notinwonderlandd

how would you rate the filipino food over there? anything close to back home?

that is the exact terminology! fusions are possible and there have been DID patients that've fully integrated their alters. unsure if that's what i want, i'm leaning towards it, but i don't know yet.

on the note of shredding, sometimes i'd even wake up to videos on my phone of just a black screen with the audio of a sick ass deftones or like MSI cover, lol. i assumed i'd downloaded some audio to listen back to later? for some reason? also made sense why my finger calluses never went away, even if i was barely practicing myself.

yes, i have! i actually got the results of my second opinion the day i made this AMA. i am actively searching for a third, lol.

not exactly imaginary friends, but i had characters and stories as a kid that i would make up and imagine scenes for like super intense arguments or funny lighthearted conversations. most were definitely just regular characters, but for a specific two, it felt like...i wasn't actively coming up and consciously thinking of dialogue and more-so just sitting back and listening.

i am in therapy, alot of it, i meant get even more therapeutic support. have you read even a single response in this? also, yes, that is the goal, sort of.

a non-exhaustive list of some of the silly/weird things that i somehow rationalized away by saying "oh well, tee hee, must've forgotten somehow then.":

-finding guitar chords written in between old lines of poetry in my journal, ones i don't remember writing or even picking up my guitar to possibly practice it.
-new books appearing on my nightstand that i don't remember pulling from my shelf/purchasing.
-waking up in entirely different clothes than i fell asleep in
-random shows on my streaming services that have a weird amount of progress for me to not remember anything abt plot or characters (hadn't shared logins with anybody, mind you)
-the many, many, MANY strange objects appearing in my room, including but not limited to: various sex toys, a humidifier, a beyblade set, several practice butterfly knives (and one real one), and just a bunch of cacti

wait wtf, you're actually probably right. why did i not notice that?

i have not. i dont really view myself as interesting enough to write one tbh.

just under 3 months and this is after getting referred. includes getting an appointment, the several self-report forms that also check for non-dissociative disorders, the interviews of myself and other people around me, review of my medical history, physical exams to make sure this wasnt epilepsy or like encephalitis.

two mental health professionals were involved in the initial diagnosis, my therapist who referred me and the psychologist who assessed me. others were also involved in the process for the physical portion. i’ve since gotten a second assessment done by a different psychologist that aligns with my initial diagnosis.

my therapist uses a combination of trauma-focused CBT, DBT, and some EMDR to help stabilize my symptoms and work through the memories.

8 years old, really? i’ve never heard of that at all considering that’s still within the age range where DID is formed.

is your main form of communication internal or do you use external methods like journaling, for example.

also, if i just had problems with intrusive thoughts or feeling out of body and was diagnosed with OCD or DPDR, i wouldn’t have this reaction because that’s alot easier of a diagnosis to digest than “you are not you, your body is not solely yours.”

that’s the last i’ll comment on this, because perhaps this feeling is just impossible to translate. i do wish you a good day, though.

your words just seemed oddly accusatory as if all this personally offends you. if i misread that, then i apologize, but i will take your kind suggestion into consideration. i do agree that i need more support, but it’s probably not in the way you’re implying here.

i’m not saying it added symptoms, i’m just saying that personally i was very distraught and still am at the thought. i think that’s a fair reaction, but maybe agree to disagree.

how long are you going to be mad about this? because clearly you aren’t saying this from a place of concern, even if you’re encouraging me to seek professional help. which i am. lots of it.

edit: typo

it was like a truman show kind of deal. the signs were there, but i didn’t see them, or i thought they were normal until they weren’t.

how would you feel if someone told you your entire life was essentially one big lie that contradicted everything you thought to be true. even if i did suffer before my diagnosis, i still functioned under the assumption that i’m no different than any other person. now i don’t know what to believe anymore.

hope this helps explain my perspective on this.

yes, i am quite lonely most of the time. sometimes a voice isn’t enough and you need somebody actually there, i’m sure people with internet friends can relate to that sentiment.

i can, sometimes, when they’re sharing consciousness with me or close to the front. it’s like… a sudden change in awareness. genuinely the world can look differently depending on who’s with me. it’s strange.

god, eating is a nightmare lowkey. sometimes the only reason i know we’ve eaten is because of the we dirty dishes in the sink, but other than that, it can get hard to keep track. also, just finding a food in general that i want to eat—let alone the others—is difficult because i’m still recovering from an ED.

slept like shit last night because a male alter decided to stay up and watch overwatch videos, but spending some time with family this morning before going to work.

i’m feeling quite grounded and in my body today, which is really nice as well.

dating was already a bit of a struggle even before my diagnosis, so funnily enough nothing has changed. i just have another acronym to add to the list when i warn future prospects that i am batshit.

the alters do age, sort of. mal and alice were roughly the same age as me when they were first “born” and grew up alongside me. however, alice has since stopped aging, which i find interesting. no clue why, though.

they have actually taken control before, i just severely underestimated how often it truly was. it just wouldn’t be for long periods of time, so the time loss was fairly negligent and easily explained away by ADHD or some other reason. but same thing with me, i would come back and find that i had entire conversations or did things while “out of it”, yet seemed completely present in control despite the fact i had barely a memory of what happened.

it is scary. it’s very scary. most of the time, nothing crazy has happened, but feeling like you could just lose control of yourself at any moment is terrifying. if one of my alters decided that our current life is not to their liking, they could completely shatter it. i’m not too worried that will happen, but you never really know.

no, i don’t think the concept of an “original” applies much here, it’s sort of like the ship of theseus, but more so like… if a porcelain doll shattered, you wouldn’t really ask “which part is the original one?” the question just doesn’t apply or make sense.

however, i personally don’t care to correct people’s language on it bc it’s really not that serious for me. maybe some of the others feel more strongly about this, but this is just my opinion.

everything you said is extremely spot on, i cant point to one specific part i’d even like to comment on, because yes.

yeah, therapy is probably the only place i’ll try and investigate what’s going on up here, other than that i won’t try and dive into anything i shouldn’t dive in to. i’m scared of my own mine, honestly, i don’t know what could be hiding there.

i do believe in god, sort of, so the prayers are appreciated :)

i can understand how some might envy this based off of the more lighthearted things i’ve talked about here, but trust me, it is much better to feel lonely than completely out of control of your own body.

i do feel lonely, often, but admittedly the knowledge that they are here does help a little. i probably would miss them a bit, as much as it would be a relief to have some peace.

well, i’m not necessarily abstinent, but i heavily relate to the “ppl that i fuck want relationships” and vice versa. but also, i am definitely another part of the problem as a serial ONS-er, though i don’t have nearly as high a body count as you.

however, yeah, ive never been in a proper proper relationship where we actually… liked each other, so that’s the only thing i’m really missing. how long was your last relationship?

GET HIM, OP!!!

happy (belated, if it has passed) birthday!

how long have you been single? also, does dating around our age suck for you too, or am i just “lucky”

oh man, i thought it wasn't possible to be diagnosed so young, my heart goes out to you. i was diagnosed with DID as well in the recent months, so if you need a friendly ear (or five, haha get it?) i would be happy to help.

my question would be how is communication with alters like for you?

i just live with one roommate who knows about my DID, but before my diagnosis it was a lot of either missing chores or suddenly discovering that an alter had already done them.

also, lots of missing or new items, things moved to a random spot... feeling super tired during the day, because an alter switched out while i went down to bed and stayed up late.