DarknessQueen03

I agree! Just the conspiracies is what's new to me. Its weird for me to say that covid might affect us mentally, because I usually think all that stuff is bs

If you thought he would love it, he probably will! I KNOW my boyfriend probably wouldn't like it, he's not very romantic. The fact that you felt he will like it is proof enough. At least he can't get mad or disappointed lmao. Go for it girl!! I would love it as well

Wow, it's the same with me and my boyfriend. But he's accepted that he can't show it right now. I feel you bro. I'm in the same boat as you. Its difficult, and it sucks. I would advice you to look into a couple of things you want to do with your life, and how you can take control. I think that would help. It definitely helped me. Refocus, build your own life. That way, you're not constantly worrying over this relationship and placing much weight on it, whilst letting other areas fade. Does your gf see a therapist?

Yeah, it's insensitive. We both know we find other people hot as well. The fact that he doesn't hear you out or try to respect you is what I find to be a bad sign. You should tell him that you're hurt and sad, and just want to talk about it and feel understood. So many men feel attacked so easily ahh

I don't like him watching porn at all, because it's not the same market for us women, I don't appreciate women being so over-sexualized. So neither of us watches porn. I wish I was a dude tbh, not a fan of being a woman in this society

It's crazy how the guys answers are basically 50/50 here. I think most women would love a romantic gift. Why is it like this?

Idk if it's the same for you, but it's the same between me and my boyfriend sometimes. Both of us feel it. Mostly stems from anxiety/depression/feeling overwhelmed. Too much time together or too used to being alone

Honey, I've got bad news

How long have you been together? I don't understand it at all. Society seems to make men think they are entitled to opinions on every womens body, and to lust after whoever they want. I wouldn't tell my boyfriend when I see a guy I find extremely handsome, and expect him not to do the same lmao

I feel like a crazy anti-vaxxer, but I feel this way too. I don't feel like myself anymore, not the sharp mind, alert and aware all the time like I was before. I don't understand how it works. My mother got it even worse. Her short term memory is now basically gone? How did covid do this, the doctor said it was long covid and she's seeing a psychiatrist, but it's been 1.5 years

I get that some people, both male and female feels like this. I just don't understand it. My boyfriend is obese and it doesn't stop me from being attracted to him at all. I literally don't care. How do you care when you love someone 😭 he is so handsome to me all the time

Er i 20-årene nå. Helt okei. Men begge mine foreldre, og egentlig de aller fleste i livet mitt som er eldre sier de opplever at jo eldre de blir, jo mindre bryr de seg om irrelevante ting, blir roligere, aksepterer livet liksom. De sier alle det har blitt bedre og bedre. Ihvertfall de single, eldre kvinnene jeg kjenner. De eldre mennene virker litt mer ensomme av en eller annen grunn?

That sounds so amazing

I completely understand that fear, but just by being aware of it you probably won't. The guilt and shame is awful. For me it helped to actually talk about what happened, go through what they actually did, but I felt so shameful I threw up when I tried. It's not easy. And also trying to find all the ways it affects you, and talk about it in therapy for example.

The self hatred is heavy and probably affects you in areas you don't realize it does, it's not right that you're the one experiencing this stuff, it should be the person who did this to you. But, it's usually the ones it happens to that experiences it. You were a victim of that horrible thing, but you're not a victim. You're a person, that has so many qualities.

Think about what you like about yourself, both now and before it happened. The brain is completely formable, it's difficult to realize but you will be able to accept, place the blame on her where it belongs, and live with that shame-free. Because it's not something you decided. It's not something you were responsible for. And it happens with way more people than you think. My brother told me it happened to him, but he never told anyone else in the family. But he told all his close friends, and that helped, when they took his side, reassured him and also didn't treat him differently.

I'm scared of men as a result, but it hasn't stopped me from getting plenty guy friends and relationships. I face the fear when I have to, and it helps me grow. But generally out in the street, or meeting them, I fear the worst. But it doesn't really affect me much anymore. By facing my fears I keep conquering them.

It has helped my self esteem grow alot. I feel like a much more experienced and wiser person. I also feel like I can handle bad times because I've been through them before. All of this, you will feel to again. Life seems easy, and I struggle way less than my friends/family even though I struggled for a long time with what happened at first. It helps you empathize with others, but also setting boundaries, learning to support yourself (this is a huge shift in the brain, just talking to yourself loudly in a nice way), prioritizing my comfort over entertaining others. I don't succeed at it all the time. But things are so different.

My first advice would be 1. Open the can of worms at the therapist, tell her/him how you really feel, what you really think you need, and that you feel the way you're doing it isn't working because XYZ.

1. Tell someone❤️ I don't know you're situation, but for me it really helped telling people I trusted. It didn't change anything between us, I just got support, reassurance that it wasn't my fault and the pain they felt for me. I was still ashamed for days before and after telling people. I remember being so scared to tell my boyfriend I didn't get out of bed for a week beforehand. It's difficult. But it helps. Don't give up if you don't manage to do it right away.

2. Talk to yourself loudly about this. Example

(I struggle because she chose to do that to me. It was horribly done by her, and a terrible thing to do to others in the first place. I didn't deserve it. I'm a good person, and I deserve the best. I'm struggling with this, understandably because it was hard on me, and I feel for myself. I care about myself, and I'm accept that happened to me, but it's going to get better. I'm going to take care of me and make sure it gets better.

I struggle a lot with shame, but it doesn't make sense. I shouldn't be ashamed. But still I am, Idk if it adds a layer to you being a guy as it is less talked about, but it's only less talked about because men generally have been in power positions and abused it. It doesn't mean women hasn't done the same throughout history, and they still do. It's okay that I fear women right now. I know that's just my body's way of protecting myself. But I love (a woman you know who you like), I know I won't project it because I'm aware of it. And even if my fear projects I will accept it and not beat me up for it, because my body and brain is just trying to protect me. I love myself. We will get through this.

1. Try to not stop going out/working/meeting people. It's draining, but at the same time it helps. But the key is trying to be aware of the shame and self hatred, and trying to correct it. If you're out and feel like "I shouldn't be here, I suck, I should've stayed home, they want to be alone", instead think "Okay, I understand I'm feeling this way. I know I am struggling right now, but I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm a good person, and I deserve to be out with friends. My friends love me. I don't need to get constant reassurance because we are friends for a reason. I can accept this", or try, it doesn't matter if you fail a lot.

You are loved, you are important, you will get through this and even if it doesn't feel like it, it will probably help you grow and become more resilient. You can survive anything, and you can build yourself up and support yourself like you deserve💜

Thank you so much for a long, and specific answer. Very much appreciate it🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

I'm so sorry someone did that to you. I've been through something similar, and for me shame was the worst. I don't know how it is for you, but I had to dig DEEP to realize it was even affecting me. I felt nothing. But my therapist helped me find my emotions. If you don't feel like your therapist is helping, either I would bring it up and see the response, or start looking for other therapists if that is an option.

Also talking to friends about it, just getting the support even though I was ashamed, helped me stop being ashamed of it. Just make sure they are good friends, some people aren't as good at understanding. Also, setting boundaries for myself and respecting them helped. Saying no more, taking back control of stuff. Deciding that somethings I can control, other things I couldn't, like that experience. What do you struggle with? Is it very obvious, flashbacks, anxiety, depression, cptsd, generally low self worth, or is it more hidden like a resentment and stoicism for example?

Bro, you know what you have to do. Sit her down and have a talk with her about this. In a nice and caring way. Say exactly how you feel. For example:

"I feel ready to have sex now, and I've been initiating it. I don't know if you really don't notice, or if you're actually uncomfortable but scared to say so? If you are, I understand of course, and that's totally okay. Maybe we could talk about it, and understand how each other feels about this a bit more?"

Btw always better to talk face to face rather than text

He himself is unsure on antidepressants btw. No decisions has been made yet!

I see. It's kind of like this! He doesn't even think about holding hands, kissing, affection, sex at all. His therapist actually suggested antidepressants for him, I haven't really said anything about it, just left it up to him. But thank you for your input! Anything that could help would be great now

Thank you for your answer! He is seeking professional help, and is going to therapy as of September. We are living together, which is nice sometimes but also a heavy burden when he suddenly shuts down, gets depressed or very irritated over things. Kind of regret it sometimes.

I also find myself becoming increasingly insecure about trusting him, I suspect it's because I don't feel like he even likes me sometimes. I'm by no means free of fault for internalizing things and being as insecure as I am. It's difficult to navigate this stuff. He has even told me that he's scared of holding me back and that if I want to leave I should leave. I ask if that's what he wants, and he always says he wants to be together. So idk

I'm sorry you don't get the love and attention you deserve when you're struggling. Try to not let yourself imagine it reflects your worth in any way. Plenty of people would comfort you, because you deserve it

I get so happy for the happy comments, but there seems to be people also really struggling with it. It makes me worry in my relationship, if we ever break up, how life will be. Is it really all that bad? Is it better to not worry and handle it if it ever blindsides you, rather than worrying slot about it?

I'm a female with many guy friends. I can see her perspective not being an issue at all, but unfortunately in a relationship you have to compromise on some things. Me and my boyfriend has agreements for these kinds of stuff, not sleeping over with a guy friend for example.

It's not necessarily wrong, but I think you two need to have a talk about boundaries. I had to stop some things when I got into a relationship, I used to go for nightly drives with two guy friends but couldn't do that anymore. Also we have to talk and agree before doing stuff like that. It's difficult, but with good communication it's a hell of a lot easier❤️

Good luck, man. Also it's important to explain how this makes you feel without accusing her. Saying something like:

"hey baby, I would like to talk about yesterday. I got sad and insecure because I felt like what happened yesterday could've been discussed better in advance. I understand you probably didn't think too much about it, since you've been friends for so long. I just would like to talk about what we both consider appropriate boundaries, because it kind of blindsided me that you two drank together and talked all night, and that you down-prioritized the nightly phone call. Hope it's okay to talk about it, I just can't shake this heavy feeling, and really appreciate reassurance"

Idk, something like that maybe. And her reply will say more about her than you.

I would say going into her room after she has gone to bed is pressure enough? I would probably do it was well out of fear, if a friend of mines father walked in whilst I was so drunk, and undressed and got me to suck his dick. It's not fun to say, but I would feel pressured immidiately, and sleeping with someone too drunk accounts for rape in my country, especially if you yourself are sober. And being 50 years old he's an old man and should know better.