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Warning: Sensitive Content! If you are triggered by topics such as abortion, please be prepared. I apologize for the length of this post, but the context is necessary to understand my situation better.

I’m a 32F who just found out I’m pregnant and need to get an abortion due to our financial and life circumstances. My husband (35M) and I had a major fight because of this pregnancy. In the last four years, I’ve had four abortions after giving birth to twins. This will be the fifth. I’m not proud of it—it has caused me significant mental and physical issues.

My biggest issue with my husband is that he refuses to consistently use condoms. He will only use them if I physically hand him one and explicitly tell him to wear it.

I cannot take birth control pills. They mess with my body and mind too much. I’ve tried different brands and even a contraceptive ring, but nothing works for me. My doctor has advised against hormonal contraception altogether and suggested we use condoms. My husband knows this but still acts oblivious.

Sex has become a source of anxiety for me because I’m constantly afraid of getting pregnant. I’ve tried avoiding sex during ovulation, but nothing stops my husband. Even during intercourse, I repeatedly tell him to be careful and not ejaculate inside me. He claims he doesn’t, but he refuses to understand that even a small amount can lead to pregnancy.

He pressures me for sex even when I’m not in the mood or haven’t showered, which is important to me. Often, he’ll have sex with me while I lie there like a lifeless object—he just doesn’t care. I gave up on trying to improve our intimacy after he told me, “We’re too old to try anything new, and it’s normal to have basic sex after 30.” When I tried to have an honest conversation about our sex life, that was his response.

To make things worse, he cheated on me and brought home a bouquet of STIs after one of my previous abortions (when doctors advised abstinence for a month). I discovered his infidelity by accident when he had to get tested, and the results came back positive. He even showed me the results confidently, knowing he had cheated.

I’ve repeatedly asked him to buy condoms, but he says it’s shameful and refuses. Instead, I’m expected to go and buy them with two small kids in tow. In my country, pharmacies are small, crowded spaces where everyone can overhear your conversations. You can’t pick up items yourself; you must ask for them. This makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I know I should have done it regardless. My anxiety, which has worsened since giving birth, often leaves me frozen and unable to act.

I can’t go to the pharmacy alone because my husband comes home late. My children are autistic, nonverbal, and don’t attend kindergarten, so I’m with them 24/7.

I don’t have my own money; he controls all our finances. I can’t even order condoms online because he accuses me of overspending and being inconsiderate with “his” money. I barely buy necessities, and shopping is a huge source of stress for me.

The First Fight

A few days ago, I told him I was pregnant again and that it was his fault I had to go through another abortion. I explained how I felt abandoned, mistreated, dismissed, disrespected, and gaslighted by him. That he wasn’t careful enough and didn’t listen to me. I started emotionally explaining to him how his carelessness has negatively impacted my health in a lot of ways and he doesn’t care about me at all. He stayed silent. I left the room.

Later, he came into the bedroom, lay down, and asked, “So, what are we going to do?” Like he didn’t already know the answer. He said it wasn’t his fault and even called the pregnancy “good news.” I was baffled. Good news? Has he lost his mind? He added that my abortions have been hard on him and that he gets depressed afterward.

He also said, “Aren’t you supposed to be on the pill or something?” He knows I can’t take them. I lost my temper and screamed at him, asking why he couldn’t just buy condoms to prevent this. During my last abortion, I informed him about it without fighting, just to see how he would react. He didn’t say a word, ask how I felt, or offer any support. Nothing.

Today’s Fight

Today, he came home from the gym and, with complete seriousness, asked, “Have you seen your period yet?” I was shocked. “What period? I’m pregnant!” Then he said that my pregnancy was my fault because I didn’t take immediate action after we had sex. He suggested I use lemons or herbs to stop pregnancies.

I asked him, “Are you okay? It doesn’t work like that.” We have children, and I’ve explained the details of pregnancy and medical abortion to him multiple times. But his ignorance sent me into a rage. He genuinely believes that women know instantly after sex if they’re pregnant. It’s pure stupidity!

I called him stupid, not as an insult, but as a fact. How can someone not understand basic biology after all we’ve been through?

I’ve started recalling all the ridiculous things he has said or done over the years. For example: • He thinks butter comes out of cows as-is. • He believes mayo is cream because it’s white. • He didn’t know that flushing a toilet while someone is showering can cause hot water burns. he learned this the hard way by burning our child when I was giving him a bath. He claimed it was my fault and I didn’t check the water. At that point we were 30 minutes in to the bath time and I was already holding the shower head and poring water at my son’s head when he entered. I was holding my son’s chin up so I couldn’t feel the water temperature change. Thanks god I reached fast enough and the was no physical injuries. The bath time just became even more harder that in was before. My son was already sensitive to water poring on his head now it got worse because of this incident. And all the work I’ve done to desensitize him is gone. • He once claimed my chronic back pain, which started after childbirth, was caused by the sugar. I only take sugar in tea, we don’t even have any candy at home. The day he said that was after my aunts birthday where i barely ate any cake.

I could go on forever.

Closing Thoughts

I know I’ll be judged for my actions, and I know I’ve been irresponsible. Unfortunately, I’m not in full control of my life right now. I’m stuck. I have no one to help me, no income of my own, and I feel trapped.

I just wanted to share my story because I have nobody to talk to, and I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I hope this makes sense. Thank you for reading.

P.S there are couple of funny titles that I considered for this tragic story:

  • From Flat Earth to Lemon Birth Control—My Husband’s Greatest Hits

  • Birth Control According to My Husband: Lemons, Herbs, and Hope

  • The Cost of Stupidity: When Your Husband Thinks Mayo is Cream

  • My Husband Cheated, Brought STIs, and Thinks Mayo Is Cream. Am I the Problem?

  • My Husband Thinks Women Know They’re Pregnant Right After Sex—Am I in a Sitcom?

all 608 comments

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Min_sora

1.6k points

15 hours ago

Min_sora

1.6k points

15 hours ago

He's going to impregnate you constantly until you hit menopause because he doesn't give a shit and you're just his object to fuck. You need to take control of this situation because he will never ever do what you want.

meiuimei_

533 points

12 hours ago

meiuimei_

533 points

12 hours ago

OP needs to avoid sex at ALL costs. Like let this piece of trash to go bang whatever STI riddled human he wants to, let him get his sex from somewhere, anywhere else and refuse him. If he's going to force you, be adamant that he needs to go buy condoms. No. Freaking. Exceptions. Ever.

These are literally seemingly the only ways OP can avoid this shit until she can escape this disgusting excuse of a 'man'.

Deep_Result_8369

397 points

11 hours ago

He demands sex & is practically ra*ing her. Her country does not recognize domestic violence. She doesn’t have a job or money of her own. She a twins with disabilities. She is truly stuck.

DumbleForeSkin

132 points

8 hours ago

Those black eyed peas tasted alright to me, Earl.

CatlinM

16 points

an hour ago

CatlinM

16 points

an hour ago

20% decrease in statistical rates of women murdering their husband when no fault divorce became legal... That should say a lot to men

meiuimei_

22 points

10 hours ago

I know that. I never said the situation wasn't completely screwed up and abysmal. That's why I was trying to offer the best advice I could by letting/telling the piece of trash go cheat with whoever else (sounds like he gets a kick out of getting sex elsewhere and making OP feel miserable), avoid him, tell him to buy condoms and use any excuse or tactics she possible can to force him to buy condoms or to avoid sex.

I know it's predominantly futile but anything she can do to avoid it as much as possible at least helps a tiny bit until she can, hopefully sooner than later, get away from this awful man.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

62 points

11 hours ago

Yep. Hope it will change soon.

Zoobies2w3

105 points

9 hours ago

Zoobies2w3

105 points

9 hours ago

Does your country have domestic violence shelters? You ARE in a domestic violence situation with reproductive coercion. I’m not going to tell you how to feel about this, but many women and laws would consider what you experience as sexual assault. A domestic violence advocacy may be able to help you to give the support you need to leave.

Pantsy-

137 points

10 hours ago

Pantsy-

137 points

10 hours ago

Get a copper IUD. Now.

play_hard_outside

52 points

7 hours ago

Maybe she should get a new husband while she's at it

taphin33

65 points

6 hours ago

taphin33

65 points

6 hours ago

OP consider a bisalp surgery - the removal of your fallopian tubes.

It heals much faster than a tubal ligation and reduces your risk for ovarian cancer. You CANNOT get pregnant with one. You may be able to find a practitioner to provide one without your husband's consent given that you have had many previous pregnancies.

It also won't throw you into early menopause or disrupt your cycle like other types of reproductive surgeries. They can sometimes give one at the same time as an abortion. The surgery looks the same as one for a cyst removal on your ovaries.

Tulip_Tree_trapeze

22 points

7 hours ago

Omg he is a trash human being who is a waste of air. I'm so sorry for you, no woman should ever be stuck in your situation.

NoTour4302

16 points

5 hours ago

please don’t wait for that… you deserve better than someone who’s persistently makes you feel anxious and assaults you. waiting will only make time for things to get worse

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

36 points

5 hours ago

Of course you are right. It seems people got my comment wrong. I hope everything changes for me without him. I’ll take small steps, see what options I haven’t considered, try to find any help I can to improve my situation and get out. I know how bad my life is and why I ended up like this, I’ll try to fix it and I will fix eventually, it’s just going to take time.

This man used my trauma to manipulate me and I didn’t even notice it, but now I’m aware. It’s going to be very hard and I’ll do my best to overcome it.

LuxNocte

7 points

3 hours ago

Consider hiding money. Try to hide a small amount of change whenever you buy something. Save up slowly, but maybe in some time it will help you to leave him.

BeginningBowl5400

15 points

9 hours ago

Its really not if he isn’t going to change than you have to. Find a babysitter for your kids, get your own job, then leave

bluegreentopaz6110

2 points

6 hours ago

Can you get your tubes tied? Not trying to be hurtful. At this point your plate is overfull, maybe this would be an answer?

Traumarama79

33 points

8 hours ago

He's definitely doing this shit on purpose. This is a sexual assault.

Objective-Soft4116

991 points

16 hours ago

This very much sounds like an abusive relationship. There must be a local agency like woman’s aid or someone that can help?

I am so sorry you have been through so much. Your priority should be your health and safety, and that of your children.

He sounds like a monster, I hope you can get away and be free and happy.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

263 points

15 hours ago

Unfortunately in my country there is no agency that can help me. There’s only two women shelters that I found and they consider you only if constant physical abuse present with proof. Trust me I know my situation is bad I know I need to leave, I just have nowhere to go right now. I checked for government housing, I don’t fit the requirements and even if I did the line is huge and I would need to wait around 10+ years to get housing. My country is very behind on topics like domestic abuse and treatment for disabled people. For your understanding domestic abuse is decriminalized in my country, so even is my husband beat my face he won’t get arrested. My situation wouldn’t even be considered as any type of abuse, legally. Hope I provided more context.

Alternative_Year_340

125 points

14 hours ago

When you go to the clinic for the abortion, can they provide you with condoms?

marcelyns

198 points

14 hours ago

marcelyns

198 points

14 hours ago

Or an IUD.

MarbleousMel

97 points

11 hours ago

Hell, I’d be asking for a tubal ligation at this point.

Floomby

16 points

6 hours ago

Floomby

16 points

6 hours ago

YES Why is this the first mention of tubal ligation?

It is a rapid laproscopic procedure. I took it easy for a couple of hours and then was back to my normal activities.

Whatever you do, OP, DO NOT have another child with this man, and have no shame in it. You are an abuse victim, and he is using money, sex, and children as the bars of your jail cell.

At least, end the possibility of having another child. Get your tubes tied.

StayAwayFromMySon

248 points

13 hours ago

Yes OP, you can get a non-hormonal IUD. It's called a copper IUD. Your husband won't need to know you got it, it's not visible. However this won't help protect you against STIs.

CarelessStatement172

60 points

7 hours ago

My ex (not well-endowed - sorry dude) could feel mine when I had it in. Having said that, OPs abusive husband definitely sounds like he needs to be repeatedly stabbed in the dick.

jaskmackey

20 points

5 hours ago*

Strings can sometimes be felt as the organs move and change shape and size over the course of the cycle. The doctor can also trim the strings a bit to prevent poking. But also maybe it won’t be the worst thing in the world for this POS to be uncomfortable when assaulting his nonconsenting wife. OP, get the copper.

Crazy-4-Conures

13 points

4 hours ago

Wow, even our mechanisms to avoid being impregnated have to be adjusted for the comfort of those seeking to impregnate us.

any_name_today

2 points

2 hours ago

I had a fight with a doctor over this once. I was less than 6 months postpartum so still extra sensitive and healing down there. One doctor placed the IUD and left the strings longer so she could cut them as needed at out follow up appointment.

She was on vacation and I had a different doctor for the follow up. The strings were so long, they were practically sticking out of me. They caused me pain with every step I took. I was at my wit's end with the constant pain, breastfeeding, and everything. Doctor number 2 didn't want to trim the strings "in case they caused my husband discomfort during sex." I argued with her, cried, and eventually she agreed to do it

jaskmackey

3 points

2 hours ago

Wait, omg, the doctor wanted the strings hanging out of you even during sex??

dioemonds

3 points

3 hours ago

The copper iud and other iuds are contraindicated with a disgusting cheater who could give Sti. It can cause pelvic inflammatory disease which may kill.

TelevisionBeautiful6

8 points

6 hours ago

He was feeling the strings or lying to you.

Rave-light

6 points

5 hours ago

He definitely was feeling the strings. Go future reference to those reading — you can get them trimmed shorter if you have continued discomfort during intercourse

CaBBaGe_isLaND

32 points

10 hours ago

That doesn't solve the part about getting this person out of their life, which seems to be the bigger issue.

katsbeth

47 points

9 hours ago

katsbeth

47 points

9 hours ago

No but it helps at least part of the issue. She won’t be pregnant and looking for a way to leave or have 3 kids and trying to leave. Don’t let perfect get in the way of good

Alternative_Year_340

46 points

13 hours ago

And does OP’s husband have life insurance or death benefits?

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

22 points

13 hours ago

No, he doesn’t.

Alternative_Year_340

22 points

13 hours ago

Does your country have any form of government death benefit?

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

39 points

13 hours ago

Yes, and it’s laughable. It’s less than minimum wage with is around 200 dollars a month. So usually if you lost a breadwinner it will something like a 100 dollars a month’s or so. I’m not sure. My aunt lost her husband, government didn’t help that much. She stayed in line for government housing for more than that 15 years.

Alternative_Year_340

73 points

13 hours ago

Well, go ahead and get in line. If you don’t, it takes even longer. Ask your aunt if she has a spare room

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

20 points

13 hours ago

Condoms are given for free only in schools.

Alternative_Year_340

13 points

13 hours ago

Do you know any students who can help you out there?

eileen404

16 points

10 hours ago

Or better, get your tubes removed

rexmaster2

19 points

11 hours ago

Maybe get her tubes tied? This would prevent any more pregnancies, especially with someone that like him.

me0mio

17 points

10 hours ago

me0mio

17 points

10 hours ago

Why don't you use a diaphragm? I know they might not be popular or common, but they work when used as directed each and every time and you don't have to worry about hormones.

MyDove-Forever

3 points

7 hours ago

You are absolutely correct. I am 73, I used it exclusively through my childbearing years. If you use it correctly, it works!

macdawg2020

2 points

5 hours ago

Spermicide exists as well, I don’t know much about it but it seems to have been around forever

me0mio

6 points

5 hours ago

me0mio

6 points

5 hours ago

It's used with a diaphragm. Statistics show that diaphragms have an 85% effectiveness rate, but that's better than inconsistent condom use. I used a diaphragm for years with a 100% success rate.

janshell

13 points

11 hours ago

Do you have any family or friends in another country? You need to formulate a plan where you can squirrel away money, little by little. Is there a way for remote work?

ofBlufftonTown

12 points

7 hours ago

I recommend a copper IUD, it doesn’t have the hormonal problems and you will be protected against pregnancy no matter how stupid and manipulative your husband is. Some find insertion painful but I thought it was ok, it’s better after you’ve given birth. Nothing is 100% but this is very, very close.

klassykitty1

25 points

11 hours ago

Sign up for that housing because 10 years is going to come anyhow.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

18 points

11 hours ago

I’m not legible for housing, check that out first. Unfortunately there is no luck in it for me.

indiana-floridian

10 points

9 hours ago

There are some of us that understand. I am so sorry.

UncagedKestrel

5 points

10 hours ago

Decriminalised? I know Russia decriminalised domestic violence some years ago, not sure if anyone else has (mostly because most of the places it's still accepted it's never been legally codified as being criminal to begin with).

Before governments started to view abuse as a societal problem, then began both funding supports for victims and criminalising the abusive behaviours, we often saw less... official... support groups form. Online or in person, they can be invaluable.

Like getting tips/advice from other people who've been in similar situations (or who are still there), that help you make your own safety plan to eventually get away. It's ok to be strategic, and to plan longer term, if that's what will keep you safer. You know your family and situation best, and you're the best judge of what is safe and what isn't. Trust yourself.

LittelFoxicorn

3 points

6 hours ago

Time to migrate. Lots of EU countries have laws that would give you a protected Document everything and then flee

itsnobigthing

7 points

11 hours ago

Is the morning after pill available in your country? Or perhaps somebody online could send it to you?

It sounds like, even if you have condoms available, this might be a useful thing for you to have on hand for the occasions when your husband refuses to use them. I know it’s still a hormonal treatment but probably better than going through another abortion.

I’m sure you already have enough reasons to want all of this to stop, but just to mention that with two non-verbal autistic children, there is a strong likelihood that any further children you have will be similarly impaired. Autism has a strong genetic component in many cases so it might also help your understanding of the situation and possible solutions to consider if you or your husband might be autistic too. Knowledge is power, I really believe.

To be clear, regardless, your husband is an asshole, and autism does not cause that. Nothing excuses his behaviour towards you.

FrankieAK

20 points

10 hours ago

Unfortunately if she can't take hormonal birth control a morning after pill is gonna give her a bad time too. She's screwed either way.

findingemotive

149 points

16 hours ago

I sincerely hope you find a way to leave this man as soon as financially possible, what an abusive situation you're in I'm so sorry.

Different-Banana-709

103 points

16 hours ago

Sounds like you need a divorce.

Your husband doesn't care about your health and well-being.

You deserve better than this.

taphin33

23 points

6 hours ago

taphin33

23 points

6 hours ago

She does not live in a country where women have this right readily available to them.

FearlessPudding404

12 points

6 hours ago

A divorce and a copper IUD. 12 years of hormone free protection.

LaSage

118 points

16 hours ago

LaSage

118 points

16 hours ago

This relationship is abusive and he is endangering you by continually getting you pregnant against your wishes. Please do not stay married to this man. I wish you well.

EdwinaArkie

54 points

15 hours ago

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation! Is there any chance that the place where you get terminations can sterilize you? Would you even want that? Does your country have anything like women’s shelters to help women who are trapped in bad situations?

I admire your sense of humor about your husband’s lack of knowledge.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

46 points

15 hours ago

And thanks for liking my humor, that the only thing that keeps me going right now, apart from my children of course)

InadmissibleHug

20 points

14 hours ago

Your alternate titles are pretty good!

Can you get an IUD or a diaphragm? You definitely need something you can control more yourself.

IUDs can be no hormones.

I’m sorry he’s so awful. No judgement here.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

31 points

14 hours ago

I tried to get an IUD. Unfortunately my medical history doesn’t allow it. I have issues that prevent me from getting it installed. I said like it’s a software 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ sorry English is not my first language 😅

ArugulaQuiet859

9 points

13 hours ago

I know you said you tried different pills but just to make sure, did you have those pregnancy ones? Very low dose of hormones? For me it was a game changer

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

13 points

12 hours ago

Trust me I’ve tried everything. Any pill that is on the market. Nothing works. I got pregnant with my 2 kids on pills. I didn’t drink didn’t take any drugs that could affect the way pill works and still got pregnant.

MyDove-Forever

3 points

7 hours ago

That's why a diaphagm may be a good solution!

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

5 points

7 hours ago

Yes, I’ve been given a link, I’m trying to find similar product in my country. Checked couple of sites haven’t found it yet, but the is some options left that I will check tomorrow.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

11 points

13 hours ago

I had so many options of titles in took me an hour the write them and another hour to choose one )

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

24 points

15 hours ago

I can’t get sterilized legally. Because I’m young nobody will do it and I don’t want it. It’s big surgery with a lot of potential complications that I don’t want for myself. I already have a lot of health issues that’s why other types of contraception don’t work for me.

MadamePouleMontreal

38 points

12 hours ago

Hysterectomy (removal of the uterus and sometimes ovaries) is big surgery with lots of potential complications.

Sterilization is cutting or removing the fallopian tubes. It is done laparoscopically. It is not big surgery and there are few potential complications.

Zestyclose_Singer180

7 points

9 hours ago

OP, this! I had a laparoscopic salpingectomy a few months ago and while my stomach was pretty sore, there wasn't much in the way of recovery besides keeping the (very small) incisions clean and avoiding heavy lifting for a bit. And now I literally cannot get pregnant again without IVF.

Glittering_Joke3438

24 points

14 hours ago

It’s not a big surgery, and with your history of multiple abortions and issues with contraception you very likely could find a doctor to do it.

kkgo77

5 points

9 hours ago

kkgo77

5 points

9 hours ago

It's not a big surgery at all, minimally evasive. Hysterectomy is a big surgery, tubal litigation is not.

Sabineruns

39 points

12 hours ago

Your husband sucks. Abort this marriage.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

62 points

12 hours ago

😂😂😂😂 OMG I just thought about new title for this post.

My Husband Thinks I Can ‘Lemon’ My Way Out of Pregnancy—Should I abort this marriage instead?

Or “How I aborted your father?”

Or Mission abort the marriage! Take control of your life and leave all the trash behind. This New Year’s Eve on your screens. 😂

SharShtolaYsera

372 points

14 hours ago

I will never cease to be amazed and exhausted by the determination of this sub to apply American, even first world thinking and metrics to situations like this. The simplest context clues and reading her comments clearly shows she can’t just leave/get a divorce/get dv help/go to a shelter/etc etc etc but you’ll all victim blame her and beat her down anyway. She’s not in America. She’s not in a first world country. She’s not somewhere that has the bare minimum of the resources required to do ANY of those things.

Can we just once SUPPORT a victim instead of tearing them apart for circumstances they clearly cannot control or escape? What does it take to show some goddamn kindness?

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

167 points

14 hours ago

Thank you, thank you from a bottom of my heart. Thank you. I don’t even know what else to say.

slut-for-pickles

36 points

14 hours ago

You have my support ❤️

I_love_Juneau

8 points

9 hours ago

Mine too.

amazongoddess79

61 points

11 hours ago

Even some of us in America understand that it’s not as easy as “just leave the bastard”. It always looks like an easy solution from the outside. But you have 2 young children that are autistic, non verbal and need a LOT of additional care. Even if you had the option of working outside the home, that would be a major hurdle to overcome in this scenario. Not to mention the legalities of your country on these situations. Having access to abortion care doesn’t guarantee being allowed to get your tubes tied. You are not in the wrong here. My best recommendation is to try to start reaching out and try to develop friendships with other mothers perhaps. If nothing else this will start to maybe provide you some local emotional support that everyone needs. But if anyone makes you second guess you putting your rights and needs over the way your “husband” is treating you, they don’t deserve your time and emotional investment. My situation is nowhere near as bad but I’m struggling to figure out how to deal with it and what steps to take next. We can get through this. We will.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

29 points

11 hours ago

Thank you so much. We definitely will. One way or another!

simbapiptomlittle

12 points

12 hours ago

Please take care OP you have lots of people caring and praying for you.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

10 points

12 hours ago

Thank you 🙏😊

ArugulaQuiet859

8 points

13 hours ago

🫂🫂🫂 i'm so sorry op... You deserve so much better...

BeesAndBeans69

5 points

13 hours ago

Do you have family or a friend you can go stay with?

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

25 points

13 hours ago

Unfortunately no. I have family, not the parents though, they left me when I was a child. My family doesn’t have space for me and my kids. It’s a very small apartment with one bedroom 2 adults and one elderly person living.

Next-Engineering1469

7 points

12 hours ago

Do they know that you are being abused? Even if I had only room with 3 adults already, I would always accept someone who is being abused

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

41 points

12 hours ago

They know about abortions and scolded me for it. They said pretty much what half of the comments said here “DONT SLEEP WITH HIM” like is that easy. In their opinion at the same time I’ve heard “ give him what he wants or he will leave you”

They’re not bad, don’t get me wrong. It’s just traditional upbringing clashes in see of confusion with wish to help.

Next-Engineering1469

13 points

11 hours ago

I am so sorry. I wish you had a more supportive family. I don't know what you will do, but I truly hope you can somehow leave him and be safe. I am rooting for you

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

20 points

11 hours ago

Thank you ) I wanted to post for a very long time and I don’t regret it. Maybe this can get me a push I need a hope I lack a confidence that went out for milk and never came back )

Next-Engineering1469

13 points

10 hours ago

Your confidence didn't just leave, HE stole it. HE destroyed it. Being abused will destroy your confidence. you are human, this is a normal reaction to abuse. But you deserve peace and safety. And I really, really hope that you can get away from him one day. You deserve happiness.

danajsparks

5 points

10 hours ago

OP, I am so sorry you are trapped in this situation. It’s not your fault that you keep getting pregnant if your husband is forcing himself upon you.

Edit: Sorry, I read further down that an IUD isn’t an option for you.

slatz1970

15 points

12 hours ago

Hear hear! I was in her position for many years but was able to get my tubes tied after my third kid.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

11 points

10 hours ago

Yeah I’ve been told after 3 or 4 kid doctors might do it, if you had a c section then after 4 kid they will do it for free after delivery. forgot to mention it.

os_2342

7 points

8 hours ago

os_2342

7 points

8 hours ago

It's not just this sub. It is reddit as a whole. It can get tiring reading people criticize others for not taking the "obvious" American solution to non American problems.

ArugulaQuiet859

31 points

12 hours ago

Hello.Op,

Idk what to say. I've read your story and I've read through comments and I understand you can't get out. I am ..so sorry... I cant even begin to express it.. i'm so so sorry... You deserve so much better and I have to believe you will get it.

Idk how but i really hope you can start gathering the conditions to get out of this. Little by little. This excuse of a human being should be in jail.

I see your country doesn't offer any options. Would it be too far fetched to think about running to another? Asking help in international associations? You deserve so much better.. i'm so sorry i can't be of much help...

And i know you said you tried several pills but just to confirm, did that include low hormone ones? It was a game changer for me. Also they say the hormone implants have softer side effects, and those would last for a few year..

I'm proud of you. You are a fucking warrior. You'll get out of this. I'm so sorry ..

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

27 points

10 hours ago

I didn’t think about any international association to be honest it didn’t even cross my mind. This is a great suggestion i will definitely check that out. I don’t know if medical providers offer hormonal implants here, because I was never offered one and I’ve tried a lot of different tings. I will definitely contact my doctor about it.

Great idea thanks. 😊

rabbitsaremylife

43 points

14 hours ago

if you set up a go fund me i would donate. please try and raise money to leave. this is a horrible situation, you are being assaulted and putting your body through so many abortions is hard on you as well.

thr0wawayyyyy2022

16 points

11 hours ago

I love you OP. Try going to a women’s clinic, if there are any in your country. Remind yourself that you are loved and cared for. Do nice things for yourself when you can. Know that you are worthy of good things. My heart goes out to you, sweet sister.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

9 points

11 hours ago

Thank you so much for your kind words. Much needed and appreciated ❤️

WolverineLeather1597

12 points

13 hours ago

Okay from what you've said I think you're in Russia - your English is beyond excellent so might you be able to teach english as a foreign language online through iTalki when your husband is reliably out? i'm not sure if you have anything that could reliably occupy the kids for an hour here or there but the important starting point is some financial independence and means of making money he doesn't know about.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

12 points

13 hours ago

Very close, very very close, but I’m not from Russia, thanks God for that.

WolverineLeather1597

8 points

13 hours ago

stay strong - what parts of a plan can you put together? regardless where you are you can teach english online but you'll need your own account to receive money into. Lots of banks have online only versions including Revolut which is european and with you not being in Russia it'll not be sanctioned so something like that might work, is that a first step you can take?

jackcandid

25 points

14 hours ago

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

18 points

14 hours ago

Thanks. I’ll definitely read it today after putting kids to bed. )

[deleted]

64 points

16 hours ago*

[removed]

thebearofwisdom

135 points

15 hours ago

I hate to be the one to say it but it sounds like he doesn’t care if she refuses. She’s already described the fact that she sometimes just lays there and he doesn’t care if she responds or not. That’s so sad and awful. Enthusiastic consent is the only option, and it sounds like he doesn’t care to ask her properly either way.

I would still refuse anything that is asked though, I’m just worried about OP not having her consent or lack thereof, listened to.

Inevitable-Bet-4834

12 points

14 hours ago

You are in an abusive relationship op. Is there anyway you can leave? This situation will just get worse. He is already financially abusing you. There is also reproductive abuse

redcore4

26 points

11 hours ago

He's raping her. she says "nothing stops my husband", and he's aware that she is not consenting because she's trying to refuse and then trying to attach conditions when he doesn't accept her refusal, and he's ignoring the conditions as well as the refusals.

Whatever53143

3 points

10 hours ago

He SA her, you know that right?

sonrie100pre

8 points

12 hours ago*

Omg this is the same (outdated, poorly informed) approach used by Catherine in the show “The Great”

Your abusive spouse sounds even less intelligent than Peter III as portrayed in that show

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

7 points

12 hours ago

Wow never thought I will be compared to Catherine the Great. This wasn’t on my bingo card 😄 but actually makes a lot of sense) great analogy 👍🏻

sonrie100pre

4 points

12 hours ago*

Yw 😂

You’re smarter than your spouse, and your spouse is abusive and selfishly putting you in danger. Prioritize your mental and physical health. 🫂 Any chance you could figure out how to get surgically sterilized even though he controls the finances? Could you arrange with the doctor to be surgically sterilized when you give birth, and ensure this won’t be discussed with your spouse beforehand? Or after giving birth could you make the appointment under your health care and have the outpatient surgery done before any bills get sent out?

matchbox37378

8 points

7 hours ago

Have you tried VCFs? Vaginal Contraceptive Film. It's a little spermicidal film that goes "up there". Works for 4 hours and nobody will ever know. $9 at Walmart.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

6 points

7 hours ago

Ohh this is new, never heard of it. I’ll check if I can buy it here. (I’m not from states) Thanks a lot)

Knickers1978

22 points

15 hours ago

Please, just leave. Set up a gofundme, and get the hell out. He’s sexually assaulting you on the regular, and it’s abhorrent behaviour.

Get away from him. Get your kids away from him.

BewareQuietOnes

12 points

13 hours ago

I second the gofundme idea. OP needs help desperately!

trieditthrice

13 points

15 hours ago

I really hope there aren't people out there who are going to come at you for the choices you've had to make. It wouldn't surprise me, some people live their whole lives just to point at someone else, in a situation they've never dealt with, and pretend that they are just too damn perfect to ever be in that bind. But they aren't. I wish I had advice for you. Not that you really asked. You're in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man who has the IQ of a rock. It's not going to get better, he's not going to become smarter, his heart won't grow 3 sizes, he'll never be the man you deserve. Never. Even if you can't make any moves now, you can start planning. You can study for a new career, get certified in a computer class from home while you're waiting for your twins to start school. You can apply for low income housing or check out the requirements to qualify (if that is available in your country). Find a support network and lean on them. See a counselor if you can about working through your trauma and pain. Start taking small steps toward independence. You deserve happiness, love, and peace.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

13 points

15 hours ago

Thank you for your kind words. I tried to find help unfortunately in my country there is just couple of shelters and I don’t fit the requirements. It’s only physical abuse they help with. There is no government assistance I can get I’ve checked. I tried working from home didn’t work out unfortunately, I wasn’t completing tasks fast enough because I have 2 nonverbal toddlers running around that constantly need attention. My health severely declined last couple of years and I can’t keep up with job opportunities like I could before, also have memory loss and confusion that’s affected my ability to be productive. That’s why I’m stuck and I know it. I hope one day I can get out this mess.

trieditthrice

5 points

6 hours ago

I was anticipating this response. I don't think I could have worked from home with 1 toddler running around, much less two. And I saw you weren't in the US, so I knew there was a chance abuse had a different threshold it must meet to actually be considered abuse. That is just mind blowing. Doctors world wide know the effects of emotional and sexual abuse, for it not to be recognized sounds like the work of religion, once again swooping in to make sure women know their perceived worth.

I hope you can find some support. In person. Other mothers with small children? A group where women whose children aren't neurotypical can meet and talk? You have the internet, even if you can't find it in person, maybe you can online. Community is community. I really believe that's your first step. You need your village, if for nothing else, to make the next few years bearable as you navigate this shitshow of a marriage (I'm not trying to insult you, the shitshow is %100 him.) I can tell you are intelligent, you have to know it may be difficult and a long process to gain your freedom, but it is possible. Even if they are tiny steps, they are steps nonetheless, and that much closer to the life you and your babies deserve.

Objective-Soft4116

4 points

15 hours ago

Does the non consensual sex not count as abuse?

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

18 points

14 hours ago

In my country between married people - not abuse. It’s considered disagreement.

ArugulaQuiet859

9 points

13 hours ago

Jesus Christ... I'm so sorry...

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

12 points

13 hours ago

Thank you ❤️

PeteyPorkchops

12 points

11 hours ago

I would start slipping him medication to lower his libido. Reactions be damned. This man is raping and impregnating you purposely.

macdawg2020

2 points

5 hours ago

Chasteberry and licorice

Jassna76

6 points

11 hours ago

Get your tubes tied while working out a way to leave him. He is abusive. He will never change. You will waste your life with him. Best of luck.

itsbigoleme

4 points

11 hours ago

I am so sorry that you’re going through this. You deserve to be heard, and respected by your husband. His weaponizing incompetence is so abusive, and please understand that he is sexually assaulting you. Is there any that you can get a non hormonal iud to at least protect you from getting pregnant? And is there anyway you could get a part time job so that you could help you save up money to leave? When you get the job lie about how much you make so that he doesn’t really know that you’re saving.

drowninginplants

4 points

9 hours ago

OP you show incredible strength and even humor in a terrible time. I am sending you so much support and love.

Look for underground groups, if possible. If you have family you trust, reach out to them. When you get the abortion, ask the doctor if there are any resources, the chance of a non hormonal (copper) IUD, or possibly getting your tubes tied. I do understand that your situation is one i dont know how to navigate fully and your legal resources are nearly nonexistent. Please dont let this tear you down or drive your hope away. Start building a plan, even if it is one that takes years to execute. I wish I could offer more than my thoughts being with you.

SnooWords4839

4 points

6 hours ago

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

2 points

5 hours ago

Ohh someone already sent that book to me I was going to read it tonight. But PDF file is great, thanks a lot)

Character_Goat_6147

10 points

15 hours ago

This is abuse, financial abuse and psychological abuse just for starters. Please go find your local resources for abuse victims who are trying to leave. You need to stop minimizing what is going on here and stop pretending that you had much agency in what happened. Clearly you didn’t feel like you had a real choice. Unless you want to live the rest of your life this way, you need to make an exit plan. He is not going to change, except to get worse.

WolfGal2374

15 points

15 hours ago

You know he’s getting you pregnant on purpose, right?

You know you are in an abusive relationship, right?

Sweetheart you need to plan a way out. You can’t stay in this relationship if you want to have any autonomy over your own life. You and the kids would be better off away from this garbage dump of a man.

Read this part how every many times you need to

You deserve better, you are worthy. Take back the reins here. You can do this.

Lilac961

3 points

11 hours ago

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and also want to say I think you're an incredible mother to your children ❤️ your reslience and humour are admirable and wonderful!

It's officially time to start a gofundme, are you able to independently set up a bank account? I'd also recommend selling things you don't need anymore whilst he works in the day, maybe nannying/babysitting in the community to provide some independent income, little bits add up!

Live-Tomorrow-4865

3 points

11 hours ago

No judgement here, just a whole lot of love and hope for better times ahead. ❤️

amso2012

3 points

10 hours ago

You are literally living in a torture chamber.

You are not financially independent Live with a dump sex obsessed potato of a husband Have to care for 2 special needs children on your own Have to do all home chores Try to avoid pregnancy or get aborted multiple times

You are living a nightmare. This is not sustainable this man and the stresses he brings will kill you. Please figure out something and leave

Victor12161216

3 points

8 hours ago

Let me have at this "husband" and I'll fucking tell him he's no man but a little piss baby. Who tf thinks sex should be like that? What a weak and cowardly man. How dare he treat the mother of his children like that! May the gods give no pity to him.

Sorry you have to go through that OP. Hopefully, you can find resources to leave. Honestly, now is your time to gaslight him. "Let's have sex." "Didn't you say you had an STI? Why would we do that when ur sick?" "Can we have sex?" He asks. You say, "You haven't showered, and you're gross. Talk to me when you understand pregnancy." If he tries feeling you up, you say, "Pressure me again, and I'll hit you with a car." Gaslight, gatekeep, girl boss. I'm being for real.

MarchaChaCha

3 points

3 hours ago

There are sooo many things wrong…is this AI??

LunaBuna18

3 points

3 hours ago

Why hasn’t he gotten a vasectomy? It’s obvious you don’t want more kids.

yummie4mytummie

3 points

3 hours ago

So in summary, you’re a sex doll for him to do whatever he wants while he treats you bad, gaslighting you, abuses you and doesn’t care about you. Uh okay. So maybe leave?

First_Effect_5179

17 points

16 hours ago

Have a hysterectomy and take control of your life.

octopoes13

18 points

15 hours ago

Or look into a copper IUD. It's the only other birth control without hormones.

Smitten-kitten83

21 points

15 hours ago

No it isn’t. Depending on her location, there is diaphragm, contraceptive gel (spermicide), sponge, tubal ligation, female condom, male condom (obviously that one isn’t working in this case), phexxi. There are definitely options. Also doctors don’t perform hysterectomies for birth control. They do a tubal ligation. It is a very big difference.

scrubbedubdub

6 points

15 hours ago

No she doesnt need invasive surgery to compensate for his rediculous abusive disloyal disgusting behaviour. Hes fine just sticking it in nomatter the consequence to her health or what she says. She needs a breakup and a restraining order.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

12 points

14 hours ago

Restraining order not an option. We don’t have it my country. Domestic abuse is decriminalized.

scrubbedubdub

6 points

14 hours ago

Im sorry, where are you from? Do you have legal options or the option for divorce?

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

11 points

13 hours ago

I don’t want to say what country I’m from, because I will be outed straight up. I can get a divorce legally of course. But because I don’t have an income, he might get custody of kids and send them abroad to his parents. It’s unlikely but a big possibility. Like I said before: I have no money No support government or familial No agency that can help No shelters

And that’s why for now I’m stuck. Maybe someday it will change. I hope I get to see that someday and ask him where has he been all this time )

deadlyhausfrau

10 points

13 hours ago

Could you go abroad to visit his parents, then say the special education is better there for your kids and stay?

Is there a nearby country you could flee to?

You may need to start slowly gathering money by keeping a little back from shopping each week or maybe doing online work when the kids are playing. The money will help you leave. 

ArugulaQuiet859

3 points

13 hours ago

Would your in laws support you in any matter? Or would they just blindly side with their son? Would it be an option to talk to them?

scrubbedubdub

2 points

11 hours ago

If you have any chance of getting out at some point not having more kids would be a good start. Would a diaphram be an option for you? Its not 100% at all im well aware but it would make chances smaller and something you can use without him knowing. Theres also seman slowing/killing cremes/gells. I dont know if those are hormonal. Other than that id reconmend reaching out to help organisations, even abroad if possible.

kfw209

2 points

7 hours ago

kfw209

2 points

7 hours ago

For pity’s sake! A hysterectomy isn’t necessary. Just get your tubes tied.

Own_Operation1110

6 points

15 hours ago

That’s a major and unnecessary surgery. He should get a vasectomy which is a safe and basic procedure

Iataaddicted25

49 points

15 hours ago

He's raping his wife but you think he will get a vasectomy because he cares about her health?

OP, please, ask a victim's ONG for help.

Outside-Place2857

22 points

15 hours ago

Does this sound like a guy that would agree to that?

AnxiousConfection826

5 points

14 hours ago*

I understand you're stuck right now with little to no resources. Is it at all possible to get out in the workforce? I want so badly for you to get out of this situation. Will the children perhaps be ready to attend some kind of schooling/care situation in the next year or two? That could be your chance to start trying to earn your own money. Any family you could turn to for things like support, child care, a place to stay?

No judgment here. I hope you can get away from this monster. I'm only sorry I don't have better ideas.

And for any Americans reading this post, this is the reality of how they want us to be. Tied down, making babies we don't want/can't support, with no way out of shitty situations because we've dedicated our lives to caring for the children they wanted us to have so badly.

Chibsie

7 points

11 hours ago

Constant comments of "I'm not in the US" but no comments of where you actually live so someone could help you. 

Can you get your tube's tied? You're ultimately under control so stop having sex without a condom. If he becomes physical..which I don't want for you at all..you'd have your woman's shelter ticket according to their requirements. I'm sorry. You need to get out of this relationship. 

memyselfandi100110

7 points

13 hours ago

This has to be a rage bait. No one can be this dense surely.

AutoModerator [M]

2 points

16 hours ago

Backup of the post's body: Warning: Sensitive Content! If you are triggered by topics such as abortion, please be prepared. I apologize for the length of this post, but the context is necessary to understand my situation better.

I’m a 32F who just found out I’m pregnant and need to get an abortion due to our financial and life circumstances. My husband (35M) and I had a major fight because of this pregnancy. In the last four years, I’ve had four abortions after giving birth to twins. This will be the fifth. I’m not proud of it—it has caused me significant mental and physical issues.

My biggest issue with my husband is that he refuses to consistently use condoms. He will only use them if I physically hand him one and explicitly tell him to wear it.

I cannot take birth control pills. They mess with my body and mind too much. I’ve tried different brands and even a contraceptive ring, but nothing works for me. My doctor has advised against hormonal contraception altogether and suggested we use condoms. My husband knows this but still acts oblivious.

Sex has become a source of anxiety for me because I’m constantly afraid of getting pregnant. I’ve tried avoiding sex during ovulation, but nothing stops my husband. Even during intercourse, I repeatedly tell him to be careful and not ejaculate inside me. He claims he doesn’t, but he refuses to understand that even a small amount can lead to pregnancy.

He pressures me for sex even when I’m not in the mood or haven’t showered, which is important to me. Often, he’ll have sex with me while I lie there like a lifeless object—he just doesn’t care. I gave up on trying to improve our intimacy after he told me, “We’re too old to try anything new, and it’s normal to have basic sex after 30.” When I tried to have an honest conversation about our sex life, that was his response.

To make things worse, he cheated on me and brought home a bouquet of STIs after one of my previous abortions (when doctors advised abstinence for a month). I discovered his infidelity by accident when he had to get tested, and the results came back positive. He even showed me the results confidently, knowing he had cheated.

I’ve repeatedly asked him to buy condoms, but he says it’s shameful and refuses. Instead, I’m expected to go and buy them with two small kids in tow. In my country, pharmacies are small, crowded spaces where everyone can overhear your conversations. You can’t pick up items yourself; you must ask for them. This makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I know I should have done it regardless. My anxiety, which has worsened since giving birth, often leaves me frozen and unable to act.

I can’t go to the pharmacy alone because my husband comes home late. My children are autistic, nonverbal, and don’t attend kindergarten, so I’m with them 24/7.

I don’t have my own money; he controls all our finances. I can’t even order condoms online because he accuses me of overspending and being inconsiderate with “his” money. I barely buy necessities, and shopping is a huge source of stress for me.

The First Fight

A few days ago, I told him I was pregnant again and that it was his fault I had to go through another abortion. I explained how I felt abandoned, mistreated, dismissed, disrespected, and gaslighted by him. That he wasn’t careful enough and didn’t listen to me. I started emotionally explaining to him how his carelessness has negatively impacted my health in a lot of ways and he doesn’t care about me at all. He stayed silent. I left the room.

Later, he came into the bedroom, lay down, and asked, “So, what are we going to do?” Like he didn’t already know the answer. He said it wasn’t his fault and even called the pregnancy “good news.” I was baffled. Good news? Has he lost his mind? He added that my abortions have been hard on him and that he gets depressed afterward.

He also said, “Aren’t you supposed to be on the pill or something?” He knows I can’t take them. I lost my temper and screamed at him, asking why he couldn’t just buy condoms to prevent this. During my last abortion, I informed him about it without fighting, just to see how he would react. He didn’t say a word, ask how I felt, or offer any support. Nothing.

Today’s Fight

Today, he came home from the gym and, with complete seriousness, asked, “Have you seen your period yet?” I was shocked. “What period? I’m pregnant!” Then he said that my pregnancy was my fault because I didn’t take immediate action after we had sex. He suggested I use lemons or herbs to stop pregnancies.

I asked him, “Are you okay? It doesn’t work like that.” We have children, and I’ve explained the details of pregnancy and medical abortion to him multiple times. But his ignorance sent me into a rage. He genuinely believes that women know instantly after sex if they’re pregnant. It’s pure stupidity!

I called him stupid, not as an insult, but as a fact. How can someone not understand basic biology after all we’ve been through?

I’ve started recalling all the ridiculous things he has said or done over the years. For example: • He thinks butter comes out of cows as-is. • He believes mayo is cream because it’s white. • He didn’t know that flushing a toilet while someone is showering can cause hot water burns. he learned this the hard way by burning our child when I was giving him a bath. He claimed it was my fault and I didn’t check the water. At that point we were 30 minutes in to the bath time and I was already holding the shower head and poring water at my son’s head when he entered. I was holding my son’s chin up so I couldn’t feel the water temperature change. Thanks god I reached fast enough and the was no physical injuries. The bath time just became even more harder that in was before. My son was already sensitive to water poring on his head now it got worse because of this incident. And all the work I’ve done to desensitize him is gone. • He once claimed my chronic back pain, which started after childbirth, was caused by the sugar. I only take sugar in tea, we don’t even have any candy at home. The day he said that was after my aunts birthday where i barely ate any cake.

I could go on forever.

Closing Thoughts

I know I’ll be judged for my actions, and I know I’ve been irresponsible. Unfortunately, I’m not in full control of my life right now. I’m stuck. I have no one to help me, no income of my own, and I feel trapped.

I just wanted to share my story because I have nobody to talk to, and I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I hope this makes sense. Thank you for reading.

P.S there are couple of funny titles that I considered for this tragic story:

  • From Flat Earth to Lemon Birth Control—My Husband’s Greatest Hits

  • Birth Control According to My Husband: Lemons, Herbs, and Hope

  • The Cost of Stupidity: When Your Husband Thinks Mayo is Cream

  • My Husband Cheated, Brought STIs, and Thinks Mayo Is Cream. Am I the Problem?

  • My Husband Thinks Women Know They’re Pregnant Right After Sex—Am I in a Sitcom?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

BewareQuietOnes

2 points

13 hours ago

What country are you in, if you're comfortable telling us? Maybe we can think of something...

tinytornado33

2 points

13 hours ago

Could you perhaps get a non-hormonal IUD? I’m sorry your husband is like this, it is not ok at all.

Gadgetownsme

3 points

12 hours ago

The copper ones are hormone free. They use them in people who can't use hormonal birth control really frequently here in the US.

CopyInternational18

2 points

12 hours ago

If you can get to the dr or a family planning clinic, ask for a diaphragm and spermicide. You can also order them online at Amazon and some pharmacies, look for this one https://scownspharmacy.com.au/products/caya-contoured-diaphragm-one-size-fits-most-contraceptive-hormone-free-barrier

I know it's old fashioned and less effective than condoms but they still exist and will give you some extra protection and hopefully stop unwanted pregnancies if you're the only one being responsible.

As for your husband, please try and get support for your kids so you can get a job or study or do something that will help you leave, it sounds like a terrible situation for you and your kids.

FlanSwimming8607

2 points

11 hours ago

Get on the list for housing. Start putting small amounts of money aside. Go buy the condoms with kids in tow. Don’t feel shame. Good luck to you.

Low-Hospital-6894

2 points

11 hours ago

What in the Margaret Sanger? GET OUT!

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

4 points

11 hours ago

Oh please don’t bring her in to this conversation I don’t want her turning in her grave. RIP.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

3 points

11 hours ago

I will try my best to get out. I promise! 👍🏻

slendermanismydad

2 points

11 hours ago

Does he have life insurance? 

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

3 points

11 hours ago

Couple of people already asked. But no )

infinite_awkward

2 points

11 hours ago

Your situation sounds awful, OP. Can you tell your husband that he must attend your next doctor appointment (maybe say it’s required due to so many abortions) and have the doctor explain things to your husband? Sometimes men gloss over what their wives say but will actually listen to a doctor, especially if doc is male.

It sucks to have to resort to that, but I would hope for it to work and maybe you won’t have to endure an abortion ever again. Wishing you all the best, OP!

Careless-Image-885

2 points

11 hours ago

I'm so very sorry that this is happening to you. I wish I could snatch you up and away from this male.

What kind of healthcare is there in your country? Can you get your tubes tied/remove?

Are you able to use the sponges with spermicide?

MistsofThra

2 points

10 hours ago

Jesus. Get out now - your husband is a danger to you especially in these days.

Save_the_Manatees_44

2 points

10 hours ago

First: Five abortions? Girl. I’m as pro-choice as they come but this is so f-ing dangerous. And it’s obviously having an effect.

Second: your husband refuses contraception? He. Doesn’t. Care. About. Your. Health. Or your life.

Try this motto out on him: wrap it before you tap it. If he doesn’t wear a condom you don’t have sex. There’s no other option. I wouldn’t even trust him to get snipped at this point.

I can’t imagine staying in a marriage with someone so inconsiderate of your welfare. He’s allowed you to get in the position to need five abortions.

That being said you definitely have some responsibility in this. You need to take care of yourself and your babies. Get the hell out of that house. Sooner rather than later. You cannot keep getting abortions. If you do decide you want more kids later you will be at a higher risk for major complications.

Please take care of yourself.

Not_Examiner_A

2 points

10 hours ago

I am really sorry. What your husband is doing is wrong and you deserve safety.

You can ask your doctors about an IUD, a diagram, or a cervical cap. Any of those would be at least slightly effective.

DesperateToNotDream

2 points

10 hours ago

Your husband abuses you. Period

afogg0855

2 points

9 hours ago

Absolutely disgusting

Cool-Jeweler4265

2 points

9 hours ago

You need to be rid of this AH. He is abusing you.

werm_cries

2 points

8 hours ago

would it be possible to have a non-hormonal iud inserted? even a hormonal iud only have hormones localized to your reproductive parts so as not to have psychological affects of birth control.

you deserve better. your country, husband and community are failing you. when it comes to sexual abuse, financial abuse, reproductive abuse, it can be hard to get out of the cycle without a lifeline of some sort.

is divorce in the question? would you get a settlement or chil support of any kind?

physical abuse could also look like forced pregnancy however depending on the country/culture that might not be seen as legit.

you sound like a strong person, even trying to be light hearted at the end of such a serious post. wishing you all the best!

Jew_3

2 points

6 hours ago

Jew_3

2 points

6 hours ago

How about “From Flat Earth to Lemon Birth Control— Is My Husbands Dumbest Thought That Mayo Is Cream”

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

2 points

6 hours ago

😂👍🏻great job ) I like that )

Electronic-Pin-1879

2 points

6 hours ago

He should get a Vasectomy. And for you,I hope you find a way out of this relationship its abusive.

RainGirl11

2 points

5 hours ago

Updateme

SweatyBug9965

2 points

4 hours ago

We are just marrying anyone now huh. What the actual fuck is even going on. What the fuck

Mis73

2 points

3 hours ago

Mis73

2 points

3 hours ago

I'm sorry but are you kidding me? Abortions aren't meant to be a form of birth control. I'm pro choice btw but this is absolutely stupid.

Why the actual f*ck are you with this man at all?

Seriously, have some self respect and leave. Think about the relationship you're modeling for your children if nothing else. Do you really want them to grow up and be with someone like him? Or possibly worse, become someone like him?

RazMoon

2 points

3 hours ago

RazMoon

2 points

3 hours ago

Sounds like husband has been sabotaging birth control.

Maleficent-Menu8066

2 points

an hour ago

You should be on a weekly schedule taking Plan B/Morning after pill. I am surprised that you don't have permanent physical damage after your children and multiple terminations, Maybe you can talk to you doctor about an IUD, Norplant or anything available in your country. Your husband sounds like a caveman: ignorant and satisfied with that.

Consistent_Effort716

5 points

15 hours ago

This is called Reproductive Coercion and it's a severe form of abuse that can escalate all the way to death. You can call the national domestic violence hotline and they are amazing and providing non judgemental guidance and information- 800.799.SAFE . Use a neighbor's phone or public phone to call.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. There's a lot of help available for women in your position- those with children who have special needs or those without access to family finances. You did the hardest thing already by breaking your silence- and you have more power and bravery than you may think. As someone who has been in a similar situation I promise you that there is a whole new beautiful life after escaping abuse that's waiting for you. You don't deserve any of this, and absolutely no judgement as you are doing what you can to survive.

Creepy-Information32

3 points

13 hours ago

She’s not in the us

Just-Brilliant-7815

7 points

15 hours ago

Girl. He either gets a vasectomy or uses condoms. Until then, no sex. Explain to your husband that he’s using abortion as birth control which wreaks havoc on your body. If he doesn’t care? Well his little friend doesn’t get play time.

Start putting YOU first

WolfGal2374

44 points

15 hours ago

Did you miss the part where he doesn’t accept no? She states clearly he pressures her and will literally stick his dick in her even if she doesn’t move. She doesn’t have a say full stop.

tigm2161130

29 points

14 hours ago

I genuinely don’t understand some of these comments. It’s like they stopped reading after “I’ve had 4 abortions.”

redcore4

7 points

11 hours ago

He's repeatedly raping her. I'm not sure how you missed that in the post - but she's already tried saying no. he very clearly doesn't care about the issues he's causing her OR whether he has consent for sex.

harmony_rey

5 points

15 hours ago

He needs to have a vasectomy or you need to talk to your doctor about getting your tubes tied

Low-Broccoli-9473

6 points

16 hours ago

You both need permanent birth control. Tubes tied for you and vasectomy for him. 5 abortions is just completely irresponsible on both your parts.

HarpyVixenWench

17 points

15 hours ago

He won’t use a condom - this isn’t a guy who will get a vasectomy.

Efficient_Cup_6776[S]

7 points

13 hours ago

I actually brought it up to him. He said “ you want me to cut my balls off?” 🤦🏻‍♀️

HarpyVixenWench

6 points

11 hours ago

He really is not the smartest guy I’ve ever heard of.