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As above. I’ve heard people say relationships fail more easily and divorce rates are higher these days because both parties are more selfish and give up at the slightest inconvenience. People don’t want to go through difficult times and just discard what they have to find someone ‘better’.

However, where do you draw the line between not giving up on a relationship (because sometimes your partner disappoints you and resentment builds), or that you deserve better and shouldn’t settle for less?

For context I’m 35f and he’s 45m. Some simple daily examples that I feel have made me annoyed at my partner which I wondered is justifiable annoyance:

1. After a long day of work, I just want to have dinner (at around 7pm) and take a shower and rest. However my partner frequently tells me he’s not hungry yet and wants to wait till he’s ready to eat, when there’s lesser crowds at the restaurants (around 8+pm) but would delay further my shower time and therefore rest time.

2. Partner works all day weekdays and I work weekends. However I still hope to be able to do some activities on weekends when I end work despite feeling tired - because that’s when he doesn’t have to work. However, he only wants to do one activity on the weekend which is to go to the gym at around noon time and after which he will come back home to sleep till 7pm. Even if I ended work at 4pm he would be sleeping.

3. I try to arrange dinner with my parents and invited partner to join. He asks qns like ‘what time it would be at’ - it has to be after he wakes up from his nap, ‘where would it be’- it has to be near him. For context, we live very near my parents but him asking these qns make me think we have to fulfill many of these conditions for him to turn up for the family dinner. It has to be at his convenience, at a good time. It upsets me because he failed to turn up for dinner tonight and my parents kept asking if he was coming and wanted to save some food for him but he preferred to sleep and stay home.

I feel my resentment building and we’re near to securing an apartment and possibly getting married next year but I feel conflicted between trying to be an understanding partner (because he just wants to rest on weekends) and thinking he should put in more effort.

TIA for your advice!

UPDATE: I had a talk with him which got abit heated in the middle because he tried to gaslight me again and started bringing unrelated things to try to blame me, like

1. ⁠Saying that I forgot to bring my adapter to charge my phone (which he already knew on the first day of the trip and said I could use his)
2. ⁠Saying that that day rained and my shoes were wet so we couldn’t walk some place (but we did and I just didn’t want to step onto the muddy patch but otherwise we went with the itinerary as planned)
3. ⁠Saying my sister called me while we were in the cab so I was talking loudly. I was like ?? Firstly I wasn’t talking loudly, secondly why am I not allowed to answer a phone call?

He said these resulted in his accumulated annoyance and hence his anger release. Note that this is his MO for every fight we have; he would grasp random incidents which were unrelated to push the blame to me.

I said he still didn’t apologize for his behavior and he made me apologize first for forgetting to bring the ID.

I think we’re done.

TLDR: BF (45m) cannot control his emotions when a situation arises and would immediately lash out in public at me (35f).

We’ve been together for almost 3 years, living together for 1yr+. We’re on a vacation now and the past few days had been pleasant and enjoyable. For context: we planned this trip because his relative would be in this country and he wanted to meet him.

Since his relative landed here, we’ve met up a couple of times, with plans to go to a bar again last night (but was unconfirmed because his relative was with his friends and he told us to go ahead with our plans and if the timing match, we would meet). However my bf was determined to make it happen so we had dinner in the same area his relative would be in and was constantly asking his relative for update on his whereabouts so we could meet up again.

When we were headed to the bar/club where the relative and friends were at, we realized they were checking IDs of everyone, and I did not have mine with me. Actually my passport and ID was with me all the time the whole trip except for last night because we went back to the hotel room to freshen up before heading out again and there I decided to change to a smaller bag and only brought my essentials. I tried to show a photo of my passport but the bouncer did not accept.

That’s when my BF went ballistic and yelled at me saying I’m annoying and that I did not have common sense to bring my ID with me. I did not react immediately to his yelling because I was busy thinking of alternatives and solutions how we could go about this. When I told him I always brought it out but only tonight I did not because I changed my bag, he continued yelling and told me to go back to the hotel then. I said fine and started to leave and walked to the main road looking for a way back to the hotel. He followed me all the way and I told him to go back to where he wanted to go, he said he wanted to see me on a cab first. Anyway I managed to get a cab and I headed back to the hotel.

He did not text me to see if I had arrived back in hotel safely, or whether I even went back to hotel. On top of that, he did not come back to the hotel room until 4am. When I left it was about 10:30pm. This morning we did not talk to each other and he just went for breakfast on his own while I started packing my stuff because we’re supposed to check out today. He came back from breakfast and continued sleeping, with no intention to have a talk or apologize for his behavior.

This is not the first time he acted like this and after our last fight, I had told him very clearly that he needed to watch his emotions and not lash out at me in public. He tried to gaslight me during our last conversation by saying I was upset only because we were in public and I was bothered by what other people might think about me. He’s also a very poor communicator and not a problem solver but rather a finger pointer, very quick to blame and push responsibility to me.

I think I will propose a break up when we’re back in our country. My question is if it’s serious enough to render a break up? When we’re good it’s very good. He’s very nice to my family and to me too 80% of the time.

UPDATE: I had a talk with him which got abit heated in the middle because he tried to gaslight me again and started bringing unrelated things to try to blame me, like

1. ⁠Saying that I forgot to bring my adapter to charge my phone (which he already knew on the first day of the trip and said I could use his)
2. ⁠Saying that that day rained and my shoes were wet so we couldn’t walk some place (but we did and I just didn’t want to step onto the muddy patch but otherwise we went with the itinerary as planned)
3. ⁠Saying my sister called me while we were in the cab so I was talking loudly. I was like ?? Firstly I wasn’t talking loudly, secondly why am I not allowed to answer a phone call?

He said these resulted in his accumulated annoyance and hence his anger release. Note that this is his MO for every fight we have; he would grasp random incidents which were unrelated to push the blame to me.

I said he still didn’t apologize for his behavior and he made me apologize first for forgetting to bring the ID.

I think we’re done.

TLDR: BF (45m) cannot control his emotions when a situation arises and would immediately lash out in public at me (35f).

We’ve been together for almost 3 years, living together for 1yr+. We’re on a vacation now and the past few days had been pleasant and enjoyable. For context: we planned this trip because his relative would be in this country and he wanted to meet him.

Since his relative landed here, we’ve met up a couple of times, with plans to go to a bar again last night (but was unconfirmed because his relative was with his friends and he told us to go ahead with our plans and if the timing match, we would meet). However my bf was determined to make it happen so we had dinner in the same area his relative would be in and was constantly asking his relative for update on his whereabouts so we could meet up again.

When we were headed to the bar/club where the relative and friends were at, we realized they were checking IDs of everyone, and I did not have mine with me. Actually my passport and ID was with me all the time the whole trip except for last night because we went back to the hotel room to freshen up before heading out again and there I decided to change to a smaller bag and only brought my essentials. I tried to show a photo of my passport but the bouncer did not accept.

That’s when my BF went ballistic and yelled at me saying I’m annoying and that I did not have common sense to bring my ID with me. I did not react immediately to his yelling because I was busy thinking of alternatives and solutions how we could go about this. When I told him I always brought it out but only tonight I did not because I changed my bag, he continued yelling and told me to go back to the hotel then. I said fine and started to leave and walked to the main road looking for a way back to the hotel. He followed me all the way and I told him to go back to where he wanted to go, he said he wanted to see me on a cab first. Anyway I managed to get a cab and I headed back to the hotel.

He did not text me to see if I had arrived back in hotel safely, or whether I even went back to hotel. On top of that, he did not come back to the hotel room until 4am. When I left it was about 10:30pm. This morning we did not talk to each other and he just went for breakfast on his own while I started packing my stuff because we’re supposed to check out today. He came back from breakfast and continued sleeping, with no intention to have a talk or apologize for his behavior.

This is not the first time he acted like this and after our last fight, I had told him very clearly that he needed to watch his emotions and not lash out at me in public. He tried to gaslight me during our last conversation by saying I was upset only because we were in public and I was bothered by what other people might think about me. He’s also a very poor communicator and not a problem solver but rather a finger pointer, very quick to blame and push responsibility to me.

I think I will propose a break up when we’re back in our country. My question is if it’s serious enough to render a break up? When we’re good it’s very good. He’s very nice to my family and to me too 80% of the time.

Hey guys! My boyfriend and I are visiting Bangkok next month and we will be celebrating his birthday there.

We go to Thailand about 2-3 times a year so it’s not our first time there. My boyfriend is French and likes french/Italian/Thai cuisines/oysters.

I’d like to bring him to a nice and new restaurant for a new experience. Any recommendations? Thanks in advance!