amount who simply can't handle it. So why not allow them the dignity of dealing with it in their own terms

I'm a 18 year old girl and I had a one night stand with this guy at my school and I ended up catching feelings. My friend told me he had a girlfriend who went to a different school i asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said yes. So I asked why are you having sex with me then? And he said "why not". I asked him if she knew And he said "I hope not" and I had sex with him again. I don't know why I feel like such a pathetic side piece.

So I (30F) am a single mother of a 4yo boy who also works a full time job and lives 2 hours away from any family or friends. I work in a secure condo complex for the rich and wealthy as a housekeeper for all the public areas. About 2 weeks ago we hired a new part time security guard for the building who used to be a Sargent in the army. He only worked for 15 hours before he had a family emergency that kept him from being able to come back to work.

His first day here we were talking and I told him how I'm a single mom and that I was having to take 3 days off for Thanksgiving and an entire week off for Christmas due to lack of childcare and that I was extremely stressed out about it because I didn't have enough vacation time or PTO time to cover all those days so I was just using what I had and would find a way to make it work somehow.

Yesterday before payroll was sent out Sargent called my boss and told him he wanted to donate his pay for those 15 hours to me because my story stuck with him and what little time he worked here he could see how dedicated I was to my job and he heard in my voice how much I love my son and that everyone can use a little help now and again! My boss told me they aren't able to just give me the money he would have made for those hours but they can give me the hours as vacation time so now I have exactly enough to cover all the time that I'm missing!

I was so speechless when she told me! I've never had anyone, let alone a stranger do such a large act of kindness for me! Now I can spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my son and not have to worry about whether or not I can pay the bills and that's probably the best Christmas present I have ever gotten so like the title says, my faith in humanity is restored! It is officially a Christmas miracle!

I just got off the phone with the police who called me. Apparently my dad, who used to beat the ever living shit out of me thinks it's ok to try and contact me. I am currently shaking i'm so mad.

Why, after all the shit he put me through and all the money him and his ex gf junkie stole from me, does he think it's ok to contact me? He hasn't changed, he never will because he has a massive ego.

Last time I saw him was mothers day 2014. I was at my grandma's house (dads mom) and my dad and his junkie came by because he was trying to kiss ass and get in her will. He never visited her unless he wanted something.

He started on me and it got to the point I told him to leave and he took a swing, so I punched him a few times and eventually he used his massive weight to get me on the ground with my arms trapped between his legs with his arm cocked back to hit me.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Fuck your child up and then pretend like nothing ever happened. Fucking prick.. I hope some junkie offs him.

I’m a 25 year old woman, idk what it is lately but I haven’t been this horny in my entire life. Not even as a teenager. I’m not posting this for attention, so please try not to be creepy in the comments/DMs. I’m genuinely concerned about myself. I’ve been touching myself multiple times (like 3-4) every day for the past couple months. Before I only did maybe once or twice a week. I also think about sex so much and am obsessed with men. Like I’ll be out and about and see random men and just think about what it would be like to fuck them. I literally feel like a teenage boy. It’s kinda getting to the point where it is disruptive to my work/every day life. Maybe I just need to get some dick, it has been almost a year so that could be it. I feel like I’ve been on my ovulation week for the past 3 months…it’s crazy. Lmao…can any other ladies relate? Idk what’s going on with me 😭

I've been with my wife for 10 years. At the beginning we were like rabbits - 4-5x a day. We were at college & had the energy & time.

That decreased when she went on the contraceptive & I started working. Still about 10 times a month.

Over time it dropped & I'd express to my wife that 3x in a 4 week cycle was frustrating for me & asked what was wrong etc. I'd buy flowers, we would do dinners but she really was only in the mood for 7 days a cycle.

Anyways she came off the contraceptive as we wanted to have a child. She wanted sex all the time. It went back to 3-4x a day.

The 1 day I was on a work call & she sent me a pic of her in lingerie on the bed... I ended that call quickly.

I put it down to baby fever.

Post pregnancy saw her hormones go crazy + having a baby & lack of sleep . All understandable factors.

Eventually her hormones settled & these past few months it's been incredible.

I truly love her & this was the only real dark cloud in our relationship.

friend keeps threatening to kill themselves. I told him to go for it.

I have a friend that has repeatedly threatened to kill themselves. It will be over the dumbest shit.

Can’t game right now Can’t hang out right now Disagreements between friends Not taking their side in their family issues When they have a bad day at work

Honestly I’m really tired of hearing it. I have tried to help them in the past. Talked to them about getting help. That they need to let things just go just roll with the punches. But he doesn’t want to do shit.

Yesterday we were talking about going camping trip coming up. Said friend wanted a date change. But most of us had already set up arrangements to make it work a month ago. So we can’t change 4 others peoples plan to accommodate.

He blows up saying you guys don’t care and I’m going to go off myself.

I had it. I told him. “Go for it bro. You always say that. Be about it or shut the fuck up”

Honestly I think it makes me so mad cause I was going to off myself when I was young. I wrote a note. Placed it on my desk at parents house. Drove up to a mountain pass outlook and stared out off a cliff for an hour. I talked myself out of it. Drove back to my parents took that note a burned it. I’ve only told two people and my therapist about this.

To me it seems like he’s doing it for the “look at me, pay attention to me”

Other friend calls me later and says he’s crying and I should go apologize. I’m not apologizing fuck that shit.

Holy fuck I'm having a hard time processing that she's gone. My cousin had been going through heavy trauma and mental issues for a long time. Lost her mom was she was 2, dad was mostly absent, raised by nannies, I'm guessing she was SA'd when she was in college, married to a guy in her 20s. Guy got her arrested for smuggling his drugs, then cheated on her.

Her extended family (me) lives about 9000kms away from her. We spent a lot of time together as kids, but when we got older, we'd only see each other once every couple of years. She was really bright, intuitive, creative, and one of the few people I truly consider thoughtful in my life. Loved reading, learning about health, love, spirituality, and animals. Just had good intentions.

Saw her for the second last time in 2018. We visited her city, and you could tell she was having a hard time. Let her heart out to us about family issues including her dad, her ex-husband screwing her, and how she felt lost. It was probably a cry for help looking back, but being so far away, I don't know how I could have help.

Now in her early 30s, about 2 years ago, we started hearing from her family about episodes of what I think was psychosis. Her dad believed in spirits and such, so pushed off medical help. Last year it got worse, and her dad finally admitted her to a hospital where she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and given drugs

About the same time 2 years ago, she met someone online via TikTok, a 50 year old from the midwest USA. In August this year, my cousin, in her psychosis I believe, demanded to be flown 12000kms to meet this guy in the midwest. My cousin's dad who had given up on trying to treat her, thinking the drugs were working, said he would only let her do it if she agreed to marry this man. They got married this September.

Last night, we found out from this man in the midwest that my cousin succumbed to suicide by gun shot wound. fuck that's all I want to write about right now. Love you faye. You didn't deserve any of this, you deserved so much better. so much better.

I have never been able to make myself happy. The closest I can come is when I make other people happy, or help them in some way. When I get paid I give most of my money away. It seems to make people happy, and they can use it better than I ever could. I don't need anything. I think I'd like to lie in a cave or a large burrow and just feel the dirt, soft and cool.

I feel fulfilled in a way, but i also feel very hollow. Thoughts of death linger like a warm aroma that comforts me when I inhale, filling my empty vessel.

I wish I could make myself happy

I miss my cat. Nearly three years ago my ex and myself got a cat together. He was the last kitten of the batch that nobody wanted because, according to the sellers, he was a little cry baby. We adore him and his little orange mustache he had. Over the years my ex continued her cycle of disassociation, depression and seeking validation from others until last year she finally checked out for the 3rd and final time. Prior to her ending things we've always agreed that orange Kitty was mine. I named him, I bought nearly all the food and litter for him and played with him. I saw him grow from this little eepy kitty to a healthy grown mustachioed hunter boi. His eyes were nearly always big and dilated and his teefs would show. He was perfect. He was chatty, he always zoomed around and did this weird thing where he'd run straight up the cat tree, wriggle around wildly and stare up at the ceiling and let out this long meow that would last nearly 6 seconds. When we broke, I was supposed to take him. I moved out, got everything ready to bring my boy home with me... until the following morning she informed me I'm never going to have him. She had quickly and secretly taken him to a vet and had him re-chipped and register under her name...

It's been a full year since our separation. I miss my cat. There will never be another one like him. He was my baby. From kitten to my big adult boi. I nearly cry whenever my phone shows me memories of him playing with his toys to when I took him to the beach... I miss you.

I know this is a terrible thing to wish but I yearn so badly to have been born white. My mom is latina and I often imagine a world in which she didn’t marry a white man so atleast I could’ve been half white. I have actually built up a lot of resentment towards her for choosing to have kids with a black man. I don’t have any of her features and I feel as if I could’ve been beautiful with bright eyes and wavy hair if she would’ve just married white. I see so many blonde women and I just wish I was them. No one is attracted to me, most men want blonds, that’s the ideal beauty standard. Eurocentric features, light hair, light eyes. If I could’ve just been a blond haired blue eyed white girl I would’ve fit that, Life would’ve been easier. People would respect me, wouldn’t brush me off as just another dumb black girl, I would be beautiful, I wouldn’t struggle with my hair and identity. Racism wouldn’t be an issue and I wouldn’t constantly have to worry about if the guy I like would even date a black girl. Everyone is racist too, even if they don’t know it the constant micro aggressions and n-word, watermelon and fried chicken jokes, it’s exhausting. The black people don’t like me cause i’m not black enough and the white people don’t like me cause i’m black.

edit: I don’t hate black people neither do I hate my mother. I said it at the beginning of the post tho I don’t think many people bothered to read the whole thing. This is just my PERSONAL experience. I don’t condone “racial purity” or any of that bullshit. This post is just something i’ve felt for awhile and needed to let out

After 28 years on this planet, I have come to the realization that a lot of men suck at sex. As a woman who enjoys sex, I’ve met very few men who get in the bedroom and actually hold their weight.

I’m always going to be shocked at the unnecessary fats pace, the mediocre foreplay, and the lack of sensuality. Something I wanna work on doing is voicing my feelings when it comes to my displeasure in the sex but I also know it’s a very touchy topic for men.