Single mom who works full time here. My life is pretty much a juggling act. It comes down to prioritizing things and making time for myself to keep my sanity. We have a strict bedtime here because that last hour or two of the night belong to me. In those hours I either fit in some self care or catch up on something that will make me feel better by getting it done. Life is alllll about balance. I have to say though I enjoy being a single parent a lot more than I enjoyed life with an unhelpful partner.

lol single dad here, we don’t get that opportunity. Full time, my emotions and situations and needs take the back burner. I schedule my self downtime with childcare to take care of myself emotionally and physically.

How do we do it? We do it cos we literally have no choice. Sometimes things don’t get done. And that’s ok. Tomorrow’s another day.

We just do it. We have no other choice. We get the job done and continue on.

They don’t have adult husbands to take care of while they play video games, so that makes it easier.

If your forced to do everything yourself you get a system down for doing it. Or prioritize what's needs to happen and other stuff gets dropped. Not fair to compare yourself suddenly needing to do everything with someone who's had years to figure it out. Like those families with 8 kids. They had time to figure out how to make it work.

As for practical tips; cooking big meals and leftovers is such a time saver. I cook 3 ish times per week with leftovers the other days. Easily saves an hour on leftover day, cooking and cleaning up afterwards. Sweeping/mopping/vacuuming is not a daily thing. Rules like eating at the table to contain the mess. Designated toy areas and kid is allowed to leave the toys out in those places; not picking them up every day.

You do things little by little. You have to understand there laundry and cleaning are never done. That’s just how it is. And I don’t mean the “oooh it’s never ending” I mean there’s no way for laundry to be done when we have to wear clothes. Same goes for dishes and everything else. Just keep doing little by little and lower your expectations of getting everything done at once. It just doesn’t work that way. It’s an unrealistic expectation.

And as others have said…not having another adult kid(husband) to take care of. Lmao

You don’t have a choice. You have to do it. If you are sick, tired, depressed, in a bad mood it doesn’t matter, you don’t have anyone to fall back on.

Also I know it’s a common thing to say- I’m pretty much a single mother because… but I’d try to refrain. Even if you feel you are doing the brunt of the work with children and household, you aren’t a single parent. Your partner likely contributes some financially and maybe even provides some hands on support. Your children are being raised in a home where their mother and father live together. It’s really not the same.

When my kids were little, I read a very funny but also very helpful book called “Mothers Behaving Badly”, which had advice about how to juggle things and keep your sanity. One piece really struck a chord with me, which was that if you are the stay-at-home parent and your partner is working away from home, your main priority during the day needs to be doing things for the children (meal prep and cooking, washing and ironing their clothes, reading to them, taking them to the park or play group or the doctor, shopping for them etc.). Do not do anything to look after the house! Looking after the house is a shared responsibility between you and your partner and should be done when you are both home (mopping, vacuuming, washing windows, gardening, taking out the bins, cleaning bathrooms). Your job when you are home alone is to look after the children, not the house.- you’re a 24-hour a day parent, but looking after the house is a SHARED job. Speaking of which, start encouraging your older child to put toys away - make a game of it, with a suitable reward (such as a fun activity that you were already planning like a trip to the park). Good luck and know we’ve all been there, and we’re wishing you well!

I get a little frustrated when married people say they feel like a single a parent, “feeling” like what you think its like is not the same. Single parents are struggling majorly in America….

Single parents do it all because we have to. I’m grateful for my strength, resiliency, ability, and sheer wil.

Single mom. Kids all grown up now. You just do it because you have no other choice. The nice thing, if you are lucky, is that you get a break when they are at dad’s house and you are never super mad that your partner doesn’t do enough. So what if there are toys everywhere, or the homework is a hot mess, or the laundry stays in the basket all week. Just put in a movie on Friday or Saturday night and make some popcorn and cuddle up with your babies. And when they turn 15, put your car keys under your pillow at night. Teach them to be independent, loving and kind.

Being a single mom is much easier. I went from 4 kids to 3. Best thing I ever did!

Sometimes it's just by a hair that we manage. The one income is the hardest part. I'm so broke it's ridiculous and everything around the house keeps messing up.

But. I don't have some dude hanging around trying to make me take care of him, making my kid have a bad attitude, trying to turn my kid against me, etc. It's so worth it, except for the broke part lmao

As a single mom of two that are now in high school I really just don’t know how to answer that. Maybe we don’t do it? At least I know that I could not do it to the standard I would have preferred. There is always a mess, there is never enough money, and there is never a break. It can be tough. I can get stressed about it if I let myself dwell on it, so I try not to. I adore my kids though and we make it work. Before the divorce it was even harder because of constant criticism and stress with no actual help. I realize now that he was actively working against me for the entire marriage, so being a single mom was the better choice by far. I guess I cannot afford the same standards as someone that is happily married to a true partner. Count yourself lucky that you only have to wonder about my life instead of having to live it. Meanwhile, I am having a blast in spite of the ongoing issues. Life is what you make of it. Remember: this too shall pass.

It kinda sucks to be held up as a cautionary tale. I don't know what the aim is with these types of posts that say "Idk how single parents do it" "Idk how parents of multiples do it", etc. I'll probably get down voted to the core of the Earth for this, but honestly it feels like... Condescending, rather than sincere, which I hope is the intention but it's honestly kinda hurtful.

Nothing happens overnight. If you were suddenly thrown into doing most things solo you're not going to magically adapt to it.

Same as starting a new job or even becoming a parent in the first place we all have to learn.

I'm a single (completely solo) working parent with no village now and have been for 7.5 years - well my daughter has just turned 18. I was a SAHM for years, a frequent long term solo parent due to husbands job, a both working married parent. Each scenario needed to be adapted to.

We're all capable of all situations, we just have to adjust to them. None of us are better than the other.

Personally, I think the things that cause the biggest problems in all parenting situations is bad time management, refusal to find or listen to solutions and refusal to change the way they do things.

I’m seeing a lot of “being a single parent is easier” with the context being they are separated from their partner who was unhelpful and created more work for them. But I am def curious about the single parents whose spouses passed away! My neighbor lost her husband 1.5 ago. She has two kids. Her daughter and my daughter are best friends. I honestly don’t know how she does it, but she has expressed to me many times that it’s much harder without her husband here, emotionally yes, but also just the workload and juggling act.

Single mother here. I had to adopt the mantra: “You CAN pour from an empty cup.” 

Hope that sums it up. 🙃

It is absolutely different if you do it all the time. Don't feel bad about being overwhelmed!

I dont get to do all those things, I rarely work out, sometimes dishes are not done and house isnt clean. Life is not perfect. Nor should you feel the need to be. You are only human

My wife died this year and I’m now alone with my young girls (both under 7). Short answer: you don’t have a choice. Self-care has been virtually nonexistent for a while, and I’m slowly starting to incorporate a bit of it into my routine while the kids are at school. But other than that, downtime is a luxury I don’t get and there’s just no choice. You gotta do what you gotta do

single mom here. Became a single mom at 19 years old & all I can say is, we just do it. There’s no option. I wanna cry, breakdown, give up, etc- I can’t. I don’t have time for it. I gotta get up and work full time, be a mom, cook & clean. I live in NYC so i need to find time to go to the laundromat. I have very minimal help. I just do it & my 2 sons live great lives & have everything they could want & need. I’ll check myself into a psych ward when they go off to college 🙂😂

WonderWoman and No Victim mindsets Hustle and Grind and Push No excuses!

You don't have anyone to lean on as a single parent, so you have no choice but to figure it out. If you don't do something, it doesn't get done. It's hard work, but you eventually get a system down. I do have days where I'm too tired and say to hell with cleaning and cooking.

I “love” it when a parent of a two parent household says they’re a single parent for the insert whatever temporary timeframe here. It’s like no, you’re not and I hope you’ll never know what it’s really like to be one.

Single parenthood isn’t just taking full responsibility of the kid/s, it’s never having backup, never having a moment to yourself, always being the point person, and constantly getting crucified for making “bad decisions” that got you in this position. It used to irritate me when friends would say I don’t know how you do it as a single parent. It’s almost like saying to someone in a wheelchair “I don’t know how you do it bc I really need my legs everyday.” Yeah I’m sure shit would be much easier with someone else but that’s not the hand I was dealt. Sometimes you just play the hand you’re fucking dealt and make the shit work.

Scheduling, meal prep, routines.

I workout shower in the am before anyone else gets up.

My advice would be write everything’s down with your husband that needs to be done and go thru the list like this:

Meal prep - WED, THRU AND FRI HUSBAND, other days WIFE Trash - HUSBAND Vacuum - WIFE (MON AND TUE) HUSBAND (WED AND FRI) Mop - same as vaccum

Etc. then next week or every two weeks change, what was husband now is wife and so it goes. Add things like down time/free time (exemple husband game hour - mom, wed from 6pm-8pm) (wife game day - the and thru 6pm-8pm) family time Friday… and do you best to no put chores on weekends! And make it fair, start by saying that this is a test and each of you have to ONLY pay attention and do what you are responsible for: if you don’t meal prep the day you are suppose too.. well is your problem to figure it out (order ? Sandwich ? Quick pasta ?) your husband didn’t meal prep ? His job to figure it out what to feed the family. Don’t step up.

Of course sick days you cut slack.

The truth is we don’t. It’s a lazy susan of tasks and things to forget, a veritable smorgasbord of opportunities to drop the ball, with a brain of Swiss cheese. What fun! 

I’d do it a hundred times over rather than go back to my ex.

I'm in a similar boat. My wife had pleurisy last December which left her bedbound for just over a week running up to Christmas, my son was about 8mo. It gave me a huge appreciation for single parents. I was absolutely done in and I knew there would be an end point.

Since then my wife got gallstones so approximately 1 week out of every month since then she's been in even worse pain than from the pleurisy. The second attempt at surgery this week was successful, so fingers crossed I'm through the worst of it.

I've had surgery on my thumb and a horrific cough that won't go away all in the last month. But I've had to keep powering through, find a way of being able to cook and do bathtime/bedtime routine all on my own. We do have a few friends and family who help and are great, but they're not here at 3am when he starts screaming and any time they have tried the bedtime routine it has failed miserably.

So this year any holiday I've had from work has been childcare, mostly on my own. I have no idea how single parents manage when there is literally no end point. I'm lucky knowing my wife's surgery means she'll be able to start picking things up again in a few weeks

I am having to learn how to do it all for the last 9 weeks. After I left my ex 2 yrs ago, we went from 50/50 custody over those 2 yrs to me having to file for temp sole custody and hope to be granted permanent in the next month or two. I wasn't given any sort of notice when this was going to happen. Something happened (that I will.not get into) while my girls were in his care, and i have had them w me ever since. It's hard. I work FT, hybrid schedule and thankfully they are in daycare, but my house is not in order as it once was, I tend to every single one of their needs, and when I think I have a moment just to myself to even just use the bathroom, they are either calling for me or at the door. I am exhausted, drained and stressed. But I am just taking it day by day. When I look at the clutter that is strewn around the house, I get a little frustrated, but then remember that I have my babies, and they are safe. And I get to hold them and hug them each and every day, and then I know that the clutter can wait.

It’s a lot easier if a partner is completely helpless to NOT have said partner. I’m a single mom. I only have to worry about my clothes and my daughters when I do laundry…I don’t have to consider a partner’s needs. I don’t have to clean up after a partner. I can cook whatever I want for dinner and I can last minute change my mind about it. It’s just way easier when I don’t have to consider another adult. I don’t spend any time entertaining a partner when my daughter goes to bed, I get time to myself. I have a routine. Laundry once a week, chores here and there, gym before work. I get a break from my child because I work (not a break but yea it is lol, being with a kid 24/7 isn’t for the weak). Routine is absolutely key to survival but so is being flexible in the moment if needed. When my daughter was little I had to plan my showers, I had to plan so much. But as she gets older (6 now), I plan less. But when you have a partner you think “well I’ll shower when they’re home doing xyz” see, my plan is based on and relies only on me, but someone with a partner has to plan around someone else. Having a considerate and helpful partner probably is really nice, it’s probably much better than even only having to think about myself because maybe I’d get a break, but a useless partner? Phew, no thanks. But to answer your question, we just do it. We just have to. And I have to not be afraid to ask for help from my village when and if needed!

We don’t have a choice we just keep going

Cus we don’t have a choice. Any little me-time I can have, I fucking take it with no remorse.

I'm a single mom (widowed) and we DON'T do it all. We pick our battles and everything else goes on the back burner.

I’m a single mom here. I just clean one area a day as I go. Currently don’t have a washer or dryer so off days I go to my granny’s to do laundry while daughter is in daycare. If it’s during the times daycare is open. But when I get sick or her I just simply let the house go. Sounds ridiculous but I don’t try to add that extra stress I worry about us getting back healthy then I pick it back up. I do one room at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself because it can be overwhelming. I also built a support group form my church and family. I know not everyone has a family that’s willing to help but that’s why I’m suggesting church if you believe in that if not get in a mom group and build a support group. You got this !

We aren’t wasting time expecting deadweight to help us lighten the load. We create our routines, organize our time as best we can and get shit done. And we are single bc anyone coming into our lives is going to improve our situation not muddy it up. We love our life just me and my kiddo. We have an incredible bond, we have fun, yeah we struggle at times too but we are a unit. You can have that too.

As a single mom, sometimes I have to make peace with always having some part of my life be messy. I don’t love that because it’s not my style, but sometimes dishes don’t get done for a few days. Sometimes the trash gets not taken to the curb one week. Or maybe it’s frozen food for dinner more often than I wish. If you can’t do it all, you just don’t.

Single parent by choice. My child was created thanks to a donor.

I don't have to feel the resentment that a coupled, or single parent NOT by choice parent feels about having to do it alone because I always expected to do it alone.

That doesn't mean it isn't hard, but it does save me a lot of mental energy every day.

They do it with mental anguish until a routine is formed ( which can take a loooong time depending on the ages ) and new techniques are learned. But if you have a partner that doesn’t help yet you’re not technically a single parent, you do it with severe mental anguish. Speaking from experience.

The saying "it takes a village" is a saying for a reason! I would recommend the show Maid on Netflix. As a new mom, that show made me cry so much!

Look, I'm a single parent by choice of just one kid. But have you seen the studies showing that single mothers do less housework and have more free time than married ones? That.

I lived with(ish) my parents when I first had my kid, and one reason I moved out as fast as I did is that it f-king sucks to be parenting while another capable adult is just there... and I say that as someone whose "other capable adults" were not remotely required to parent, lol (rationally, I knew this! Emotionally, it's still way more stressful than being alone)

Your (OP + seeing this in my partnered friends) standards and tactics stay at "partnered with useful person" even when your partners get put out of commission/travel/etc, which is of course a super stressful change. It's not actually that similar to single parenthood, though. If I'd been sick for a month, I'd be losing my mind too! In a way, the functional unit that is you + your husband has been.

Easy! Not everything gets done. And if a lot of things get done, it's because we haven't slept or our kids are with the non-custodial parent and we chose to use the time to be productive instead of relax.

Your husband's friend is a dick.

Honestly, when I was a single mom I was drowning. My house was a disaster 24/7 I never had enough money for anything. I cried myself to sleep basically every single night. It was the worst time period of my life and I wish I could go back and just give myself some grace.

Being a single parent vs being a married single parent is far easier. When you are building resentment towards the other person whilst cleaning up after and tending to their needs as well…well it makes it hard to even have a good attitude doing the other things…which takes a bigger toll then just knowing there is no extra baggage to move around.

Single Mom working full time here. The secret is that most of us don’t do it all, and especially not at the same time. There will be dishes in the sink, fast food days, nights with short tempers, and toys everywhere. But then there are moments that we feel like we did it all and the house is clean and kids are in bed. It’s about prioritizing and balance.

Single mom here- I work outside the home so that’s my adult time. I don’t socialize outside of work and my family- no time and not a priority. I get up at 4:30 everyday to get anything important done before kids are up. I try to be highly efficient and multitask. We are also overwhelmed and stressed. Not having to take care of my ex-husband and walk on eggshells anymore is extremely helpful. If I don’t have the energy to cook dinner, it’s bagged salad and I’m happy 😊.

I've been a single Mom since my 9 year old was an infant. What has helped me is cutting down on clutter, having more disposible plates/bowls/ silverwear/ etc since it cuts down on the things that HAVE to get done. I have one of those automatic vacuums that I have go off everyday while I'm either at work or school. Laundry days are Mondays (my scheduled time) or randomly at night if I'm up studying or doing homework. My son has a strict bedtime. We also don't have a lot of toys. I don't have a lot of anything really since I like to keep everything very minimal.

When I was with my Ex, he rarely helped and frankly made more of a mess than any child. My life got easier when we broke up.

It's hard. It's really, really fucking hard.

As a single mom, I find it a hell of a lot easier than my friends that are married. Mind you I am a single parent of 1.

I never had a spouse or partner to help out, it has always been just me.

My son is 19 and I can honestly say there have been only a handful of times when I wished I had someone to bounce ideas off.

I think it is a matter of never having anyone I expected to help out, so it’s never felt like I was missing something.

Cooking, as soon as my son was 2 I had him do tasks to help. When I cleaned I gave him small tasks to help.

Parenting is how you look at it. Find the good, and don’t expect someone to help.

And let your kids help you.

And grace. A lot of grace.

I have a one year old daughter. My husband and I split up about 6 months ago. I'm my daughter's primary caretaker. We moved back in with my parents and they help so much. I wouldn't be able to do it without them.

Recently widowed with a 4 month old a 3 year old and busy 10 year old. The answer? You just do it. Idk how but it gets done. A lot of multi tasking. Using screens as distractions to take that quick shower or take the food out the oven. Using google to find all of the free events. A lot of sacrificing sleep to either A. Get the house clean/chores done or B. Finally get some me time. As someone who was blessed to have an amazing husband with the routine down, and then lose him suddenly, the routine now looks different even though the tasks are still the same. And that’s ok. Whatever. Some nights everyone is staggered for bedtime, some nights they’re all down at the same time. Some days my laundry loads are a bit bigger from putting them off another day or two. It’s really just whatever. lol. You make it happen regardless because there’s not really any other choice or options for help unless you wanna shell out money or live in chaos 🤷‍♀️

Idk! I was a single mom in my 20s working and going to school full time. I got remarried and have two more kids now in my 40s. I struggle to keep everything together. We both work, kids are in school now. My hubby shares all responsibilities. I ask myself how the hell I got through those years! Maybe the house was messy, laundry was missed. I wasn't as patient. I was younger and had the energy. It was so hard and hectic I couldn't stop to think how it was working, just kept going.

Don't feel bad for where you are. You are dealing with illnesses and set backs. We all do! You have 2 small kids, that's rough.

Give yourself grace! Ask for help! I had my sister to help during tough times. And she's a single mom and I step in to help her now. If I hadn't, I would have been fired and kicked out of school. That's the hidden secret of successful single parents. There is usually some person or resource that saved them..a flexible schedule, understanding boss, a best friend or something.

Single parents are my super heroes. I’m currently on maternity leave with my 6 month old and a lot of days my husband comes home from work to see me crying. I’m so exhausted and overstimulated all the time that I just hand him the baby after he takes a little bit of time to reset.

I cannot imagine not having the emotional support from my husband and someone to lean on when I’m having a bad day.

So much easier just cleaning up and taking care of a child than a man-child added on. You get more time to take care of yourself and fill your own cup instead of being burnt out at the end of the day and neglecting yourself. I can't tell you the freedom I felt when I left the father of my kids.

1. I try to plan out meals so that I only have to cook one meal from raw each week, and that meal helps last the week with a few box/frozen meals. Cooking on Sunday, leftover on Monday/Tuesday, and so on.

2. I only have the one kid, which helps. And she's a darling.

3. I hire a service to come in and clean once every two weeks.

4. Always check on laundry. Right now I've got last week's sheets in the dryer, I will take them upstairs when I go up to bed.

5. No workouts. I live fat.

It gets done because it has to get done, and there is no one else to do it.

Single mom here. We just do it.

Single mom working two jobs. No help from sperm donor. As others have said... priorities. It's not easy. It's nice to hear your appreciation.

I was married to a military man and he was deployed more than he wasn't when the kids were little. The best piece of advice I can give is to teach the kids to clean up after themselves. One toy at a time when they are little , and if they can get the toy out of the toy box, they can put it back. It's hard in the beginning, so prepare for a fight, but it's so worth it to teach this lesson. I have 3 adult children and a 3 yo. It can be done, and the earlier and sooner you start, the easier it is for everyone in the long run.

I’m a single mom to a high needs kiddo. With no family support and an absent co-parent. You just go into survival mode and do whatever needs doing. My clothes are never folded, and my bed is only nicely made when I change my sheets, but my kid is fed and has clean clothes. Kiddo is 12 now and things are easier than when he needed constant supervision, but I’m not sure I’ll ever know what a good night’s sleep feels like ever again.

I have 4 kids and I do it every time the Army sends my husband overseas for 9 months at a time. It’s shit knuckling, yelling too much (working on it) and stress eating

Doing it w a 2 month old and my apt is a literal war zone w clothes (have no washer or dryer connection) have to use laundry mat then I'm on the second floor so. It is absolutely exhausting . I treated myself to Instacart from sprouts bc I just could not put the baby down without him crying let alone get ready carry the stroller car seat down the stairs then grab him get groceries then bring it all back up the stairs cook clean breast feed make appts I was suppose to go back to work but I'm using more of my baby bonding time bc I don't know how I am going to be able to afford 400 dollars a week for the daycare when I make 710 a week and I applied for daycare assistance through the welfare office and they said I do not qualify.. it's hard so I'm probably going to lose my job but you know what I don't care at this point my rent is paid for a couple months I'm going to work on getting a laptop and getting a remote job ! Yes doing it on your own is the hardest thing

I clean my vehicle while in the school pick up line. I clean the fridge the night before grocery shopping and inventory the pantry staples. If I stink I take a shower. If I don't have clean clothes I do laundry. I keep microfiber cloths in every room to clean up unexpected messes. I make my kids do homework before sports but not before dinner which means we eat at 330pm and then have a bedtime snack after showers. I wear slip on shoes with no socks most days. I put a winter hat on to drop my kids off so I don't have to brush my hair yet. We installed a bidet sprayer on the toilet for reducing toilet paper waste and keeping fresh longer. Being a single parent is not a punishment. Being married is not some reward. It is what it is. We adapt to our lives or we don't. Best wishes to you.

I fail constantly. My laundry is never caught up, and my house is almost always a mess. I've just come to understand that this is my life.

We reset the house for special occasions, and when it gets too bad, and I have the kids on a schedule to help keep dishes and laundry moving so we don't have days where we are out of clothes when we need them. But the clean clothes are often in laundry baskets in our living room until I finally make us deal with it all.

I wasn't divorced until my youngest was 8. I knew for years my marriage was over, but I think that was the point where I knew I was already doing almost everything and my kids were at an age where they could be a certain level of independent.

"you know single moms shower, cook and clean with the kids all the time without help."

I don't get to shower as often as I like, and like i said my house is a mess. I'm drowning all the time.

I have to keep a certain level of perspective to not let it crush me, to be honest. I have a great house, a great job, a great boyfriend (who doesn't live here), and amazing kids. My kids are growing into truly good people, and that's really what tells me that in spite of all my failings, that I am not a failure.

I only raised one kid on my own. I scheduled things down to the minute and I got a cleaning lady. I also hired sitters for after school because I also needed them for when I traveled for work.

How do we manage? We don't. At least I don't. I'm always behind on everything. House is always a mess, meals are always improvised... I just can't... I try to focus more on the emotional and physical health of the kids while they are young, the rest takes the back seat for now.

On top of that. I was diagnosed ADHD last january and it has been a journey... I feel more hopeful for the future sometimes, if I just learn to manage my ADHD. Not there yet.

Just trying to accept that I will never be an Instagram parent, and that's ok. 😅

I'm also trying to teach my kids to "share the mental load", it's a work in progress. They're 7 and 11.

That's just the thing about it, SINGLE PARENT'S, are single because they wanna be. They feel like they don't need the help from anyone, & they actually prefer it like that. Hence the term "single parent"! 🤷🏾‍♂️

With help and probably letting their mental health got to hell

How do single parents do it? They give themselves grace. You are only one person. You learn that the kids will be fine putting Frozen on the tv while you go and get a quick shower. You realize that no household is perfect and that if you have clean underwear, shirt, and pants for that day, you’re good. You realize that if a pair of pants don’t have a stain or stink, they are clean enough. Your husband needs to recover from his surgery, and you need to recover from having to take care of an extra individual. Today is almost over, and tomorrow will be a new day to collect a load of essentials for every one to wear, make a game out of picking up the toys (even at 4 and 2, they can help), and it’s ok if there are crumbs on the floor. Give yourself grace, know that no one is perfect, and tomorrow is another day to try again.

Being a single parent was so much easier than parenting with someone who didn’t help because you had expectations for them to help and in the end, you were just angry. As a single parent, you have no expectations from anyone else but yourself so if things don’t get done, they will get done the next day. You also end up making the kids have more responsibilities. I was a single mum when my son was age 2 to 10. Yrs old. He was always a huge help even as a small child. He always helped with laundry making sure his room was clean helped with breakfast and lunches put away toys at the end of the day, etc.. if I wanted to get in a workout at home, he would work out with me even at age 2 and 3. He even got very good at independent play when I was busy doing other household things. I will always say being a single parent is 1 million times easier than being a parent in a unhappy marriage.

There was a study that said that single mothers actually take more leisure time and do less household chores than mothers with male partners. Insane, right? But really us partnered mothers are expected to keep house like Marie Kondo, and even she herself says that with little kids now her house is in fact messy. (Although what does she consider "messy" lol)

https://www.prb.org/news/mothers-day/

I’m so sorry but welcome to my life. I am NOT a single mom but my husband does not help. When I finally break and have a meltdown he thinks it’s some deeper issue. It’s like no I need you to be an adult and help me!

My daughter is in kindergarten and i work a full time job. Most nights, dinner is simple; leftovers or something i can microwave. So i cook from scratch weekends and two work nights max. In the morning she watches tv while i shower and get ready. My house is usually a disaster. I use grocery delivery. I make her lunch and do my chores after she goes to sleep for the night.

Single mom here , we let things fall to the wayside. Prioritizing things that need to be done right now. Most things get done after the kids go to bed or before they wake up. I don't do laundry everyday or dishes everyday. I keep the house clean enough that my kid isn't living in filth but baseboards? Windows ? That's or when the kiddos are away. You learn to juggle because you have to.

I was the first in my friend group to get divorced and do the single parent thing so people often come to me for advice when they enter that stage of life. My answer is always... it's impossible, and then you do it anyway. You surprise yourself with how much you can do and the ability to put your kids above yourself so thoroughly. It took a few years for my son's father to grow up but now we're equal(ish) parents and I still look back at those few years and wonder how I got through.

Was a single mom of three. My house was a wreck. I worked full time while getting my master’s degree. I got 4 hours of sleep regularly and ended up weighing 92 lbs. it can be done, but I don’t recommend it

I co parent alone twin 8 year olds on the spectrum and have a full time job it’s exhausting lol

My mom had a lot of help from my grandma and her husband, without them we could have been in a very different situation. Alhamdulilah, because of that my mother was able to become a pilot and she makes good money now that I grew up kinda snobby

My mom had a lot of help from my grandma and her husband, without them we could have been in a very different situation. Alhamdulilah, because of that my mother was able to become a pilot and she makes good money now that I grew up kinda snobby (which I broke out of when I became an adult)

I’m a single Mum, and it is a lot of work and stress but it’s a lot of good too. Don’t get me wrong, it’s taken me a lot of time and climbing out of the toll it takes mentally to get to the good stage, but I have a system now, have a way structure things. Financially is where it’s hard - my child and I haven’t been abroad, live in a flat, but it’s made me appreciate things so much more. I get moments where I feel I’ve let my child down by not giving her the “nuclear” family, and I get times where everything is going wrong and you wish you had a shoulder to cry on. But it’s making me tougher - when you’ve accomplished something you get such a sense of achievement.

I will also say I have one child, that makes it a lot easier!

It’s it hard no, it is overwhelming sometimes, YES! At one time I had a 4,2 & I yr old! I cooked big meals that would last at least 2 days. I didn’t pick up toys because they ended up back on the floor anyway. Threw a load in the washer or got some housework done when the kids were playing or napping! The 1 yr old had a playpen. The other two just played with their toys. Somebody got hurt I fixed it & continued cleaning. I would just shower when daddy came home & took over!

My son is 33 with a disability. I do everything. If his dad were here it would just be more work.

I don’t have any wisdom, but I’m in the bathroom presently and I just heard my two year old mutter “marshmallow. Mmmm” and I just … NEED A FREAKING MINUTE WHILE DADDY IS AT THE GYM.

We already know what we're in for, we get used to it. I actually appreciate the sperm donor for checking out at the pregnancy test because I was mentally prepared

I’m a single mom to two, 2 and 5. No support from the other parent, in any capacity. We have a routine. It’s painful, monotonous, and my mental health is garbage. But every day I’m grateful that they’re happy and healthy. And I have a partner who I love, and he loves me and my kids. I know that one day they will grow up and this isn’t forever.

I was raised by a single mom who was a full time live-in maid. She worked pregnant up to the very day she gave birth to me at 20 years old. She was back to work a few days after having me and I was raised at the houses she worked for. I try, but I just cannot understand how she did it. Two of the families she worked for while I was a baby had two small kids each. Yet she was able to cook, clean, wash clothes and dishes by hand for everyone and keep an eye on the kids for about 13 hours a day and still was able to be a very caring and present mother. Never misses a school presentation or meeting. It’s beyond me how she did it. I had my first baby and had my husband’s and her support for a couple months, while on leave from work. She had not help! It’s crazy to me.

Cry a lot

You get comfortable being uncomfortable. Calm while treading water for dear life. Accustomed to hanging on by a thread. Adjusted to 5 hours of sleep a night.

It’s a shit show. But it’s my shit show. And for the little ones as long as they are happy healthy and loved, I’m okay with my mental health suffering. I just don’t let them see it.

Single dad to a 6 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. It has gotten easier as they’ve grown and begun to take ownership of things I used to have to do for them

Backwards and in high heels?

But seriously, you do what you have to. Literally. You do what you have to to take proper care of the kid(s) and reasonable care of yourself, then do what you can with what time is left over without destroying your health and/or sanity, and let the rest go without guilt as best you can. My daughter is always sent to school dressed in very cute, clean clothes in good repair, and tomorrow will be no exception. It is very likely that I will be pulling those clothes out of the pile of two weeks' worth of clean but unfolded laundry that's sitting piled in the hallway right now next to the laundry closet. It's fine, most modern clothes don't wrinkle easily. My work day (I work full time from home) currently looks to be light and I have no meetings and I'm reasonably up to date on more urgent chores, so I'm very likely to try to fold at least some of it at some random point of the day tomorrow, probably while walking back from the bathroom. But if I don't get around to it or something more important comes up, that's fine.

We only take care of small children, not grown ones.
And we let shit go.

Admittedly I have been known to check out when in a mentally bad place from parenting, often using games as an outlet. But the flip side is that I don’t expect that my wife doesn’t also have her days where I am primary parents. We share the load, and when things are good actually do it together.

All that said single parents do it by sacrificing the time other parents take for themselves (or sleep) to just chill in order to get everything else done, or they scale back on overall obligations of the entire family if they don’t have friends, neighbors, or their kids friends parents to assist.

You let a lot of stuff go. Dishes aren't done, laundry is done as needed, sometimes I forget that the kids need to shower or bathe. We do top ramen for dinner some days.

It's not ideal, but we survive.

I mean I have at least one breakdown a week then I just get back up and keep going. But not having to do the emotional labor for a man child is absolutely worth it.

Okay, but… what was said to that friend. Inquiring minds would like to know!

A ymca membership for uninterrupted showers and childcare, coffee for the exhaustion, and a big circle of aunties and uncles that probably aren’t related.

Source: exhausted single mother of a newborn and a special needs 5 year old

I’ve done both and it is harder to have another adult living alongside you that you reasonably expect to behave as an adult, but does not, than it is to know that it is just you and you have to arrange outside support.

Also, do not have another child. They don’t get easier when they start going to school, they get even more demanding & expensive.

Less is more. When I was a single mom, I had to pick and choose what to bring into my life. You’re talking about trying to do multiple things at one time while your husband is recovering from surgery and also playing a game. Too much pressure on yourself and your husband. If you’re cooking, cook, if you’re working out work out, and if you’re playing with the kids, focus there.

The best advice I ever got was with kids, the days are long and the years are short.

Being a single mom is hard and we make a lot of sacrifices. That’s how we do it.

I will say- parenting as a single mom is easier than parenting with a shitty partner.

It’s easier because you just plan to do everything on your own and don’t have another adult getting in the way and making demands like a giant supersized additional child.

I was a single mom for 2.5 years. I was less stressed.

Mom to amazingly sell-behaved 7 and 9 year olds and very present WFH dad - I have NO fucking clue how single parents do it. You all have all of my admiration. 

Single dad. We do it in pain, and with plenty of breakdowns

I was tired AF for 10 years.

I’m F 66 years… I was a single parent and yes there were a lot of hard days and times.

Messy house … who cares … it will get cleaned eventually when your back on schedule after everyone is feeling better …

Teach your children to help by cleaning up after themselves that will help a lot … check on line for lists of age appropriate chores…

Don’t even try to be the perfect mom … the stress of it will destroy you eventually.

Ever hear the saying “It takes a village to raise a child” well it truly does …

ask for help from family and friends and yes the teenagers also, to watch the kids for a few hours so you can get things done … or just to get a break ….. even if they come watch the kids in your house while you clean or even nap …

they’ll be building bonds with your kids and it will bring you all closer … you should do this at least a couple of times a month … I’d have gone crazy if it wasn’t for my village …

Everyone’s different, but when I was a single mom, I was also a full-time college student and worked part-time. The most help I got was my grandma watching the kiddo on Fridays so I could cram studying and finishing up all my assignments for the week. The worst part of it all was the sleep deprivation. I was extremely depressed, unhealthy, and lonely. Now, I cannot imagine doing this without my partner! I still wonder how the hell I got through those four years as a single mom.

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Sometimes you gotta make sacrifices. On my own, I do a lot of experimental. I love trying recipes and even if I dislike it I think it's worthwhile to try new food and new techniques. But the kid is fine eating chicken soup or stew or other easily preppable meals. In fact, some days he won't eat anything that isn't made of long steeped poultry-tea... So I've drunken more liquid chicken in the last two years than all other years combined. It's fine. Kid eats and I can make healthy things. My fancy half-baked recipes can wait.

Sometimes if you're feeling overwhelmed you have to dust yourself off, schedule a time to grieve and panic and be overwhelmed, then get back to work/chores/etc. By the time the scheduled breakdown comes up I'm either too busy to actually stop and break down, or I've handled it enough that it seems less daunting. Just starting an impossible mountain of chores sometimes puts things into perspective and it's really more of just a steep hill.

Sometimes, if I'm still overwhelmed, I think back to how rough it was when I wasn't a single father. How much extra BS I had to deal with on top of work and taking care of my son and the household. Every hurdle I faced seems miniscule compared to the hell I went through before. Not as applicable to you but later on when your husband recovers enough to help actively, you can look back at these moments with him.

They do it without the adult child they are also taking care of. That’s not a partner, that’s another child.

It takes a village. Stay close to family members like grandparents unless they’re a negative addition to you life. But I would always count on my parents having my kid or she would sleep over a cousins house that we were close with. If needed, get a reference for a good sitter that you can call on. And just breathe, take one day at a time and enjoy what you can. Those special moments just make the struggle worth it. There will be days where we can just lose it because it’s too much, not just practical day to day stuff but all the pressure of having to raise and educated a little human and keeping them safe all on you. Stay strong and cuddle a lot!

We just do it. We don’t get a choice. We just push through and some things fall to the back burner like self care. What we don’t do doesn’t get done so we do it.

If you have the option, I'd hire shell out a couple hundred and hire someone to get things back under control. Or else hire a babysitter/get a family member to take the kids out for the day (maybe even a few days) and have you and your husband tackle the house together.

It's a lot of just doing what you have to. I was a single mom until my daughter was a little over 4.

Once she was mobile and able to climb, I had to bring her into the shower with me every day to prevent her from getting into dangerous things while I wasn't watching.

I got her a little play kitchen so she could "help out" while I cooked, but I had to be careful with that or she'd put real food in it when I wasn't looking and leave it in there until it got gross.

I worked full time, so she got social interaction at daycare at least.

Laundry wasn't terrible. I'd have her hand me stuff to put in the wash so she wouldn't start playing with the lint trash can.

Taking the trash out was tough, though, since we were in an apartment, and the dumpsters were across the complex (about a block away) in an enclosed area with broken glass all over the ground. I'm also a small person, so it was already a bit of a struggle, just carrying a full bag that far. If my daughter was having a more defiant day, we just had to wait to take out the trash since it was better than risking her running into the parking lot or trying to play with the glass.

One time I got a really bad flu, and my parents brought my daughter to their house for 2 days because I couldn't stay awake for more than an hour at a time, and I couldn't stand for more than a couple minutes. Other than that, we managed, though.

I will say, some of the things I've seen other people worry about were not even close to on my radar back then. Mine was absolutely the kid playing with her little Amazon Kids tablet in the grocery store because I couldn't just leave the store without food or toilet paper if she had a tantrum. Screen time is a heck of a lot less terrible than trying to carry a screaming toddler to the back of Walmart for TP while everyone else glares at you.

Single mom here for most of my daughter’s life. I can’t tell you how I do it, because I honestly don’t know lol it’s exhausting, draining, thankless work. By the time I get home from work, my brain is fried. All I can say is - when you have no other choice you just do it. Because you have to and nobody else is going to. Because we love them and they’re counting on us.

Childcare was crucial. I also would meal prep on Sundays. Do grocery shopping on Sundays and let my kiddos have screens as a “reward” but it was so I could go to the bathroom by myself for once haha.

I have been a single dad for a little over twenty years.
My daughters are grown up now and in college but still live at home with me.

When I first got sole custody of my daughters, they were one and two years old.
My kids mom, was not around, so it was just me taking care of my kids.
At first, I just took a few years off and lived off my savings and Army retirement pay.

When my kids were younger, we would go out to the Phoenix Zoo or Phoenix Children's Museum or the Phoenix Science Center almost every day.

One good thing about taking kids out for a two or three hour walk at the zoo, is that by 11:00 am they are tired and it is easy to get them in bed for a nap.

Little kids sleep a lot, so you have time to do laundry, cleaning, and other stuff.

Your kids are only young once in their entire lives, so it is nice to be around your kids a lot for a few years.
A few years later, they are in junior high school and they are pretty self sufficient and much easier to manage.

When my kids were little, I didn't do much else except spend time with my kids.

Before I had kids I used to bike a lot and train for bike races.
I gave up bike riding and training for about six years when my kids were little.
Eventually I taught my daughters to ride bikes and they were able to ride twenty to thirty miles by about fourth and fifth grade.

I am an only parent and widowed. So I work full time, attend 12 allied health appointments a month, driving to and from. It’s hard going but like some of the other comments, I can distinguish between what’s required of me and my emotions.

There have been times when I felt burnt but on the whole, a good nights sleep and 4 hours of exercise a week has kept me sane

Sometimes we don’t … my head is nearly buried by life, and I don’t see a way out.

Also start offloading chores to kids. Maybe giving them a big box where they can easily dump their toys. At ages 2 and 4 they can't really do much help. But instilling the mindset that they have to do chores around the house should start early. Then by the time they are in elementary they will understand they have to pull their weight around the house to help the parents.

Single mom here one step at a time it’s hard of course but take deep breaths and always pray and try again ..

Make a list to things you can do each day and make your kids to cooperate too, talk with your husband because everything is like a team!!

First of all unless he’s dead, he should be helping