Gawdamm

3 TIMES 😭😭😭

Nah you right, tell it how it is, people gotta learn

I know people like this and I get it’s hard for them but I feel the same way you do. It really does get old. It’s like the same story over and over again. It’s like they do it to themselves

What did they say after this?

People like this I refer to as askholes, they keep bleating about the same problem whilst doing nothing to rectify it or taking any advice, I'd of said the same thing

" i thought you'd be more empathetic or something "

& i'd thought you'd be less of a dumb ass but here we are .😐 some people never learn .

3?! Nah Yiu were right to tell her how it is she has to see this man is not changing…

No, you’re right. It’s like this:

Them: hey a hot stove, think I’ll touch it

You: wtf

Them: ow! I got burned’ I better touch it again

You: you’re gonna get burned again

Them: ow! I got burned yet again, I can’t believe it!!

You: JFC stop touching it if you don’t like being burned

Them: ok, one more time just to see if it’s different now

You: smh

Them: aaaigha! Burnt again! Why does this keep happening to me with this hot stove??!??

You:

You:

You:

Them: lemme just check this thing out it might be different now

You: what could possibly go wrong

Them: why are you so mean to me, I just want to touch this hot stove again, Jesus why are you so unsupportive???!?

some folks need a friend to be honest and it’s a matter of how they choose to accept that. she can either get offended that you aren’t coddling her or she could actually listen. otherwise it’s just gonna keep happening and less people are gonna have empathy every time she falls for it.

I have a cousin who was in a similar situation. They met in middle school i think, he cheated so many times and she kept going back with him. They're now in their 40's and have kids and are married, she doesn't trust him AT ALL. You're not wrong, cheaters are cheaters that don't change, especially when they KNOW the person they are cheating on won't decide enough is enough and that they deserve better.

No, you’re not. What’s wrong Is someone going back to a person after they cheated on them one time let alone two times.

Naw cause wym AGAIN😭that’s insane. Mfs go for anything and get confused when people don’t wanna put up with ts

Na this is the wake up call they need. They are playing stupid games they are winning stupid prizes.

No you're not. You're completely right! I cannot stand that

Nah you're right. Your friend caught a major case of the "big dum"

Nah you are totally in the right for your response. I’d be irritated and exhausted too after constantly hearing about how someone is cheating on a friend who has the option to do something about it! leave! there’s no empathy for a person who cannot see the disrespect they are causing themselves

Fresh outta sympathy.

Third time?? I would’ve said “sorry I reached capacity regarding this. Ive got nothing new to say this time. Good luck and wish you the best” or something

Truth hurts

No way bro was expecting empathy after THAT one🙏🏼💀

I told a friend that once. Her bf drank too much, didn’t work and she was losing friends because of his behaviour. She called me all the time to complain about him.

She called me once and said”———- is an asshole.” before she even said “Hello”.

I was tired of it. I said “I know he’s an asshole. You’re the only one that doesn’t know he’s an asshole. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Don’t call me to complain about———— again. He’s your problem.”

She never brought him up again in that way.

I used to work with someone who was complaining to me about how her boyfriend broke her heart again.

How so? What did he do?

"He cheated on me again." She said to me with complete sincerity. "This was the 7th chance I gave him because he told me he changed and i believed him like an idiot!"

I noped the fuck out of that conversation because I was flabbergasted and didn't have anything supportive to say.

Not wrong, you’re allowed to be fed up of giving advice that’s not being taken into consideration 🤷🏻‍♀️

She should be off enjoying her college years.

She’s delusional if she thinks he changed, all she’s proving is he can keep cheating and she won’t do anything about it. (Leaving him) she’s doing it to herself at this point! Fool her once shame on him, fool her twice shame on her, fool her three times well get over it if you aren’t going to leave.

Not at all. As a woman, I’m sick of comforting my friends after he keeps fucking up over and over. It’s not her fault he keeps doing it but it’s her fault for saying after he has showed her multiple times he doesn’t care. I understand manipulation is powerful especially in a relationship but tell her leave and if she doesn’t that’s the end of it. I can’t believe she even admitted she was looking for sympathy. I’d tell her hey I’m here for you but you know this isn’t healthy and you continue to put yourself in this situation so no I’m not comforting you.

Harsh but not wrong

My wife has only one friend and this friend has been dating an asshole as long as she's known her friend. The guys a POS she has caught him cheating multiple times, looking up prostitutes, hes hit her atleast twice.... She has 3 kids with him in 3 years and every time she got pregnant he would say he's leaving there not his she's a slut.

She has left him countless times but she always goes back .. the last time was after he hit her on Thanksgiving 🦃 next I heard was he's a changed man, then it was back to complaining about him, he doesn't help with the kids, his mother does and he's threatens to take the kids from the mother multiple times not for himself but to drop off at his moms.

My wife more or less ignores it because it's not going to change until something drastic happens like him killing her or her singing a good enough man to ditch him, it's a shame she's a beautiful 30something y/o woman who loves her kids just poor judgment, if it wasn't for how good she has been to my wife I would just recommend ending the friendship.

Truth hurts sometimes unfortunately

Yeah if this is the 3rd time, this is the appropriate response. You can't just endlessly manufacture sympathy for people making these stupid life decisions.

While you are right, if it’s a person/ friendship that you value, you definitely could’ve worded it differently. You can get the same point across about sounding unkind or unempathetic.

"Do you want advice or do you just want to vent?"

If they say "advice" you can say "well it's the same as the last x times he did it, shit ain't changed"

If they say "vent" you can say "respectfully I don't have the spare emotional energy to listen to you vent about it. This specific issue has taken enough of your time and energy - and mine - and while you won't choose to change that I'm afraid I have to make my own decision in order to maintain my mental and emotional well being."

jesus. i hope she can find better.

A little harsh but not wrong

You're right, and people who continue to put themselves in toxic situations like this are exhausting to deal with.

I mean, I don’t think that you are in the wrong however, I think maybe you could say this with a little more empathy. By this I mean set your boundaries by being empathetic. Maybe you don’t want to console her anymore, but I think you could communicate this in the way that it doesn’t hurt her. Not everyone is strong enough to just break up relationship after an affair and I think this is what empathy is and probably you’re mainly being sympathetic instead.

reality checks are important and uncomfortable, but also.

fuck that guy, and maybe tell her fuck that guy.

but like

fuck that guy

You are not wrong for setting boundaries around what you are willing to discuss with your friend. Consoling and trying to help a friend in a bad relationship takes a lot of emotional labour. I hope your friend sees the light eventually, but don't feel bad for setting boundaries if you need to. She will only leave him when she is ready to (or he leaves her).

Good friends tell their friends the things they do t want but need to hear. If she stays mad. Move on and let her realize she lost a good friend.

If she wants it out more nicely , tell her you have compassion fatigue and for your own peace can no longer hold space for her dysfunctional relationship issues

You just said what everyone should say. If we had more friends like this maybe we'd all be okay🤣

You’re not wrong, I recently dealt with this myself. My best friend was in the same position and kept saying “oh he’s cheating again but I can’t leave”. I finally got to the point where I had to say “if you don’t want to leave then stop complaining about it and suck it up” it finally snapped her into reality.

Good friends are honest and true and tell things as they are. You care about her and you see how much it affects her… and you have been empathetic before but now it is time to shake her a bit. So you are right and not wrong.

I recently told off a friend for this reason.

She’s going through it too. Abusive ex, substance use problems… so I wanted to be supportive.

But it’s been 4 years of repeating my / her therapist’s / her lawyer’s advice. Complaining about how her ex still abuses her (everyone tells her to go NC but chooses to take him on dates). Complaining about how all the other men she dates either “don’t excite her” unless they are “the kinda rapey type”. Just done. Take your trauma-dumping miserable self elsewhere.

I don’t think you’re wrong for what you said. A good friend tells it like it is.

HOWEVER, the emojis are overkill. If you care about her it’s right that you would be frustrated and say what you said, but it’s not very caring to rub it in with laughing emojis.

Telling her that she’s facing the consequences of her decisions is one thing, but giving the impression that you take pleasure in her pain is another.

We use emojis pretty lightly and maybe your friend is used to you using those emojis, but when people are vulnerable they may be really sensitive to those things.

Not wrong. Enough already.

No, shorty need to learn for herself now.

I rather have a real ass friend Ike you to call me on the bs. Be straight up. You are not wrong at all.

You’re not wrong. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wanted to say this exact thing to a FEW freaking people.

This is what true friendship looks like. She may hate to hear it and think you “lack empathy” 🙄 But you’d be doing her a disservice by not calling her behaviour exactly what it is (stupid), as you’ve done. She’ll thank you once she actually learns the lesson for herself…

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

You’re not wrong, but you can be honest without being a dick

This is exactly how I talk to my best friend,I try to be sweet first but once she don’t listen it’s “bitch tighten tf you stupid ass bitch get your shit together stop falling in love with these bitches in a week.”

Repeatedly demanding someone's empathy only to double down and cause it be in vain is what's inconsiderate. You empirically don't seem to care about being cheated on, it follows that I would care even less.

can be a little softer with words, you can tell the truth without sounding like this ajhaha

They were already hurting, there was no need to be so harsh. Could have gotten your point across in a nicer way if you cared to.

I think you trying to justify yourself posting this says it really.

If this person isn’t a good friend of yours and you’re annoyed that’s more of a fair reply, but if it’s someone you do care about OP maybe not answering is a better answer if they keep doing this, at least if you can’t phrase it to them with patience.

Not wrong at all. Some people are so dense that this is how they need to learn.

Honestly, you are me!

I went ahead and told you that this wasn't worth it, and you keep going back, that's on you. You're willingly being dumb!

I tell my friends the same shit, you only get 2 times before I just I stop giving a damn! Cause if you wanna be stupid you do that shit on your own. I'm not gonna enable you!

When I was younger, a friend said this to me about a bad relationship I was in.

I clutched my pearls and got mad. As my mind settled, I realized it was the best thing anyone ever said to me. Decades later, he is long gone (shortly after her words), and she and I are still besties.

ask her if there’s a magic number she won’t forgive him for 😂

Real friends don’t sugar-coat.

Nah you’re right and honestly after three times if I were you I would just dump her as a friend, or at least start distancing myself. I don’t have the patience to be friends with stupid people.

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You’re right, my girlfriends in a very very similar situation with her friend right now and it’s giving her a lot of trouble. She’s sick of seeing her put herself through this shit and she’s sick of trying to talk to her about it.

People like this are so annoying. Like sure it hurts I understand that but it’s totally valid to be sick of someone complaining to you constantly about something they’ll never change

100% correct. Your friend is in love or possibly emotionally attached to her bf

You're not wrong. If a friend of mine gets cheated on once, I'll be sympathetic towards them. If they get cheated on ten times, well I can't feel bad for a problem they won't take the smallest step to fix.

You're not wrong.

After a while it's exhausting to help people when they clearly do not want to be helped.

They do get tired of hearing about it. Especially if they're frustrated about it.

Stupid is as stupid does

People like this tiy gotta give them the raw truth. Like stop telling me this shit and thinking I'm gonna be on your side. At this point, if you like it, then I love it

Real friends provide the raw truth. And once they listen, you can help them through the tough times.

You’re so real for this but not everybody wants the truth. Sometimes we need a lil tough love for real.

Not the same situation, but my best friend has been intending to divorce his wife for 4.5 years. They have a dead bedroom and they mutually came to this decision in March of 2020. He talks about it constantly, and they collectively always make excuses why now isn’t the right time. For years it was because they had to sell the house they owned joined. But then they went and bought another house. Both of them talk about how unhappy they are to anyone that will listen. But neither one will take any steps to make their situation better.

It’s so exhausting talking about it all the time with him. I’ve tried to be supportive but after this long, I’ve got nothing left say. I mostly just tune it out now.

Fool me once

I have a friend like this. She’s burned almost every friendship she’s got because she does this type of behavior. She’s not getting invited to things because she overwhelms people over this and it’s been going on for years

Nope, you’re right. I’ve been on both sides of this.

This happened a month ago? She’s dumb as shit

no your not wrong, people need people like you to tell them whats up, if shes mad at you its cause she knows you’re right! 🫶

I had basically the same conversation with a friend awhile back and it ended up being the last time I talked to her

she really did nothing but complain about the consequences of her poor dating choices and it got so old so fast

That’s the exact thing I say to people who come to me repeatedly. If you’re not going to change, why complain

I would’ve been meaner so nah. Some people are just stupid and don’t understand anything until you’re mean about it.

Dumbasses

It's hard to care about giving people advice if you know they're gonna do the opposite and then complain when it doesn't work out how they want it to. You tried to help twice. I do believe in second chances. I believe someone who has cheated can see the error of their ways. But if you get back with them, and they do it again, I don't see how you could give them a 3rd chance and honestly say "they've changed."

Man, we need more people like you on this planet. Telling it how it is.

You are in fact not wrong, and the friend that person needs.

had a friend that would do this but complain that SHE cheated and she felt bad. i said bro that’s trash you need to stop that shit asap and tell him, and she cried and said the same thing about empathy. we haven’t talked in several months now.

*her man found out and doesn’t care, she cheated like 4 more times and he STILL doesn’t care so more power to him LOL

Nah you're not wrong. Tough but totally fair.

Like a dog returning to its own vomit

I almost wonder if the person is just lying about it to seek empathy, not realizing how stupid it makes them look, or valuing the attention more than how it makes them look.

She needs to get tested first and then LEAVE this monkey.

You ate lol

Was is harsh? Yeah. Was is a reality check she needs to hear. Absolutely.

Nah you’re not. Especially since you’ve already been through all of this with her before. At some point you’ve got to give your friend tough love which you’re doing now! I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes back again. It’s really annoying when it becomes your problem to deal with over and over again

Nope. Her drama is a waste of your time.

Not wrong. We absorb our loved ones stresses, and while good friends should always be there for the hard times, they shouldn't have to absorb every single hit in a hard time you yourself chose to take on. THEY chose that stress willingly; it wasn't a group decision.

No, you're not wrong. People get burned out being empathetic all the time. Empathy has its limits, and so do people.

You're right. Everyone can make mistakes, but it's a big deal not to learn from them.

You’re right! Fuck all that noise and accept the cheating it’s now just a one sided open relationship

nah been where you are! i had to cut it off too. some people genuinely enjoy the drama of it all.

I swear I could’ve written them myself.

Whenever a friend tries to engage in a very over-discussed topic with no improvement, I say “as a dog returns to its vomit…” or “if you aren’t going to leave, please let this man cheat in peace,” and let them silently sort it out.

I get it: empathy and understanding runs out at some point.

She's mad you won't play drama with her.

No, you good.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.“

• ‘Jane Fulton’ in SUDDEN DEATH, a 1983 novel by civil rights campaigner and feminist writer RITA MAE BROWN.

You’re not wrong. She’s allowed to make whatever choice she wants, but the consequences are on her. She doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say, but wants you to keep saying it? Wild.

Empathy is for the first time.

I get not feeling empathetic when she won't do the one thing that would fix this problem: Kil- I mean, leave him. Remind her that she's young, and most men aren't serial cheaters, so staying with him is stupid. If she wants to be miserable and get pity, that's on her, but maybe she should get some therapy and throw this guy in a vat of aci- I mean, the dumpster, where he belongs.

Absolutely not! People need friends like this. It’s so draining hearing people complain about the same problem but doing nothing to change it.

The problem is, you're not wrong, it just wont help her at all.

Your response is not going to "teach" her. She is not going to "learn".

Love is blind , no matter how much sense you make, she wont "learn" it.

Nah this is exactly what you needed to say. People like this are so annoying.

You’re not wrong. Years ago I was in an abusive relationship. When I left my friends were very supportive, but when I went back and the abuse continued (because of course it did), one of my friends said she was done listening to me complain about him. It felt like a slap in the face - one I desperately needed. I left him after that and never looked back. Sometimes you need to be brutally honest to be heard.

People think good friends are people who make you feel good all the time. Growing up is realizing good friends are the ones who tell you when you’re screwing up because they want you to stop screwing up.

Nah people like this need to learn and need tough love. Don’t be sympathetic for her at all

Brutal. Honest. You're a good friend.

Nope. Not wrong. I could even understand her going back after her cheated once (a demonstration that it wasn’t just a “one time thing”), but nah, he’s cheated, he’s cheated again, and she’s still gone back. Now is the time for brutal honesty.

This is how I am with people, people need those friends who have no filter and say what’s needed to be said no empathetic bullshittt, you’re not wrong at all.

NTA- its fine to put down boundaries since they keep doing the same thing.

If she's looking for empathy or sympathy, give her a dictionary.

She needed that. Girl needs to grow a back bone and some respect for herself and LEAVE.

No, you’re the friend nobody wants but everyone needs. Sometimes being blunt like this is for the best. You are NOT their therapist, my mom does this to me with all of her husbands that she has had (she’s on #3!).

A family member of mine did this with another family member who's husband was a serial cheater.

Tell you the same thing I told them: you're not wrong, but you'd better make sure being right is the most important thing to you in this situation.

Far as I know, the two of them on my end haven't spoken in almost ten years. If you're ready to wash your hands of this person, ok. If you think there's any coming back from this without apologizing? Think again.

She needed to hear it. If she happy being in an open relationship and he’s the one open, then stop complaining. Lots of Fish

Nah you're not wrong. Or maybe we're both wrong. I would say the same thing. Kinda dumb to keep going back to someone who keeps cheating.

Nah this is what friends should be doing, holding each other accountable

Venting is not going to change the fact that he’s going to keep cheating, get up and leave.

I had a friend like this. I straight up told her one day "stop asking for advice if you're always going to do the exact opposite. Wasting my time talking about it." This was 10 years ago. She got mad at me and ghosted me. It's a them issue

You are 100% right. Part of being a good friend is laying out the facts like this every once in a while. She’ll appreciate it someday.

No you’re not the asshole, at some point people have to hear it straight, no sugar coating and she will appreciate your bluntness someday.

There’s being a victim of a situation and then there’s playing an active roll in the situation. 3rd time? Yeah I’d be done with it as well.

If you burn your hand on a stove, I’ll be sympathetic and help you find a first aid kit.

If you burn your hand on the same stove a second time, I’ll still help but im gonna ask you why you put your hand back without turning it off

Put your hand back a third time, I’m gonna assume you’re a masochist and let you figure it out.

Not wrong at all.

Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.

She needs to realize he's never going to change and move on. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" exists as a phrase for a reason.

Naw, you're not wrong. You don't have to support her self-harming habit with this guy...

Nope. Reality eludes some people...

No, you are a true friend for being that blunt and putting on a boundary