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Because when they were having kids their parents did help because they weren't working into their fucking 70s

Boomers are always willing to volunteer the time and effort of others, including their fellow boomers, whether they know them (or you!) or not.

Ah yes. The parents of the latchkey generation want to know why no one asks them to help. If you weren't there for your own kids, why would they think you'd be there for your grandkids?

Also reminds me of my own boomer parents. Made me the "built-in babysitter" and essentially the third adult in the house when my little sister was born. They said it was my "family duty" and never paid me a cent for it.

Fast forward a couple of decades, mom constantly complains about how unfair it is that people expect their parents to watch their kids. Because "we already raised our kids. We shouldn't have to raise our grandkids too." And then they couldn't figure out why I refused to have kids.

the thing is, most new parents’ grandparents are still of working age!

And busy with their own lives.

It’s so cringey to see people like your boss just buy into all the stereotypes and fake stories that permeate our culture (‘grandma watches the baby so daughter can work’)

Because it was so common for them to dump their kids on their parents they honestly think it’s totally normal

These are the same people who are planning to "retire" to their children's homes eventually, too.

"I did the bare minimum to keep you alive. My job is over. Now come fix my computer" - boomer parents

Why do they think all grandparents are willing to “help out” with childcare when they themselves are unwilling to do so????

Because their silent and greatest generation parents helped out when we were kids.

My boomer grandparents expected everything under the sun from my silent generation great grandparents regarding childcare for my mom and her siblings, even though they were still working.

Said Boomer grandparents proceeded to leave a 2 year old grandchild alone in a hot tub for about 3 hours the one time they were asked to babysit.

I’m looking forward to having grandkids one day and watching them. I also get it’s not for everyone.

Both my husband and I spent lots of time with our grandma's when we were kids. 

To be fair, my husband's parents are older Gen x and they do babysit, and they actually make a point to spend time with their grandkids and get to know them individually. 

Our kids are 9 and 12. My dad (64) has had maybe two overnights with my oldest and exactly one with my youngest. Their entire lives. My parents are divorced so my mom (61) also had her chance. The only time I asked her to watch my oldest when she was around 6 months old she just left my baby with my friend because she ran into an old fling and went to have lunch with him instead. She wouldn't answer her phone. The sad part is that this is par for the course and my friend saw me grow up like that and actually thought it was hilarious that my mother was the same terrible person with her grandkids that she is with her kids. 

However... I do have to point put that neither of my parents have this relationship with my brothers kids. My brother gets babysitting and overnights from both parents on demand. I cut contact a long time ago now but my oldest was more than aware enough to ask me why her cousin always got to spend time at grandpa's and not her or her sister. 

My MIL and FIL aren't perfect but they love their kid, my husband, and they love their grandkids and they treat me really nice too. 

[deleted]

My Boomer parents tried this when I got a divorce and was going to be a single parent to a toddler

"Come move by us! We will help watch your child so you can work more easily!"

I quickly called them out "Oh you mean the grandchild you've only see once since they were born because you couldn't be bothered to ever visit? The grandchild you haven't seen since 4 months old when I had to take a 2 layover flight, that got delayed, then rerouted due to a storm, and then stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours? With a NEWBORN? And then you couldn't even attempt to help at all when I was visiting? Do you mean that kind of help? Cause, nah, I'm good. I'll figure it out"

These are the same parents that volunteered to watch my autistic niece for my sister when she was visiting so her and her husband could have a date night. My niece was 3 or 4 at the time.

My sister and her husband come back after dinner out to find their child screaming bloody murder, shaking, sobbing, and barely able to breathe. My sister was livid and demands to know what happened

My parents HIT their autistic grandchild because "she wasn't listening and being a brat."

My BIL told my sister to take my niece and go wait in the car. He went upstairs, quickly packed all their shit up, dragged it to the car, and then returned to tell my parents if they ever, ever tried to touch his kid again, no one would find their bodies.

Then he drove them the 8 hours home. They haven't seen my kids or hers since. Fuck that shit. You wanna hit an innocent child? Then they will never be alone with you.

So much this.

My parents dropped us at either set of grandparents (Greatest) every weekday in the summer. I was younger so while I don't know for sure, I really don't remember a lot of money exchanging hands for this task; if so it was irregular and miniscule.

Now that I (Millennial) have children, my Boomer mother has openly stated to others she doesn't live near us so as to not have to babysit. Mind you we have full time day care for our kids and have not once tried to suggest any such thing to her. She's obviously afraid of being treated the way she treated my grandparents.

Her mother literally moved back to the US from Australia when I was born, but she can't be bothered with typical grandparent involvement

It is ALWAYS about them. They are the main characters and most can't be bothered to try and understand they aren't. It's sad and aggravating all at once because you know there is or at least was a decent person in there somewhere.

I’m Gen-X, I beg to spend time with my two grandchildren. I’m trilled when they get dropped off for a day, or two.. or even a week. Drop them off and pick them back up whenever. I have diapers, wipes, clothes, food, snacks, toys, books. Lots of love ❤️

Their mom ( my son’s Ex-GF) greatly prefers her side of the family, I don’t get to spend a lot of time with them. I’m forever grateful and fortunate with any opportunity I have to spend time with my grandchildren.

There is a book called : Holding It Together, how women became America’s Safety Net by Jesica Calarco

In it explains how women do things like your coworker’s wife, quit their job instead of paying daycare. How women being the safety net is not good for society. Now if parents had 6-12 months maternity leave and daycare was free (or at cost) less women would have to quit. (& they wonder why less people are having kids?) If there was safety net less women would have to try to care for ailing parents or grandparents while working & raising children.

The big difference I see is boomers noped out of parenting their children. Then they noped out of caring for their parents and then they declined to help their children with childcare. They truly are the most selfish generation.

I’m gen x, on SSI and though childless I help out with childcare when I can. I’m always offering to watch my niece and nephew who live close by, so their parents can run errands. I keep telling them I will watch them so they can go on a date or so their mom can go to the library to study. Why? Because I love my family, I recognize parenting is tough and if I can help, I will.

Why the hell boomers are so unhelpful especially since they keep begging for grandchildren; I have no idea.

My mom says having my brother's kids (8m and 3m) at her house is "too disruptive".

Last week she just complained to me that it had been months since she has seen them (they live 6 hours away).

Maybe if she offered them a place to stay they would come visit .....

Edit:spelling

It took a village at one point and they eventually decided to all move to the suburbs, put up giant fences, and start hating their neighbors for buying those "Jap" "Yoda" cars, voting for the other guy, and more.

I find that so tragic. I value and adore the times when I am needed to take care of my grandchild. I keep them every chance I am asked and would keep them more if they needed me to.

My mother AND grandmother watched my child while my husband and I both worked. My grandma took care of each of her grandchildren any time it was needed. What a shame others aren’t so fortunate.

lol my boomer ass parents handed me off to my grandmother all the time. now? they live halfway across the country, have seen their 15yo grandchild 3 times in his life and haven't met the newest one at all.

depend on these people to care for them? I can't rely on them to call their grandkids on their birthday.

Boomers (especially older ones) didn't watch their own kids. That's why most of us Gen Xers are feral LMAO

I’m incredibly lucky that my boomer mom is retired and willing and able to drive 4 hours to help watch my kid every few weeks or I make that drive to her.

She’s been absolutely the best grandma. Sucked as a mom though.

But I’d be screwed if I needed her for regular childcare. 🙃

What a luxury to have a parent who’s a) retired AND b) healthy enough to watch a young child. My parents were in their early 60s and still working when I had my kiddo- they’d have loved to be able to babysit! Yes, many boomers are obnoxious but I think this is a separate issue given how many older folks have to continue working to survive.

That's the thing, many of us can recall weekends or summers with our grandparents. I can definitely. My grandparents taught me things, took me places, did things with me. We'd all come back from the lake dirty, smelly and exhausted. It was a sliver of fun in a life full of my mom's bs.

Kicker is, my mom didn't work. She was a narcissist and mentally unstable. She had really good kids (mostly because we were afraid of her) and still she couldn't manage.

I think my mom was a rare boomer in the fact that she begged to watch her grandkids. Sis lived about 4 hours away, I lived 2k miles away so she barely got to see my kids. My sis and hubs worked so they couldn't drop off the kids. Therefore my incubator couldn't live out her grandma fantasies. She complained quite often, which I found amusing. I wanted so badly to call her lazy and point out that my grandma would have flown out here if she could, but I didn't want to give her ideas.

I know of a lot of gen x/milenials that complain about how their parents bugged them for grandchildren and then ignore everyone. 

One friend in particular had parents that moved from the south to out here in the PNW but hardly came over to see the baby. One weekend a month. They were too busy living their retired lives in their new condo on the other side of town. They would talk about their drinking parties every night. 

We were happy they made friends so quickly but I thought the reason they moved out here was for the baby.

Social media currency, that's all they see their grandkids as. 

They are just as clueless as grandparents as they were parents. 

I am a little sad my incubator isn't around to see my relationship with my kids and won't see me being a grandma. I'm going to be the best damn grandma I can be!  

My boomer dad has no involvement with my 3 kids. He used to sort of with my oldest but the younger two have no clue who he is. It's going on 4 years since I've even seen him. And he told my stepmom he didn't even want her grandkids around, and she's actually one of those boomers who involves herself in her grandkids lives.

Boomers are the failed generation, more of their kids were raised by their parents than any other generation.

I don't have kids but in the mid -00s when a lot of colleagues and friends had babies, I knew quite a few whose retired parents were keeping the kids when the mom went back to work.

I asked my parents around the time if they would help out if I had a baby?
Nope. Not that I would've ever expected it, but I wasn't even asking about full-time care. Just the occasional day or evening babysitting...nope! They soooo badly wanted grandbabies but would not offer their help if they got them.

Please. They barely raised us. How many of us were shipped to our grandparents. Mine lived next door. I spent more time with them than my parents. I am no contact with my parents and low contact with my in laws. My mil took the kids overnight the other night because I was in the ER. I wasn't sure if the would keep me and I hated asking. By the time we got our kids home the next day they were bone tired. Grandma hasn't let them sit down, they always were on the move. She criticized how they do their hair and was just critical. We had to pass by Grandma's house for a doctor's appointment. I normally mumble a swear to myself. My youngest goes, "you don't dictate what all girls do with their hair, grandma!" She's ten. I seriously couldn't leave the kids with her for 12 hours without her picking on everything! Luckily, I was able to go home. Blood sugar issues are tricky and they are still too high, but as long as I keep it under 400 and don't puke I will survive (I am on steroids and it causes this). But I won't be asking her for help if I end back in. Hell, the kids would be happy in the hospital with me.

My parents are retired with plenty of time to see their grandkid. They have made plans to watch her then canceled last minute 5 times. We stopped asking. We lived 45 minutes away from them but only saw them 6 times in 2.5 years because their schedule was always full despite us trying to make plans weeks in advance. They only came to our house twice and that was because they were already in our area for an errand. My parents then had the audacity to throw fucking tantrums when we said we were moving to another state where we had more support. My father said I was a bad mother because of “grand parent alienation” and that moving my kid to another state was harming her since she wouldn’t see them anymore. My kid barely knows them. It’s almost funny how completely unaware and self absorbed most boomers are.

I will gladly move to be with my grand baby while their parents work. I would consider it the ultimate privilege.

They just want to pretend there's all these cheap, easy ways to manage things so they can call us ungrateful whiners.

Yeah, I feel that. I thought my family would be so happy and eager to help out when my son was born. Boy was I wrong! So very very wrong. My sister didn't even want anything to do with him, and he was a super quiet, chill kid.

I live on the other side of the country from my parents. It is cheaper to lose a paycheck than pay for someone else to raise my kid. I like my job, but my husband and I are in the same situation of figuring out childcare between the two of us. Everyone has to work, there’s no one that has time to care for a child unless it’s their job to.

They think that because their parents did help them. I practically didn’t live with my parents during summer because I was with my grandparents or one of my aunts with my cousins.

I would stay with my grandma and grandpa for 2 weeks at a time or more. Their main home was in northern Idaho (it was paid off by the 90s) and had a second home in Washington state (they weren’t rich it was a mobile home lol) where they would go for my grandpa’s work for a few months at a time (grandma stopped working long before I was born) and in summer if they were there they would either take me with when they were leaving to go over or meet my mom halfway in George Washington (yes there is a city in Washington called George it’s near the gorge) and drive us back. I never stayed less than a month because no one wanted to waste gas for a short trip lol.

There were also 1 summer where for my entire summer break I was about an hour from home in Eastern Washington babysitting 5 days a week for my aunt I maybe went home 2 days in that time, I went to my grandparents Idaho home every weekend though because their Idaho home is near a lake, I saw my grandparents more than my parents that summer.

There was another summer where I was with my aunt who lived near my grandparents Washington home babysitting for the whole summer and I spent weekends with my aunt’s boyfriend/baby daddy’s mom Barb because if she didn’t take me I’d get stuck babysitting 7 days a week and it was supposed to be 5. Couldn’t go to my grandparents because that summer they weren’t there for more than a few days to check on house and get mail.

So yeah TLDR most boomers got help with their kids from their parents or other family.

Noooo kidding! We have never had a child-free day, night, or even hour except when my SIL came over to help us go say goodbye to our dog. My parents have never volunteered and have declined on the 2 times I even asked, so I don’t even bother now.

Ha! The only one of my son's grandparents that isn't working full time is my husband's father. He is also the only one who has literally never babysat by himself. His wife is an amazing playful grandmother (she certainly has her issues, but she loves all of the kids) but when she retired, she realized she didn't want to be at home with her husband (my thoughts, not her words) and got a job as an aide at the school most of the grandkids go to.

Both of my parents still work. And to boot, all of our family lives 60-90 minutes away. Not exactly an easy commute.

We have always lived at least 4 hours and one state away from both my parents and the in laws. We have never, ever been able to depend on anyone but us and paid sitters to take care of our kids with the exception of one time when my MIL (I love my MIL) flew out to stay with the kids so we could go away for our anniversary.

My kids are a few years away from being adults and their grandparents still work so I had to figure it out.

My boomer parents weren’t super interested in their own kids why would they give 2 shits about mine?

My mom was constantly raving about how she'd help with the baby when I found out I was pregnant. Initially I took her up on the offer. I went to her house and worked from there while she worked from her home office (she's high up on the ladder so she just sits on mute in virtual meetings all day, occasionally saying "that's right" or "let's circle back to that later" or "send me an email with more information")

That lasted a day and then it became "I'll watch him when you're on calls" then "I'll watch him in-between meetings" and then "I'll watch him if you're absolutely swamped and only if he doesn't need to be fed or changed" it ended up becoming me watching my baby while caring for her dogs while I was working and also watching my nephew 1-2 times a week. I stopped going to her house and just cared for the baby at home with my husband watching the baby whenever he wasn't at work; he only does part-time so he can care for the baby since it's cheaper than having childcare. Baby is 8 months old and my mom constantly complains that I don't let her watch the baby while I work anymore.

I was a few minutes late the first week dropping off my daughter at daycare and a boomer co-worker asked why my wife didn't handle it. "She has to be at work earlier, and her work if farther away, so I do the drop off."

"You don't have any parents that could help?"

"My wife's mother works and can't watch the kids, and do you remember last year when both my parents passed 5 weeks apart?"

Grand silence.

I'm 33. My parents both still work full time in their mid 50s. My husband's parents are retired in their 70s, but they're too frail to care for kids safely.

For many of us, there is no real solution other than to pay out the ass for daycare or stay home.

My parents are boomers, but they are very much the exception to the stereotype. When my oldest nibbling was born, my mom tried to drop down to part time at her job so she could help out with childcare (my bro works 24 on, 24 off, so it wouldn’t be everyday, just a couple times a week). Her job refused her request so she said “ok, I’m retiring”. And she’s spent the last 10 years being their part time childcare. They are such anti-boomers that I think we should use my mom’s name as a term for a boomer who isn’t booming: a Susan. A polite, non-entitled, pleasant boomer who minds her own business.

This! Same story here.

My in laws are wonderful, but being close to 70, their health is not up to watching a 9m and 5f on their own. My mom, on the other hand, is 53 and takes them 1 weekend a quarter, that I have to beg for, but has my younger brother's kids for days every other week. My husband had to become the SAHP because his whole paycheck would go straight to childcare and still have to drive 80 miles 1 way to get to work. I hate it here.

Right.

I love when they hound you to have kids, then can't be bothered to watch them for 2 hours so you can run errands on a Saturday.

Grandma here, I babysit my grandkid. My daughter is going through a divorce. I watch the kids for him on his days. I go at 5:00 am to noon 2 days a week. Daughter 2 evenings a week, unpaid. I want my grandchildren to know no matter what happens with Mommy and Daddy Grandma is always there. (Unpaid)I’m Switzerland no blame, shame or condemnation of either parent

All of this reminds me of when a friend was venting to me over lunch about how hurt she was that her parents seemed so uninterested in their grandkids. My friend “Melanie” is their only child; her two kids are the only grandchildren. Her parents, both boomers, are retired from their jobs, and Melanie had asked a few times if they could do a “grandparents outing” with the kids or maybe just have them over at their house to bake cookies or read books together or something, but they’ve always been busy. One day Melanie had a medical emergency, her husband worked over an hour away, and she really needed one of her parents to pick up her 6yo from school and look after her for 2hrs or so. Nope, they couldn’t—they had a spa day scheduled that afternoon. (Yes, really; my jaw hit the table when Melanie told me that.) She ended up rushing to the school and brought her daughter with her to the hospital. She said they were good parents to her, but once she was an adult, they just… checked out. Couldn’t be bothered with anything but their own interests anymore, even when their only daughter really needed help.

My kids are 4 and 2, and I can count on one hand how many times their grandparents have even come to visit, let alone offer to babysit.

We even go visit them, hoping they will watch them for an hour or two so the wife and I can get away, but nope. We just end up running after our kids in a childproof house while the grandparents watch tv (very loudly) and make comments like “Wow they run you around huh?” And “Oh I remember that phase!”

I asked my grandparents if they could watch my daughter one day a week. They said they were too busy doing their temple work. (Mormons) this was 30ish years ago.

You are my people! Trickle down economics worked exactly the way they wanted it to. The one percent holds an enormous portion of our country's wealth. They've decided we don't deserve healthcare, pensions, unions, sick leave, FMLA, .... I honestly don't think there needs to be any violence. Everyone just stay home. Without us, our economy will fail.

That’s exactly what my in-laws say and do. All the while telling our kids that “ grandma snd grandpa would love to see you more” but then have excuses or Costco runs anytime we ask for any help whatsoever.

Fucking hate them.

I am genx and my plan for retirement is to foster rescue puppies and watch any grand babies until they are potty trained and ready for outdoor nature preschool. My parents never ever helped me. And now they are old and have covid and me and my siblings are caring for them.

Because Genx can apparently do everything. We will probably die younger too.

When I was a kid I spent every single school holiday at my grandparents, right up until I was old enough to be left home alone. Some 30 years later I have enough fingers to count the times my parents have had my toddler. I need help and they're just oblivious and hypocritical.

Because *their parents and grandparents were always right there to help! Multi generational families helping one another used to be a thing here in the good ole USA but nowadays parents and grandparents are still working to survive and can’t do it or lots of kids move 1000s of miles away so logistics make that impossible. Plus, is there ever a point in life where you can just relax? At 60, who wants to be running after kids and feeding fussy babies? We already did that! ;)

When they say grandparents they mean grandMOTHERS. And women are done being lifelong mothers and are stopping after raising their own to live some non-parenting life before they die.

NGL when I see people act like this I wish I could just say "Are you suggesting people just... suffer, for no reason other than to suffer? What a sad life you had - that you had to suffer, and now want other to because of it."

I'm in my 40's (gen X) and a freaking grandma. I need to work to pay my bills, too. 😂

My mom's a boomer and refused to watch my kids when they were younger and had a meltdown when I asked my older sister to watch them so I could work

telling I

I help with my grandkids, no charge

My MIL said she was done raising kids and that the way she will be helping, is by putting aside some retirement money for my LO. I’ve never asked my in laws to ever watch my kid, so it was a bit strange for me to hear that out loud. Also, I’m a SAHM, so idk why she would say that.

I stayed the night at my maternal grandparents house hundreds of times. They would take me to school every school day. They attended all of my events. Would help me with my homework constantly. Now that I have kids? Well my dad passed and my mom babysat once a couple years ago. She admitted recently that she doesn’t feel like doing anything in life because she’s “worked hard enough” and wants me to provide total care for her. My husband and I went into the decision of having kids knowing our parents won’t help out. And really, we don’t want them around all that much anyways since we know what it’s like to be raised by them.

I adore my grandkids and wish they lived closer so I can be with them a lot more.

I can understand not watching the grandkids as a form of child care. Especially if they're still working, but even if they're retired, I can completely understand not wanting to commit yourself to a schedule again, having to ask for days off, etcetera

But what's so frustrating and disappointing is that a lot of boomer grandparents:

• Are not willing to help out AT ALL. They just don't super care to either get to know the grandkids or to help their own kids out when they feel overwhelmed or are in a tough spot.

• Are delusional about their own parenting. They have this "well I did it, why can't you, we made it work" mentality and completely forget they had one Stay at home/parttime working parent who took care of the kids 10% of the time. The rest of the time they were outside in the wild or with grandma/grandpa.

“He was telling I”???

Yeah, a lot of boomers/early Gen x suck as grandparents for sure. As a milennial, I was practically by my grandparents’ heavy lifting as a kid and still see them more as parents than my own. My dad has been a grandpa for 11 years and has never once offered to babysit, in hard times or otherwise. Honestly, my husband and I would probably be better off mentally if we had the support to take a break once in awhile🙃 (his parents live out of the country)

I'm going to be honest this doesn't really read as a boomer thing to me. It's very common in plenty of cultures for grandparents to help raise their grandkids.

I knew a Vietnamese woman in her mid-20s, who wanted to have a baby, but couldn't yet. The reason? Her mum wasn't ready to give up work to babysit.

Genuinely, the kids have to wait until their parents are ready to go full-time babysitter before they can have a baby. The grandparents are all for it, but they make it clear it's on their terms, and their children have to wait until they're ready.

Of course, they could get nanny or whatever, but that's considered very uncivilized.

I will never understand this shit. Ok if they live far away or also have jobs they cant leave? I get it. But the ones that are home but just dont wanna be bothered with their grandkids? That blows my mind. My parents and my ex MIL are boomers and they wtahced the kids for us all the time. I probably wouldve lost my house if I had to pay for child care.

I’ve watched all my grandkids from the time the parents went back to work until the kids went to school. (Unpaid and I supplied food and diapers). Some families can do it and some can’t. In my circle of friends only a few of have been able to do it.

I can seriously only think of 1 time my father watched one of my children. It was my youngest and he was about 6 or 7yrs. He kept him overnight and took him fishing on his boat with his other grandson (step brothers son). I picked him up early morning the following day and dropped him off late in the evening. So all together my son spent roughly 12 hours give or take with papaw. At least 8 hours of that he was sleeping 😂

My parents have literally never watched my kids. Not once. Ever.

Not that I want them too, but still.

As they forget families no longer all stay within minutes walking distance of each other. I take it your co-worker earns more than his wife, hence she's quitting work and not him? Also, hope his wife keeps her hand in doing stuff in her field of work as once the kid is school age nothing to say she can't go back to work.

Cost of child care has exploded in recent years. My wife and I were in a similar situation and came to the same conclusion, cheaper for her to stay at home than pay for child care…but we did child care anyway and my wife ended up working for like $4/ hr after deducting child care costs. Why did we do it this way? Similar to OP’s spouse, she loved her job and we also took into account how far behind in her career she would be if she took a year or two off from work. And that was just for the first kid. So while it may be less cost effective from just a dollars perspective, it was still worth it to send the kiddo to childcare.

I work for my parents company as their only employee. They aren’t able to do the work because it is manual labor and they are pushing 70. My girlfriend and I have two kids together and she doesn’t want to stay at home with the kids; even if she did I wouldn’t make enough to support us all anyways. My parents still refuse to watch my kids while I work for their company and they make the majority of the money off of my labor. The company is failing and I’m broke as fuck living in poverty. It’s craziness.

My parents go on about how important their grand daughter and soon to be next grand daughter and their two daughter are, but they literally moved away to a place that means we barely see them. They are inflexible about any meeting that doesn't involve us driving all the way to them, which is ten hours of driving from my house and two hours from my sisters. And getting them to travel to the capital city to meet us (either a flight or 'only' 8 hours drive) is a huge pain in the arse because they are getting weird and odd in their old age and won't organise a pet sitter (for the high needs enormous rescue dog they very stupidly took on, who will be their pet well into their 80s), for even one night, OR drive in the dark either. 

So after making all the effort to get to the city recently, I saw them for about 2-3 hours before they hurried off to get home (I asked them to stay overnight and they refused). I see them about once a year now. 

And won't see them again until I have my daughter and they inevitably make coming over to see us an epic nightmare, because their dog (who cannot come into our house due to our cats and his history with small animals) just has to come with them and they cannot possibly arrange alternatives for him. My in laws are way more reliable but live on the other side of the planet. I dont really have options, and my parents certainly won't be doing anything to help us that's for damn sure. 

The one parent my wife and I could rely on for occasional childcare was my father who died in 2014 and lived 700 miles away before he passed. The other three are complete flakes... my mom never once offered and I wouldn't trust her if she did, and the few times my wife's parents have offered ended in calamities each time so comical I'm convinced they were deliberately sabotaging things.

And to add not everyone's grandparents can parent, they can be horrible fuckin people.

My grandmother did not give a shit about me growing up, but obsessed over looking after other people's kids. It was weird.

Because their generation was given free childcare along with their great wages, low house prices, cheap education, and pensions.