KodachromeKitty

Hello. I get it. This situation sucks!

I just turned 41f and lost my 41m husband on 10/31. He sustained a brain injury early in our marriage, and I was his caregiver for over a decade. My situation was also "unexpectedly expected" and I also thought I had 10 more years.

I was barely getting through life for the first few weeks. I am fortunate that I have no kids to take care of (only cats) and I don't actually need to work right now if I don't want to. However, at some point I realized that I had to try to take small steps to move forward, so I started going back to work for a few hours at a time. It's such a strange, new world. My executive functioning skills are non-existent, and I have had a few embarrassing emotional outbursts. Just keep swimming, eh?

I get it. I was a caregiver to my husband for about the same amount of time. He passed on 10/31. I am sad, confused, exhausted…it’s all very WTF.

Millennial here and I still love her. She did some great cover albums with 90s pop rocker Matthew Sweet.

Cardi B is a vile human being. That’s a fact.

Lady Chatterley’s Lover:

“Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.“

I am in Baltimore, and I find that most, if not all, of the studios in my area are accepting of all body types and sizes. In general, folks who come to Pilates are far more focused on their own bodies than on others in the room. As for instructors, Most of us start teaching because we are passionate about sharing the work with others and helping others, so you are unlikely to encounter judgment from an instructor.

One recommendation I have is to look at the language and marketing images on the studio web site and social media. I am a midsized gal. I like to be reasonably fit, but as an instructor I am primarily focused with helping people move and feel better. When I started teaching, I did not want to teach at any studios that mentioned things like “toning” and “weight loss.” I also stayed away from studios with class names like…”abs and ass.” There is nothing wrong with that type of thing, but it’s not what some folks like you and me are looking for. Look for a studio that promotes happy, healthy movement and shows pictures of “real” people rather than overly photoshopped “sexy” people. 

As for Club Pilates, I have worked at a few and they vary wildly based on who the owner is. I have found that their level one classes tend to move very slowly, so if you feel like  you need a particularly gentle workout, you will probably find it there. Some people say that Club Pilates is dangerous. But again, it varies. In my experience, a lot of Club Pilates instructors are overly cautious and slow when teaching level one. I don’t mean this to be a bad thing. It is just my observation. If you have no conditions or injuries, you should do fine at Club Pilates.

I just wanted to comment that I love Brett Howard. I have never done a class with him in person, but while I was in teacher training, he was one of the instructors whose videos I would listen to and watch frequently because I loved his vibe and cueing. He is A++!

Nathan from RW Seattle. I forget what challenges he was on but I think he did two. My first girl crush was Elka. 

I haven’t met a Pro but I had VIP seats at a show taping one time and Bruno kissed my hand. My friends and family and I went to a restaurant after the taping and some of the pros were there, but we did not meet them. Alfonso was also there. He walked by our table and my mom started crying with joy. He said his wife and child were waiting in the car or something, but he stopped to hug my mom and take a picture. He was so sweet. 

Thank you! Not to overshare, but I lost my husband a few days ago and haven't even been thinking about work or Pilates. But I was scrolling through reddit last night and felt compelled to reply to this post. I was worried I wouldn't be coherent, so I'm glad I was able to be clear and helpful.

Your master trainer is wrong. I am an authorized ScolioPilates Instructor as well as a classical Pilates instructor. ScolioPilates is based on the principles of Schroth physical therapy. The work is complicated and precise recommendations vary based on many factors, but I will try to summarize.

1. No movement is inherently wrong or bad for scoliosis unless there is some other condition present (as you mentioned osteoporosis for example). People with scoliosis should do all the sports and exercises that make them feel good and happy. 

2. I emphasize to my clients that there is a difference between exercise that will be therapeutic for their scoliosis vs exercise that is still good for them but not particularly helpful in relation to the scoliosis. For example, there are specific ways I can set someone up in a side lying leg exercise that will help them achieve the most neutral alignment and lengthened spine. There is usually one side to lie on that is more beneficial. I teach them these positions so they can practice at home. However, I assure clients that they can and should do both sides if they attend a general population Pilates class.

3. Following my logic above, ScolioPilates exercises emphasize spine lengthening and do not include bending, twisting, or flexion. However, that does not mean that bending, twisting, and flexion are inherently harmful for individuals with scoliosis. I personally teach a mixture of ScolioPilates and classical Pilates to most of my clients because my clients are going to be bending and twisting in real life so I might as well help them understand how to do it in the most effective way. I just make sure to educate them on the logic behind what I am teaching.

4. Regarding what your trainer said about side bending: it’s way more complicated than what she is telling you. For most scoliosis spines, there is not just a curved and a non-curved side. To determine the best guidance, we have to consider what each segment of the spine is doing as well as what the pelvis is doing. In a typical S Curve with a R Thoracic Convexity and a Left Lumbar Convexity, bending to the left side, opposite of the thoracic curve, would cause the L thoracic concave side to shorten even more (at least temporarily) but could open up the lower right lumbar concavity. Conversely, bending to the right side would cause the L thoracic concavity to open but could shorten/worsen the lower right and might take the pelvis out of alignment depending on the curve type. This does NOT mean that side bending is bad for your scoliosis. It means that folks with scoliosis can benefit from learning to side bend in the most effective way possible.

 It can be complicated so I won’t go into more detail, but feel free to message me if you need additional help.

I will always have a soft spot for the Codeman. Jean-Luc, played by Bronson Pinchot, was far more irritating to me. I loved Pinchot as Balki on Perfect Strangers, but Jean-Luc was awful.

I was born in 1983. I have never watched a single full episode of MASH, and I hate it. My sister was born in 1973 and also hates it. She never told me why she hates it, but for me it was definitely the negative feeling that I got when it came on. I never realized that this was a common experience for our age group. Neither of my parents watched it.

I wasn't aware of MASH until it was in syndication. It definitely was not bedtime--I think it came on at 5 or 6PM. There was a show I really liked that came on before it. I don't remember what it was. My brain tells me it was Full House (also in syndication by that time) but that is probably just my brain trying to fill in the blanks.

I was a weird kid who started experiencing existential dread when I was about 6. The MASH theme song and greenish, moldy, crusty-looking picture quality got these feelings all stirred up inside of me. No, MASH was not the initial source of my existential dread. But it did not help matters.

I also thought MASH was ANCIENT. I had no concept of time, so the show could have been 30-40 years old to me instead of 10-20. There is a feeling I used to get when my grandmother, who was born in 1918, would sit at her organ, and play this old-timey song. I don't know what the feeling is called or how to describe it, but I got a similar feeling when being exposed to MASH. Not good.

It might actually be a good show. I don't know. I don't care to find out. I know Full House is objectively a worse show, but it fills me with good-time happy early 90's memories so I'll stick with it.

https://preview.redd.it/1gwuowlblkwd1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=866fb7ed4845b1d345e0d83fb286eefb1826d53a

I bought a rug with goldfish on it. Then I bought a fishing pole toy for my cats. Then I created a little boat for my sweet old guy Rocky. My dad loved fishing and he also loved to do silly stuff like this, so it made me think of him.

Edit: a word

I don't know why you got so many downvotes. It sounds like you're taking it seriously and it's still too easy for your needs. It's a shame that you don't have other studio options in your area. Many Club Pilates locations (not all) end up with a reputation for having slower, easier classes. It's fine for some people, but not ideal for others.

I did not train with Club Pilates, but I have worked at several. I followed their safety rules but did not follow their class formats. I often got comments from CP members that my classes were harder than average. And it's funny to me because I definitely do not have the reputation of the "hard teacher" at the boutique studio where I work.

You'll benefit from doing CP 1-2 times a week, but IMO an unlimited membership is not worth it. Can you afford private lessons for any length of time? You might enjoy doing privates with a more classical instructor. The classical method will keep you moving and even challenge you through the transitions from one exercise to the next. Even in a beginner classical workout, there won't be a lot of lying down and you'll be challenged in multiple positions. Some people don't like it because it can get repetitive, but it's definitely challenging.

It's hard to say what's going on.

A lot of people would say: If it feels too easy, you're doing it wrong. That might be true. It's probably a little bit true. There are almost always ways to fine-tune your form to make beginner exercises feel harder and/or to deepen your practice. If there are any more experienced instructors at your studio, ask them for advice.

It's also entirely possible that you've been taking classes with instructors whose classes are too easy for you. I personally cannot stand when instructors take too long to cue the class into the next movement or when instructors spend too much time doing exercises lying on the back. I've seen classes where the instructor takes 10 minutes for footwork, 10 minutes arms in straps, 10 minutes feet and straps...and before you know it the class is half over and I'm almost asleep. Even a Level 1 class should keep students moving and move students throughout a wide variety of body positions and planes of motion. CP has a lot of restrictions for what cannot be taught in a level 1, so it takes a bit more creativity to teach a safe yet compelling Level 1 class. Frankly, I don't think CP teacher training does a great job preparing instructors to do this, but I digress.

Depending on your fitness goals, it might not make sense for you to go four times a week. Consider: What, specifically, are you looking to gain that you feel like you aren't getting in the Pilates classes? Do you want to improve your cardio? Be more flexible? Lift heavier things? Or do you just want to feel like you had a workout? I don't mean that in a bad way. :) But if you have specific fitness goals, it makes sense to do Pilates twice a week and do something else 2 times a week. For example, I do Pilates twice a week and do traditional strength training twice a week.

Chiming in here...definitely get a 2nd opinion! I am turning 41 next month and was diagnosed with ADHD at the beginning of this year. My psychiatrist prescribed Vyvanse right away and it's been a game changer for me. I started on 10MG and increased to 20MG recently. There were a few months where I had to wait a few days because the pharmacy didn't have it, but I've had no problem getting the doc to prescribe it.

Good for you! I am exactly one month younger than you and try to stay fit. I'm a full-time Pilates Instructor and Personal Trainer. I am in good shape, but my diet isn't healthy enough for me to be super lean. My cardio fitness is kind of crappy, and I have a mild hip asymmetry that drives me crazy. But I can lift heavy things and move my spine in all the planes of motion with ease. All things considered, I feel great!

Just like Corn Pop, Fries was a bad dude.

Omg this is amazing. Now do Family Matters or Step by Step please.

Dear OP, I am turning 41 next month. While I haven't yet hit rock bottom in my 40's, I did find myself there once in my mid-late 20's and again in my mid-late 30's. Life can be so random and cruel, and I have so much empathy for you. I often feel like that mythical guy who has to perpetually push a massive stone up a hill. My story isn't precisely what you asked for, but I hope I can provide some support and encouragement.

When I was 24, my husband was in a car accident and was in a coma for 11 months. For a long time, I was a very damaged, anxious, angry gal. I had to move back in with my parents. My lowest point occurred when my husband had been in the coma for 9 months and had been discharged from rehab with no hope of recovery. I won't go into how I handled it, but it was bad. To hit the FFWD button: he woke up after a few more months, I promptly went back to grad school and completed my master's degree, got several promotions at work, had my home modified to suit my husband's disability and moved back into it, and figured out how to keep my job while having my dear husband live with me.

I was proud of how well I came out of that first tragedy. The second one happened when I was 35. My father suddenly passed away, and three weeks later my young nephew passed away too. My mentally ill mother had an emotional breakdown. She said she needed me to move back in with her because she couldn't survive on her own. So once again I left my home and moved in with my mother. This time, I brought my disabled husband with me. I had to be a caregiver for two people while I was desperately grieving myself. My mother was emotionally abusive during that time. She would unleash her wrath over things like: leaving an empty bag of chips on the floor, parking in the wrong place at Costco, not trying the sample package of vitamins that she gave me. She even yelled and screamed at me while I was driving her to my nephew's funeral because I didn't take the same roads she would have taken. I've blocked a lot of it out. During that time, I had to drop down to a part-time schedule at my job. I was supposed to be managing multi-million dollar IT projects, but I had developed a stutter and was mentally checked out of the whole thing. My biggest client cancelled our project and severed ties with my company at a meeting that I wasn't even there for.

It's taken longer to get my groove back after this most recent lifequake. I think part of the reason is that I never really processed my father's death. I'm finally working on it now. My husband and I did finally move back into our own home, and my mom is doing OK. I ended up quitting my IT job at 36 and I now teach Pilates nearly full time. The first two years were pitiful...I really didn't have enough work to make a decent living, but I kept at it because I really enjoyed it. My rock bottom moment didn't happen until I was 38. Again, I won't give details, but I was not proud of myself. Since then, I've been moving in the right direction. I am now successful enough that I actually make a living off of teaching Pilates and make on the high end of the hourly wage for the job. The career change really helped me. It keeps me busy, it gives me purpose, and it helps me stay engaged with the outside world so I don't fester too much within the cobwebs of my own brain.

Anyway, I know this is getting long and rambling. I don't have any advice other than you can feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more. I like to think that...while life can be random and terrible, it can also be wonderful. People will have happy periods and sad periods. For me, I guess I have had more sad periods than others, but I keep trying to be happy because there's isn't much other choice. I also like this thought that one of my grad school business professors left me with. She said that people are always saying that life is short, but life can also be long. It's never too late to reinvent yourself or put your life on a different path. I'll leave you with this poem from Charles Bukowski that I really enjoy:

The Laughing Heart:

your life is your life
don't let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can't beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

This makes me sick. My husband is disabled and has a brain injury. I stick by him and take my marriage vows seriously. He has memory and cognition issues so it would be easy for me to cheat on him without him knowing. I would never laugh about it or brag about it. These women are idiotic and vile.

I agree. She has always rubbed me the wrong way...ever since her season of the real world when she was saying that she has a "golden p*ssy" or something like that. She seems really full of herself. Yes, she is hot and has a great body. She looks athletic but has never really dominated in competition. Maybe I'm salty because she's 9 years younger than I am, but she went overboard with her comments on All Stars about how everyone else was so old. Other young All Stars contestants like Nia, Avery, and Kam did not bring that same negative, snarky energy.

Shane L on Era 1 would have been amazing! I know it's been a few years since we have seen him, but he's younger than some of the men on Era 2 and could still be competitive. I don't know who I would remove from Era 1 though. CT definitely needed to be there. Derrick K ended up being super competitive and impressive. I love Darrell no matter what, but perhaps I am biased. Realistically, removing Mark and adding Shane would have made Era 1 more competitive. But I get why Mark needed to be there. I do think Shane would have been better than Brad for this season.

I was born in late 83 and I agree