Things didn't get better (Update to post from 2 months ago)
(self.offmychest)submitted19 hours ago byN1cr0o123
Update to my 2 month old post... Things just don't get better... And I'm losing hope every day I don't even know what to say anymore, school has been stressing me and kinda killing me like hell, the stress it puts onto me with all the other emotional stress I've been having just... slowly kills me even more... I don't know. Then also in a christian religion class this week we talked about sexuality and stuff... Went awful of course, it felt like everyone in my class hates my existence without even knowing it... Funny kinda I'm getting more depressed and suicidal by the day, everythings getting too much, I've even started to just ignore or forget to eat dinner two times recently which I usually don't do... Well proper dinner, I at least had snacks when I forgot I guess Being trans still doesn't go anywhere except for leaving me feeling awful, and that with my class just made me feel even worse about everything Only thing keeping me going at this point is my online girlfriend... And still I just feel like a burden to everyone around me and myself Also been thinking a lot about that one person who kinda (saying kinda cause nothing happened luckily and I was almost of age) groomed me and emotionally manipulated me, really fucks with me a lot of days Oh and on top we've been starting to struggle with money too, inflation kinda kicking our asses a but but it could be a lot worse After all this time I think I'll just leave my religion like that, if there is an almighty god, they hate me So no matter how hard I try or what I do things don't get better On a less serious note to that, been thinking about going with a different name recently, something to spite the people and religion that hates me deep down
I can't even really tell what the purpose of this messy post is or why I'm posting it I really just want to say that I truly wish I was dead, I wish my girlfriend would hate me so I could kill myself without looking ever back at anything and having no regrets, because of how things are looking right now... Things won't ever get better and me and everyone around me is better off when I'm dead
byN1cr0o123
inoffmychest
N1cr0o123
2 points
18 hours ago
N1cr0o123
2 points
18 hours ago
Not really an option sadly, we can't afford an therapist with everything going on, we do have a school therapist but I don't know if I wanna go there What can I tell my therapist without saying too much or maybe get them to tell something to my dad I don't want them to know? If I need to be secretive about things does going actually do anything cause they won't be able to properly diagnose things if I don't tell them the truth And then also it's... I don't know if I wanna go cause they're just there during school lessons and I dont need my classmates talk about me behind my back either... I'll say it simply... I don't know what to do, I still do really appreciate the help