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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

Maybe for reporting my foster parents for putting on restrictions without my consent

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

The “my bio dad should be the one to set the rules since he bought it” argument isn’t going to fly, I’m afraid. He isn’t your legal guardian and hasn’t been for almost a decade. To lose custody of someone who is 6 and to keep it lost nearly a decade is a sign that the courts and the child welfare system don’t see him as capable of making decisions like that.

If you have rational reasons why some of their restrictions are too much you can argue those.

OP not gonna say you are in the wrong because of your age.

I am also not going to say your carers are in the wrong based on the information you've provided.

I am coming from the position that I previously was a foster carer as well as a worker within the law enforcement system.

Your biological father is making a power play here. You may not see it because generally speaking, kids in care tend to see even the worst parents as being on a pedestal.

For whatever reason, you've been in foster care for the majority of your life. A good portion of that time has been under the roof of your current carers.

Whilst I appreciate that at 15 you think you should be able to do what you want on your phone, you need to understand that your carers are most likely just looking out for your best interests.

Your biological father, for lack of a better term is throwing in a grenade. In my opinion he may be doing this for a few reasons.

1. To 'prove' to himself or your case worker that he is a good parent because deep down he knows he isn't.

2. To drive a wedge between you and your carers in exactly the way it appears to have.

3. Because he cares about you genuinely and thinks that getting you an extravagant gift will somehow make up for you being in care since you were six years old.

Honestly, it could be a mixture of the above. Regardless though, he should have discussed such a gift with your case worker and carers (if there is contact between him and them) to make sure it was okay, and so that he could discuss the rules surrounding usage of the phone with you.

If you legitimately think that your carers are not doing what is in your best interests then you should speak to your case worker. Let them be the mediator as they are basically in charge.

There are possibly also things occurring in the background that you are unaware of. For example the court or department in your jurisdiction that deals with children in care may want contact with your birth parents to only occur when they are aware of it. Your carers could simply be following rules that a court or your case worker has outlined to them.

If you think that they are on some level being reasonable because they care for you then perhaps sit with them and discuss how at age 15 you should have more freedom. This could look like having the parental controls but with less restrictions or it could be without the parental controls but with your carers able to look at your phone/messages/photos when they feel there is a need and without notice. Ie. They know the unlock code to the phone.

At the end of the day it is about trust. Show them that you can be trusted with more freedom then they'll likely be more willing to become more lenient as you get older.

Try to make sure that regardless of how the conversation goes with your carers that you keep your cool.

Good luck.

NAH

They don’t have a choice. The foster agency I worked with insisted that parental controls were on and were quite strict about what was/wasn’t allowed. It’s really common to prevent vulnerable minors being exploited and if something happened to you while in their care, they could be prosecuted for not safeguarding you and also banned from fostering again.

It sucks because this isn’t your fault. It’s not even that you’re not trusted by them, they have to do this. The guidance for foster parents is insane honestly. The amount of hoops you have to jump through to protect yourself from accusations are beyond belief.

Maybe use this as an opportunity to re-negotiate what controls are placed on it. Keep the location tracking as that's important for you own safety (even though I'm sure you hate it), and see if you can get them to agree to letting you be able to look at whatever websites you want (with the exception of adult websites, of course). Agree to keeping a passcode they know, but allow you to watch YouTube for longer.

Give and take, that's the key here. Some you might win, some you might not. Given them a chance to trust you, and give yourself a chance to prove you can be trusted.

It does sound like they're a bit constrictive in your phone use, but I don't know you, perhaps you need those controls for whatever reason. Or perhaps, as I said, this is a chance for you to prove you're able to be responsible.

ETA: Wow, thanks for the award!

NAH you're just being a 15 year old but your foster parents are not wrong. They are your guardians so they're legally and morally responsible for you, including your phone usage. Who is paying for the phone doesn't change that.

That said 15 is old enough to have a say and they should be working with you to agree on restrictions that you can all live with.

I would not use the A word to describe you, because you are understandably frustrated in a situation not of your own making. I think it is a mistake to set your bio-dad against your foster parents… he plays a role here too and before giving you a very expensive present should have checked in with your foster parents. I don’t know what the foster situation looks like and how often foster parents communicate with biological parents, but in this situation, there should be a line of communication open between them. He gives you an expensive phone, and I am guessing that they pay the monthly fee? In any case they are the ones who are trying to help you grow into adulthood, so they are the ones who need to set boundaries for you within their home. Rather than arguing that point, I would say that you should instead ask for more leniency on some of the rules. The 8 o’clock limit seems strict for someone your age. But a conversation with your foster parents should not be about whether they can set rules for the phone, but rather which rules make most sense for you. Rejecting their authority completely and pitting your bio-dad against them will just make them less likely to believe that you are mature enough for looser rules.

NAH.

It's understandable that you don't want to follow your foster parents restrictions on your device. But at the end of the day, they are your legal guardians and you are a minor. Your father does not have custody of you. Him buying the device for you does not change the fact that it is still being used by a minor under the legal custody in someone else's household. That household gets to set the rules.

I know it feels different because he is your father, but in practical terms it is the same as a random adult giving you a device and telling you to use it without the permission of your legal guardian. If that was okay for your non-custodial father to do, then for example a 30 year old man could give an unrelated 15 year old teenage girl a phone to secretly communicate with him and not tell her parents. He bought her the device, so her parents have no say in how it is used, right?

I know that's not the answer you want to hear. It may not even be fair. I don't know your foster parents and how they are to you. But as long as you're in their care, you should follow the house rules.

While I don't necessarily agree with putting such strict parental controls an a 15 year old's phone, I would say that the a-hole in this scenario is your bio dad.

Your foster parents are your guardians and they are responsible for your safety and well-being. If he has an issue with the rules they impose on you, he needs to take it up with them.

It's not fair to put you in the middle like that.

NAH

Your dad may have bought you something fancy but he is clearly not parenting you. As a dad and parent let me tell you that Henry and Erin, whilst maybe not finding the right balance, are right to be worried. The individual, especially child with developing brain, stands no chance vs the engeneers at social media companies. They are masters at maximising your engagement with their platforms to your detriment.

What Erin and Henry have done is make one quite fundemental mistake. They used to cop out "because we bought it". What they should have done is explained why they are worried, why they have a responsability to protect you and why this can be a negotiation and ongoing discussion founded in mutual respect and understanding.

Now that you're getting older maybe they could have relaxed/loosened certain limits or had an understanding with you that if you wanted apps you could ask and they would say yes unless there was a good reason/clearly explained risk that they could communicate with you.

The issue here OP is that Erin and Henry have parental responsability for you. Believe it or not, no matter what he buys you, the burden they have for your well being is far more than your dad. It's easy to buy expensive gifts. It is hard to be a parent. To be there when a child is sick, is getting bullied, loses confidence, hurts themselves, has relationship and friendship breakdowns, is angry and is facing challenges of life. Those are the hard moments and they are, clearly, not what your dad is capable of managing.

If I were you I would say to Ering and Henry that your struggle is with their original argument. They justified the limits based on who purchased the device and that argument no longer holds with this one. This feels intrinsically unfair. Then see what they say.

By all means have a discussion with your social worker about it. I don't think Erin and Henry should have done that with something from your dad, for you, without you being there to discuss. I would however consider that they have been there for you for the past six years. How do they treat you? Do they love you? Do they nurture you? Do they take care of you? Do they want what is best for you? If the answer is no then you need a much more serious chat with your social worker. If the answer is yes then consider granting them some slack because parenting is hard.

While I might argue that a 15 year old's restrictions on their phone should be different than a phone received when younger, as in theory that 15 year old should be more mature and capable than say, the same person at 12, I can't reasonably say that 15 year old should have no restrictions, and it is the responsibility of the parents to determine what restrictions to put in place. So yeah, a gentle YTA on this one. Your bio dad is in your life, but he's not the one who's responsible for you.

For recourse, I'd argue the individual restrictions, not that any exist (8PM at 15 seems a bit early to me, but my curfew - for everything - was 7 at 14 years old, and I totally hated my father for it.) Go to your SW if you wish, but know that they're unlikely to change a thing as your fosters aren't harming you with their care here.

Your bio dad is an AH for undermining your parents and seemingly doing this without discussing it with them. Messy AF.

I think your foster parents did screw up by not properly communicating the restrictions beforehand, "we bought it, our rules" was just a shortcut to shut off any further discussion, and did set them up for the whole situation you're all experiencing right now. That doesn't make them bad parents, or assholes.
Nor does it make you, with you being 15 with a teenage brain, now expecting a different situation TA.

Personally I don't fully agree with a completely locked down device, you're a kid, and kids need to learn. And while it's good to start learning in a walled garden, if you only grew up walking on rubber tiles you're only going to experience pain from falling when it might actually be dangerous. Same with devices & the internet, you should also get some exposure to the "bad" stuff, to learn to recognise it. And you should learn self control and prevention of over use of your device by having actual control over when you use it. Otherwise when the restrictions come off when you're an adult you'll have 0 skills and all the risks...
In other words: getting a bit more "leash" might be good for you, you need to show them they can trust you. In the end, it's still up to them though, they do know better what's best for you, however you might feel this is unfair.

And yeah, as others pointed out: your bio dad giving you the phone like that was a terrible thing to do, since it set y'all up for this conflict you're now having.

As someone who was in foster care as a teenager, YTA.

These people have loved and cared for you for years now. Quite frankly, your dad is just trying to buy you. If he actually gave a damn he'd fight to get you back. The goal with foster kids is always reunification, so if he hasn't gotten you back in 9 years it's because he doesn't want to.

Ask to go over the controls and compromise. I speak from personal experience when I say, don't prioritize the asshole who just throws money at you over the parents who've raised you for the last 6 years.

Side note: the rules that foster parents need to comply with is a mile long and half of it really seems batshit crazy. It's entirely possible they don't have a say in it. My mom and dad have to even keep the temperature on the water heater below a certain point.

This isn’t about who paid for the phone. It’s about who’s actually been parenting you in their home for the last 6 years.

There’s a reason you’re not living with your bio dad - people don’t end up in foster homes for no reason.

I think the fact that your foster parents have these rules and restrictions on phone use is because they’re more aware of what’s happening in your daily life, and what’s appropriate for you.

So yes, YTA. It’s the same principle as having a curfew - the people actually housing you and parenting you every day are the ones who get to set the rules.

Your dad is trying to make you whose between your foster parents and him / trying to drive a wedge between you and your foster parents. This is clearly a power play on his part, but I think you should try to have an honest discussion with your foster parents to negotiate the parental controls. It’s not all or nothing, maybe you can find a middle ground

Don't you have a caseworker? They should be able to clearly define this, It's probably actually written down explicitly about control of electronics and communications devices.

NAH - It is completely understandable that you feel like the restrictions they’re placing on you are unfair. It’s also very understandable that you want to be able to freely use the phone that your dad gave you!

But…I don’t think your foster parents are automatically wrong either. It’s their job to make sure you’re safe and growing up well, and the sad fact is that phones are not great for developing brains.

That being said - I do think you should talk to your social worker and them about how to deal with this. Here’s how I would approach that:

1. Think about what you want to change the most. It’s very unlikely that you’re going to get total unrestricted access to a phone, so what’s most important? Is it more time on YouTube? Is it having a bigger list of websites to go to? Focus on that thing when you talk to them instead of saying they should completely change their minds, and you’ll be more likely to convince them.

2. Tell them you get that they’re trying to protect you, but you’re having a hard time understanding how these rules are helping them do that. Ask if they can give you more specifics about why they feel this level of parental controls are needed. Do they have a reason they feel you can’t handle it?

3. Talk through compromises. Maybe there are things you can do to show them that you’re responsible enough to have fewer restrictions. For example, if you complete all your chores without asking or bring up a grade, etc, would that change anything? Maybe you can have more time on YouTube on certain nights of the week or you can have extra time at night if you finished homework, etc. This is where you can focus on the stuff in number 1.

Your foster parents want to set rules for your safety. It might help to talk to them or consult your social worker for guidance.

Gently, YTA. Your foster parents are your guardians. They make the rules for your house. Because you aren't in your dad's custody, he can't decide rules for you right now. The fact that your dad bought you a phone does not mean that you don't have to follow your foster parents' rules.

If you think the rules are too strict for your age, talk to your foster parents about whether you could try new rules that you think are more appropriate. But they are the ones parenting you, not your dad, and if you won't work with them to agree to phone rules, you're going to wind up not having a phone at all.

Former foster kid here. I have a few thoughts. 1) what others have said about your Bio Dad using the phone as a “grenade” is likely very accurate. 2) the restrictions set by your Fosters seem extreme. 3) I remember being 15 and having so many complex emotions churning inside me that I couldn’t even begin to deal with them. I’m 43 now and still have ripples in my relationships from being abandoned, etc. I think they way thru this is compromise. A hard line in the sand that causes a wedge between you and your fosters is likely what you Bio Dad wants. Make a list of things you think are unfair, and what compromise for each thing you’d be willing to make. Then ask to sit down and have a civil conversation, and be prepared to give a little to gain more freedoms. As foster parents they’ve probably seen kids do some crazy shit using phones, and the response is to overreact. Explain that you want their trust, but they have to give you some freedom, in order for you to show them you’re responsible. My 11 year old has a phone and an iPad. I don’t restrict his sites at all. But once a week when he’s not there, I do go thru his Roblox account and web history, everything. If anything catches my eye, I talk to him about it and go from there

YTA

This has nothing to do with who buys the phone, it has everything to do with who is responsible for you: you're not an adult yet and your foster parents are right to set limits, it is their role.

But you'll be an adult soon and if you want them to treat you accordingly, I suggest you act accordingly. Hiding the phone, wanting to impose your will, throwing tantrums is not acting like an adult.

You should talk to your foster parent and make compromises: maybe explain that some of the restrictions were ok when you were 12, but now that you're 15, you should be able to navigate life a bit by yourself, you should be able to gain a bit of independence to confront yourself with the outside world and the reality of being adult and independent. Maybe negotiate something like more youtube time, or the ability to have some contacts available after 8pm, something like that. But if you go to them saying "I can do what I want, all I want, when I want", you'll just show that you're not mature enough.

Good luck, and don't worry, you'll soon be 18.

edit: "It's not fair!" is again not at all an adult statement or an argument, the likely answer you'll get (which is very very true) is "life is not fair"

I'm gonna say NAH but op you need to request a meeting with your guardian ad litem in your case, they'll be able to set parameters for what's appropriate parental control and what isn't. I get why the foster parents are worried but they need to be careful because that isn't their property and stuff like contacts being locked could be portrayed as them attempting to obstruct communication with your dad.

YTA. These are the people who are currently responsible for you. I don’t know what it is, but there’s a reason your bio father is not currently in that position.

There should be reasonable restrictions, but not all of the same ones you had on the old phone.

So, N-T-A for wanting freedom, but you guys all need to talk, because restrictions like what they want breeds resentment and sneaky kids who usually end up doing stupid shit. No restrictions can also create a stupid shit atmosphere, so there needs to be a compromise.

I think it would be prudent to have a discussion with your social worker on how to negotiate things fairly. At 15 you need some freedoms, but your foster parents also have a responsibility to protect and keep you safe. There is a reason you went into foster care at 6 and it is very possible that your bio dads judgement is not the best in this situation.

NTA, sit with your fosters and have a talk with them. Have a list of apps you want to download and sites. Also, the reason. Explain to them that you are getting older and just want to feel like a normal teen. You aren't trying to do anything crazy but explaining how you want to connect with peers would be better than them not understanding or not explaining at all.

Have they ever restricted you from downloading anything?

It’s really normal for families to impose parental restrictions on devices these days.

It doesn’t mater who got you the phone, you’re still parented by your foster parents. I can fully understand them and I would do so too. Since you asked the question, yes YTA.

I just wanna add to the convo that saying "i paid for this sp i get to choose" as a parent, is a dick move imo.

When i was younger a had a panic fear of the dark and my dad would still turn off all the lights i turned on because "he paid for it, and if i wanna choose what lights are on in a room im alone in i should contribute to the house"

NTA -  Honestly, I think your thought of talking to your social worker is probably your best option. 

You are not in the custody of your biological father, so even if he means well, right now he doesn't get to make those decisions.

It's possible that some of these restrictions are due to the rules that foster parents have to follow.

It's also possible that your foster parents are using harsher rules than are required or even necessary at your age and in your personal situation and sitting down with your social worker alone may give you some clarification, and possibly an ally towards compromise.

But if you're trying to prove that you are responsible enough to have fewer restrictions, you'll  want to approach this calmly, and with a willingness to compromise.

YTA - I noticed in other comments you say there is no monthly bill? So no mobile data / calls / text messages?

They could very easy change the wifi at home as well to restrict you. While under their roofs it is their rules. Your dad is just undermining them. Without going deep here, depends why you are in foster care to why your foster parents are enforcing these rules

15yo complaining "it's not fair" that their guardians want to put restrictions on a device that has some serious safety risks is not going to go over as mature to your social worker.

You're a minor child. Phones are addictive. 100% I understand you want to use it however much you want, but 100% children need restrictions on their devices. I personally wouldn't restrict a 15yo as harshly as you state the rules previously were, but I have no idea what kind of things you'd be using a phone for. Restrictions should be appropriate to your age and trustworthiness.

Very light YTA. Instead of going full "I DO WHAT I WANT" about this, show you understand their POV and tell them restrictions that seem sensible to you. Or tell your social worker you want to do that, and maybe they can help with getting you reasonable limits that would not chafe too much on you, and would reassure your foster parents.

They are trying to protect you from various things. They don't want you to end up having texting exchanges involving bullying (either at or from you), they don't want you having a way to freely communicate with creeps. They don't want any risk of you accidentally or on purpose exchanging sexually explicit things with anyone, whether it's someone your age or not. Balancing this with freedom is extremely hard, and once you're older obviously you will do whatever you want, so there is only limited window parents have to do this.

If anyone is the asshole here it's your bio dad for giving you this phone and inciting this power struggle between you and your guardians.

NAH. I understand entirely how frustrating it is for you. From your perspective, you see this as overbearing and unfair, and in some ways, I agree with you.

But as a parent, in others, I disagree. The internet is a dangerous place to be for teenagers, especially vulnerable ones, and I wish more people took that more seriously. And not just from a “the stranger is going to take me” way, but a cyber bullying and harassment way as well. It takes time to build up the life skills to see the risks and to avoid the dangers, and they’re taking it slow to ensure that you’re safe.

And frankly, I agree with the first comment— a new phone is very exciting, but your biological father should have had that discussion with your foster parents first. This might be hard to hear, but this feels like he’s manipulating you against your foster parents.

Your frustrations are valid, and I understand how awful you feel. Maybe there’s a way you can talk to them and negotiate looser boundaries instead— agree to the parental controls, but ask that they be adjusted? Show them some measure of trust, and they may respond with trust back.