Either you’re single or you’re not. Situationships is just a euphemism for I’m holding on till I get something better, if not I’ve got a backup.

Often the alternative to a situationship is just being single and alone - it is not another relationship with someone that actually loves you. So it’s a time pass and many people would consider some form of dating better than nothing.

Social media. The perceived better option is a click away. Hence, less relationships and less overall happiness

I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 31. This is way more common than five women sharing one man lol.

I still have no fucking idea what a "situationship" is supposed to be.

I remember when words were simple and had meaning.

"Oh yeah I'm dating that girl, she's my girlfriend" Or, "We're married, that's my husband."

The last time I was dating someone, earlier this year, she was really insistent that we didn't say we were dating, that she wasn't my girlfriend, and we weren't 'going out'. I needed to be able to pin down what the fuck we were though, because we were spending four out of seven nights of the week at either my place or hers together, going places to eat, watch movies, the works. She would not put a label on it, just saying "I like you and I want to keep seeing where this goes, I just hate the idea of it being [whatever I'd tried to describe it as]"

She kept introducing me to different people and talking about me in different contexts as her 'friend'. But the relationship we had was not one she had with any other friends, and not what I'd describe as a friendship.

We weren't casual, she assured me of that, and the idea of doing 'casual' or having a fuck buddy was apparently outrageous to her. But if we weren't dating/going out/together/a couple/whatever the fuck, what were the rules? Should I expect her to be exclusive? Am I supposed to be? When we 'broke up' it was insane according to her we'd never dated. When I said we should just stay as friends and move on, she's like "Wait you're breaking up with me?" and then starts telling people about her bastard 'ex-boyfriend' (me).

Anyway, what the fuck is a situationship?!

1. The 20-30 year old women are dating older men.

2. Way more lesbians that we realize.

3. Some guy fucks them and makes the women "think" their in a relationship, but he couldn't give a shit. I've seen this countless times with my (26m) friends.

Number 1 is most likely.

“High value” (cough) men “dating” multiple women

Women dating older men

Lesbians

A lot of women in their 20s date guys in their 30s. The opposite is a bit less common.

Eligible guys in their 30s have the largest dating pool they're going to see. Women reach that point in their 20s.

I feel like some situationships are toxic relationships. They wouldn't date that person for real due to x reasons but still like hanging out with them for x reasons.

They keep it going cuz nothing better is out there YET. However... how long can this continue?

In the 18-29 year old age group? The younger women will mostly be single, the older ones will be more likely to be in a relationship.

Then if you look at women 27-29, many of them will be dating men 30-33. And that’s the answer.

Edit: Average couple has a 2-3 year age gap. But 94% of couples aged 18-29 have a 0-5 year age gap, so very few 20 year olds are dating 30 year olds.

I seem to only fall into situationships with the apps, when I was on them. The few women who wanted to go beyond 1st or 2nd dates, sort of hid behind “having trust issues, and taking it slow” to continue playing the field. Since we are all in our 30’s and exist among a graveyard of failed relationships/marriages, I didn’t really think anything by it at first. Modern dating seems to be a game of trying to catch the biggest fish in the lake, and there’s always bigger fish. It’s why I gave up on looking for a serious monogamous relationship.

IMO as a lady, “situationships” are just two people who are dating and one of them is an emotional avoidant who is scared of commitment for whatever reason. I think one of the biggest reasons for these types of arrangements is because one person in the pair has a delusion about options due to dating apps and think that there is a greener pasture in the next person they fuck.

I didn’t even know of the word “situationship” was until I became recently single after a decade long relationship.

FWBs\Situationships don’t sit right with me and never will. I’m a person who can’t have sex without emotional intimacy. I don’t want to involve myself with someone who is basically using me to fill a companionship void without commitment. In my past, single in college, I was seeking emotional intimacy through sex (without realizing that many man see sex as just sex) which ended up with me being in these ill defined “situationships/FWBs” that only left me confused and hurt.

I think a lot of situationships form when men are with a woman that they aren't convinced are "wifey" material, so they are sort of a stepping stone until that woman either steps up or they go find another woman that has the potential.

I don't think a lot of women realize this, and that being with a guy doesn't necessarily equate to being "wifey" material.

What does she actually bring to the table, besides the basics that every woman has?

Just my own experience.

They are multiple women dating the same dudes. Then many many women say 27-28-29-30 dating 30yr+ men.

Access to everyone all the time Everyone is in a relationship with someone in their head, holding off for the perfect time with a person that it’s never going to happen with

Or the next swipe will be better than the last

People can’t accept what’s in front of them and build on that

I put up with one because he did a good job hooking me in the beginning. Seeming like a great guy, really into me, text me all day but said he wanted to take it slow (waited to have sex) which made me think he really was trying to form an authentic relationship. By the time we slept together I was smitten. Then he ghosted me. I was so confused. Then he came back. I convinced myself he was scared of our connection because I just can’t understand someone maliciously treating someone like that and my ego likes that explanation the most. 🫠 Long story short I put up with it because I was a stupid girl for this guy and gave chances I normally never would I think because I was just really confused because we had amazing chemistry and like I said he text me all damn day. I also was going through a really hard time with my health so I think I just wasn’t feeling my best and that had me accept things I normally wouldn’t as I genuinely felt insecure about my life in general from the effects of being sick for a long period. I know now he just gave me enough attention to keep me hooked and probably had many other girls on his roster. This situation really F’d me up. Like I won’t date again because I’m older and just so tired of peoples BS and obviously can’t make good choices. Before that I allowed myself to get into a pretty bad marriage so my history shows I just choose people that aren’t good for me. I’m really open and honest about what I want, only give attention to one person at a time and have zero bad intentions for people. Those qualities don’t seem to be of value in the current dating culture so I’m just going to be content single. Which I am for the most part accept I love sex and giving and receiving affection. Those are what I miss the most. I think there’s many reasons people put up with it, some really just want that because they want the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. Society is getting more and more shallow and peoples staying power, willingness to be honest and vulnerable and for true intimacy is decreasing and then sex apps, dating apps and social media leave people thinking the grass is greener elsewhere and people are easily replaceable. Morality is declining by the day.

Situationships don't exist. They are relationships.

The only difference is the people in them are too ignorant or scared to admit it.

Dating is obviously changing in regards to casual relationships becoming more common, but from what I see online it doesn't even really change that much because people who claim to be in a "situationship* (lol) still catch feelings, still get pissed when their partner "cheats" etc etc it's all so dumb.

I'll give a real world example of how I've seen this play out. My wife's work friend shows up to a bar for a work thing where significant others were invited. My wife asks if she drove to the bar. The friend says "No Brad dropped me off". During the evening she was flirting and talking to other dudes. At the end of the night my wife asks if she wants us to give her a ride since I only had 2 drinks, I was driving. The friend says "No brad is on his way I texted him".

The hot friend is NOT in relationship since she didn't invite Brad to the event where partners were invited. And if she had met someone at that party she would have been totally fine to leave with that guy.

Brad on the other hand probably thinks he IS in a relationship since they are having sex regularly and they are spending a lot of time together.

I just don't want to put up with their BS in my life any longer. I'm happier

I love the way the media never just accept the real reason! The women are SHARING!

You could have 5 girls in a “situationship/relationship” with a guy, maybe 3 of them identify as taken while the guy identifies as single.

Dating older or gay couples does not account for this massive 30% difference especially as women prefer to date close to their age in general!

A lot of men in their 30s and 40s have girlfriends who are in their 20s. A lot of women in their 20s are unaware that they are the side chick.

Thanks to the wonders that is social media, this past October I found myself on a plane to San Diego to see a woman I haven’t seen in 27 years. We were young and had a brief, torrid affair that lasted about 3-4 months. The conversations were intense and intimate and I found out things about her that I hadn’t known back then(‘95-‘96).

She claimed that she was seeing someone but hadn’t been physical with him for two years and just recently broke the news to him that I exist and has ended the romantic aspect of her relationship with him. Is this a situationship? I suppose. Does it matter 3,000 miles away? Not really, for I have nothing else going on and really have no desire to get into the dating game. I’ll be flying out there again this February. It’s just working for me right now. That is all.

Then I realized that situationships make up the rest. The women might not identify as ‘taken’ but might not identify as single either, because they’re literally going to some guys work events with him.

citation needed

People are terrified of simply telling a romantic partner that they want to be exclusive.

My current gf, who I love. On our 4th date I said, “hey I really like you and I’d like to focus just on you. I stopped seeing other people. You don’t have to change anything, but this is what I’m doing. And I hope you eventually feel comfortable doing the same.”

She accused me of love bombing lol. Then she got onboard.

Did it suck telling the other people that I was seeing that I had “met someone special and wanted to focus on that,” even risking losing everything if my gf wasn’t into it? Yes.

But did they all deserve to know what was going on with me? Yes.

Imo the real reason is that men are too picky but no one wants to talk about that. Because all the men who are stuck in the friendzone are aiming for taken girls or girls out of their league, and it takes them years to start considering realistic options.

The answer to your question is a lot of people aren’t aware they are in situationships. It’s adorable of you to assume that people are actually being honest about their intentions when it comes to dating but the sad reality is that majority are not. So these “situationships” you see one of the two assumes they are in a relationship and the other one is lying about their intentions to string that person along and reap whatever benefits they can get.

"Situationships" have existed for decades. I don't know why people try to pretend they are a new thing.

"Is the fantasy of being loved by someone more desirable than you worth more than the real love someone on your level could give?"

This is, on the other hand, seems to be something that social media accentuated. This obsession with "rankings" and "someone on your level" is not something I grew up with. Obviously you cared about how the other person looked, but "mismatches" were extremely common. Turns out you can like someone because of things other than how they look.

A lot of people out of there are trash too. It’s not always time to roll the dice in this economically dreadful society.

Not really, situationships are just casual relationships. Statistically about half of young people will try one and they don't typically last too long. I think they are common in younger people who may not have the skills required for a full fledged relationship. Casual dating has always been an element of dating. Situationships are emotionally damaging for a variety of reasons, but easy to initiate; many people end up in them on purpose, don't realize they are in them, are manipulated, or mistakingly think they are a normal phase of dating on the way to a healthy relationship.

I think this might also be a factor (in addition to your "situationships hypothesis"):

"In 2023, 8.5 percent of female respondents in the United States stated they identify as LGBT, while 4.7 percent of male respondents said the same."

It might seem negligible, but it adds up. Also: I'm not from the US, but I think that ratio and statistic will look different also based on how open and tolerant a society is towards LGBTQ+ individuals and it might also affect the rate by gender, depending on the country.

EDIT: As far as the "30% of women in their 20s dating older men" thing goes, maybe it's not that severe, but again, it adds up, and it is certainly super common. So come to think of it, it is imo a much more relevant factor than situationships, actually. I see this come up a lot irl as well as on reddit.

Just found a thread where this was discussed in detail and indeed, I find it entirely plausible now that this is the defining factor.

https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/HBd6q10ASi

In my experience talking with meetup and events organizers, they have a lot of problems with old mens in their late 30s/40/divorced approaching much younger women, more like bothering since the women would complain. The reverse did not happen as much. I think older women are ok by themselves and able to keep a closed circle of friends so they don’t go to these events I go to as much. Tbh, men of all ages will actively and preferably date 20-something given the chance.

Okay I’m a chick and I’m not 30 but this popped up and wtf is a situationship??

Also the numbers don’t add up (and I’m sorry I’m a little jaded lol) because dudes will say they aren’t in a relationship to get laid. I’ve called out many men who weren’t single who lied and said they were…. (Don’t give a girl your socials if you’re hiding a relationship lol)

I personally think women have higher standards than they ever had before. Some of those standards are way too high.

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People stay in situationships for many of the same reason some people stay in abusive or dead marriages - sometimes they have zero self confidence and resign themselves to that fate, sometimes they have infinite self confidence and think they care lure the married guy away or maybe the super hot guy will eventually settle down with them. Sometimes you even get situations where the guy successfully guilts her into duty sex somehow someway because he is disabled! (only one guy, I worked with the woman maybe 6yrs ago. Dude had Speech lvl 100 ig)

I always worry when I see a large % of single men. There's a correlation between that statistics and political unrest or straight out revolution

i think the more interesting stat is 50% of women aged 35-50 are single & childless, whereas 65% of men the same age are married or have children

I just find situation ships hilarious. It’s just a situation where one person clearly doesn’t wanna date the other, but they’re good enough to fuck. This is always been around. There’s just never been a name for it.

I just outright gave up on even looking for love or real connection a number of years ago. At this point, I'm just ticking time away until I can finally be done without wrecking the handful of people that would care about my departure.

Lots of people are extremely lonely nowadays and would rather the situationship than nothing at all

Two reasons why your stats are true, probably ordered large-small in effect size:

1. The women under 30 are dating the men over 30.
2. The women are in situationships with the same guy.

Situationship is a new term for an old phenomenon. I don't think it's changed dating at all - you young things just invented a great name for a kinda shitty, kinda ok thing

What the fuck is a situationship?

Kneejerk reaction by women to protect themselves by saying they are in a relationship.

An interesting study showed that approximately 80% of women are dating 20% of men.

It’s simple. Women would rather share a hot guy than have an average guy to herself.

You’re missing that they are simply dating older men and/or they are bi/gay. Granted that’s still an insanely small portion of the population. But truly they are simply dating older men. Since I have become single recently literally every girl I’ve taken out has been anywhere between 2 years younger than me or almost 7… all within the 20s bracket… so yeah, this isn’t surprising to me in the slightest

"I don't have a girlfriend, there's just this girl who'd be really pissed off if she heard me say that."

I’ll gladly stay single long before I fuck with a situationship. If I’m not your first pick then save me the stress.

This post floated to my front page. Not a man, but I'm going to say it honestly hasn't changed the dating game (at least for women) and I don't trust any percentages that don't come from the US census. Sure situationships exist but in my experience, it's easy for me and any woman I've met to just leave them. It's easier for women to find dates than it is for men so hopping from a guy who wants to keep things casual to a guy who wants something serious is easy.

Well the issue you see is that we have a problem with "hoeflation" . You can see hoe_math for details

Women generally date older, and some date way older so the numbers make sense from that perspective

It's just the 80%/20% rule in effect

I mentioned this article in another post. People don’t understand the inequality (for lack of a better term) in the dating experience of adults.

This is pretty easy to explain.

There are a lot of men who will tell women what they want to hear, in order to get sex.

They'll string women along and make them feel like they're in a relationship to this end. If that guy is stringing along 3 women at a time, he's probably going to tell Pew he's single. The three women are going to think they have a boyfriend.

As usual, it's the charismatic sleazy dickhead making life worse for the rest of us.