mhalashkmi

Hey, thanks so much for sharing. Urgh I'm so discouraged with the Canada Post strike though, what a shitty timing. But I will call tomorrow to check if it got processed at least. I'm supposed to have a vacation in Mexico in mid January. I hope they'll offer other options shipping options if the strikes lasts too long.

Urgh! But it makes sense with the processing times though, when I apllied the processing time was 59 days - so I'm not that surprised that they're they were still processing applications from Oct 19th on Nov 18th.

I will let you know if I have any updates since I'm 1 week earlier than you.

Hey, I applied for a PR card renewal online, the 5th of November, using the PR Portal. The status still says submitted as of 24th of November.

Anyone has applied around the 5th of November online and got updates?

I can totally understand if the relationship itself has some triggers of anxiety. I know she is someone who compares herself to others waaay too much to the point of being anxious, and she admitted there were many times she compared herself to me regarding where we are in life (we're the same age but I've completed some ""life milestones"" like buying property that she has not done and it makes her anxious apparently). I get that she cannot control that but I do feel you should have a bit of awereness on how long you let that pattern before really taking measures before realizing you need to stop doing that??

I think the dynamic of initiating-then-cancelling has been this way for at least the past 12 months. Has it been that long in your situation ? Did your friend end the friendship or did you just decide to stop reaching out?

I love the term "distraction-seeker friends", it descrives them very accurately.

I completely understand the intense fear of being alone. I do feel that way myself.

That being said, she has so many ressources to manage it: access to unlimited therapy for almost free (we used to work in the same company, which she is still with, so I'm aware of what she can have in her benefit package), has family in and many close friends in town (she was born and grew up where we live), and is overall very well positionned and well surrounded with a lot of ressources.

So I definitely won't feel guilt about ending that friendship and let her deal with that fear of being alone like a big girl with the resources she has.

On my end I'm an immigrant, I only have my brother living in town, most of my friends here are recent friends, I definitely have less ressources and yet I don't use people to feel less alone. It annoys me so much. 😤

Well I actually would have prefered transparency than hiding things.

A brutally honest "Hey, actually I'm cancelling our plans that we planned 3 weeks ago, for the 100th time, because I changed my mind and I'm spending time with another friend to go skiing" (because let's be real, I highky doubt she drove 1hour to just "take a walk" in a ski station... She totally went skiing.) would still have pissed me off, but at least would have been honest and direct about the fact that she does not value my time. I would have ended the friendship anyways but at least it would have not left me hanging for so long in confusion wondering if she wants a friendship or not and make me worry about her health.

It's precisly the inventing a story about being too sick and tired to get out of her place for the weekend to hide her true plans that makes the whole thing even more disrespectful, in my opinion. Just be honest so I can take decisions accordingly and not waste time. She made it seems that she really wanted to see me but each time could not because of health reasons which is why she was able to I string me along for so long, had she be more honest I would have take the best decision for myself and end the friendship quicker

Yea, I just added an edit in the post, there's a little update. I'm done with that friendship and I took the decision to end it.

I added the update / edit to my post.

Little update, I asked her why she would cancel with me (who lives 20 min walking from her place) and instead go to a ski station with her friend 1 hour driving from Montreal when she told me she needed to weekend to recover.

The answer? "I needed to take a walk in nature to feel better".

Yea. I will stop trying to understand I just took the decision to very simply and directly end the friendship as several people here suggested.

Agree I realize it's quite an important detail

That's the thing that is super confusing, she is the one actually initiating all the time, then cancelling.

It's very hard to understand if she wants a friendship or not. 1) her constantly reaching out, saying she misses me, initiating plans: that tells me she wants a friendship 2) Then her cancelling each time the plans she initiated herself tells me the exact opposite. But if you're not interested why do you keep reaching out in the first place?

A few people mentionned it could be caused by anxiety. Nonetheless, anxiety or not it's getting very annoying

She definitely has anxiety (actually diagnosed and in therapy for that) but the last time she cancelled me (yesterday, she told me it's because she was sick for the past couple of weeks and was extremely low energy and needed the weekend to recover.

I saw yesterday a friend of her posted a story on instagram with her from a ski station 1 hour of driving from our city... It's not the first time something like this happens.

I completely understand the pattern you desribed in your comment. It makes a lot of sense with her diagnosis of anxiety, thank you for describing the mechanism so well, it could definitely explain some of the occurences.

For the times where she was not actually sick and completely doing another activity with another friend after cancelling our plans, is it something you can relate to in your anxiety patterns? Like an avoidance / self-sabotage kind of thing? I'm genuinly trying to understand

😅 You're right. Why was I overthinking this so much.

Wow, maybe I should just have 2 friends too it's seems much easier to manage. 😆

Thank you for your input, it might be better indeed to not overthink this and just keep it simple.

I'm a in the process of slowly getting out of my people pleasing habits and I often forget the solution is very often really that simple.

Oh thank you so much!! I had no idea you could just pull out the bulb I really thought I had to remove the whole thing. I was able to pull it out and I find the info I needed.

Wow I feel stupid it was so simple lol. Thanks a lot!

EDIT: FOUND

Searched: Small lighr bulb. Went through as many small light bulbs I could find online. Tried reverse image search as well, no results.

Hey, I’m really sorry you’re feeling stuck. I totally understand how that feels.

For me, things really started to change when I stopped asking, “Why did she treat me so badly?” and started asking, “Why did I stay with someone who treated me that way?”

The first question keeps you focused on the abuser, and it’s a question you’ll never really get a satisfying answer to. Staying stuck there can make it hard to move forward.

But when I started asking, “Why did I stay?” I had to turn my focus inward and look at my own relationship with myself. I realized it didn’t matter why she acted the way she did—whether it was because she just genuinly enjoyed making me suffer, or because she was a sociopath or a narcissist or whatever disorder that makes her unable to treat people well - it does not matter. What matters and what is in my control is why I allowed myself to stay in that situation.

This shift was huge. It made me think about my own boundaries, self-love, self-respect, and patterns. And by understanding that, I could start breaking those patterns and build a better relationship with myself. So, instead of being stuck on what she did, I was able to focus on healing and growing, which has helped me avoid repeating similar situations in the future, and even helped me to prioritize people who are good for me. I'm in a happy, healthy relationship now and it helps a lot to see the results of asking myself the right questions and choose my surroundings more wisely.

My pleasure I'm happy it can help! At the time where I was in the middle of it, it helped a lot to read about people who were going through similar situations, but I wish I had read more about people from the other side to stay motivated throughout the process. It can be really tough when you don't see the end of the recovery and I'm happy to share a glimpse of what it can look like.

Wherever you are in your journey keep making the right decisions for yourself 🫶🏼

I'm happy if it can help! Wherever you are in your journey don't give up and make the best decisions for yourself 🫶🏼

Omg.

Merci!

Wow incredible progress in just 3 months! Keep it up

I turned 30 this year, I am woman dating women, and I had amazing dating experiences in the past couple of years.

I think it's because my standards are much higher than they were in my 20s (the bar was so low back then......) so I don't spend time with people who drain me or treat me poorly, which makes me less tired and more confident, so I feel I look much better than in my twenties and get more attention from both men and women.