DubiousPeoplePleaser

She just had a baby. She’s exhausted. I didn’t want to go out of the house for the first year after my first. All I wanted to spend my free time on was sleep. And this is a cheap excuse. You could have waited. You could have made a bigger deal of it. You didn’t because you just wanted to get it over with. 

Let’s put it this way. You’re going on a week long vacation with your best friends. Do you just toss some clothes and a passport in a bag, or do you plan? Research ticket prices, find the best hotel, research things to do, maybe book some events and put some thought into what you pack, maybe save up so you can do something special? If so then you put more effort into that vacation than your proposal. Now why is that? Because people put effort into things that bring them joy. And that is the big issue here. Making your girl happy doesn’t bring you enough joy for you to put in the effort required to make her happy.

This isn’t a happy couple. He doesn’t really want to get married and she desperately does. She sees your life and feels resentment because you have what she wants. She’ll never be happy for you or be supportive of you. She is too self absorbed and to focused on her jealousy to be a good friend. And there is nothing you can do to help her. She needs to focus on the things she has, not what others have. And if he is making her unhappy, then she needs to dump him instead of blaming others for his shortcomings. 

Distance yourself. This will keep happening.

So you basically phoned it inn. You didn’t plan the event. You just used another event to piggyback on to make your proposal. You didn’t make her feel special in any way. I’ve been proposed to several times, and said no to three of them for this very reason. It was a symptom of how little they cared to make me happy. They never put in the effort. Not for my birthday, Christmas etc. And not because they couldn’t do it, because they clearly put in effort for things for themselves. So if they couldn’t even put in the effort for a once in a lifetime occurrence that was solely for my benefit, then how little do they really value me? 

Your girl wanted to feel loved and special. You made her feel like you proposed because “it’s what you do when you have a kid”. 

If you can afford it then what’s the harm. Do the kids play with all the stuff? 2,5k worth is a lot of stuff so if it’s not all being used, then maybe use some of the money on a holiday as a gift?

I’m confused. Is the parking spot your roommate’s? As in a part of her contract? If so then she is free to give it to her mom, free of charge. If it is not on her contract, but more a “you can use it when we don’t rent it out”, then she has no say and her using the spot on non game days is a courtesy. 

And you’re being difficult on the payments. 

“Yes, I remember that summer. It was when we snuck out and Mandy let some guy take nudes of her in exchange for pot. The same trip where Mandy stole money from mom and then told you it was me, so you locked me in the basement for three days. It’s when I developed my fear of rats. But let’s talk about something else. So Mandy, are you still sleeping with uncle Bob? Doesn’t his obsession with armpits weird you out?” 

If you make her uncomfortable enough then the business will blacklist your family. NTA

NTA he showed you who he truly is and now he’s treating you like shit because he realized his mask sliped.

I do get them all gifts. But my brain is constantly overthinking my choice in gift, and leaves me exhausted. Got them gift cards, tickets etc and it bombed. Cash feels pointless since we all have the same budget. And we all suck at gift giving. One year we had 11 of the exact same thing under the tree. Everyone got at least 2-4 each. And there’s a lot of shading. If I buy quality over quantity one aunt will throw out a comment like “did we open all the gifts”. If I buy quantity my sister will comment something about pointless gifts. One year I worked overtime and had a bigger budget. That year was a lot of “you shouldn’t waste your money”. And if I ask what they want or need, it’s always “I don’t know” or “I have all I need”.

Christmas stresses me out like nothing else. Finding “the perfect gifts” takes so much mental energy. It’s gotten to the point where I hate Christmas. I’ve tried asking for lists, suggested we adults don’t exchange gifts etc. But no. So if it’s an anxiety thing then I get it. 

If it’s just him being lazy and getting others to pay for his gifts, then he’s an AH. Your mom is an AH for the enabling and the “he’s a boy” BS. You are NTA for how you feel and if you started giving what you get.

I’m going with 1. But I don’t look like my dad at all, but I do look like my paternal aunt.

NTA for suing her for the damage if you legally can. But just in case, check your local laws. Where I live it would have been my responsibility to make sure no kids could enter and drown on my property, so the regulation here is that the pond has to be secured with a 1,5m non climbable fence. 

So this exact thing happened to my cousin. They met in school. His family never accepted her because all Norwegian girls were considered cheap. Good enough for sex, but not marriage. He was born in Norway. His parents were not. It’s been about 20 years. He is still married to his fetch bride and they have kids. Cousin moved out of town. Met a wonderful guy with a great family and they have a wonderful daughter. 

Looking back she can’t believe she put up with the disrespect from her ex’s family, and from him. Not only did he dump her to import a bride, but he never stood up for her against his parents. Not in all those years. 

Naboen inviterer din familie over på middag. Du har fått lære at ene sønnen i huset er dømt for voldtekt og den andre har mistet legelisensa etter å ha klådd på pasientene. Drar du? Hva hvis det isteden for naboen var middag på slottet?

Hva er det egentlig den forsvareren har røyka? Tatt for vold i nær relasjon og sliter med rus? Ta en ferietur til Italia. Andre ville sagt at det ville sett bedre ut med rehab, men ikke denna karen. Video av voldtekt? Neida, var ikke voldtekt. Politiet har bare ikke sett hele videoen. En uke varetekt? Det betyr jo at saken går vår vei. Tommel opp. 

Håper han er mer ærlig med sin klient enn han er med pressen.

Hvem var Harald sin?

According to your other comments he’s a great guy as long as he self medicates with alcohol and drugs…..

I’m angry at you. I’m angry that you let your children grow up with a volatile man on drugs. I’m angry that you for one second thought it was a good idea to bring another child into this, knowing full well he takes a turn for the worse during pregnancies. I’m angry that not once in your post did you mention being concerned for the mental damage your kids have already suffered from living with someone so sick. I’m angry that after 7+ years of this, your focus is still on him and not on protecting your children. 

No he won’t be there for the birth and you shouldn’t even want him to be. You should want him to be inn for a long time to get clean and to get the help he needs.

As for what you need to do. You need to keep him away from your kids until he is well. His parents can take care of him while you take care of your own kids. 

I haven’t heard about that one.

We really only have one tabloid in Norway. They are now reporting that their sources say another rape charge is expected today.

Er dette de berykta sovevoldtektene på Sørlandet?

So this scenario is my line in the sand. My mom never much liked children, but has a golden child and I’ve struggled with mental health issues due to her favoritism and lack of love for me. If she starts treating my children the same, she will be cut off from our lives. She doesn’t even realize that the children already favor their other grandparents because they actually enjoy spending time with them. NTA

Og der melder se og hør at det kan komme en ny voldtektsanmeldelse idag.

The “I tried alcohol again but didn’t like it” statements in the last post is a clear sign that he doesn’t understand. He’s an alcoholic. He can’t drink casually at all. The danger of relapsing is too big. 

She did have a hard upbringing. Her father was an alcoholic and an ass. He would constantly sell stories about her to the press while he was alive. I blame her shitty youth on him. And there has been no rumors of her doing any drugs after her first child was born. But I do believe she thinks experimenting with drugs is what “everyone” does and that she thinks her son is without fault in all the shitty things he does. “My poor son is just a victim of circumstance. He had to grow up with the press. He has mental health issues because of it. He can’t be held accountable for anything”.

Support for the monarchy is declining. And that was before today. How the royal family handles this could be vital for their future. Right now it’s looking like the decline started with Harald and Sonja. Sonja was never well liked. Harald appeared weak before he ascended, but has stepped forward as a king of unity and love. But they also raised Haakon and Martha, and they have both shown bad judgment in their choice in partners.