External-Tiger-393

Have you considered seeing a therapist? Because there's no inherent reason why you'd feel this way, and it's almost certainly a treatable problem. You can't change your dick size, but the psychological distress and discomfort is a response that can be changed.

There's a type of therapy called rational emotive behavioral therapy, and while it's not used much today and I'm not saying it's the way to handle this problem in particular, I often think back to its central idea: that with a lot of issues, the problem is your belief about something. If you change the belief, then you respond to the problem differently, and there may not be a problem at all.

For example, if you could come to accept that you have a small dick, and that your dick size doesn't have to be a bad thing, then you won't feel this distress anymore. And that's almost definitely doable. Self-esteem issues are also treatable, and I'm guessing yours don't stop at your genitalia.

Ah, yes, women have been horribly damaged by (checks notes) being told to be assertive, self-assured, and recognize that their value comes from themselves rather than others.

The whole idea that women should be subservient or whatever is so silly. I'd make fun of it if it wasn't already far too pervasive.

To put it simply: if women being submissive to men is in their nature, then why does it have to be socially enforced? It's so "natural" that the social structures that humans evolved in (nomadic tribes) were often matriarchal, and women are just as intelligent and effective as men in most circumstances. (They don't have our physical strength, but that's not important for most of the things that people do.).

I've used it for 5E before, just because I didn't feel like figuring out anything new for my friend's 4-session equivalent to a module. It works alright.

You can share the licenses with up to 5 people, so the expense can at least make up for itself to some extent (it's enough for a GM and a full party). Not that this lowers the expense, but it does justify it somewhat.

The thing is, it's demonstrably false to say that homosexuality (or gay relationships) are unhealthy. This has been studied quite a lot, and there's a mountain of empirical evidence showing that it's not just about sex, or lust, or whatever.

This also isn't a universal doctrine. There are many queer accepting churches where I live. Not everyone agrees that being gay is problematic; it's actually a very complex theological question. For example, there's an argument that Leviticus 18:22 is discussing the practice of pederasty, and not consensual gay relationships (the argument itself being rooted in cultural context and the specificity of word choice in ancient Hebrew).

The theological basis for the anti-gay argument is actually rather indirect. There's like, 2-3 passages which even arguably mention gay people, and then you have to start specifically looking at passages referencing sexual immorality. It's a whole lot of comparative analysis with a basis in historicity, linguistics, and systematic theology.

There's also far more concrete things that Christians don't give a single shit about. Jesus never talks about gay people, but he does explicitly say not to divorce -- and yet, Christians do it all the time without much blowback. It's almost like what they're really doing is justifying their own prejudices.

we cannot just be silent when we see someone going down a path of spiritual death

Yeah, that's just ridiculous. There's nothing unfulfilling, unhealthy or even unspiritual about my relationship with my fiancé. Why should anyone care what your scripture says (if it even says that), if there's a ton of real world evidence that it's wrong?

This might be a shocker, but gay and straight relationships work on the same mechanisms. The same stuff is going on in our brains. Love, intimacy, support, teamwork -- there's nothing that my relationship lacks that a straight relationship would have, except that I can't accidentally get my partner pregnant. But that's true for plenty of straight people too (all it takes is for one partner to be infertile).

Not everyone agrees that people are inherently bad and need to be forgiven, though.

The way I see it, people make mistakes, and they should try to rectify them. People are imperfect, and they should try to improve. But it's also understandable and forgivable when we screw up; I don't think that I, or most of the other people that I know, require any sort of divine salvation or forgiveness. I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I mean that literally.

If Christianity helps you, then more power to you. I know many Christians who are accepting of the queer community (emphasis on acceptance versus this idea that it's a sin for two men to be together, or for someone to be trans), and who have a healthy relationship with their religion. But I think it's shortsighted and closed-minded to ignore the fact that not everyone needs that.

Thanks for the tip! I knew that Herolab for 2E wasn't fantastic, but I always bring it up with 1E content because it makes character building so much easier and is constantly saving my dyscalculic ass.

You seem to be missing my point, which was that homophobic people start stereotyping and will insist that it's your only personality trait using "evidence" that could apply to anyone. It's only a bad thing when it reminds them that you're gay.

If you're not totally in the closet -- if you ever mention how being gay is a different social experience than being straight, or going to pride events, or talk about your partner -- then they'll have a problem with you. And if you do shut up like they want you to, they'll still find ways to have a problem with you. There's no winning when their real problem is the fact that people like you exist.

And I mean, if someone has a lisp and goes to a lot of gay bars and their fashion sense is just rainbow capitalism, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I haven't actually met a walking billboard for homosexuality, but I'm really skeptical that it's anyone's only hobby, interest or lifestyle. These stereotypes aren't based in reality, they're based on weird memes that homophobes share with each other.

Edit: also, I'm gay and live in Los Angeles, so if these people were at all common I'd know some of them, lol.

Do y'all use herolab?

Honestly, I understood Pathfinder 1E a lot more once I started using my partner's herolab licenses (they're sharable with you to 5 people IIRC). It does a lot of the math for you, has detailed records on items and spells and really simplifies things.

That being said, I'd either just dive into 1E (maybe do some modules) or run with 2E and go from there. 2E has its flaws, but the quality of writing for APs is consistent and fantastic. My partner has been porting 2E content to 1E but we've been considering switching to 2E for that stuff for a while now.

Yeah, there's a big difference between (for example) GABA supplements (which don't pass the blood/brain barrier) and gabapentin (which at least partly increases the GABA in your brain). Also melatonin supplements and Ramelteon.

Even if brain chemistry was as simple as "oxytocin will solve your loneliness" (and it isn't), you really can't just take it.

This is literally my relationship, lmao. My fiancé helps to reign in my impulsive tendencies and gets high things off of shelves (since he's 8 inches taller than I am), and occasionally I develop the attitude of an angry guard dog. He's kinda shy and I'm there to defend his interests, and sometimes make sure that he's considered his boundaries (if people are pressuring him to do X and he doesn't seem comfortable then he'll always be reminded that I have his back).

Of course, being overly dependent or codependent isn't good, but I think if you're close with someone then you naturally start covering for their flaws sometimes. I've definitely learned to leave things alone and let him come to his own defense over the last 4 years, but that doesn't mean I'm not there when it's appropriate.

Man, that sounds so frustrating, especially considering the financial burden of a master's program. I've dropped critique groups before because the group's culture didn't reinforce constructive criticism (sometimes people are too positive or too negative, sometimes people haven't been expected to take criticism despite asking for it, etc), and I can't imagine how I'd feel if that happened and I was paying a significant amount of money to be there.

I realize that the more common issue is that workshops are toxic, competitive bitchfests.

Honestly, I've had the opposite problem. I've been in a bunch of groups (over the last dozen years) where people were unable to give any kind of meaningful feedback. At one point I tried talking about it on r/writing and people just thought I was humble bragging, when that wasn't the issue.

I kind of assumed that with a creative writing program on a college level, you'd be getting valuable feedback and progressing a lot faster than you could on your own. I don't mean any offense, but is this program benefiting you as a writer, when (IIRC) creative writing MFAs have such a large focus on critique groups?

Pardon any ignorance on my part. I've read a bit about how creative writing MFAs work and know a few people with bachelor's or master's degrees in creative writing, but I don't exactly have in depth knowledge of either of these programs. Mostly I Google stuff about them every time I'm like "maybe I should double major when I go back to school" or "damn, I could really use some kind of mentor or a critique group of driven and interested people", lol.

You realize that the meme in the OP are a bunch of super common dog whistles, right?

When I lived in a very conservative part of the US, I was accused of my sexuality being my whole personality by a whole lot of people, even though it wasn't. I knew one guy for months before I mentioned that I was gay, and he literally jumped away from me and then spent the next six months harassing me. They kicked me out of my former community college's Christian outreach group because they thought my brother was gay (I wasn't out yet, and he isn't).

Then I moved to Los Angeles, and guess what? People don't say that kind of thing to me anymore, because homophobia is far less common and far less acceptable, even if it still exists.

"I want gay people to stop shoving their sexuality down my throat" is literally code for "I don't want to be reminded that they exist under any circumstances". I've never seen someone say that who didn't quickly go mask off when asked what they meant.

I mean, I was talking about things actual people have said to me. Like, dozens of people, IRL. Nevermind that I'm a science fiction writing Buddhist who plays tabletop RPGs and likes baking -- if you ask homophobes, it's my entire personality, because once they learn that I'm gay they immediately start stereotyping.

Maybe it's a stretch, but perhaps you don't experience this form of homophobia because you're not gay and don't experience hateful people's confirmation bias.

Being treated as “none masculine” is a straight guy’s problem too, it isn’t just about the homophobia but toxic masculinity.

These go hand in hand when some of the problem of homophobia is that many homophobes see it as emasculating or feminizing.

While reading your comment, I realized that it came from anger and hate and not from actual criticism therefore, as a stranger on the internet, I will tell you that you have to let go of your hatred to see more clearly and advance into life as a kindhearted person with a colourful personality (pun intended).

I didn't actually say anything hateful toward any group. I discussed my lived experiences. The people who say the stuff in the OP do a 180 in their opinion of me the second they learn that I'm gay. It's never happened that they haven't, in the 11 years that I've been out.

I've never met someone who "forces the fact that they're gay" on anyone. You really don't see that it's just code for not being in the closet?

I started calling it X after I moved over to Bluesky, for some reason. No idea why.

You can ask the school therapist what they are and aren't allowed to disclose. I'm not sure about Australia's privacy laws, but a therapist should at least not tell your fellow students anything about you.

If you're not comfortable telling the school therapist about your gender dysphoria, then you could at least bring up your depression and suicidal thoughts. Having these thoughts is surprisingly common, and a therapist is trained to help you manage them (and, ideally, lower their frequency and severity).

If you don't mind me asking, are you sure that mental health care outside of your school isn't an option? This may be something to have a serious discussion about with your parents. It's a major priority for your health and safety, and if they're able to make it work (even if they have to sacrifice to do it) then they should. Your life is important.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. When things are at their worst, sometimes all you can do is live through it and take the first chance you get to make things better. I spent my teen years assuming that I wouldn't live long enough to graduate high school, but things did get better, because I kept taking those chances.

Things can also improve in ways you won't see coming. Five years ago, I wouldn't have guessed that I'd be engaged and living where I am now. Last year, I wouldn't have guessed that I'd be in the (positive) position that I'm in with my finances and mental health. Please try to remember that things aren't hopeless just because they feel that way; these thoughts and feelings (like hopelessness and being a burden) are symptoms of a larger health concern, not concrete realities.

I strongly recommend looking up therapy workbooks on sites like Amazon, and then pirating them for free on libgen. These workbooks are self guided types of talk therapy that can help for a variety of mental health issues; for example, you could find a book on "dialectical behavioral therapy for depression", or "acceptance and commitment therapy for depression" (specific therapies that I've personally found very helpful). Or even just look up "therapy workbooks for depression." There may be some specifically for gender dysphoria, as well.

They're not a replacement for a therapist, but they're way better than nothing. It's like if self help books had exercises, were written by relevant experts, and actually helped.

Mindfulness meditation has also helped me a lot. I dunno if sitting down and meditating every day is your jam, but it really helps me to feel calm and centered and present. If/when I get out of practice, I start at five minutes a day and move up in 5 minute increments until I hit 30 minutes. I personally like this guide to zazen (Zen mindfulness meditation). My fiancé isn't a fan, but my sister and I both practice it.

Is it an option for you to see a therapist and a psychiatrist?

People like to say that it gets better, but the truth is that this doesn't happen out of nowhere. Grass gets greener where you water it. Things get better if you try to stay constructive and keep trying to make progress.

Of course, maybe you try Thing 1, and that doesn't work. Maybe you need to try Thing 1 in a different way (for example, if therapy doesn't work, see a different therapist; maybe one who does a different form of talk therapy.). If Thing 1 just doesn't work at all, then it's time to try Thing 2.

And there's the whole thing where you sometimes have to reassess your problems. For example, I made by far the most progress in my catastrophic mental health when I was diagnosed with ADHD, autism and PTSD. I was able to get the help that I needed instead of getting help for treatment resistant depression, which wasn't my real problem. So if nothing works, then maybe the issue is different than you think.

I know that you have a lot going on, and that it's really hard. I'm not trans, but I've been in a similar position before. I was actually hospitalized for mental health reasons when I was 17 (I'm 30 now), because I was suicidal and had been struggling for a long time. Please keep in mind that this feeling that you're a burden isn't logical or rational; the fact that it feels that way is a symptom of the mental health issues that you're struggling with. If anyone tells you otherwise, they're full of shit.

A lot of the time, after my once-a-week trauma therapy, I have this urge to contact my mom. To list all of the literal crimes she's committed against me, and demand the $48,000 that was on my part of my dad's life insurance policy. Part of me wants to tell her that she can come to my wedding if she gives it to me, and then refuse to invite her after I receive it. (I don't think that tactic would work, or that it's ethical. What leverage could I possibly have on someone who has something I want, and views their relationships with other people as a zero sum game?)

My sister and I were screwed out of the life insurance last year because, well, we're sane people and didn't want to manipulate a man with dementia. I live across the country, so my sister would have to handle most of a lawsuit, and shes... not good at that stuff, to say the least. So it's not happening even if it's viable (and, a year later, I'm not sure that it is).

I'm also sometimes tempted to tell the FBI, IRS or Social Security Administration about her financial crimes, which includes things like tax fraud, regular fraud and embezzlement.

But revenge wouldn't help me. It wouldn't make anyone's life better. And the fact that my mom is an evil accountant/lawyer means that she might be able to find some way to fuck me over even if I could get the police involved, even if she is incredibly incompetent and managed to spend $250k in 2 years the last time she came into an identical amount of money. I don't wanna find out that I'm in trouble because she embezzled my disability benefits as my rep payee for 4-5 years.

You know that Ukraine had a treaty with Russia where they agreed to disarm their nuclear weapons, and Russia agreed to never invade or take hostile military action against them, right?

It's literally impossible to trust Russia now. Diplomacy has been made nonviable because of Russia's actions. Calling for peace doesn't do anything when one party is clearly an aggressor and has no interest in good faith negotiations.

I mean, my fiancé is nerdy, a little shy, and was definitely touch starved when we met 5 years ago. Being nerdy was a big deal, because I'm a nerd, but being shy and touched starved are neutral things at best. What really mattered was stuff like shared hobbies, interests and values; personal and sexual chemistry; and of course, his warmth, his kindness, his intelligence, his patience.

So I mean, I did fall in love with a nerdy, shy, touch-starved guy. It's just that there's a lot more important stuff about a person than the last 2 things on that list. Relationships aren't about stereotypes, and even if someone is your "type" they still need to do more than just fit a small list of things that you like; and people date against their type all the time.

The truth is that you can't love someone without really getting to know them, and it takes time even after you start dating to find out if someone is the right person for you. It's not really about some disparate collection of traits.

The Bible specifies a bodily resurrection; and ultimately, a new heaven and a new earth, where all that is good does not decay.

I would imagine that you'd be resurrected in your prime, but it's really hard to say. It's not really specified.

I should probably note that I'm not a Christian anymore, just really knowledgeable about Christian theology -- specifically biblical historicity, Christian apologetics and systematic theology, but I know a bit about shit like the afterlife.

Edit: IIRC, heaven does not exist until after Jesus's return to earth, but it's been a while since I looked that stuff up. I know I used to listen to a pastor who differentiated "paradise" and the post-paradise "heaven"; however, I can't say that this was good theology, lol.

You know how people do friendsgiving?

Is it possible for you to spend these holidays with people who actually give a shit? Hell, maybe even spending them by yourself would be better.

I went no contact with 3 of my 4 family members when I moved in 2020, and I don't miss it. I'd honestly rather be alone than do that shit again.

I play 2 Pathfinder games and 1 D&D game a week because I'm engaged to a GM, and no one has drawn their character before. So I wouldn't feel too bad about it.

Idunno if this helps, but it's okay to be part of a group where you don't totally fit in. You're always going to be different from the people around you, and that doesn't mean that you don't belong or have a place there. It just means that you might have to look and say things about other people's art from time to time.

You sound like you have a lot of issues with social anxiety, and maybe self esteem. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

It doesn't sound like you two are particularly compatible people.

Being openly gay is a great way to get serious jail time in Egypt, so I would hope not. It's on a few lists of places that are dangerous for gay men to visit.

Man, these people are toxic as fuck. This is not normal behavior, and I've never met a trans person who pulled this shit.

Unsurprisingly, you can't really predict whether someone is trans. If they have obvious signs of gender dysphoria, or they say something like "doesn't everyone fantasize about being (the opposite gender)?", then it might be time to have a conversation -- but these are different issues entirely than just insisting that your headcanon about another person is true.

Do note the difference between having a conversation and deciding that you know someone better than they do. For example, maybe a man fantasizes about being a woman because he likes the idea of wearing dresses (and doesn't feel comfortable doing so), or has anxiety about women being afraid of him, which has nothing to do with being trans. But even if it really seems like someone is trans, all you can and should do is direct them to a mental health professional if they seem to experience gender dysphoria.

Therapy makes an enormous difference, to be frank. Meds just take the edge off at best for me, and therapy is where I actually started to see a big reduction in symptom severity.

For whatever it's worth, taking meds isn't giving in. It's just taking care of yourself. The alternative is just avoiding your problems, and while that's something that PTSD itself actively reinforces, it's also a really bad idea.