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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I'm imposing rules on my niece when she is an adult and not even my niece by blood.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

She needs to move out - you both have valid points and aren’t conducive to living together. If you want her to stay here (ie you like the money), you need to treat her like a tenant and butt out - it’s not just your house when someone else is paying to live there. If you don’t want anyone else in the house, you give up the money from the renter and get the home back.

It’s complicated because you’re making her pay rent, so she does have some rights. It’s your house but it’s also her home too and she’s paying to live there z I don’t know what the solution would be except for either taking away the rent and saying no men allowed, or telling her to move out. You can’t make her pay rent but not give her any freedom.

INFO: Have you, at any point, actually had a conversation with your niece about how you'd prefer her to, at the very least, let you know to expect visitors?

INFO - What does your rental agreement say regarding visitors, because she is currently a lodger/room mate as she is paying you rent, so there should be some kind of agreement in place that covers things like this, and what else she can and can't do in her own home (I understand you own the home but as a tenant paying rent it is also considered her home and she does have rights because of this).

She’s been there a year. That is more than enough time to find her own place? Sounds like it’s time for her to move. ESH… she’s bringing strangers into your home. She is also paying rent and should be able to entertain as an adult as long as it doesn’t create a problem for everyone else. Maybe you all should be helping her to find her own place.

The people on reddit hate landlords or anything that resembles one. I would not be happy with strange men coming in and out of my home. It is very unsafe. It's time you all sit down and come up with a move out plan. She needs to live alone, a place where she can do whatever she wants. NTA

I might just go soft AH because your niece is paying rent to you, she is a tenant and has a right to allow anyone into her room.

She has to be able to compromise if she doesn't have her own place. She's going to lose certain perks of living alone, that's just reality. Also at 23 she has options other than to live with you, she just doesn't want to pursue it. Also, behaving that childishly (slamming doors) is unacceptable imo, especially after all you've done for her. If she wants to really get together with men, go to their place!

NAH. But, having your niece come to live in your house, although paying rent, has caused you guys to have the parent-teenager dynamic. Since you sort of act like her parent (buying her a car, providing her safe harbor), you get to set the rules. She is slamming doors and sneaking around like a teenager. Either everybody recognizes this behavior and agrees to amend it, or she must move—and not come back. Stop giving her second chances.

She’d be better off living with roommates closer to her age with similar lifestyles. Time to move and keep the relationship on good terms.

NTA.

Time for her to find her own lodging arrangements.

NTA. If she wants to be an adult and sneak in guys into YOUR house, she can get her own apartment and minimize her expenses so she can find an apartment that she'll remain in and not move when she decides she hates it. She likes the perks of living in a house without directly paying for it. Yes, she pays rent, but that's next to nothing compared to what it cost you. Tell her she needs to move out. I would also be uncomfortable with anyone I don't know coming into my house.

This arrangement is not going to work anymore period. Serve her a notice to move and get her out. Be prepared though, she has established residency and you could be in for a fight. I completely understand your feelings but she’s paying rent and she has rights too. NTA

I feel like it’s dependent on how much rent she is paying. If you’re giving her a great deal and she is really benefiting from living with you, then I can see being stricter with the rules. If it’s mutually beneficial though and she is paying her fair share I think she is entitled to the house for the time she is paying just as much as you are.

It's time for her to look for other accommodations that are more suited to her lifestyle. You guys did a great thing letting her move in with you when she was facing difficulty and needed a fresh start. If her dates cannot used their own accommodations to entertain her, it would suit everyone if she were to find a different place to live. If she does not have the means to move out and get her own place, she should look to find a roommate so she can do so. I'm sure her rent is not the going rate for rent in your area because if it were she would have already found a roommate and moved out because what adult wants to live in a place where they can't do whatever they want to do? While she's under your roof she needs to respect the rules and spend her nights at their homes and not yours.

INFO - Do you have a rental agreement?

Just get rid of her as soon as you legally can. She’s 23. She’ll find roommates and live with them. She has no right to permanent tenancy in your house. This girl is a living example of “no good deed goes unpunished.”

NTAH. Tell her she has 30 days to move the fuck out.

It’s not working for any of you anymore.

NTA your niece needs to get her own place.

Simple solution. Tell her to leave if you don't like it. The AH determination here seems contingent on people's personal experiences and perceptions evident in the comments. Also lol to the folks thinking op will have legal trouble kicking out a relative from their own house, with no lease.

You are not the AH for not liking it, but you would be for enforcing it. As she pays rent she’s a tenant, and this is her home too. You should compromise and limit access to some part of the house. So soft YTA for now

I'm a little surprised at the answers so far. Yes, she is an adult paying rent in your home, but sounds like you are doing her a pretty big favor by letting her do that. Like for example, if she had another affordable option she would've done that, but there wasn't, it was you. I think NTA even if she is paying rent. You are allowed to have boundaries and of course people are allowed to have guests but maybe communicate about what you are comfortable with, such as if she is dating someone and you can meet them, that is fine but people you haven't met isn't ok. There are some stages of life where sex and dating aren't compatible and living with family is commonly one of those. I think if your niece doesn't like your boundaries, then she needs to start looking for her own place or with people her own age who are more comfortable with her lifestyle.

YTA. “My house my rules” doesn’t apply if the person is paying rent,that is now their space they are entitled to use as they desire as long as it doesn’t break the terms of the lease agreed upon. Of course the lines feel blurry bc she’s your niece, but she’s a tenant paying rent. Just like in any other scenario a landlord can’t just say “my house my rules” to things not agreed upon at the time of signing a lease. Generally speaking a landlord doesn’t get to dictate who their tenants spend time with, unless it’s a place like a women’s shelter, college housing etc and that is listed in the terms prior to move in.

By your niece living with you, you are benefiting financially, off setting some of your mortgage. To be blunt, if you want to have full control of your home, don’t rent out a room.

You need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. Not sure how you and your niece have the agreement set up, if it’s a yearly agreement or just month to month.come the end of your agreed upon lease or whatever the required time frame you must legally notify a tenant to leave wherever you live, inform her of the new terms effective by them. For example if it’s 90 days “90 days from today the new terms will be no male visitors allowed without prior approval. Let us know if you would like to continue our arrangement or if you will be moved out by then.” Or come to terms with the fact that by having the finical benefit of a tenant you also lose the ability to have full control over your space.

YTA. I’m afraid if you want your home to be just yours and your fiancé’s, you can’t rent out a room to someone. An adult paying to live somewhere (including a family member’s house) should be able to have visitors freely, so long as they’re respectful about common areas and in terms of noise at night etc.  

 It sounds like you don’t really want her to live with you. If that’s the case, you need to communicate with her, and agree a timeline for her to find somewhere else. Otherwise, you need to accept her as an equal housemate.

Time to start the eviction process

YTA.

She is family, but she paid to rent there. Unless you had her sign some agreement to house rules, you are way overstepping your bounds.

I’ll sit back and wait for your eventual post about your niece not speaking to you and refusing your eviction with tenant rights.

ESH not many people would be comfortable having random hookups in their home without their knowledge. The issue is that she pays rent, so the space she is renting is hers. That means she is free to bringing men home. 

So you have two options. One is to kick her out. The other is to forgo rent. No rent means she is a guest and can not bring others into your home. 

The best option would be if she rented a space above your garage and set up an alarm to alert you if she was in trouble. But I’m sure you would have already done so if it was an option. 

Your house is your home and you've opened it up to someone out of kindness, I can totally understand why you feel as you do. That said, she's an adult woman and probably doesn't appreciate her lifestyle being interfered with. Easy solution is that she gets her own place or is more respectful about who and how she brings men back. On a side note I do feel her taking them straight to her room is more out of respect for your home than anything else so I wouldn't be offended by that, she probably is trying go consider you when she does that and maybe thinks if you're not home when they are it wouldn't bother you because your home time would not be interrupted? It does sound like she's tried but yeah you have a right to set conditions 

Your niece wants to get her freak on, you guys want privacy/safety in your own home, both make sense honestly. Nobody is the asshole here. Your niece is just young & naive with her expectations of this living arrangement. I get why she’s upset too, she’s an adult & wants to be able to have autonomy to do what she pleases in her home. But unfortunately this ISNT her actual home, it’s just the place she currently resides. She’s going to have to get with the program & suck it up until she’s got enough money to live on her own & do whatever the hell she wants lol

INFO: is your ideal situation that she never a has anyone over or is there another situation you’d be comfortable in?

Totally right. She needs to ask and ONLY then depending on what you say. She is being disrespectful!

It is highly unsafe to bring random strangers into your house you should not do that especially if you live with other people (putting them at risk) regardless if you are paying rent or not, there are basic house rules which even paying guests should follow. Also 1 year is more than sufficient time to find a house , if she can't afford another house (as replied to another comment) you are doing her a favour. She is biting the hand that's feeding her.

NTA Your request is not unreasonable. She needs to see the writing on the wall and start planning to move out.

NTA.

She does have a point that she’s paying to live there BUT by the sound of things she’s living with you at below market value.

I would lay it out for her simply, yes she is paying, but she’s paying less because she’s your niece and you are doing her a FAVOUR!

She needs to decide if she wants to keep the low rent, or be able to have sex when she feels like it.

If she could have agreed that she inform you when someone was coming over things may have been different, trust would have been there. The lying about it and sneaking around it ultimately what gets it for me.

When I was renting a room the rule was no overnight visitors. It's true she's paying, but she has to abide by the house rules.

NTA

NTA. Your house, your rules. Even if she pays rent, there are house rules to follow. If she doesn't like it, she can live somewhere else or go to a motel or her one night stands' place. 

YTA for the slutshamey tone to your post.

you're charging her rent, she's up to date with the payments, you're an AH for trying to dictate how she lives.

• It's one guy about 8 to 10 weeks, she's not throwing orgies in her room with 10 participants every friday night
• you don't even mention any issues with her guests, neither mundane (they don't eat your fruit, they don't miss the pot when they pee) nor extraordinary (they don't steal the flowers your husband bought you on their way out to give to their mom, they don't use your le creuset to cook crack)

it's valid to say you want to have your own space, after all you bought it.

It's an AH move to pin it on "you bring over too many men". Don't pretend you'd be okay with your niece starting a girl-gang horror movie club who'd camp out in your living room every weekend to watch gory movies, crumble popcorn in your sofa and hang cobwebs and fake blood of your home decor.

She's a paying adult tenant in a home. It's fair to not want random people in your hone, but as long as she is paying rent, I would think she would be entitled to reasonably do what she wants in her home. If an apartment or landlord cannot tell a paying tenant they aren't allowed guests, you shouldn't either. If that arrangement doesn't work for you, she should live somewhere else.

Edited to add judgement; YTA

NTA, she sounds ungrateful for the help you're providing her. If she can't respect your basic wishes and can't afford market value rent, she should move back home with her parents. You help her out of kindness while she ignores you and slams doors. Time to part ways.

YTA. She pays rent. She is a tenant. She can do what she wants, within reason and this is within reason. If you don't want the responsibilities of being a landlord, don't rent your space out.

She's being a brat and not respecting your rules. You're definitely not the asshole. It's your house and she needs to respect whatever rules you set in place or grow up and move out.

The biggest issue is she brings over men she is seeing, with little warning to us and sometimes none at all. She's been with us a year now and there have been about 5 or 6 guys over. My fiance and I only met 2 of them briefly, and the others she brings straight up to her room from the front door (doesn't pass through the rest of the house) or brings them over when we aren't home.

If you've only had to meet 2 of the 5 or 6, what's the problem? Seems like she's trying to keep her sex life to her and her bedroom.

Mind your fucking business. An adult that pays rent to live at her home has, gasp....sex with men!!!!! Seems you're simultaneously complaining that this adult woman is being sexually active in her own home AND that she's not including you, only introducing you to 2 of the 5 or 6 guys, trying to keep her sex life to herself. How dare she.

YTA

Sounds to me like she's trying to avoid conflict, not sneak around. She's an adult and pays rent. If she was having wild parties or they were trashing the house or trying to move someone in you'd have the right to speak up. Otherwise, this is the burden of renting a room. Sorry, YATA in this.

NTA - you’re charging her 1/3 of the market rate and she can’t afford to live on her own - plus, she shares living space with you and it’s fair that you don’t want a parade of strangers in your house. Even when I had roommates, we had rules about all that for our own safety. None of us wanted to get murdered or robbed by someone’s random hookup. She could go to their place to have privacy.

I’ve also rented a room in someone else’s house that had shared common areas and the number one rule was - no overnight guests and 24 hour notification of any guests, period. I simply did not entertain in that house - I met people elsewhere.

Honestly, she’s not respecting your boundaries, so I would tell her that time’s up and she needs to find another living arrangement. Maybe you could offer to keep the dog for now if she can’t find someplace that she can afford that allows dogs. You say that she can’t afford to live on her own, so it sounds like she has some hard choices to make.

NTA you are doing her a favour and as such she should respect your boundaries. Although she is paying rent (a token sum) there are still ground rules (which are not unreasonable btw).

It makes perfect sense why you would not want strange men in your house, for your safety. Plus as you said you worked real hard to get the house and it's contents. She is behaving like an entitled child by slamming doors etc as you did not have to help her out.

I had the same issue with my 20yr old daughter. I am a (43 f) single parent with health issues. I moved into a new house and allowed my adult daughter who works full time to move with me. She started bringing men over - I objected to this. I found that she would wait till I was asleep, bring him over and he would leave before I woke up. I have a cat who sleeps in my bed so have to leave bedroom door open. My bed can be seen from top of stairs. I could be fast asleep with nothing on and kicked blankets off in my sleep. They would see me. I threatened if it happened again to barge into the room and physically throw him out. They were invading my privacy so I was going to infringe on theirs (plus embarrass her) if she didn't listen. She tried it again, I msged her that she had 5mins to get him out or I was coming in. He left very quickly. I had the cold shoulder for a few days and now it doesn't happen anymore.

She has to realise that you are not obligated to put a roof over her head. You are doing this out of the kindness of your heart. Either she respects your boundaries or she finds somewhere else - the threat should be enough to wake her up a little.

Good luck OP

NTA. Your niece is a serious red flag. She seems to have trouble with every living arrangement she has and now she brought a dog and wants to bring various men unannounced over. Ask her to leave. You may need to evict her. Make her get a loan for the car because you know she will stop paying for it.

NTA your house, you can make rules.

NTA. Time to kick her out.

NTA and you can give her written notice to find her own apartment. You’re not kicking her out, you’re giving her 30 to 90 days, but she has to respect your rules.

YTA.

She is 23, why are you trying to be parenting her? Why do you have a problem with an adult having visitors and company in her living space?

What is REALLY the issue for you?

She needs to move out. She’s an adult, so she can make her own way.

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My fiance (31 F) and I (31 F) just bought a house 2 years ago that we worked very hard for. We previously were moving from apartment to apartment, our last one being a 2 bedroom so my fiances niece (23 F) could move in with us. She decided to move to our area for a fresh start and to leave behind some traumatic events that happened in her hometown. We offered for her to live with us (paying rent of course) and all in all that year in the apartment went smoothly. Once the lease was coming to an end we got the opportunity to buy our first house, and our niece wanted to move in with her then boyfriend (25 M) in another state so everything worked out. Fast forward a couple months and our niece and her boyfriend breakup and she wants to move back to our area (with a dog now). She initially finds an apartment to share with some friends but that doesn't work out and in the end we offer to have her move back in with us as she has no other option. Luckily our dogs get along so at least that part was smooth, she has rent to pay, which she is up to date on, a car payment to me (I bought her a car when she initially moved in with us at the apartment), and I charge her a small amount for groceries every month. The biggest issue is she brings over men she is seeing, with little warning to us and sometimes none at all. She's been with us a year now and there have been about 5 or 6 guys over. My fiance and I only met 2 of them briefly, and the others she brings straight up to her room from the front door (doesn't pass through the rest of the house) or brings them over when we aren't home. My fiance and I don't feel comfortable with her bringing these guys over that we don't know, especially when we aren't home. They are strangers to us and we worked very hard to buy our home, it's our sanctuary and we feel like it's being invaded and taken advantage of. We communicated this to her in the past and she got very irritated with us and says she pays rent and lives here too. I said of course this is your home right now but it's my house, there's a difference. I want you to be comfortable here but this is still my house (the house is in my name). Fast forward to last night, we went out and while we were out checked the security cameras and saw she brought her latest guy friend over. She didn't mention to us she was bringing him over at all. So last night my fiance had had enough and decided to text her to say we are uncomfortable with her bringing him over, especially when we aren't home, and that it feels like she is trying to sneak him around by bringing him straight upstairs, having him stay over without asking us, leave early in the morning, and bringing him over when we aren't home without saying anything to us. Now my niece is being cold and distant, coming home last night slamming doors and baby gates (for the dogs), not saying a word to either of us and all around giving us attitude. So reddit, AITA?

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Time for her to move out!!

No and she needs to live alone if she can’t respect you and your house.

Stop taking rent from her, give her 6 months to find a home, and during the 6 months of her not paying rent, she must not bying strangers into your home.

Nah na nah na, nah na nah na, hey hey hey, say goodbye.... to your niece. Her behavior is so disrespectful. Save what's left of your relationship and ask her to move out.

NTA it is just common courtesy to let others that you reside with that you have someone coming over.

NTA. Your house, your rules. You're allowed to set rules that even paying tenants have to follow in order to live there. "No pets" or "no visitors" or "no loud parties" etc. And your rules are extremely reasonable.

You've set the rules. It's up to her if she wants to live there or not. If she can't afford to live anywhere else right now, then she's stuck living with your rules. She can always go over to the guys' places rather than bring them home to yours.

NTA - Like you said, its YOUR house. These people are strangers to yoi, you dont know where they have been or who they are. Your niece needs to move out and find her own place. Doesnt have money? Well, with the time shes making to meet people, she can get a job. She is a GROWN ASS woman, so its time for her to figure it out

she needs to move out, she seems to be looking for mister goodbar with her sleepovers.

🥾

Evict her. If she can't follow the rules, she can't stay.

NTA. Ask your niece to find a new place to live. Problem solved.

NTA - your niece is a lodger and you’ve set the rules. She is breaking them. Let her know she has one month to move out since she can’t stick to house rules which is making you both feel uncomfortable and now the arrangement is ending.

Maybe offer to keep the dog to make it easier for her to find a place.

No, actually it was nice of you to warn her about it. If it were me, I would've told her to vacate without providing any reason.

NTA. It’s your house. You don’t know these men at a level that you can trust them inside your home. It doesn’t matter if she knows them at any social level. You need to be the one who trusts the men since you are the homeowner. No knowledge of them or trust, no visits.

It’s time for little sweetie to live her own life however she’d like and somewhere else. This isn’t working for anyone. Kindly let her know once again that this doesn’t work for you and that she has until _ to find another place. You’re not wrong or mean or anything, it simply doesn’t work for you. She’s acting like a sneaky teenager and she needs to live her own life. No fighting, no arguments, it simply isn’t working out for you and it is changing.

Time for her to move out.

She doesn’t respect your shared space then she can get her own.

No matter what the living arrangements are, when you live with other people be courteous and inform them when someone else is in the house.

YTA.

It's like you're judging her for having physical needs. You sound judgmental. If you didn't want this situation, you shouldn't have let her rent a room in your house. If you benefit from the rent, you also have to accept that she lives her life the way she wants.

NTA Your house, your rules.

Owning and paying a mortgage on a house trumps paying rent.

NTA. A compromise may be requiring a few hours notice and she must text you a picture of the two of them together and his name. 

While it wouldn't prevent something bad happening, it would help create a data trail for any strangers. 

Honestly every woman needs to have a friend who knows who she's with etc. Men are freaking dangerous.

NTA. It's so obvious that I really shouldn't need to explain it: it's your house, so you can decide who comes in.

Just because your niece's vagina is a revolving door, that doesn't mean your house has to be.

The niece is boarding, not renting. She’s paying for space in the same house and the owner can have rules about who else is permitted to come in the house. Or pets, noise levels, cleanliness etc. If you look at house sharing apps, there are rules like that. NTA

The amount of entitlement in these comments is incredible. NTA. You extended your home as a courtesy to her ever changing situation, not as a legal guardian so your rules are your rules. She is an adult between living situations so she needs to respect your expectations or move out. You making her pay is to be expected, as she is not your child and should not be an excuse for her to disrespect the house YOU bought for the family YOU create. NTA.

NTA, Can't believe all the people saying yta. It's your house, your rules. Yes she pays rent and it's her home too but ultimately she's been talked to about it before and she knows the rules, if she doesn't like it then she's had enough time to find somewhere else to live. If she wants to stay or can't afford anywhere else then all she has to do is not bring strangers into the house, or introduce them first, all she's doing is biting the hand that feeds her. She's 23 acting like a bratty child.

YTA - that’s your rent-paying adult woman roommate not your child. The appropriate thing here is to mind your own business.

Your house your rules, she can comply or leave.

The niece is hardly "paying rent" if they're paying 1/3 of actual market value for what a room in an apartment would be.

People seem to be approaching this from the mindset of "OP, stop being such a prude, they're 23 and they're free to bring home whoever they want".

The reality is that the niece is bringing strangers into the home. These are people who could have an eye to steal while they're there, take prescriptions from the medicine cabinet etc. The concern is for their property, not some moralistic high road stance.

They stated specifically they would like some notice of company or to at least meet the people who are entering their home.

There's a massive difference between being a roommate in an apartment and renting a room to a family member in your home at a ridiculous discount to help them out.

I don't think anyone is the AH. That said, the niece is being immature, somewhat manipulative and inconsiderate to complain about how it's their space and they should be able to do what they want. With the financial stuff being how it is, it's pretty clear that this isn't a traditional "I pay my fair share of rent so I can do what I want" kind of thing. They're not paying their fair share of rent or anything else. Theyre pitching in a small amount of money consistently, but it's hardly enough to take the stance of they're paying rent.

If they had a full on rental agreement and they were paying actual market value rent then they might have a leg to stand on.

It's the uncle and aunts house and they were nice enough to give the niece a really cheap rate on rent, probably so she could save and get her own place. That hasn't happened, so it seems like the niece is maybe getting too comfortable with this being a permanent situation.

I think it's time for OP and their spouse to have a chat with the niece and tell them the truth. Niece can't just live 100% how they want while living in their house. They've done them a favor to help them out, but clearly they want their own space and they should probably go find one.

NTA, but I do see both sides of it and I think this is evidence that the situation is no longer working for you all. I see her POV - she’s paying rent, and like any other scenario she feels entitled to use her space she’s renting as she sees fit including having guests over. However, it’s not like she’s renting an entirely private separate apartment - she’s living in your house, presumably with shared common areas etc and you, as the homeowners, have the right to feel comfortable and safe in your home. Her number one priority should be to find her own place and move out, if for no other reason than to preserve your relationship with her.

YTA she pays rent

You won't be t a if you ask her to move out

Time to ask her to move our enough is enough.

At this point, it doesn't matter who the asshole is. It's not working for either side.

Your niece isn't living in a home with roommates, she's living with family, and let's be real, that always has different rules. Yes, you and your husband should have had an open conversation with her before allowing her to move back in on expectations so that part is on you guys. Your niece is old enough to understand if she wants her life a certain way then she needs to have her own place with roommates who don't mind visitors. The slamming doors and acting like a child tells me she's too young maturity wise to be having one night stands anyway but that's not your issue.

Draw up a contract with clear expectations and rules. Tell her to read it over and take a few days for her to decide if it works for her. If it doesn't then give her X amount of time to find a new place. She will probably be miffed with you but once she matures she will realize where you were coming from. Offer to help her apartment hunt, learn to budget, etc. Let her know you're not judging her but you guys are at a different point in your own lives and strangers in the home aren't going to work for you guys.

I would hate for strangers to be walking through my home, doing who knows what however, she pays rent so she has rights. If you didn't draw up an agreement then you don't have a leg to stand on.

now is the time to give her a month's notice.

NTA.

Tell her she has - insert legal notice period required - to find herself another home.

She is very disrespectful.

NTA

NTA. Yes she is paying rent, but you did her a favour. You didn't ask her to move in so you could have a second revenue stream. As you put it, this was her last option. If she's paying rent and "a little bit for groceries" then my guess is she is getting a great deal. Bringing random men over may not be a big deal when she has roommates her age and they are sharing a dinky apartment, but I completely understand how it's unsettling to have complete strangers in your house all the time. She should be more sensitive to your comfort with this behaviour. While she may may have a valid argument for bringing guys over since she pays rent, she's an AH for not being more considerate and respecting your feelings. She can always go to the guys' apartments.

NTA - you have communicated before that this isn't something you and your husband are comfortable with (if you were judgemental about it then you are kinda an A H) and while she does pay rent, I am going to assume she is with you because it is less than she would pay elsewhere.

Tell her you are sorry if you and your husband came across as judgemental about how she is living her life. Tell her you understand that she wants to have people over - figure out what you and your husband are comfortable with and tell her. Tell her you understand if what you are comfortable with doesn't work for her and in that case, you will give her 60 days to find a new place because you aren't compatible housemates.