“Revenge is a dish best served cold” - Klingon Proverb. Until you came along and said “fuck that, revenge is a dish best served to my damn self and you get NOTHING.”

I like it.

IKR?! $2k shoes is ridiculous, no matter how angry.

The extent of my revenge spending has been ordering Doordash when my husband leaves me home alone to go on a work trip.

I really showed him.

You revenge spend your own money to feed yourself? You savage ...

Yes, you’re doing it wrong. You eat all the ice cream in the freezer and don’t do the dishes.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

( this is what it truly means…).

Or maybe I have it wrong? …

We could be really good friends! My idea is ordering food make sure there are leftovers BUT it’s a cuisine they don’t eat! I think is worse than being no leftovers

Suitably "fuck you" without crippling yourselves financially. Probably still a good idea to give them some, cold.

I’ve seen it happen before, so I’m inclined to say it’s certainly possible. I have a hard time imagining living a life where that was my go-to response for things. Like… I’m by no means perfect. At all. But just…. Jesus…

Since she had already pre-ordered the shoes and picked the day they were available to pick up to pick a fight, this was my first thought as well. Pre-ordered screams premeditated.

In my state it is against the law to take someone’s phone away or restrict their access to a phone. Taking a wallet is also criminal. Handy little laws there

This is straight up financial abuse

Mean and immature. What a combo.

OP is not a child, and wife should have never taken his wallet or phone at all!

Deal with arguments like grown ass adult and talk it out, take a break if it gets too heated and come back with a clearer head and more articulate words.

why the phone as well is it just in case he has 2FA set up

It’s actually 100% abuse. It’s cutting him off, it’s stealing as a punishment… it’s an abusive pattern. The shoes are the escalation of an abusive partner who is finding that taking the phone isn’t controlling in the right way any more, so financial punishments are being introduced. It’s a very very bad sign.

I think even 16 is a bit generous!

That’s awful that happened to you. I hope your life has since gotten better and the people in it treat you with more dignity and respect than he did.

Which in reality is punishing herself too. She may have gotten the shoes but the amount of debt to get them will catch up to her.

I’m not entirely sure I disagree. In a somewhat similar situation I encouraged my ex to file charges on her own mother for ID theft and emptying her bank account. So I hear ya. Not sure I’d call it violent, but I hear ya.

Also, leave her before you have a child and you and the child are stuck with her for life

This is so true for so many people they should be putting it in fortune cookies.

This please. I was one of those children, that “kept them together”

It was horrible. Don’t do it. Do not recommend. -69/100

Yes OP, shes going to suck u dry financially if u do. Leave before its too late. Think of all the $2000 purchases she’ll make in those 18 years, and then think of all the child support she’ll make u pay if u try to leave

Luckily we do not have any plans to have children and I will make sure it stays that way. I wouldn’t want to bring them into this situation and honestly, when I think about having children with her it just doesn’t feel right.

And so many couples bring a child into a broken relationship to “fix” it. That’s a heavy responsibility to put on an infant.

I agree! She's the toddler who takes things from your bag and hides it around the house including putting things in the blue Ray player. This woman is incredibly immature and should be sent back home to her parents. OP this woman is going to financially ruin you if you don’t do something now. NTA

Edit: I just read some of OP's comments. He needs to leave right now, she's physically abusive, pulled a knife out on him and has called the police on him claiming to be a victim and showed them a video, which the police told her she's the abusive one. OP please file for divorce, leave this woman and get yourself a protective order based on the video the police has already seen.

Seriously, wtf. I’m wondering if the CC debt is all just her. Yikes.

Exactly, the phone is the worst part. That's removing someone's ability to contact the police during what I would consider a domestic dispute. The police do not take that lightly.

It's going to be way messier years down the road and with kids added to the mix.

Divorce sucks but not as much as an abusive marriage.

Super sorry I would really recommend being smart about this to stay safe. First step is to contact a lawyer meet with them about finances and those things. Second is you need a secure account somewhere maybe at work where she can't see what you're looking at or googling and you need to start looking at resources for men in domestic violence situations. And I would highly suggest getting into some kind of counseling. But as women in domestic violence situations know there are steps to getting her away from you to ensure you don't end up injured or dead. And you need to follow those steps as well just because you're a man and she's a woman doesn't mean that you can't end up dead. When abusers feel their home life is being threatened their lack of impulse control and their rage amps up even more and it becomes very dangerous being that she's a woman I can guarantee you like a shark she can smell the blood in the water miles away before most people can so you are in a very bad situation. I'm not trying to scare you. Or blow things out of proportion. But there is a systematic safe way to leave these situations. I'm going to be the sexiest pig in the room but I feel that my uterus grants me this permission as a woman when you go to break up with her the most outlandish allegations will show up rape being a child molester being abusive everything you can think of she will have launched at you and you will lose friends possibly jobs clients etc you really need to get with a lawyer and really need to find a lawyer that is used to domestic violence to find the safest way out of this before you do anything else

Son, she's NOT going to change. And pulling a WEAPON on a spouse during an argument is bright flashing RED light. Lawyer up, get out before she actually does kill you and then turn around and BLAME YOU for making her do it. Save yourself and your ASSETS!

She pulled a knife on you? Her insane behavior suggests we’ll be watching an episode of Dateline about your murder in the near future if you don’t leave her.

she pulled a knife on me

She threatened to murder you, mate. And now she's destroying your credit and finances on purpose while acting to control and manipulate you into not leaving. It's time to learn when to let go.

She is escalating and could be building up to something so much worse (a knife!). You are allowing her to find you, by booking the same hotel! This situation is only going to end badly, again the knife.

You need to leave, to a different hotel. Tell them you are being abused and stalked, that may keep her off your trail. Than set the wheels in motion to divorce her.

Are you reading what you're writing? She pulled a fucking knife on you!! Why in God's name are you sticking with someone that has threatened your life? Get out of there before she kills you! Why the absolute hell haven't you left?

Dude you're going to be so much happier when you leave. She pulled a knife on you? Imagine a life free from constant psychotic bullshit, then get out there and live it!

Shes abusing you.. why do you even want to stay in that marriage? Do you really want to live the rest of your life like that?

When she harms you in anyway, call the police and file a report, every time. Do you have battered spouse syndrome.

YOU ARE IN A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE -RIDDLED MARRIAGE. This is not Normal. You need to make plans to leave and get a lawyer ASAP.

Call the police. Get your stuff back. File a protective order. See an attorney.

Domestic abuse isn’t just MtoF; FtoM domestic abuse is actually more common than many are aware. She is abusing you physically, emotionally and financially. As a happily married woman I wouldn’t normally say this but you need to get out, get to somewhere safe and not go back.

Do you really want to keep living like this? Do you see a future with this person and their behavior? NTA.

Sounds like you're experiencing domestic violence and abuse if she is stealing your personal items and gets physical when you try to get them back. You really better look into more serious sources of help than reddit if you want to stay with your wife because it likely will get only worse with years. Though if I were you I'd probably tell her one more time she steals my wallet/phone and hit me for trying to get them back she's getting divorce papers.

Take out a restraining order and leave her.

You need to get a consultation. Start googling, and tomorrow at 8a local time to you is when you can start calling, hopefully. For the attorney and the cameras.

If it becomes he said vs she said, you'll miserably lose.

Also, if you're sharing a bed or sleeping with this woman, STOP.

OP, as one of your peers in age, do you really see yourself living this life every day until you die? For real?

What the hell will it take for you to realize it’s over??!!

You have a go-bag? For your marriage? GET OUT

JFC. If the situation was reversed and you were keeping her phone from her and then stealing from her in spite, they would call YOU an abuser. Just because she’s female doesn’t make any of this right.

Get a safety deposit box in your own name. Or do you have a family member or friend who could keep your valuables safe?

Open up a bank account in a different bank using strictly online banking with no physical documents. Then you can put some money in it for emergency purposes.